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"The Darkest Reflection"Written By: Impish Rating: strong R Pairings: main 1+2+1, background 2+3, OFC+5 and
4+3 Category: Duo POV with angst, action, drama and
politics. Warnings: creepiness, more graphic images and
gore Summery: The earth sphere has moved on into an
age of peace, but Duo is fighting battles of his own. He has reluctantly
joined the Preventers, and is surprised to see Heero sign up as well.
With an assassin on the loose and an increase in suspicious activity,
he’s beginning to realize the fine line between genius and insanity,
and how easily it can be erased. Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing. Surprise!
And none of the songs or titles belong to me, either.
CHAPTER 5: Underjoyed “There was only one catch and that was Catch-22,
which specified that a concern for one’s own safety in the face
of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational
mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask;
and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have
to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and
sane if he didn’t, but if he was sane he would have to fly them.
If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn't
want to he was sane and had to.”
See? Important. I worked diligently to keep all the doctors, nurses, orderlies, candy stripers, and anyone who passed even close to my bedside entertained during my brief stay in the hospital. Which was primarily the reason for its briefness. I was in and out, only having to spend one night, and nothing to show for it but a sling to keep my injured arm stable and a few stitches that were covered pretty easily by my bangs. The GSW to my arm was the source of a lot of blood loss, but the bone hadn’t been chipped, fortunately, and the doctor told me the wound should heal fairly rapidly on its own, so long as I took care of it and stayed clear of infection. The concussion had been only serious enough for them to keep an eye on me overnight, and after CAT scans, proved to be unworthy of further concern. The doctors were actually pretty surprised at how good my ribs were looking, after x-rays showed them to be healing unexpectedly well, and my ankle problem was hardly even considered a problem, and I got a nifty brace to take care of that little nuisance. I was told- repeatedly, at great length- that I was lucky. My shirt had been utterly ruined, but a nurse on my floor (who, based on an overheard conversation, thought I was hotter than a two-dollar handgun) was kind enough to go get me one from the gift shop. Thankfully, it was a plain sage green and only had the hospital name in unobtrusive print on the back. So, with that, a slightly blood-spattered pair of pants, and a few additional bandages that wouldn’t stay white for long, I made my way out of the hospital. I looked up as I was about to exit through the glass entryway, and was very surprised to see both Heero and Wufei on the other side. Blinking a couple times, I walked through the sliding glass doors. “Wufei, did your bonsai tree fall ill, or did you guys actually come to see me?” He gave me one of the rare smiles that somehow manage to soften his eyes and held out a bag for me. “We thought you might want a change of clothes. The hospital contacted Headquarters per Une’s request.” My nose wrinkled as I took the offered clothes. “Does that mean I have to take a leave of absence or something equally ridiculous?” “No, actually.” Heero said in that low tone he speaks in when he’s not feeling particularly emotive. “Based on the information the doctor gave, they decided you’re clear for active duty. But if you show even the slightest sign you aren’t fit, you’re as good as back in the hospital. I have the suspicion that the next few weeks are not going to consist of anything even remotely demanding.” “I get to go back to work!” I shouted elatedly, throwing my uninjured arm around Heero’s shoulders. He gave me a small, indulgent smile. “…Somehow, I feel the enthusiasm will die down by tomorrow.” Wufei sniggered lightly. “I have no doubt that it will. Come on. Sally and her cousin are meeting us for dinner at Millstone’s.” I straightened up, grinning deviously. “Daiyu?” “Yes.” He looked at me suspiciously. “Oh, Heero has your gun and badge for you in the car.” “You guys brought Heero’s car?” I winced, imagining trying to get in the back of the tiny two-door. “I so call shot-gun.” Wufei gave an annoyed huff. “Really, Duo. It won’t kill you to sit in the back.” I snickered. “Enjoy pistol.” Twenty minutes later, when we had arrived at the restaurant, Wufei crawled out of the back seat through the passenger’s side, having thoroughly revised his opinion. “Yuy, you really need to get a bigger car.” He groused. “Ack! Hang on; You shut my hair in the door.” Millstone’s was one of those chains that was just about everywhere, and had to try and put up a whole bunch of personality on the walls to make up for it. I was used to meeting Elise, Daiyu, Marcos and Collette there a couple times a month because the girls really love the margaritas. And I mean to an embarrassing degree during happy hour. This time, the bar area was crowded due to some sports tournament or another. We wove through tables until we reached Daiyu and Sally at a table in the corner of the non-smoking section, joking about their figures in an endearing way only some women can manage. “Oh, please, my pudge could eat your pudge for breakfast. And have room for an early lunch.” Sally said, and popped a nacho fully laden with cheese into her mouth. “Are you kid- oh!” Daiyu smiled, softly, her eyes flicking to Wufei. “Hello.” I sat down next to Sally so that Wufei would have to sit next to Daiyu, even though doing so meant relinquishing the corner chair. “Chao. You save any of that chili for me?” “’How do you feel Duo? Besides happy to get something besides hospital food, I mean.” Sally asked, looking me over in a way that made it obvious she had medical training. “I’m not feeling much of anything right now.” I shrugged, my eyes running down the menu. “But I have a prescription for Percocet, if that indicates how I’m going to be feeling in a couple hours.” “They gave you oxycodone?” Sally asked, even though the drug wasn’t that uncommon. “That’s strong stuff. A GSW would warrant it, though.” I shrugged again, deciding soup was the best way to go, thanks to the way all the other meds I was on now were making my stomach feel. “Hydrocodone doesn’t do much for me.” “You would know, wouldn’t you?” She said drolly, her words followed by the arrival of the waitress. After ordering, I got up. “I’m going to the bathroom to change. Don’t overdo the celebration of my absence.” I winked and made my way to said bathroom, bag of clothes in hand. The restroom appeared to be empty, but I changed in the handicap stall just in case someone came in while I was attempting to get my shirt on with a very uncooperative sling hindering the process. When I was done, I opened the door, still buckling my belt to find someone else washing his hands at the sink. He gave me a weird look, so I thought he must have been wondering what kind of fighting I was into that would explain the bandages peeking out of my shirt and the sling. I lifted the bag over my shoulder casually and gave him a rueful grin, saying, “Don’t ask.” “I would, but my boyfriend would kill me.” He replied lasciviously. My grin froze and he had the intelligence to look regretful of having spoken. Who hits on a guy with a fucking sling? I almost laughed at the absurdity of it. “You really don’t want to go there.” My voice was light and amused, but there was something threatening in it that made him blink and back away a little at the tone. I snorted at him and walked out of the restroom and back to the table. When I returned, the food had already arrived, and Wufei was in the midst of a story that seemed to be amusing at my expense. “…and she’s got Maxwell on speakerphone, so I can hear him saying, ‘I think the building’s on fire! Cool!’” Sally was laughing uncontrollably, and through it managed to add in, “Yeah, and since it was Duo, Wufei’s first response was to grab the phone from me and yell at him ‘Maxwell! Do not go in! Do not go in!’” “And since it was me, of course, I went in.” I cut in, sitting down. “You know how I am. I’ll try anything… twice, since I wasn’t paying attention the first time around.” “Too true.” Daiyu agreed, covering her smirk with her glass of water. “Now that you’re back, Duo, Une told me to inform you both that she’s sending a couple of teams to Central and South America to keep an eye on the Cartels. That’s who the information you recovered indicate was behind the smuggling.” Wufei told us. “There wasn’t much hard evidence to go on, since they hardly keep official records, but the transactions suggest a smuggling pattern similar to those of the drug lords.” Heero leaned back in his chair, setting his knife and fork down. “That sounds plausible. So anything else pertaining to the case is now in the hands of those teams?” “Yes,” Wufei nodded. “As far as you two are considered, the case is closed.” “Sounds good.” I sighed. It wasn’t too much later that everyone had pretty much finished, and the game seemed to have hit a pretty intense point, inspiring its viewers into a higher level of loud and obnoxious. “We should probably go soon. The idiots at the bar seem to be at that ‘I’m drunk and am perfectly willing to hit on anything that moves’ stage.” “That bad, huh? We can ask for the check as soon as the waitress comes back around.” Sally looked at me in a way that showed she was thinking I just wasn’t feeling too hot and wanted to go home to crash. There was the usual squabble over who was paying before we left. Unfortunately, we had to walk back through the bar area to get to the parking lot. We weren’t two steps through when someone grabbed my ass. I whirled around, whipping Wufei in the face with the end of my braid. “What the fuck, man?” Wufei batted my braid away from him and the others stopped and turned around. The guy from the bathroom looked up innocently from his barstool. “I’m sorry, what?” I smiled slowly, but my eyes didn’t. “You know what, asshole.” “Sorry, man.” He apologized, not at all regretfully. “It was just too tempting.” Heero looked lost, Sally looked like she was beginning to catch on, Daiyu looked offended at the guy, and Wufei looked offended at my hair. I frowned, apparently not having made myself clear enough earlier. But where I would normally not take shit from a tool like this guy, I wasn’t willing to start something with the others there. “Can I get you a drink to make up for my rudeness?” He asked, grinning charismatically, forgetting his boyfriend (assuming he actually had one) and ignoring that I was obviously with a group of people and not exactly warm to his affections. “No.” I said shortly and turned to leave. “That’s really the best line you could come up with?” Daiyu said distastefully. “I’m guessing you’re from the shallower end of the gene pool.” “Yeah, thanks Daiyu, that was really helpful.” I muttered. Things were going to get ugly. Daiyu isn’t exactly the rough-housing type under normal circumstances, but when provoked… well, she isn’t the most vindictive person in the world, but until the Antichrist comes along, she’ll suffice. The guy’s friend, who appeared quite a bit more inebriated, took more offence than lobster guy did. “Why don’t you just back off, bitch.” Daiyu looked like she was painfully close to chopping off his penis and feeding it to him while he cried. “You don’t want to speak to me like that.” “Hey, when I want your opinion, I’ll rattle your cage, k, whore?” He spat back. Her eyes narrowed, but it was Wufei who said, in a tone cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table, “I think you should apologize to the lady.” The guy started off his stool and took a step towards Wufei. “I think you should shut the fuck up before your mouth gets you into trouble.” “That apology was not adequate. Attempt another.” Apparently the sort not commonly found in a restaurant bar and the sort more commonly found in a biker’s hangout, the drunk pulled his arm back for a heavy punch. I snatched a beer off the bar top with my unrestrained hand, and when his fist followed through, it was with the sick crunch of shattered glass from hitting the mug instead of Wufei’s face. “Jesus Fucking Christ!” he cried in surprise and monumental pain, clutching his shredded fist close to his body. Blood gushed freely through his fingers. “Next time you want a bar brawl, make sure it’s not with a bunch of Preventers.” I turned to the bartender and threw a twenty down. “Sorry, man.” He just nodded, a little on the stunned side. Wufei gave me a mildly insulted look at my apparent lack of confidence in his ability to handle the situation. “Let’s just get out of here.” I shook my head and shoved my hand in my pocket. The town we were in was exceptionally small and unpopulated, as it was off season, and the village was mostly full of quaint summer homes for the obscenely wealthy. There was one motel still open, about a mile out of the tiny town. When we pulled up into the dirt parking lot, I thought we had somehow gotten sucked into that really old Hitchcock movie, “Psycho.” It looked exactly like the Bates Motel. The sign had been hand-painted, but so long ago that I couldn’t even make out the name of the place. I gave Heero a look, and we went into the reception area, which was really just an office. I half expected a whole bunch of stuffed pheasants and other animals to be laying around. It might have been my imagination, but the owner/ operator looked suspiciously like a very old Norman Bates. He showed us to our room, and thankfully didn’t hang around to chat. The rooms on the inside were even worse than the outside. The walls were completely bare, except for an ornamental light switch cover, which I expected was supposed to be some kind of “homey touch.” The floor wasn’t even carpeted. I dumped my bag on one of the little beds that looked like it had been taken from a hospital or mental institution the same year “Psycho” was filmed. The cover looked to be the same threadbare material as the curtains. There wasn’t even a TV. I surveyed the dull view grimly. It wasn’t that I was unused to sub-standard living spaces, but more that I was going to be stuck in a small unadorned space with Heero Yuy the Great Entertainer for an indeterminate amount of time. He’s like a barrel of monkeys, let me tell you. Maybe I could find a tall building for him to leap off of. And then watch him set his leg, ‘cause it was just so much fun last time. The nights passed slowly, as it was a good many hours just sitting, watching lights go on and off. The senator who owned the villa we were sitting on only came home at night. He was the only one here this time of year so that he could… entertain… without interruption. Randall Cunningham was your typical handsome, corrupt, philandering politician. It looked like we might actually get some information tonight, as he was pacing in front of his conveniently large bay windows, sans mistress, yelling angrily in to his cell phone. I sighed. I hated cases like this. Normally something this small would have been dumped on the new kids on the block, not Special Agents, and certainly not Heero and me. What a waste of my life. We had been silent for the last few hours, and the quiet tension was grating on me. Surprisingly enough, it was Heero who broke it. “I’ve been meaning to ask you…” He started, not looking up from the grunt paperwork he was filling out to pass the time while I was on watch. “Yeah?” I prompted, not taking my eyes off Cunningham’s lips through the binoculars. “How is it that you can shoot a man’s trigger finger off, but you only caught my arm and leg when we first met?” The question forced a surprised huff from me. I hadn’t thought about that in a long time. “I didn’t want to kill you, I really just wanted to distract you.” I shrugged. “I hit you in the arm so you couldn’t shoot, and I hit your leg so you couldn’t run. Not that either stopped you. But I hit you specifically where I did so I wouldn’t put a hole in any major bleeders.” “I always thought it was lucky you didn’t shoot the femoral artery.” He mused. “I should have known it was on purpose.” Something registered on Cunningham’s lips, and I grabbed at Heero’s sleeve. “He knows something about Sandman!” “Cunningham does?” Heero asked a little skeptically, lifting his own binoculars. Cunningham was not supposed to be big league. “What exactly did he say?” “I’m pretty sure it was ‘no, they don’t know shit and they can’t track the poison… I don’t care, the money’s untraceable.’” Cunningham turned from the window, blocking our view of his lips. “Damnit.” Heero spat out. “Here, I’ll send off to HQ. We talk to him tomorrow, maybe we can use this.” “Man, I thought he was sleazy, but I didn’t think he was hired-gun bad.” I muttered. “Those blackmailing charges look a little pitiful compared to this, if he really is involved.” Sandman had made two more hits in the time we had been away, back-to-back. Elise and Luke weren’t working on anything else. I hoped that this was the break they needed. If we could get a paper trail from this guy… but that was getting ahead. We needed to crack Cunningham before we could get anything on Sandman. We didn’t get anything more from the Senator that night, but we did get through to HQ on the Sandman link. We talked to him the next morning, the both of us looking rather intimidating in full Preventer uniform and dark sunglasses. After slogging through formalities and some pretty lame cover-ups, he cracked like a rotten egg. The strangest part was that he never seemed scared, like you would expect a ruined Senator to be. And if the serious charges he was facing weren’t enough to scare this guy, I couldn’t help but wonder who the people over him were that he thought they could get him out of this. A near-forgotten riddle came to my mind unbidden. “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put Humpty together again…” Shit. We were in our office for several hours the next day before Une showed up. “Have you completed your preliminary reports?” She asked without preamble. “Yeah.” I answered for us both, waving said reports. “Good. Be sure to make copies for Linwood and Miller. You weren’t here when everyone else was notified; I have to have everyone pass a psych evaluation. Some elected bureaucrat’s decision, not mine.” Bloody fuck. A psychologist was the last person on earth I felt like dealing with; I can’t stand people trying to get in my head like that. She consulted a paper she had brought with her “Yuy, you’re due at fourteen hundred, Maxwell at fifteen hundred. Appointments are at the clinic. I should have your next assignment by tomorrow.” With that she left us to drown in paperwork. I spun my office chair around to face Heero. He didn’t look happy about the shrink thing, but he didn’t really look overly upset about it either. I sighed and aborted my complaint about being forced into a doctor’s office. I chose instead, to complain about the massive stack of papers before me. “You know, you shouldn’t have to do the paperwork if your stapler can’t staple it.” I said grumpily. “Lunch break?” Heero asked. Wow. He must have super-magical powers to have picked up on my grouchiness so quickly. “Fuck yeah.” I replied wholeheartedly. It was too late for the cafeteria to be too crowded, but I spotted Elise, Miller, Alfons, Marcos and Collette at the usual table. I grabbed the first thing in line, as usual, and went to join them, leaving Heero to pick through the rest of the buffet. ‘Yes, Marcos, unlike Santa Claus and the Easter bunny, strap-ons really do exist.” Collette was saying in a overly-patient tone. “I keep walking in on these conversations, don’t I?” I stopped short and shook my head. “Duo!” Elise leapt from her seat and hugged me enthusiastically, almost making me drop my tray. “Luke and I are so thankful for that break!” Miller looked anything but thankful. I think I needed to ask Elise to refrain from hugging, touching, or talking to me in his presence. I don’t know what this hugging trend is with the girls, by the way. I must look really lonely all the time, or give out some kind of “hug me” signal that only females can hone in on. Whatever it is, it reduces even the most mature and sensible of women to want to squeal and squeeze me. Heero showed up at that moment to have Elise repeat her thanks to him as well, saving me from what passes for wrath when you’re Luke Miller. “What do you think about this mandatory evaluation thing?” Elise asked me. I really didn’t want to get into a discussion that could potentially involve me explaining my reasons for not wanting to see a psychiatrist. “I haven't a thought in my tiny little pea brain.” I answered blithely. “It’s so small you could put it under mattresses and even the princess wouldn't feel it.” I stuck a carrot in my mouth, waving my fork wildly. Greg appeared and slid his tray on the table. “I think I’m turning into a god.” He announced as he sat down. Silence. “You should be happy for me.” He dug into his meal. “Uh, that have something to do with your evaluation?” Marcos asked. “Duo?” A voice called, prying me away from what looked like to be shaping up to a very interesting conversation. Daiyu poked her head in the doors. “Oh, good, Duo, I need to talk to you…” Her eyes flickered over the others, “…about a case. Would you please come with me to my office?” “Sure thing. Excuse me, guys, dolls.” I winked at Elise and Collette, mostly because I’d be out of the room before Luke could stab me with his fork. The second the doors were closed behind me, Daiyu had a hold of my arm and was dragging me to the elevator. “We’re not going to your office, I’m guessing?” “No, we’re going to the locker room.” All agents were issued a locker for gym use, since people tend to dress differently for work than they do to work out, even if the uniform is more casual than the average office attire. Daiyu is the only female agent at Preventer’s known to wear a skirt and heels on a daily basis. The others opt for the pants for the sake of practicality, and I suspect to be taken more seriously by the chauvinists of the opposite sex. It’s yet another quirk that makes people underestimate Daiyu; people see a chick, who happens to have killer legs, in heels, skirt, and a uniform shirt, tie and jacket, and they think one of two things. Either “this must be a very, very good dream,” or “what the hell is that girl thinking that she expects to be able to run in those?” Little do they know that Daiyu is probably the only person on the face of the earth or colonies to be able to fight better in three inch heels and a miniskirt. Only Jesus and the lambs know why. But, since not everyone shares Daiyu’s insane inclinations, someone’s locker was apparently about to fall victim to one of her pranks. “Who is it this time?” I asked when we arrived. She turned on the lights, set the bag she’d been carrying down, and smiled pleasantly at me. “Greg.” “What’d he do?” “Oh, nothing really. He just had a very strange conversation with Collette and me about feminine hygiene products.” “And why am I helping you?” I crossed my arms and looked at her suspiciously. “Because you owe me for that ‘she wants to screw Wufei’ comment,” She arched an eyebrow. “And you are a better lock pick than I am. And these are laser-cut, top-of-the-line locks that have unlimited warranties guaranteeing them to be inaccessible without the key.” She cocked her head to the side. “How long will it take you?” “Yeah… two minutes, tops.” “Exactly.” She pulled a box of tampons out of the bag. “What the hell are you going to do?” I yelped. “We are going to put bloody tampons in his locker.” I backed away in utter horror until she pulled out a jar of strawberry jam, and than I relaxed. “You do realize fathers warn their sons about dating girls like you, right?” I so didn’t want to know how that particular conversation came about. I went to work on the lock while Daiyu dunked tampons in jam. “You and Heero seem to get along well.” She observed. “Hmm. There are several things people can bond over. Killing seems to be one of them.” I murmured absentmindedly. And then, with satisfaction, I said, “Got it!” She was quiet for a minute, and then when she spoke it was with a hesitance that was very out of character. “I killed someone in Brazil.” I dropped the lock to slowly sit next to her on the bench. I didn’t say anything, just glanced sideways at her, the expression gentle enough to prod her into speaking. “It’s not that I’ve never seen anyone die. I’ve just never killed a person up close like that.” Her face was perfectly passive, maybe numb, as she forced the words out. “It’s something to watch a person die. For them to be scared, or angry, or surprised, or in pain. For them to react in whatever way to knowing that they’re never going to open their eyes again, never dream again, never love again. For them to know their life is over… but it’s something else entirely to take it from them.” I knew too well what it was like, to kill. What it was like to watch bodies get bagged up in plastic as if they were fallen leaves that the end of a season had turned dry and frail. And I knew that all those that I’d killed would be what killed me in the end. “I took away someone’s life. Maybe he deserved it, considering the person he was and the things he’d done. But I took away whatever chance he had to become something better.” Her eyes echoed empty with the hollow tone of her words. I didn’t say anything, just tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear, and pulled her head down to rest on my shoulder, leaving my arm draped around her. Her breathing was almost meditative in its rhythm, her muscles totally relaxed against me. I almost would have thought her to be asleep if I couldn’t see her eyes staring wide and open like a corpse’s. After a few long minutes she looked up at me and smiled like an innocent, and I smiled back for her as if I were one, too. When I got back to the office, Heero was at his desk, doing what appeared to be actual work. “What’d she want?” He looked up and raised an eyebrow suspiciously at the forged smirk on my face. “What’s the grin for… you did something, didn’t you? Was there any damage or loss of life?” “… Define ‘damage.’” I said slyly, shutting the door behind me and falling heavily into my chair. He shook his head at me, and I let my momentum spin the chair around all the way, then settled back, shut off my screen saver and drummed my fingers. Cunningham. It had been much too easy, catching him. Getting him to confess. And from what he’d said… this definitely wasn’t wrapping up, this case. It was just beginning. From what he had implied, there were people bigger than him calling the shots, people so powerful they could afford to use a Senator as a fall guy. I used Elise’s access codes to do my research, since it was her case and she had more access to pertaining files and data. First things first, start with what we knew. Who were the victims? Political figures, not much else in common. If we didn’t know that all the hits were ordered by Cunningham, we might have continued to believe that Sandman was being hired by separate outfits. Knox was high-ranking and well-loved, Ferdinand was influential, but had limited jurisdiction himself, and Aquino was a behind-the-scenes financial supporter of a party neither of the others was affiliated with. Their political views were all different, but not opposing. What did they have in common? And what did they have in common with Cunningham? Unknown. We didn’t know why Cunningham would want them killed, or why the people over him would. But the fact that they were using the same guy repeatedly, and that these were considered separate hits on individuals and not one large job was significant. I just didn’t know if that told us more about the assassin or his employees. I ran their detailed files against each other while I poked into Cunningham’s finances. Heero left for his psych review about when I discovered that the money used to pay for the assassinations was coming from anonymous political donors, which were cleverly disguised in campaign expenses. The money was wired and re-routed through several accounts, finally ending up in two banks; one in Switzerland, and the other in the Caiman Islands. But then the funds were converted to cash and withdrawn; it would be impossible to link a suspect to either account. I worked the other way around, tracing back the donated blood money. It was a great deal easier to track down, because they had just cooked the figures to make the transactions look legal instead of trying to make them disappear all together. The trail led to Solar Industries, a shipping company in which Aquino had been a significant shareholder. It was a substantial donor to several major politicians, but on a much more public scale than in Cunningham’s case. Senator Douglas Wood and Delegate Gustav Bosch were two prominent examples, both backed by Solar Industries. Wood was an early pick as a candidate for Foreign Minister in a few years, and the influential and popular Bosch was up for re-election, and there was even talk of Presidency in his future. Before I could dig any deeper, Heero returned from his evaluation. “Duo, it’s almost three.” I sighed heavily. “It didn’t really take the whole hour, did it?” I turned to face him. He looked down at me, amused. “It takes a while to convince a medical professional that a former Gundam Pilot is adjustable and stable.” “Sweet. Hopefully I’ll be done earlier, then.” I said, my voice not at all hopeful. Resentfully, I made my way down to the clinic. I don’t
know why they couldn’t have used one of the conference rooms
or an office or something, it wasn’t as if they needed the medical
supplies. Really, people. He looked at my file under his glasses and said automatically, “Duo, you should know that this is a confidential session. Everything you say will stay in this room, unless it is apparent that you are a danger to yourself or others.” Which is a good reason for me not to tell you anything that would make you think that, now isn’t it? “So, Duo, why don’t you tell me why you decided to join the Preventers?” I knew that he was trying to create a rapport, but it pissed me off how he kept using my first name, like he knew me. “I’m preventing war. Can’t be anything more important than that.” I answered comfortably, considering that a pretty neutral answer. “Did the war affect your childhood a great deal?” What a typical fucking psych question. “It affected everyone’s; it was a war.” I said slowly. He scribbled something down on his clipboard. “Do you not like to talk about your childhood, Duo?” Open-ended question, and not a very subtle one. “I don’t have much to tell you about it.” We went in circles for a little while longer, before he leaned back and set his pen down. “I can’t evaluate you if you don’t talk to me, Duo.” That was kind of the point. “It doesn’t affect my work if that’s what you mean. I grew up in the colonies during the brunt of the Alliance’s hold on them. But I think that kind of upbringing is why I’m good at my job.” I sighed, sounding more bored than evasive. “Look, I’m mentally sound, stable, and capable of performing my job to the highest standards. You’ve seen my file, so you know my record and commendations. You’ve talked to my partner. Nothing I tell you is going to differ from these accounts.” “Yes, I have seen your file. And… well, Duo, it’s very disturbing. The thing’s you have seen and done are far beyond average, and very emotionally trying.” My blood turned to ice. Did he have my restricted file? What kind of crack was Une smoking? I took a deep breath. I was getting ahead of myself. Even in my unclassified file, I had some pretty disturbing records. “I find it difficult to believe that a person as you as yourself could have done the things that you have without any sort of emotional stress. Why don’t we start with the L2 case?” He flipped a page in his notes. “I’ve had more than one.” I said neutrally, knowing there was really only one he could be talking about. “The undercover mission that went sour. I believe your informant was murdered, and then your partner disappeared just after.” He studied my reaction carefully. He was not going to let me go until I confessed something. This was going downhill fast, and I would have to come up with something pretty quick to get out of it. My eyes became just a little worried, and my hands sought the end of my braid. He spoke intently, kindly. “It’s okay Duo. I’m trying to help you, you can tell me whatever you want. I’ll just listen.” I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes. It would have to be subtle. I listened to him talk, now intent on finding my in. He was midway through a speech I was sure every person who had even the remotest connection to combat that had been through today had heard. He was very routine, from the sound of voice to what he was saying… he probably had a precise progression for diagnosis and treatment. That left me a pretty easy out, but it would be put on my record. I’d just have to take my chances. I found it rather ironic that he was going on for so long about how he would listen to me. Finally, he stopped talking. “Well, I…” I trailed off and glanced to him quickly for reassurance. “Yes?” He leaned in. God, he was even easier to crack than Cunningham had been. “I do have nightmares.” I said softly. “They’re- well, just nightmares, and I can’t sleep.” I trembled subtly. The next part poured out in a rush. “I don’t even remember them, a lot of the time, but I just… I-I just can’t sleep! And I-” I made as if I’d caught myself, slowing my speech again somberly. “I know it isn’t that big a deal, but I’m wary of medication, so I’d rather not-” I had spoken the magic words. “Well, even with the pain killers you are currently on, that type of medication really isn’t something to worry about. Side affects are generally mild for most sleep aids.” He had a brilliant idea. “Why don’t I give you something, just to try?” Thinking he’d made a breakthrough, I was able to leave the clinic half an hour early with a sample packet and prescription for a sleeping pill. Doctors can be extremely easy to manipulate when it comes to asking for drugs. I was halfway back up to the office when my cell phone rang. Flipping it open, I checked the caller I.D. to find that the call was from none other than the former Queen of the World. Yeah, I know, who would have thought Relena would end up with my cell number? True, during the war I hadn’t been all that close to her. I hadn’t really wanted to be, and can you really blame me? All I saw was the stalker side of her personality. Early on after hooking up with the Preventers, though, I got stuck at some political function where the most interesting thing for both of us, it had turned out, was to make stiff and uncomfortable conversation with each other. Yeah, really. That boring. It had started out as a very polite conversation between two very different people who hardly knew each other, but had ended with the beginnings of a strange understanding. Relena’s political comrades insisted on throwing her a birthday party, the purpose of which was just government alliance-building. They even made it an official holiday, “Peace Day,” or something ridiculous like that. She confessed to me after a little too much champagne that she had hated birthday parties ever since the last one she had spent with her father. Sure, she didn’t kill people and her life wasn’t quite as consistently on the line as ours had been, but when you thought about it, some of the girl’s daily decisions had almost the same amount of pressure that ours did, during the war and especially after. As many lives depended on her words as had depended on our battles. “Hello, doll.” I answered. “Hey, Duo.” She greeted politely. “They aren’t going to have you on duty for the party, are they?” “I’m all yours, luv.” “Wonderful!” She said warmly. “Look, Duo, I was wondering… could you see if Heero is willing to come with you? The official invitations were sent out a month ago, and it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen him since he left the Palace. I would have asked him myself, but I don’t want him to see it as mandatory.” “Well, princess…” I started hesitantly. “I don’t think he can make it. I’m pretty sure he has… an official engagement.” There was a lengthy pause. “Oh.” She sounded disappointed. “I can ask him for you, just in case.” I added quickly. She brightened immediately. “Thank you so much. Don’t worry if he can’t go, I’m just glad I’ll get to see you. Until, then!” “Later, angel.” I slapped the phone shut with a frown, but upon hearing pounding footfalls behind me, I instinctively dropped down to the floor across their path. There was an abbreviated shriek as Daiyu tripped over me, and wild amusement from Greg, who seemed to have been chasing her. “Ha! Serves you right!” Greg managed through his laughter. “Duo, you totally just redeemed yourself.” “I’m thrilled.” I said, dryly as I got to my feet. I extended a hand to Daiyu, who glared at Greg from her rather undignified sprawl on the carpet. He grinned back at her, then said with mock severity, “Daiyu, if you ever put real bloody tampons in my locker I’ll shove them up your nose and pull them out your mouth.” “Then I’ll ass rape you with a pistol.” Daiyu retorted with as much grace as a person could manage with those particular words, and smoothed out her hair. He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “No you wouldn't.” I snorted. “You're right, but she’d give Wu Fei a blow job to do it.” Women are so lucky. Guys, we can only hit other guys. But women can hit whoever the hell they want to. And right then, Daiyu wanted to beat seven shades of shit out of me. I ran. Very quickly. That night, I sat on my bed, cross-legged, with a small, white pill in one hand and a half a glass of water in the other. “Hope I don’t have any nightmares.” I muttered, and popped the pill quickly. The good doctor had said to try half a pill first, but I tend to have a higher immunity to medications, so I took one whole even though hadn’t been planning on taking any at all. The pills had been nothing more than ruse to get out of the evaluation, but… at some point you have to stop entertaining. You have to let go of that busy distraction and stop hiding from whatever it is your mind needs to be diverted from. Just cut yourself off and hope you can simply rest. I turned my alarm clock so the numbers were facing away and sank down into the thin sheets. The cold air breathed deep into my lungs, and I felt like a piece of sediment that was sinking to the bottom of a lake. After a while, my eyes began to grow heavy, and I didn’t notice when I drifted to sleep.
~ The doctor released me, a case of underjoy ~ * ~ |
