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"Paranormal"Written By: The Plotting Housewife Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu
and associated Parties. This work is written for pleasure not profit. Rating: R Warnings: Humor, crack, ghost hunters, AU Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 5x6, 13xUne, RxD Summary: The gang gets together to investigate
a haunted house. The ghosts are ready to scare them silly. Too bad
they don't know who they're dealing with. "Paranormal " Heero batted his lover's braid out of his face as the motorcycle came to a stop behind Dorothy and Relena's black van. The estate was situated about thirty meters away from a desolate country road. The nearest neighbors resided a good five miles away. He placed his feet down, boots touching gravel, slightly muddy from condensation. The van was unremarkable with the exception of a large decal on the side that read, SPIU, and beneath that, Sanq Paranormal Investigators United. Next to the acronym, a rather silly image of a ghost raised its sheet-covered arms over its head as if to scare unsuspecting patrons. Heero snorted, not for the first time. It was Duo's design, of course, and he'd laughed himself into a coughing fit when he initially showed it to Heero. Heero had objected on account of the ridiculousness of it and insisted they wouldn't be taken seriously. Duo explained that that was part of the brilliance of his idea. It was a universal image, one that would get people talking about them. Heero was dubious at first, but it seemed Duo had been right. Considering they averaged anywhere from twenty to forty calls a week, at the very least, the cartoon-esque "ghost" had not hurt their business reputation. He could grudgingly admit to himself that maybe, it even helped. The girls made it on time at least. He leaned to the side, spitting a few hairs out of his mouth and reached up to remove his helmet, swinging a leg over the bike, and standing up. His ass was numb, legs a bit unsteady as he set the helmet onto the seat and hoisted the backpack that held thermal and infared thermomitors, EVP voice recorders, and EMF monitors, over his shoulders. Duo whistled as he surveyed the house, using his boot to set the bike's kickstand, and hung his helmet on the handlebars. "Man, what a dump," he said as he stretched, arms raised over his head. He bent to one side, then the other, and grinned at his lover. "Looks like we got our work cut out for us, eh?" "Hn." Heero flexed a cramp out of his leg and narrowed his eyes at the house. "I still don't think we should have sacked the girls with all the equipment." Duo shrugged, not bothered in the slightest. "They're junior investigators. It's their job to do all the dirty work. 'Sides, it was a good day to take the bike." Heero's frozen fingers begged to differ. He shifted the backpack, cringing as a few of the devices clinked together. They probably should have packed the items a little better. He stalked past his lover, pushing open the rusted iron gate and entered the yard, parting long weeds out of his way as he went. "We should have brought a machete," Duo's voice sounded behind him. The crunch of their footsteps were loud in the otherwise quiet morning. The bags of equipment were sitting on the porch when they got to the house and the front door was open. Heero handed a few bags to Duo, grasped the handle of the suitcase, and stepped carefully to the door, noticing the unstable state of the boards. Behind him, there was a loud crack, and an emphatic "Fuck!" as Duo stepped on a weakened board. Heero turned to see his lover standing in a now large hole in the deck, the floorboards up to his knees. "Careful," he warned. Duo shot him a look. "Thanks for the heads up." They jumped as an eerie yowl sounded through the open door, followed by pounding footsteps. Dorothy appeared in the threshold, out of breath, looking disheveled. Her eyes were alight with a manic gleam. She fixed her gaze on Heero and Duo, grinning like a mad woman. "Did you hear that?!" She nearly shrieked as she stepped out to grab the suitcase handle from Heero. "This place is a gold mine," she continued, pulling the luggage into the house. Heero offered Duo his hand, pulling him out of the hole, and the two followed the excited woman inside. There was a chair just inside the door and Heero gently dropped the backpack onto it as Dorothy rambled on about the "kick ass" house. "In all my months of ghost hunting, I've never experienced anything like this! This place is full of activity. I think -" "Where's Relena?" The blonde woman looked confused for a second, then she waved her hand at the stairs. "She's up there. On the second floor. I think she's checking the piping, or something. Something about making sure there's a rational explanation, or I don't know..." she turned away dismissively, not interested in such technicalities. "But, I think you'll find that there is definitely more going on here than old, rusty pipes. I was in the living room," she pointed down the hallway to the left of the foyer. "There's a huge mirror in there. Framed in gold. Incredible piece of craftsmanship, that is. Do you know, my dad used to deal -" "Dorothy." "Oh yeah, sorry. Anyway, I was checking the room out. It's dirty as all get-out in here, by the way. And I heard a weird sound, like a whisper, or something. I thought it was Relena, but when I turned, she wasn't in the room. Then I looked in the mirror and there was a figure standing behind me! When I turned around, no one was there, but when I looked back - well, here, I took a picture..." She pulled her cell phone out of the back pocket of her jeans and turned on the screen. She scrolled through it for a moment, brows knitted together in concentration, then shouted an exuberant "Aha!" She thrust the phone in Heero's face, bouncing on her heels as he examined the photo. In the foreground was the image of Dorothy reflected in the mirror, her phone held out in front of her, but what piqued Heero's interest was the vaguely misty form that stood just behind her left shoulder. It appeared to be that of an old woman. Her eyes, though difficult to see clearly, were sharp as they seemed to stare into the mirror, directly into the camera. A black gaping maw appeared to moan, or maybe even scream, silent, but for the visual, where her mouth should be. Heero suppressed a shiver as Duo came up behind him, resting a hand on his hip, chin dropped onto his shoulder. "Dayum," he drawled. "And here I thought Treize was full of shit. Good work, D." The blonde girl beamed with pride, taking back her phone when Heero handed it to her. "And there's more," she said, pocketing the phone into her jeans. "There was a massive bang, like a thud, like...like someone dropped something really heavy. It shook the whole house! Relena was coming out of one of the rooms down there," she pointed down a second hallway. "It happened right over her head. That's why she's up there checking it out. I went up with her, but I came back down when we heard what sounded like talking, or arguing. I thought it was you guys, or some of the other investigators, but there was no one here, and then -" "I'm going to see how Relena's doing. See if she found anything." Heero informed his lover as Dorothy continued with her excited babble, not missing a beat. Duo nodded though Heero couldn't be sure if it was in response to him, or to Dorothy. He swiped the backpack off the chair and headed up the stairs, testing the give of each step with his foot to be sure he wouldn't fall through. They creaked ominously, but appeared to be stable. At the top of the stairs, he looked down over the banister to see Duo and Dorothy disappear down one of the hallways, Dorothy yammering away about some sort of putrid smell she'd encountered in one of the rooms. Heero shook his head. He liked her well enough, but she was a handful at the best of times. More so than Duo even. He much preferred the calm, rational company of Relena. He started down the hallway that lead to the right, boots leaving imprints in the dirty wood floor. The doors were all closed which meant Relena wasn't likely to be in any of those. He turned back to head down the opposite hall when the temperature seemed to drop. Acting quickly, he set the pack down and unzipped it, digging through the various equipment until he located the thermal imaging camera. He tore away the bubble wrap that protected it from damage and flicked the switch on, holding it up to scan his surroundings. Outside, it was a good six degrees Celsius, or so. The thermal imaging device currently registered a temperature of minus five. A cloud of steam escaped Heero's mouth as he exhaled and his skin prickled, breaking out in goosebumps. His heart stopped in his chest for an instant as a breeze that should not have been there, brushed against his right ear, immediately followed by what felt like an icy cold finger trail down his cheek. He quickly swung the camera to his right and peered through the display. Mere inches away, the device showed what looked like a human head and a set of broad shoulders. He imagined if he could see it, whoever it was, would literally be right in his face. He swallowed around a suddenly dry throat and checked to make sure the camera was recording the phenomenon. He didn't dare move otherwise, lest this spirit, or whatever it was, decide to lunge at him. He was suddenly painfully aware of his full bladder and fought a valiant internal battle not to piss himself. After what felt like an eternity, but was likely only a few seconds, the image was gone, and the temperature gradually began to rise to a more normal level. He sagged slightly in relief and lowered the camera. He resumed his walk down the hallway, watching the floor closely for weak spots, opening each door in search of his friend. He found her in one of the bedrooms at the far end of the hall, back to the door, scanning the wall with a small, hand-held EMF detector. Heero watched her silently, unsure how to get her attention without giving her a heart attack. She must have sensed his presence, because her head turned, her peripheral vision catching sight of him in the doorway. She yelped, dropping the device in her hand. She cursed as it bounced on the floor, but thankfully, did not appear to break. She shot him an icy glare. "Christ, Heero, is that really necessary?" She checked the EMF detector over to make sure it wasn't damaged. "Sorry. I didn't know how to let you know I was here without scaring you." "Try making some noise once in a while and quit skulking around like a silent panther. That would help," she muttered, holding the device back up against the wall and continuing her scan. "Find anything?" She shook her head. "Nothing. No erratic fluctuations, or abnormal levels of electromagnetic fields. Nothing I can find that can pinpoint any natural reason for the occurrences." She seemed almost frustrated by that. While Duo and Dorothy, and hell, even Quatre took great pride in not finding a rational explanation for the phenomenon they encountered, Heero and Relena were vindicated when they did find one. Natural skeptics, they were. Speaking of which. "Yeah, about that..." Heero stepped forward, flicking on the display screen of the thermal imaging camera and showing Relena the image of the head he'd captured in the hallway. Her breath caught and she raised wide eyes to meet his. "Did that just happen?" He nodded. "I'm afraid we might end up being the ones with egg on our face after this venture." "Damn," Relena cursed. "I had a running bet with Dorothy that there wouldn't be anything here that couldn't be explained." Heero smirked. "What were the stakes this time?" She shook her head and sighed, stepping around Heero, and exiting the room. "You don't want to know. Come on. Let's go find out what kind of trouble our significant others have gotten themselves into."
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