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"Agglomeration"Written By: The Plotting Housewife Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu
and associated Parties. This work is written for pleasure not profit. Rating: R Warnings: Fantasy,
humor Pairings: 1xR, 2x5 Summary:
Princess Relena's been kidnapped. Five young faerie warriors take
on the evil wizard to bring her back safely. It's staring to get old.
"Not Another Fairy Tale!"
Once upon a time, there was a magical land called Sanq. It was a richly beautiful woodland place full of castles and faeries, goblins and trolls, wise old wizards, and evil sorceresses. Valiant knights battled fire-breathing dragons, rescued princesses from their towers, asked for their hands in marriage, and lived happily ever after. Oh, wait. Wrong story. Okay, here we go. It was a typical night in Sanq and deep within a moss-laden burrow, four young faerie warriors were lounging around drinking magical faerie ale and smoking from the enchanted pipe. One faerie, a spritely one who went by the name of Duo, propped his pointed shoe'd feet on his lover's lap as he inhaled the sweet vapors of the mystic ganja. He leaned his head back on the puffy cushions of the sofa and closed his eyes. "Now, this is the life. Zechs wasn't kidding when he said he got the good stuff." He blew a smoke ring into Wufei's face. Wufei's wings fluttered and he coughed as he reached for the pipe. "You're such a pothead." Duo snorted and poked a toe into Wufei's belly. "But you love me." Another faerie, named Trowa, was seated across the room with his blond lover who was reclining against him. "You going to share that?" "No," said Duo. Wufei shoved Duo's feet off his lap, the bells on his toes tinkling as they dropped to the floor, and leaned forward to hand Trowa the pipe. "Why is the cave full of butterflies?" asked the small blond who was named Quatre. Duo snickered as Trowa leaned down and kissed the top of the faerie's head. "There are no butterflies in here, love." "There are, though," the blond insisted. "There and there and there..." he pointed from one empty spot in the room to another. "Quat, you are high as a kite." said Duo, laughing. "M'not high...what's a kite?" "It's a diamond shaped object that you tie a string to and fly through the air," Trowa explained. "Ooh! I want a kite!" "Maybe we can make one, okay?" The faerie warriors' leader, a fierce and intense faerie named Heero, stuck his head through the opening of the cave. "Oh for Venus' sake. Are you guys stoned?" "No," they all said defensively. Heero's brows lowered over his eyes. "You are. And you need to sober up. We've got a mission." A collective groan sounded throughout the room. Duo gazed at Heero with bleary eyes as he took another toke from the pipe. "Lemme guess. Relena's been kidnapped." Heero had the gall to look surprised. "How did you know?" "Because she gets kidnapped at least once a week! How does someone get kidnapped that much?" "Heero! Do you see the butterflies?" "Butterfl - what?" Heero glanced up at Trowa who shook his head and made a gesture that said, Ignore him. He's high. He turned back to Duo. "She gets kidnapped because she's a princess and this is a fairy tale and that's what happens in fairy tales. I don't make the rules, Duo. Okay?" "Sheesh. Okay." "Now, sober up. We've got work to do." The tipsy faeries got up reluctantly, struggling into their armor with dizzy heads and unsteady feet. Wufei grumbled as he clasped Duo's armor closed in the back, with some difficulty. "You need to lay off that troll cake." "Hey! Be nice," Duo pouted. "That troll cake is good, okay?" "If you didn't smoke so much, you wouldn't get the munchies, you wouldn't crave the troll cake, and I wouldn't be having a hard time getting your armor on." Duo shrugged and picked up a tiny iced cake from a plate on the table. "My armor must have shrunk in the wash. S'not my fault the trolls are good at baking." Wufei snorted, "Yeah, and so are you." He slapped the cake out of Duo's hand and gave his lover a stern look. Duo turned purple puppy eyes on him. "And don't look at me like that. I'm not making you another set. No more cakes for a while." "But Fei..." "No buts." He picked up the plate, stashing the cakes in a cabinet. He locked it with a padlock and turned to get his own armor on. Duo smirked. His lover could be dense sometimes. He patted his head where a set of lock picks was located in his long braid along with a myriad of other things that defied the laws of physics. Heero stuck his head back in. "Let's go! The princess is not going to rescue herself." They all slunk to the door and stepped out, grumbling under their breath. "I was having such a nice relaxing evening," said Duo. "I hate fairy tales," muttered Wufei. "Why can't we fly there?" asked Quatre. "Because, love. Our wings aren't built for that." Quatre shot Trowa a perplexed look. "Then what are they built for?" Trowa shrugged. "They're aesthetic. It's for the fangirls." "Who?" "Never mind." So, the five young faerie warriors rescued the princess from the evil wizard, Treize...again. They were dirty and bloody and tired as they flopped down onto the thick grass and watched Heero smile as he swept Relena up into his arms and asked her to marry him. She pressed the back of her hand against her forehead in a dramatic fashion and said, "I don't know...my father..." "Oh, for Jupiter's sake, enough already! Just say "yes". Queens never get kidnapped," Wufei barked and the other three nodded in agreement, eyes desperate. "Well then...yes. Yes, I will marry you!" They kissed passionately and Duo closed his eyes in relief. "Thank the gods that's over."
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