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"Agglomeration"Written By: The Plotting Housewife Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu
and associated Parties. This work is written for pleasure not profit. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Semi-graphic depiction of death. Pairings: Duo/Wufei Summary: Angst "Irrevocable "
The grief was unusual in ways he'd never experienced before. Not as profound as when his clan was killed, but nothing like the lives he'd taken before. It settled into his stomach like an iron weight. Blowing random soldiers to smithereens was one thing. It was quite another to impale someone with your own hands and watch as they slowly succumbed to death. Having to hear the gurgle, that God-awful rattling as the enemy choked on the blood in his trachea. Watch as they struggled through the pain, struggled to breathe, to live. The surprise that shined in wide eyes that gradually dulled until there was nothing left. The blood. So much of it, painting the floor with crimson damnation. He didn't feel good about it, though some perverse voice inside his head said he should. The war was over. They'd set out to reach their goals and they'd obtained them. He should feel vindicated. Instead he felt forsaken. Duo arrived a short time later and found him kneeling by the enemy's side, head bowed. "Come on, Fei. It's time to go." He wrapped his hand around Wufei's arm and pulled him up. He obediently rose to his feet and followed him out, feeling numb, detached from reality. Duo was uncharacteristically quiet, somehow knowing that Wufei needed the calm, the space. He paused in front of the cockpit of Nataku and cupped the boy's cheek. Wufei eyes were far away, gazing into middle distance, but seeing things that only he could see in his tumultuous mind. "Fei. Fei, look at me." The black eyes flickered up, looking lost, vulnerable. His lips parted and he spoke in a raspy whisper, barely audible beneath the blare of alarms. "I - I've seen Death. I've seen it so many times, but I've never seen it like I saw it today." Duo offered him a sympathetic smile. "It's a little different when it's up close and personal, isn't it?" Wufei looked on the verge of tears. "Does it get any better?" Duo shook his head, his eyes sad. "No. It doesn't." He leaned his forehead against Wufei's. "I wish I could tell you differently, but it doesn't. This will haunt you for the rest of your life." Wufei's breath hitched, just slightly. "How have you lived with it for so long and not lost your mind?" Duo's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "It doesn't get easier, but you learn to accept it. It's a part of life. There's no way around that, Fei. Your hands will never feel clean, but you will learn to live with it. With time. You are changed in ways that are irreversible. But you will adapt." He caressed the back of the boy's head, hand wrapping around the ponytail and tugging gently. "I'm here for you. You know that, right?" "Yeah," he sighed. "Yeah, I know. Thank you." "No need to thank me, love. I'm always here. And hopefully now, there will be peace and we won't have to see anymore of this. Do anymore of this." "Do you believe that will happen?" "I have to." Duo pressed their lips together and Wufei whimpered into the kiss, so grateful that Duo was there to cushion the blow. It would always hurt. It would never get better, but with time, he would learn to accept what he'd done, what he had to do for the good of his people, for humanity. The blood on his hands would always be there, but it would fade. He had to believe that, just as much as Duo believed that peace would reign supreme. He wasn't so sure himself, but for Duo, he would always give the benefit of the doubt.
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