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"Quan Xin"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: My toys! I won’t share! Warnings: a little violence, language, twisted
humor, messed up timeline (I’m acting as if the war actually
lasted two years instead of one, and it’s a EWWT—‘Endless
Waltz, what’s that?’) switching point of views (sorry, it’s
necessary) Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 2xH Rating: PG-13 Archived: Gundam Wing Diaries; honordemandoren.livejournal.com
Betas: Velvet and Caitilin Author’s Notes: This was done because…wait,
I will think of a good reason…hm… *emphasized* //vidphone, telephone// "Quan Xin" Chapter Eight: Love is a Battlefield Information added to more information does not always equal truth.
Being woken up at six in the morning by your irate boss is not a pleasant experience. When I stumbled out of bed and opened the door—hair mussed, only in boxers, mouth feeling glued together—to see my pristine boss in full makeup and a perfectly pressed uniform, I felt rather…uncomfortable. Then I saw the look in her eyes and had to bite my tongue on a panicked ‘I didn’t do it, I have no idea who did it, it’s all a frame, I swear!’ No, I was calm and collected even if I had just crawled out of bed. Drawing myself up coolly I inquired calmly, “What’s the problem?” Because Une doesn’t show up on my doorstep at six in the morning unless there’s a problem. “Didn’t I tell you to keep the war out of Relena’s political life?” I blinked at her. What the hell was she talking about? “Lady, neither I or Heero have done anything in the past couple of days—not since he put a bullet in her wallpaper.” That had been two days ago, by my count. I hadn’t put my own plan into motion yet. Her Death Glare let up a bit and became a normal frown. “Really. I had assumed it would be you.” I gestured her silently into the suite and into the small study that Heero and I shared. I wanted to hear just what was going on, and I didn’t feel like standing in the hallway half-naked discussing it. On the way I snatched a robe from the back of a chair and shrugged into it. Being in one’s underwear in front of one’s boss is not conducive to a serious discussion. When the door was shut behind us I turned back to her. “What’s happened?” “Someone has tampered with Relena’s email and phone—both cell phone and landline. Now anyone that contacts her is automatically forwarded to either a porn site or er…other companies dealing in that market.” My eyes bugged out of my head. Ye gods…I had this sudden mental flash of a eighty-year old senator sending Relena an email for some kind of meeting and getting bombarded with pictures of naked women. “Gay porn sites,” Une added with something like dry humor sparkling in her eyes. …gay porn sites…ancestors spare me. “Does Relena know about this?” “Whoever it was also arranged things so that she would be given the same treatment when she checked her messages.” I choked. Une grinned at me sadistically. “You can now see why I thought you were involved—or Heero.” “My imagination isn’t warped enough to think up something like that,” I denied weakly. “Although my hat is off to whoever managed it. Considering the skill it took to get through Heero’s firewalls…can you undo the damage?” “Not so far.” There was a certain level of evil glee lurking behind Une’s serious expression. “Huh. Has Relena keeled over from a cardiac arrest?” “Give her another hour, and she might.” Une sighed. “I had wished it was you so that I would have someone to be mad at. She woke me at four this morning, ranting and almost foaming at the mouth. Apparently some stuffed up senator from L2 had emailed Relena, got a picture of a naked man dancing across his screen, and promptly called Relena up to give her a lecture on morality. It took him a while to find a roundabout method of getting her on a phone, which irritated him even more. Relena, in turn, called me up and started ranting. I wanted to rant at somebody.” I sympathized. I’ve been there before. “I didn’t do it. Heero has been so tired and busy lately that I doubt he did it…but you’ll have to ask him. He might have been especially sneaky and did it without my knowing.” A thought occurred. I doubt Heero had done something like this—he just didn’t think in lines like that. But I knew someone who did. Someone who was a master at infiltrating, and was pissed as bloody hell at Relena—and had a backdoor into every system Heero had ever devised. Une’s eyes narrowed. “Wufei?” “Hm?” “You know who, don’t you?” “A suspicion,” I admitted. “I’ll check into it.” “…fine.” + I waited until seven before calling. I figured he would be up at that point, not that I really cared if HE was up, but I might wake up his lover as well and I didn’t care to do that. Since the phone picked up on the second ring, I knew he was awake. “You did it, didn’t you?” <Did what?> “Tampered with Relena’s email and phone.” There was a silent smirk on the other end. <I don’t know what you’re talking about.> “Of course you don’t.” I rolled my eyes. “I know it was you, Trowa. No one else could have pulled this off—with the exception of Duo, but I know what’s he’s planning on getting Relena back with so I doubt it’s him.” <How do you know?> Well at least he wasn’t going to pretend ignorance anymore. “Relena was woken up by some senator on L2 at four this morning. She then called up Une to rant. Une showed up here at six to rant at me, since she assumed I did it.” <…sorry. I didn’t think it would be discovered quite this soon. It was a good idea, though.> I unbent enough to grin. “Yeah, it was. After Une is through tearing a strip off your hide for this, she might give you a medal for your creativity.” <Are you going to tell her it was me?> “No, you are. And then you’re going to fix it so Heero doesn’t have something else to stress about.” <Awww…worried about your lover?> I glared at the phone, wishing I had held this conversation in person so I could punch him. “Barton, stop being sappy and go do as you’re told.” I hung up the phone firmly and went to grab a hot shower. And then some strong, black coffee. It was going to be one of those days. + Unfortunately, Relena had jumped to the same conclusion that Une had. It was rather flattering that everyone thought me that devious and sneaky, but really…it wasn’t me! Trowa gets by with a lot because he’s so calm and quiet—on the surface, at least. No one suspects that he is just as bad about pranks as Duo. I didn’t even bother to try and explain the situation. No one would believe me anyway. In retrospect, that was probably a mistake. I stared at the vacant spot on the wall—a spot that was supposed to be occupied by my family’s sword—feeling a vein throb in my forehead. Oh no she didn’t. Oh no she Did Not. I tore out of the room, heading straight to her office. People leaped to get out of my way, no doubt because their instincts of self-preservation were in good working order, unlike a certain air-headed blond. Because Relena lacks all instincts of self-preservation she didn’t leap out the window at my furious entrance into her office, or immediately start begging for mercy. She looked up with an innocent face (that did nothing to cover her internal smirk) and batted blue eyes at me. “Yes?” Very deliberately I placed both palms flat on her desk and leaned in until we were two inches apart. “That sword has been in my family for over four hundred years,” I enunciated clearly, doom underlining every syllable. “It is one of the few pieces left of the Chang Clan, and a priceless part of its history. It is not to be trifled with by a self-conceited, insignificant harpy who has all the grace and manners of a mangy alley-cat. Give. It. Back.” Relena bristled, cocking her head up haughtily. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Why was I wasting my time? Without a word I spun around and headed to the security monitoring room. The footage should be able to tell me where she had put it. I’d only been out of my room for the past twelve hours or so—it should be a simple matter to check. Relena wasn’t intelligent enough to bypass the cameras, after all. Heero was just entering the hall as I neared it. In his hands was my family’s broadsword—soaking wet and dripping. I crossed to him quickly, almost snatching it out of his hands. “Where the hell did she put it?” “In the garden pond out back,” Heero growled. “Fortunately I caught a glimpse of her doing it on the cameras. It wasn’t in there long, maybe two minutes.” Well that was something of a relief. I was going to have to thoroughly dry it, however, and oil the blade again. “Aw, how sweet,” Relena cooed with false sincerity behind me. “Your lover fetched it for you.” For a brief, self-indulgent moment, I pictured myself drawing my sword and beheading Relena. Alas, the hall was too narrow for such a swing to be executed properly. I gave over the vision with an irritated curse and turned abruptly away before I could reconsider. Heero, being a man of high intelligence, snagged my arm and quickly dragged me away before my temper completely snapped and I decided to try that swing anyways. Or I could just stab her through the heart, that didn’t require a lot of room… It wasn’t until we were half way to our room that Heero spoke. “Wufei, that plan that you had to get back at Relena with?” “What about it?” “When were you going to implement it?” Remembering my particularly evil plan helped me regain my temper and I actually smiled. “At the International Kennel Show, naturally.” + It was Quatre that actually put most of my plan into action. He knew the right people, after all, and could charm a snake if he felt like it, which gave him the necessary room to maneuver. Heero and I both were on guard duty that day, since Relena was invited to the Kennel show formally and would be there to foster ties with several political figures that, as it just so happened, were private breeders as well. Because we were on duty, it would be up to someone else to implement the plan. Hence one sneaky blond. And Trowa, since he wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to pay Relena back as well. The day of the show dawned. Heero and I were dressed in formal uniform (which, by the by, Heero looks damn sexy in, those uniform pants are delectable on him) and went out with Relena. Relena was being her usual annoying self, and trying to flirt with Heero the entire time. I strove to ignore her, and when I couldn’t, I made sure to put myself between her and my boyfriend. The grounds the show was being hosted on was crowded with people, and was a bodyguard’s worst nightmare. I had my hands full trying to see everywhere at once while keeping tabs with Relena. Fortunately she was normally very well behaved in public, so I didn’t have to yank her away from Heero every other minute. As I scanned the crowd for a potential threat (I could only be so lucky) I caught sight of Quatre. He was nearly ten meters away, but I could read the hand signals he flashed me easily enough. ‘Ready?’ I flashed him a thumb’s up. I’d already taken care of my part of this; the rest was up to him. He didn't sign anything else, but the smile on his face was answer enough. Most people, people that didn't know him well, would think that smile sweet and polite—actually its sheer camouflage for sadistic glee. I caught Heero's eye, grinning evilly myself. He, in turn, smothered the urge to smile with one hand before returning to his normal impassive self. Let the show begin. The first hint that the plan had been implemented was the sound of high pitched yipping. My job as a bodyguard was to protect from life-threatening people, not dogs, so I did not move as this little fuzzy body on four legs raced past me. I think it was a Chihuahua, but I’m not an expert on dogs so I couldn’t be sure. All I knew was that it was small, loud, and had sharp teeth. He sped right past me and Heero, latched onto the heel of Relena’s shoe and started chewing on it ferociously, growling the entire time. Relena was naturally appalled. Here she was in a very public area, and this little dog was chewing on her Italian leather shoes. She bent and tried to extract the dog, but he snapped at her when she tried to move him, and she jerked back quickly. Heero played his part magnificently. He gestured for one of the kennel's employees to deal with the dog, then he called up the limo to alert Pargan that they would need another set of shoes. Don't ask me how I kept my face straight, to this day I have no idea how I managed it. The dog was taken away (still yipping madly), Pargan delivered the extra shoes, and Relena quickly changed them out with a look of upmost embarrassment. And she was glaring at me, too. I couldn't figure out why—maybe she thought I was silently laughing at her (I was) or maybe she thought I had something to do with it (I did). Either way, I was apparently being blamed. Fifteen minutes rolled by, and Relena started to relax. She talked with everyone, smiled, lightly flirted, generally being Relena. Heero and I were naturally acting like good bodyguards and not doing anything but standing around looking menacing. "Yip, yip, yip!" The look of horror on Relena's face was priceless. If luck was with me, the security cameras caught it on film. I need to preserve that for future posterity. Of course, this time Heero and I were expected to react to the small ball of fur since it had already proven to be a “threat”. But darn the luck, the dog was just too fast for us and somehow slipped right through our fingers. When it got past us, I shrugged innocently at Heero and said blandly, “Oops.” I thought he was going to choke as he struggled not to laugh. Once again, Relena’s shoe was chewed up and covered in dog slobber. This time the dog evaded everyone as we tried to grab it. I had a suspicion that someone had called the dog on one of those silent dog whistles. In five minutes the dog was back and chewing on Relena’s shoes again. With barely suppressed rage she turned to me and said flatly, “We’re leaving.” “Of course, Miss Dorlian,” I responded as neutrally as possible. As Relena stalked toward the car I caught Trowa’s eye and grinned at him. Mission Accomplished. + The headlines the next morning were classic. “Chihuahua Outmaneuvers Minister”, “Minister Walking Chew Toy”, and my personal favorite “Ministry Gone To The Dogs”. The best part about it was that I had lots of witnesses to testify that I wasn't involved. I was just being a good little bodyguard, walking around with a threatening look on my face. I had nothing to do with little dogs chewing on Relena's shoes. Une didn't buy that for a moment…neither did Relena. But they couldn't do anything to me either, because they couldn't prove that I was involved. Accomplices are a wonderful thing. ~*~*~*~
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