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"Quan Xin"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: My toys! I won’t share! Warnings: a little violence, language, twisted
humor, messed up timeline (I’m acting as if the war actually
lasted two years instead of one, and it’s a EWWT—‘Endless
Waltz, what’s that?’) switching point of views (sorry, it’s
necessary) Pairings: 1x5x1, 3x4, 2xH Rating: PG-13 Archived: Gundam Wing Diaries; honordemandoren.livejournal.com
Betas: Velvet and Caitilin Author’s Notes: This was done because…wait,
I will think of a good reason…hm… *emphasized* //vidphone, telephone// "Quan Xin" Chapter Five: One Step at a Time
“Easy. Relena.” I growled, but silently conceded the point. He hadn’t been able to settle down the night before—he was too tense and stiff. After hearing him shift for five minutes straight, I had yanked his shirt off and given him a full body massage. Then, early this morning, we had once again been called on to play bodyguard for Relena as she went from meeting, to luncheon, to another meeting. When we were finally able to come back to our rooms, I noticed that Heero was carrying himself very stiffly and once again forced him onto the bed. Right now I was straddling his back, hands working over his shoulders. The knots I found there were worse than what I had felt last night. This had to stop. No one should be under that kind of daily stress. He groaned in pleasure as my hands worked over his muscles. I had a hard time focusing on what I was doing instead of looking at the half-smile on his face. Ever since that conversation we’d had a few nights ago, we’d both been rather cautiously flirting with each other. I felt rather warm, and content to have him near me—wanting me, like I wanted him. But I still felt horrible that he had to put up with Relena’s obsession as well. “Heero.” “Hn.” “Perhaps…I mean, Relena’s becoming impossible to deal with. Maybe you should leave it to me.” All of those muscles I had just worked loose went taut again. In two seconds flat I was on my back with Heero braced above me. He looked…pissed. “Are you suggesting that I just turn my back on you and leave?” Okay, it didn’t sound like a good idea when he put it that way. “No! But the only reason why you’re here now is because of me—” “Damn straight. If I leave, Wufei, you’re coming with me. I know what she’ll do to you if I left. You’d never find a moment’s peace.” He had a point. A definite point. I sighed, shrugging. “Fine.” Grunting, he stood up and stretched. “I’m taking a hot shower.” I watched him gather up pajama bottoms and go to the bathroom. Sighing, I looked around for a way to entertain myself. Usually I would read, but I just didn’t feel like it. I wanted to stare at something and be mindlessly entertained—hm. Maybe some television. Crossing to the couch, I sank onto it and flipped the set on. There was nothing to watch, of course. There never is. But I finally settled on an old black and white film that looked half-way decent. A few minutes later Heero came out and joined me, idly toweling his hair dry. Commercials started playing. There seemed to be a certain trend in commercials these days—strangeness. It used to be that commercials had a mini-plot, and some creativity. Now it looked as if a bunch of film students on drugs had gotten hold of the camera and did whatever they felt like. I rarely paid much attention to any ads anyway, and cast about for a different kind of distraction. Heero appeared just as puzzled by the commercial currently running as I was. It might be a good moment for me to ask a question that had played tag with my consciousness from time to time. “Now that we are at peace—” He turned to look at me, full attention refocused. “—do you feel the need to find someone of your own? Like the other three have done?” The different colors from the set played on his eyes and features, highlighting his hesitation. “Yes…and no.” My brow quirked. Interesting answer. “How so?” “I wish to find The One, as Quatre puts it…but I’m not sure how to gain such a person. Or even if it’s possible to have a normal relationship with someone…well, normal.” I blinked as that statement ricocheted in my head. That was a valid concern. Considering our reflexes, it would be slightly hazardous to our future-partner’s health if they tried to wake us during a nightmare. “Huh. I hadn’t thought of that. They would have to know how to defend themselves, wouldn’t they?” “Which would probably mean a soldier. I don’t know of many ex-Alliance or ex-OZ, however, that would be willing to date an ex-Gundam pilot.” Heero snorted at whatever vision was playing around in his mind’s eye. “And there is always the risk of running into hero-worship in a potential date.” Neither of us said it, but we were both thinking: Like Relena. My open hand conceded the point to him. Silence fell for a moment, and this look of concentration fell over his face. I knew that look. It meant he was thinking deeply, and in a moment would state something quietly profound. I poked him a little in the side with my big toe. “Out with it, Heero.” “It just occurred to me that I am more like Relena than I thought possible. We are both hungry for a lover’s touch.” So was I. I swallowed against the soft pang in my chest, voice determinedly light. “Oh? You’re stalking someone as well?” He startled into a soft laugh. “No. Not yet.” “Good. Otherwise I’d shoot you and put you out of your misery.” “Mine? Not yours?” “Point. It would be mine.” The show had come back on, but I was more interested in continuing the conversation. Heero rarely opened like this, let his guard down enough to talk of dreams and what-could-be’s. I was going to take advantage of it. “My grandmother told me once that in a relationship, virtue should match virtue and strength should match strength. Otherwise it is unbalanced, and you destroy before you can create. Relena cannot match you in either way; you require more than what she is capable of giving.” His eyes on me sharpened, weighing, considering. “Not many can match me in that aspect, period. Or could match you, for that matter.” I meant for my smile to be rueful, but I had the feeling it was bitter. “Too true. This situation almost seems to be beyond our abilities, doesn’t it?” Heero shrugged slightly, the most enigmatic smile playing over his mouth. “Good thing that we have a knack for doing the impossible.” “We’ll need it,” I concurred wryly. There was a comfortable silence between us before Heero spoke again. “Do you…have regrets? Of the last two years?” The way he stated the question, I had a feeling that he was referring to something besides the war. “A few. Why?” “I’ve learned that it is my regrets for the things that I did *not* do that are the most poignant. Chances I didn’t take, opportunities I let slide by. Especially my regrets about you.” There was a softness to him in that moment that I’ve never seen before. It felt like he was a magnet, and I was steel. I was gravitating toward him, leaning slightly over the cushion that separated us until I could have touched his face simply by lifting a hand. “Tell me.” It was a whispered plea. “What regrets?” “There were times when I wanted something more between us.” His eyes dropped from mine, then were forced back up in degrees. “During that last mission we shared, after you had carried me into the safehouse, I wanted to touch you so badly. I stopped myself because I didn’t know how you would react.” My tongue flicked to wet my rapidly drying mouth. I knew my eyes were as big as saucers—it felt like they were consuming my face as every word proceeded out of his mouth. “You wanted that?” His head dipped in the barest hint of a nod. Now I did raise my hand, touching his cheek softly. “I…am not averse to the idea.” Oh now that was romantic, Chang. Really smooth. Can’t you say something without sounding like a textbook? He rubbed his face against my hand, eyes briefly closing before locking onto mine. “Can I kiss you?” I simply wasn’t capable of talking at that moment, my brain was a little too fried, so I simply nodded. His mouth closed over mine. A sound of appreciation lifted into the air—his? Mine?—and we tilted our heads again further until our mouths locked into place. Something hot and wet probed at my bottom lip and I dropped my jaw, letting his tongue into my mouth. Immediately I latched onto it, sucking and rubbing against it. He tasted of heat and arousal and male, something more intoxicating and with a stronger kick to it than any alcohol that was ever produced. The hand on my waist slid down to my hip, gripping firmly and tugging me until I was straddling his thighs. My lungs were burning from lack of air, and I didn’t care. It made the kiss seem like such a dark pleasure that I couldn’t even consider breaking from it. Slowly we separated, lingering over the kiss as long as possible. Looking into his eyes I wanted to ask him if he were sure about this. I didn’t want our relationship hurt if this turned out to be just transitory lust. I could see the same fears and concerns reflected in his eyes. “One step at a time,” he finally whispered with a firmness that echoed. “We’ll take this one step at a time until we both know what we want.” That sounded like a good strategy to me. I nodded and twisted so that I could sink in beside him. He kept an arm around my waist as I laid my head on his shoulder. This felt good to me, and extremely comfortable. I sent up a prayer to my ancestors as we turned back to the old movie playing that what I had found in him *would* last forever. This was everything that I had ever wanted, and I did not want to lose sight of him. Ever. ~*~*~*~*~
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