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"Spookems"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: Not mine. My psychiatrist assures
me that they never were either, although I specifically remember creating
them… Warnings: AU, questionable and evil humor, romance
with slices of angst (which I fix!) Rating: Ah…NC-17 or thereabouts, I think Pairings: 1x4, 5x2, 3+a box of stolen Pocky Author’s Notes: Okay, so I’m sitting
here one day, in the mood for a ghost story, and can only find ones
where one of the boys is a ghost and falls in love with one of the
other boys, at which point one of three things happens. Either a)
after some hot steamy sex the ghost crosses beyond, leaving the other
one to suicide *grr* b) he somehow is given a body or c) they have
to wait until the next reincarnation. C&C appreciated. Flames will be used to defrost
my windshield. Enjoy, peeps! Dedicated to Tricksy. I’m going to miss your
antics, love. //thought// *emphasize* " Spookems"
Chapter Two: Peek-a-boo! O, she is the antidote to desire. ~William Congreve, Love for Love, 1695
Heero groaned, not even bothering to move. It wouldn’t matter if he tried to hide. She would still find him. Four three days now, Relena had followed him persistently from one end of the house to the other. She was worse than Duo on a sugar high. At least he had to pause for breath once in a while. Relena didn’t have that kind of restriction. ::Ah! There you are!:: He couldn’t even threaten her. She was already dead, so killing her or harming her wasn’t an option. If he hadn’t been restrained by his uncle’s condition on remaining in the old Victorian mansion in order to access his college funds, he would have already left the house. ::You shouldn’t have taken off like that, Heero. We hardly ever see each other because of your classes.:: Responding to her in any way only encouraged her, so Heero strove to ignore her presence. ::Heero, is something bothering you?:: “……” ::It’s Duo, isn’t it? He always hangs on you, and chatters away about nothing worth mentioning. I can see why he would bother you. Why do you let him stay here so much? I mean, I know that you are friends with Quatre, which I can understand because Quatre is so nice, but you don’t have to put up with Duo because of that--:: Duo. A light bulb went on in the back of Heero’s
head. If there was anyone on this earth that could outdo Relena in
being annoying, it was Duo. Slamming his textbook shut, he sprinted
out of the room and up the stairs. Even from the ground floor he had
been able to hear the sounds of Duo’s stereo. The baka was sure
to be home. “Duo. I’ll cook whenever you ask, and whatever you ask for.” Duo’s ears perked at this. Still, Heero had never been one to ask for a favor, so if he was here with such desperation in his eyes, then it would behoove the braided wonder to tread with caution. “Oookay. In exchange for what?” “I want you to out-annoy Relena.” One side of Duo’s mouth twitched up. Then the other side. A huge grin nearly split his face in half. “Reeally. Heero, I can say with absolute certainty that it will be my *pleasure* to assist you in this matter.” + An unearthly scream of feminine outrage and indignation filled the house from the ground floor to the rafters. Heero smiled beatifically at the sound and leaned back in his chair, silently humming a ditty as he waited. ::Heeeero!:: His entire frame radiated with polite attention. “Yes, Relena?” ::That—that demonic fiend! He’s prancing around with only a TOWEL on!!:: “This is a household of males.” Heero pointed out calmly. ::No it is not! *I* am here!:: “Ah, but Spookems don’t count, do they ‘Ro?” Duo sauntered in, casually pulling a brush through his hair, towel hitched dangerously low over his hips. Heero nodded thoughtfully. “It’s not like your state of um, undress is a threat to her.” “Right. I mean, I’m good with the ladies and all but even I have my limits, y’know?” Duo saw that he had hit a nerve. Even though she didn’t have any color to her to speak of, he was sure that if she had been real, Relena would have been blushing like mad. Even without the betraying hint of red, she was shooting horrified glares in his direction. “Although…I’ve been told I’m really good with my mouth. Whatcha say, Relena-baby? You wanna see if I can make you come with just words alone? You look like you could probably use it—” With another indignant howl—this one was strong enough to actually rattle the window panes—she disappeared with a snap. Duo flashed Heero a victory sign. Heero bit back a grin. “What would like for dinner tonight, Duo?” “Hm…I’m thinking homemade pizza.” Heero nodded genially. “Homemade pizza it is.” + It’s one of the carnal rules of the universe that small things are distracting. The random pings of someone hammering outside the building was distracting. Trying to sleep when there’s a mosquito in the room is distracting. Duo Maxwell holding a small gumball (the kind you can find in one of those little quarter-slot machines) was both distracting and potentially lethal. Actually, that much sugar was just lethal. End of story. “Maxwell.” Wufei growled, rising from his comfortable position on the couch. “Put the gum down and back away. Slowly.” “What? It’s only a piece of gum.” “I happen to know that that little piece of gum is 90% sugar. The rest of it is dye. Put It Down.” Duo sighed and put the gumball back into the candy dish. “But I’m bored! Relena’s been quiet for an entire day now. I didn’t think she’d spook that easily.” Duo snickered. “Pun intended.” “I, for one, am grateful.” Heero considered the silence around the house and nodded thoughtfully. “In fact, I’m going to take advantage of it.” He went back upstairs and grabbed a clean set of clothes before backtracking to the bathroom. Heero turned the spray on in the shower, humming under his breath. Now that he knew Relena wouldn’t be anywhere near the bathroom while he was in it, he felt much more relaxed. Kicking all of his dirty clothes into the corner, he slid the curtain back and stepped underneath the spray. Ah, the hot water felt so good. He just stood there and let it fall over his head and shoulders. With difficulty he roused herself from his lethargy and grabbed the sponge, soaping it up briskly. ::Ah.:: Heero’s head jerked up at the sound. Where had that come from? Poking his head out of the shower, he scanned the room. No, the door was locked; no one could have gotten in. Shrugging it off as subconscious paranoia that his resident ghost had found a way past her sulks, he went back to scrubbing with the sponge. He was in the process of washing his thigh when it occurred to him that the sponge in his hand felt strange. Looking down at it, he realized in horror that he could see *through the sponge*. “You treacherous—RELENA! OMAE O KOROSU!” Tearing the shower curtain back, he ignored the panicked protests coming from the sponge and tossed open the window. Heero threw the sponge out of the window with all of his might even as said sponge wailed ::Heeeeroo~! Don’t be so cruel!!!:: “That’s it! I’m getting this house exorcised!” Latching the window shut again with furious motions, he finally went back to his shower, muttering to himself steadily and making plans of retribution. There came a knock at the door. “Heero?” “I’m fine, Quatre.” Heero gritted out from between clenched teeth. “Call up the local priest, would you?” There was this dawning understanding outside the door. “Did Relena do something?” “Yes.” Even Quatre wouldn’t press for answers against that kind of implacable ‘don’t go there’ tone. “Right. I’ll go…look up the local priest.” “Do that.” + The local Catholic priest, as it turned out, had already had one run-in with the inhabitants of 12 Moulin Dr. He hadn’t thought much of the Chinese boy, who had looked at him in disbelief when he had ordered the pair to come to Mass that Sunday. And the one with the braid had been completely insulting. The boy had actually broken down laughing, although he gave no reason for it. Father Riordan hadn’t been terribly impressed with the pair. And anyone who kept such company couldn’t be much better, in his opinion. When he had been called to exorcise a spirit, he had accepted because it was his duty as a servant of God to help those who asked for it. But he hadn’t been happy about it…no, not at all. Still, he went to the old mansion and knocked on the door with polite firmness. It was the braided one who opened the door. “Good morning,” Father Riordan stated with a pointed stare at the boy’s half-dressed state “Son of the Devil.” “Good morning, Father!” Trowa, who had been innocently sipping on a cup of coffee as he was passing, choked. Quatre had to duck back into the study in order to stifle his laughter. The priest’s face tightened. “You have a spirit here?” “We certainly do.” Duo waved him in politely. “She’s the daughter of the last family who lived here.” Quatre had gotten himself back in control at this point and stepped out into the hallway. “Good morning, Father Riordan. I’m Quatre Winner.” Despite his assumptions, the Father felt that he might be mistaken when it came to this young man. Someone so innocent looking and polite couldn’t be all bad. So he accepted the hand and shook it. “A pleasure to meet you. Do you know why she has not passed on?” “Um…the reason she gave us was that she hadn’t met her true love yet.” The Father frowned. “You’ve spoken with her?” “Oh yes.” Duo rolled his eyes upward. “In fact, it’s hard to get her to shut up. Or to give us some space.” ::I heard that, Duo!:: “See what I mean?” The Catholic priest’s eyes had gone wide. “T-that…s-she…” “Father?” Quatre didn’t like the look of this. The priest looked terrified. “Are you alright?” Relena chose that moment to appear at the foot of the stairs, stalking forward furiously. The father didn’t waste another moment. With a squeak he spun around and fled the house at high speed. Duo caught the door before it could hit the wall and stared at the empty space ruefully. “Well…anyone else have any ideas?” + That evening a council of war was held around the kitchen table. Duo had assured that they were given a degree of privacy by offering to do a free strip-show on the table as the entertainment for that evening. Relena had fled almost before he had lifted his shirt over his head. “If we get similar reactions from other priests or exorcists, then I don’t hold out much hope of getting rid of her.” Duo noted out loud. “I agree.” Heero was not at all happy about that day’s events. “Perhaps if we all emulated Duo and found ways of annoying her…” Quatre murmured to himself. “Given enough motivation, I think she’d prefer to leave. Or at least, leave us alone.” There was a round of silent consent to the idea. “Duo?” Quatre focused on the strangely subdued man. “What else do you think will work?” “Um…dunno. She really hates it when I show any skin.” “Heero, I don’t think that’ll work in your case.” Trowa noted wryly. Heero glared at him. “But it will work for the rest of us.” Quatre nodded. “Alright, from now on, as little clothing as possible please. Anything else?”“She’s never here when Duo is playing his music.” Wufei declared suddenly. “Have you noticed? I’ve never seen her when one of his cds is playing.” “You’re right.” Heero agreed slowly. As one they turned to Duo. He grinned in reply. “No problem-o guys. I can rock it from noon to night. Any requests?” “Leave us some hearing?” Wufei requested dryly. “Sure thing, Wuffikins.” “And use my FULL NAME, Maxwell.” Quatre cleared his throat slightly. “I think we’re getting a little off track right now. Can anyone think of anything else?” Silence. “Let’s sleep on it.” Trowa suggested softly. “We might think of something more with a good night’s sleep.” “Sure thing.” Duo agreed, relaxing back against his seat with a yawn. “Things always hit me at three in the morning.” “Like what?” Wufei was watching him with blatant disbelief. “Don’t know. I always go back to sleep afterwards, and I forget them again.” “Baka.” Heero stood up with a scrape of wood. “Let’s just hope that she stays quiet tonight.” ~~~~~~ ~ * ~ |
