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"Nolens Volens: Willing or Not"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: If they’re yours, do you want
to play a round or two of poker? Pairings: 1x5, 3x4 (established) Rating: R Spoilers: Iie. Warnings: AU, lemon, violence, language, some
angst, romance Archived: grinsngiggles.150m.com, Gundam Wing
Diaries Betas: Velvet Author’s Insane Babbling: *emphasized or sound* /thought/
"Nolens Volens: Willing or Not " Chapter Four: The Truth of the Matter The best feelings are those that “HEERO!” Oops. So maybe Wufei hadn’t been as distracted as he thought. He turned, a little guiltily, toward the door. He was panting heavily, and sweat was streaming down his forehead, but he’d managed to walk the length of the room three times before Wufei burst in. Well, three and a half, really. Wufei stalked forward, immediately picking him up so that his leg didn’t have to keep carrying his weight while the doctor laid into his patient. “Do I even want to know where you got the cane?” Heero shrugged. Actually, he’d bribed one of the servants to sneak it to him behind Wufei’s back. Wufei growled at the lack of response and tossed the cane out the open window. He watched it go sailing through the air with a sigh of regret. A silver for one hour’s use…it hardly seemed worth the effort. Wufei sat him on the bed, reigning in his temper with great difficulty. “This is absolutely the last time I ask this question—why the hell are you pushing yourself so hard?!” “I’m not progressing fast enough,” Heero ground out. Please don’t push this… “You’re not supposed to be walking at all without significant help, Yuy, but you’ve just managed it with only a cane! That’s faster than anyone I’ve ever seen. So whose standards are you measuring yourself against?” Heero looked away from him. “My own.” Wufei wanted to scream in frustration. There was something else going on, but he was damned if he could figure out what. Trowa had hinted at it, Quatre was damn near gloating about it, and Heero…whatever it was pushed Heero beyond his limits on a day to day basis. He was becoming very tired of being on the outside of this little joke. He didn’t understand this at all! With one hand he forced Heero’s head up so that he could see his face— —and his breath froze in his chest. What was that? That look in his eyes, the almost desperation burning there. “Heero…” “For you,” Heero rasped. His eyes were locked onto black obsidian. It almost felt like Wufei was dragging the confession out of him. “I don’t want you to push yourself!” Wufei protested with soft vehemence. “I’ve said that over and over!” Heero shook his head, careful not to dislodge the hand still cupping his cheek. “Not that.” “Then what?!” Gods, answering that question was probably a very bad idea. He didn’t want things to change for the worse, and they probably would if Wufei understood just what he was feeling. They were good friends, now. He didn’t want to destroy that—but Wufei meant it when he said he wanted an answer. The doctor could be relentless when he became focused on something. He wouldn’t let Heero wriggle free this time. “Because of you. I’m not…strong enough.” There was nothing but confusion in Wufei’s expression, and despite his own fears and doubts he started to explain. “If we had met nine months ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated in making you mine.” Wufei sucked in a sharp breath. What…? “Don’t you see? As I am now, I can’t be anything more to you than a friend.” His head turned aside, and he swallowed hard. “If…you could ever think of me like…that.” With a soft click, the pieces all fell into place. Trowa’s hints…trying to make him see what was motivating Heero. Quatre’s pleasure in seeing them together, no doubt knowing his friend’s taste in men…and the inevitable attraction that Heero would feel. Wufei felt like an idiot for not seeing what was right in front of his eyes. Slowly he reached out and tilted Heero’s face toward him again. His head canted to the side as he leaned in, lips gently stroking over ones parted in surprise. Heero’s eyes slid shut as that sweet kiss went straight through his system. His paralysis drained away and he returned it, sliding both arms up Wufei’s back to pull him in closer. There was a soft sound of pleasure, tongues darted out to touch each other, then they both drew back, breaking contact. “Wufei…” “Shh.” Wufei let his head rest against Heero’s chest, wrapping both arms around his waist and just knelt there, holding him. He smiled when Heero shifted his arms so that he could hold him more securely. For now, touch was talking enough. + “You are the most obstinate, mule-headed, idiotic, masochistic man that has ever walked the earth! STOP PUSHING YOURSELF! If I catch you doing something you’re not supposed to be doing one more time I’m going to beat on you until I feel better! And I have to warn you, I’m not in a good mood!” Heero glared back at his irate doctor, trying to hide just how much walking across the room (without Wufei’s help) had drained him. He just wanted to lie down and sleep for an hour or so. Unfortunately, Wufei had caught him just as he was reaching his bed, and he was now having to listen to a rather tedious lecture. Well, maybe ‘rant’ was a better word. Wufei growled at the glare he was getting. “Didn’t we cover this yesterday? Didn’t we agree that you weren’t going to push your limits anymore?” Yesterday. Heero looked down and away as the events of yesterday tore through his mind. After that kiss…things had almost gone back to normal. They talked, or played chess, had sessions of therapy and massages…but nothing truly intimate. Nothing…else. His walking today without Wufei hadn’t really been because of his need to be strong and fit again. It had just been a way of breaking himself out of his circular thoughts. “Heero.” Wufei dropped down to his knees right in front of him, sliding a hand around to cup a strong jaw. He stared right into Heero’s eyes as he said softly “Don’t do this. I could give a rat’s ass on how strong your body is. When I look at you, I don’t see an invalid. I see a man with strong pride, and ambition, and a passion for life that rivals my own. Pushing yourself like this is only frustrating both of us.” “If you truly don’t see me as an invalid…then why won’t you let me touch you?” Wufei exhaled slowly. So that was what was eating at him. He thought that kiss yesterday had made his interest clear at least. Apparently it hadn’t. “I didn’t mean to push you away.” He had just needed a bit of time to come to terms with it. Sleeping on the situation had helped clarify what he truly wanted and how he should go about obtaining it. He smiled ruefully at Heero. “You could have just said something to me, you know, instead of taking it out on your leg and back.” Heero wasn’t interested in ‘should-haves’. Wufei had just given tacit permission to touch, and he was taking advantage of it. He drew the doctor in roughly against him, pressing a firm kiss against the other’s mouth. Wufei jerked at the abrupt motion, not expecting such a forward gesture. Slowly he relaxed into the kiss, twining both arms around Heero’s neck as he lost himself in the sensations of skin and heat and taste. He could argue with his boyfriend about being an obstinate idiot later. + Things were less volatile after that. Heero was just as determined as before, of course, but Wufei had a new way of dealing with that. As long as the soldier was sufficiently…distracted…then he didn’t have to worry about Heero putting undue stress on his leg or back. Heero groaned in delight as his muscles were turned into putty. It was close to dinner, now, and he always got a massage meant to relax his muscles near the end of the day. Of course, there was one thing about this massage that separated it from the previous massages… “Wufei.” “Yes?” “Why am I naked?” “It’s easier to see what I’m doing without cloth in the way.” Wufei’s smirk was hidden from view, so Heero didn’t know of his intentions right before he nibbled along one shoulder blade. “You just like having me naked and under you.” “Well, that is one part of it I suppose.” Seeing that it didn’t bother Heero in the slightest, he rolled him over. “Now, let’s do your front.” Wufei’s hands were completely professional as they worked over his arms and torso. If Heero was semi-aroused by everything, well, he was a man with a healthy appetite and his boyfriend did have his hands all over him, so it was understandable. And of course, it was perfectly understandable for Wufei to help him relax completely…right? Heero arched into the hand stroking his cock, eyes screwed shut. “Wufei—” Settling onto his stomach, he arranged himself comfortably as he sucked Heero’s length into his mouth and started gently licking on it. “Hm?” Fighting down a rush of pleasure from the touch, Heero managed to stay indignant by a very narrow margin. “You planned this!” “Hmm.” Wufei’s eyes were twinkling as he saw his boyfriend melt into putty. He couldn’t understand why Heero was protesting in the first place. As his physician, it was his job to subscribe proper exercise to his patients. Heero was a little tense, and in Wufei’s professional opinion, he needed a blowjob to help him relax. What was the problem with that? One hand tangled itself into Wufei’s black hair as the doctor swallowed him whole, sucking on him hard. Shuddering, gasping for breath, he arched into it with a wordless plea. With urgent hands, Wufei stroked his balls, around the base, up and underneath his cheeks to stroke at his entrance. Heero thrashed in pleasure, trying to bury himself deeper in Wufei’s mouth. Firmly he was pushed back onto the bed by his hips so that he didn’t put stress on his back. “Wu-Wufei! I—” As scrambled as the warning was, Wufei understood it and pulled back in time to swallow the onslaught of the climax. He licked him clean, and perhaps he nuzzled against the skin a little just because. Finished, he looked up to see that Heero was in the last stages of recovery. “You finally looked relaxed.” Heero cracked open an eye to stare at him suspiciously. “Do you honestly think I buy that excuse?” Wufei’s shrug was elaborately nonchalant. Only the twinkle in his eyes gave him away. “Get over here, you lecherous doctor—” *knock* *knock* “Master Heero?” Molly called through the door. “Admiral Winner and Admiral Barton are here to see you.” Heero glared at the door. “Quatre has the worst timing.” Swallowing a laugh, Wufei called back, “Give us a moment, Molly. We’ll be right down.” “Understood, sir.” Wufei snatched the discarded pants from the foot of the bed and tossed them at Heero. Heero caught them with a disgruntled frown and started pulling them on. “Doesn’t Trowa keep him distracted enough?” “I promise to send them on their way as quickly as possible,” Wufei assured him. + “No. Absolutely not. I’d be insane to agree to that.” Quatre threw up his hands in frustration. “Why not?” Wufei gave him an incredulous look. “Fifty thousand soldiers and only two doctors? I’d kill myself if I tried to take on that kind of workload. It’s not just the soldiers themselves I’d be dealing with—it’s their families as well. I don’t even want to calculate how many people that would be. No, Winner.” Quatre looked to Trowa for help, only to receive a thoughtful nod. “He’s right, Quatre. It would be an impossible task for just two people.” Grumbling under his breath he gave up on getting help from that area. “Well, is there anyone else that you could recommend? If you can think of other doctors that you trust, it wouldn’t be just you and Duo doing everything.” In other words, he was going to be stuck in this position whether he wanted to be or not. Grr. “No one in this nation, no. Truthfully, I don’t work with other doctors as a rule. I wouldn’t know who to recommend. But if you contact my former master and ask him for recommendations, I’m sure that he would be willing to give you the names of some of his brighter students.” Quatre’s eyes lit up. “Your master? Now that’s a good thought. I’ll do that immediately. Oh, and while I’m thinking about it, I’m having a hospital built right now near my office. If you give me a list of things to buy, I’ll start equipping everything for you.” Resigned to his fate, Wufei nodded. “Fine. Give me a few days to make up a list.” Unable to ignore it any longer, he turned to glare at Heero. “And stop laughing.” Heero spread his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t.” “Ha.” Quatre took in their interaction with great interest. It hadn’t escaped his notice that they were very physically comfortable with each other. Heero had propped up his leg over Wufei’s thighs without permission or rebuttal. In fact, Wufei hadn’t really seemed to notice it, unless one considered the hand he had on that leg. Occasionally he would knead the muscles to keep them relaxed but he didn’t seem to fully realize it was there. Int~er~est~ing. He’d have to watch them carefully to see if it was just his imagination or not. “Well, that’s it. I’ve got to get back, I have a very early meeting tomorrow morning. Do you need anything?” “We’re fine,” Heero assured him. “Wait—on second thought, can you get me a cane?” Wufei glowered at him darkly. “No cane.” “But—” “No cane.” Quatre backed out of range quickly. “Leave me out of this. I’ll see you later, alright?” Wufei saw them to the door. Right before Trowa climbed into the carriage he turned and winked at the doctor. “I’d thought you’d figure it out.” He snorted. “Don’t be so smug, Barton.” Grinning slightly, the redhead climbed up into the carriage and shut the door behind him. Wufei watched them pass out of sight and shook his head. What had he done to deserve all these complications? “Heero, stop walking!” There was a weighted pause, then Heero’s incredulous voice. “How did you know I was walking?” “Because you’re predictable,” Wufei muttered to himself as he went back into the house. Apparently, he had not done a proper job in wearing out his lover. Steps would have to be taken. + Wufei snuggled in more, relaxing his head against Heero’s shoulder. He was so tired, not just from their seemingly continuous lovemaking—not that he was complaining about that at all—but also from trying to keep his lover in line. Heero seemed determined to push his body past its limits and into an early grave. Well, he was probably more focused on regaining his normal strength, but if he kept this up, he would put himself into an early grave because his physician would finally lose his temper and strangle him for being such an obstinate idiot… Somewhere during his mental rant, a part of his brain noticed that Heero was tense against him. Usually after all of their bedroom activity, he was nearly asleep. /Cao! I didn’t put too much stress on him and hurt him somehow, did I?/ “Heero?” “I’m fine.” “You’d say that if you were missing an arm and a leg,” Wufei grumbled, pushing himself up onto an elbow to see his lover better. “What’s wrong?” Heero looked up at him, eyes dark with uncertainty. “When I’m back at full strength—you’ll go back to your shop, won’t you?” Every worry scrambling through Wufei’s head screeched to a halt. WHAT?! Did the man honestly think he would just walk away when the job was finished? How could he think—?! /Have I said differently?/ Never in their time together as lovers had they talked of the future—it hadn’t even occurred to him to say something, it was a thing he had already decided. He was Heero’s lover, so of course he would stay with Heero. Apparently it wasn’t as clear to the vulnerable soldier sharing the bed with him… In a very mild voice he offered, “Are you suggesting that I would abandon you for a room full of smelly potions?” Heero’s face went from uncertainty to confusion. Perhaps hope, as well. “…that isn’t what I said.” “It’s what you meant.” Rolling, he pinned Heero under him so that the full force of his glare would be more effective. “I’m a physician. I won’t abandon my practice. I love you. I won’t abandon you.” Every tension in Heero’s body faded as if it had never been. “How are we going to work this?” Wufei shrugged. It didn’t matter to him how it worked—he simply knew that it would, when it was time to worry about it. That time was a good three months away, by his estimation. “Compromise. And if you ever suggest again that I would leave you I’m dumping you out of this bed!” Heero’s smile was full of love and relief and joy—and that was answer enough. + Molly tapped politely on the door before sticking her head inside. “Sirs? Lord Quatre is here.” Wufei glanced up in surprise. Last he heard, Quatre was busy trying to put together a medical center that could keep up with the army’s demands. He looked at Heero, stretched out comfortably on the window seat. “Well?” “Bring him up here,” Heero told him. “Alright.” Wufei went out the door and down the various staircases to the formal parlor. Quatre was pacing around the floor as he came in. “Winner?” “Wufei!” The blond spun, delight over his face. “I have some good news for you. I thought I’d stop in to tell you, as well as check up on Heero. How is he doing?” “Much better. He’s improving faster than I thought possible, actually. He wants me to bring you up.” The admiral’s smile became blinding at that. There was a point when Heero hadn’t wanted anyone to see him. “Let me tell you my news first. I’ve contacted your old master, and told him what I wanted. He’s agreed to send some of his better students here to help you and Duo in running the military hospital.” Wufei let out a covert breath of relief. “Good.” He hadn’t been sure if he could handle the work load. He’d had brief nightmarish visions of needing a physician himself from the stress. “When do they arrive?” “Within a month or so. It will take that long to finish the building, anyway, and the housing I’m setting up for them. I’d like to have you start training people anyway, so that I can have doctors to go out in the field with my soldiers. Duo had a good idea about that.” Wufei grumbled and gave the beaming man a dark look. “Duo would say anything if it meant I started teaching. Insufferable idiot. He can teach too, he knows almost as much as I do about herbs, and more about surgery.” Quatre blinked rapidly as he processed that information. “Huh. Why didn’t I realize that? Hm.” Very carefully Wufei swallowed a smirk of satisfaction. At least Duo would have to suffer with him… “Let’s go up.” “Right.” Quatre joined him and started up the stairs at his side. “So really, how is his progress?” “He’s walking well, although running is a little difficult. I’ve had him hold off on that. I put him on a horse yesterday, and he managed that very well. I don’t want him going up and down stairs just yet. His balance still isn’t the best—his bad leg sometimes stiffens up without warning. And stairs put quite a bit of stress on the back that most people don’t realize.” “Really?” Quatre’s voice was dry. “Did you explain all that to him?” His eyes were looking away from Wufei, towards the next set of stairs. Wufei’s head snapped around and landed on Heero, coming down the stairs carefully and with one hand firmly gripping the banister. He sprinted over the remaining stairs to Heero’s side, steadying him with both hands. “Ma de dan! Yuy, you idiot!” Heero glared back at him, trying to hide just how much going down the stairs had hurt. “I’m fine!” “You are not allowed to go down stairs!” Wufei snapped back. He was internally debating on whether to continue up the stairs to their room or go back down stairs. Which way was shorter? Heero scowled at him incredulously. “I’m allowed to make love but not go up and down stairs?!” “Stairs put stress on your back!” “And lovemaking doesn’t?!” “In case you’ve forgotten, Yuy, I’m usually on top for that reason!” Quatre lost it at this point. Hunched over his stomach, he clutched at the banister for support, laughter pouring out of his mouth in waves. Tears were at the corners of his eyes and his head was shaking helplessly from side to side. It was only then, of course, that they remembered they had an audience. Heero went bright red, turning to hide his face against Wufei’s shoulder. Wufei just looked at the blond with a very pained expression. It took several long, agonizing minutes before Quatre could rein in his laughter. With several deep breaths, he managed to regain his equilibrium and wiped the tears from his eyes. “So, Heero—how long have you two been lovers?” “Not long,” Heero muttered as he finally crushed his embarrassment and lifted his head from hiding. “To bed,” Wufei told him flatly. He’d deal with Quatre after he got Heero off his feet. Bending, he lifted his lover carefully into his arms and started up the stairs. Whether Quatre followed or not didn’t matter to him. Quatre, of course, did follow. This was much too entertaining to leave alone. Wufei ignored him completely until he was sure that Heero was comfortable, and fully stretched out on his bed. Only then did he turn to face Quatre, face once again composed. Quatre couldn’t help his smirk as he watched the two. He had prayed that they would become lovers, but that was all he could do. This was definitely something to celebrate, in his mind. “Well, now I have good news for both of you. Heero, the military hospital is being built right next to HQ. You and Wufei are going to be working right next to each other. I’m reassigning you to training, all things considered. Is that acceptable?” Heero glanced at Wufei, sharing a slight smile with his lover. “Perfectly. When do I report back?” “That is completely up to your doctor. Wufei?” “A month, I think,” Wufei offered thoughtfully. “We might move back a bit sooner than that. All of these stairs are bad for Heero anyway, it’ll do us good to get him away from them.” Quatre valiantly tried to swallow a smile, but failed. “Right.” “Winner, wipe off that idiotic grin or the next time you’re sick, I’ll force the vilest concoction I can make down your throat.” Somehow, Quatre believed he would do just that too. + Quatre got back late that night, and ready to just tumble into bed and sleep a few days. Between setting up the new hospital, and keeping the military running, and seeing to Heero, he had nearly run himself ragged. Trowa was already in bed when he entered their bedroom. He started to strip quietly and snuggled in. That was the beautiful thing about getting into bed after Trowa. His lover had the bed all warmed up for him. “So how are they?” In bed, but apparently not asleep. Quatre took advantage of this and nuzzled in further. Trowa really did make a marvelous pillow. “Happy. They’re lovers, Trowa.” “About damn time.” Quatre opened an eye to stare at him fuzzily. “You knew about this?” “I knew that Heero wanted him—that was fairly obvious I think. Even you had your suspicions. And I had a couple of talks with Wufei. He was far too…how do you say…sensitive to Heero. I figured that something was bound to happen soon.” “Mm. I caught them arguing about Heero going up and down stairs. Heero seemed to think that if he could make love, then he could do stairs too.” Trowa snorted, silently laughing. “Oh gods, and I missed that?” “Believe me, it was priceless. When they finally realized I was listening in, I thought they would die of embarrassment. I’ve never even see Heero blush until that moment.” “Who won the argument?” “Wufei, naturally. I don’t think Heero’s going to win many arguments in the future.” “…knowing Wufei, probably not.” Trowa stroked back fine pale hair and ducked his head to catch his lover’s eyes. “So they’re happy, and Heero is healing. You’ve worked yourself nearly into the ground ensuring that the mistakes we made with Heero will not be repeated. Dare I hope that you’ve worked through your guilt and this will stop eating at you?” Quatre looked away. “That obvious, huh?” “Just a little, love.” “A part of me…a part of me was so relieved that I hadn’t sent you on that damn mission. And a part of me hated that relief.” “Heero made his own mistakes too,” Trowa reminded him gently. “Hell, I made mistakes. I could have gone with him. But I chose to be selfish—I chose to stay with you. Heero told me right before he left that he was glad it was him going, because he didn’t want to separate us.” Quatre looked up with stunned eyes. “You never told me that.” “Maybe I should have. The point is, Quatre, that the past is the past. And I think now that Heero wouldn’t change it. He lost a lot—but he gained a lot too. Do you think he would trade the chance of having Wufei for anything?” Quatre didn’t even have to think to know the answer to that. “No. You’re right. I need to let go of this, don’t I?” “Let go of the pain. Don’t forget the lesson.” Quatre let his eyes fall closed again, pressing his ear to Trowa’s heart. That solid rhythm was so hypnotizing. He barely felt it when his lover pressed a kiss against the crown of his head, or heard the whispered “I love you.” No, if Heero had found what Quatre had, then he wouldn’t
trade it for anything.
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