|
"Nolens Volens: Willing or Not"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: If they’re yours, do you want
to play a round or two of poker? Pairings: 1x5, 3x4 (established) Rating: R Spoilers: Iie. Warnings: AU, lemon, violence, language, some
angst, romance Archived: grinsngiggles.150m.com, Gundam Wing
Diaries Betas: Velvet Author’s Insane Babbling: *emphasized or sound* /thought/
"Nolens Volens: Willing or Not " Chapter Three: Improvements
That didn’t mean that Heero wasn’t anxious for a change of scenery. Wufei popped in early on the fifth day, a gleam of amusement in his eyes. “You look ready to commit murder.” “If you don’t get me out of this room, I will,” Heero growled. “Starting with you.” “You’re still not in any shape to catch me, Yuy.” Nevertheless, Wufei came forward and lifted him into his arms. “I’ve prepared a corner of the store for you.” He was almost used to being carried around like a child, now. There was something pleasant about being held by Wufei. He even put an arm around the other’s shoulders as they left the room. Heero saw what Wufei meant when they entered the main room. There were large windows in the front of the store, and it was near one of these that a couch had been arranged. Several large pillows were strewn along the furniture, and a small table was sitting next to it. Wufei lowered him to the cushions, helped to prop him up with the pillows, then turned and fetched some of the books that Heero had been reading from the other room. “Better?” “Yes.” Heero turned to look around the store with renewed interest. There were shelves all over the place, filled with jars of every size and color. Some herbs were drying from the ceiling, others stacked in baskets along the floor. He could spend hours here looking at everything, and still not understand it all. One table near the couch was filled with various jars, all empty, and bowls and herbs. “Are you mixing something?” “Hm. More of that peppermint mixture you like so much. It sells out quickly.” Heero grinned slightly. “I can imagine. Especially with children.” “Yes,” Wufei acknowledged wryly. “Although I have it under good authority that it does not taste as good as it smells.” Heero snorted. They passed the morning in easy companionship, sometimes talking, sometimes not. It was nearly time to start worrying about lunch when a soldier came through the door. “Commander Yuy!” Heero’s head snapped up from his book, eyes going wide. “Johnson?” The tall strawberry blond beamed as he rushed forward. “I’m so glad to see you, sir! I’d heard some god-awful rumors. People said that last mission did you in.” “It did,” Heero told him ruefully. He extended a hand and shook the lieutenant’s firmly. “I’m confined to a chair right now.” “Not permanently!” Johnson protested in worry. “Not permanently,” Wufei confirmed as he walked around his table. “He’ll be back on his feet and giving you hell in three months or so.” “Johnson, this is Chang Wufei. He’s in charge of my recuperation. Chang, Lieutenant Jack Johnson, one of the best men I’ve ever served with.” Heero was more than pleased to see him, too. Johnson was a man that knew how to roll with life’s punches, and laugh while doing it. It was one of the reasons why he so enjoyed serving with the man. Johnson shook Wufei’s hand with a broad grin. “Glad to meet you, sir. We’ve heard from the higher ups about you a few days ago. Heard you were in charge of our favorite commander. Heard a few other things too.” Wufei’s eyebrow arched. It seemed either Quatre or Trowa had been busy. “Such as?” “We’ve got orders. Only doctors we’re allowed to use is either you or Duo Maxwell. Admiral Winner won’t allow us near anyone else—said they’d do more damage than good.” Wufei started to rub at the bridge of his nose. “Yuy, how many men are in the army?” “Roughly fifty thousand. Why?” “And Winner expects two doctors to handle fifty thousand?” Heero started grinning. “You might want to reconsider opening that school right now, Chang.” “Damn idiot is a workaholic,” Wufei grumbled sourly. “I’ll bash his head in for this. I have my hands full as it is just keeping you in line!” Those black onyx eyes fixed on the lieutenant. “Did you come just to see Yuy?” “Ah…well, hadn’t really expected to see him here. Actually, I was wondering if you had anything for sore throats. My little girl is suffering some.” “Hm.” Wufei went straight to a shelf and started picking things off. “Cough? Fever?” “Both. Fever’s gone down some, though. That doctor of ours down the street gave us something, but it didn’t do any good.” Wufei started muttering about the ancestry—or lack of it—of western doctors. He came back with two bottles which he handed to Johnson. “The one with the red label is for the cough. Twice a day, and with food. The other is for the throat. She can have as much of it as she wants. Actually, you’ll have a fight on your hands to keep her out of it.” Johnson blinked at this. “Does it taste good?” “Yes. It’s mostly peppermint.” “Peppermint?” “Peppermint,” Heero informed him dryly, “has quite a few healing properties, as I’ve recently learned. He makes a paste out of it too, and it works wonders on sore muscles.” “I’ll declare,” Johnson muttered to himself as he looked at the bottles. “Peppermint. Huh. Alright, what do I owe you?” “A silver half-crown.” Johnson started looking at him as if he’d just grown another head. “Are you kidding?! That idiot doctor down the street costs more than that! And that doesn’t include the medicine either.” “I know what I’m doing,” Wufei corrected him with a long-suffering look. “He’s still trying to pay for his schooling. A half-crown.” Johnson couldn’t believe his ears, but he paid gladly. Winner apparently knew what he was talking about when it came to this doctor! Made him wonder what Maxwell was like. “I’ll see you later, sir.” Heero nodded firmly. “Take care, Johnson.” Wufei watched Heero’s face as the man left the store, and had to resist the urge to rub his hands in glee. Heero was acting like the commander he was supposed to be—temporarily disabled, but ready and waiting to make a full come back. /It’s about time I saw what this man is truly like. This is someone I can work with./ + Usually Heero was good about obeying orders. Well, he was if he were in the middle of a mission at least. He found, however, that he couldn’t really obey orders that came from Chang because those orders were usually along the lines of ‘stay still or else’. It had been two weeks now, and he felt remarkably better than he had before Wufei had gotten hold of him. Three times a day Wufei would walk him slowly around the shop, and work his muscles with an intense massage. He felt stronger than he had in months and more energetic. The problem was Wufei didn’t want him to do anything with that energy! It was true, he wasn’t particularly steady on his feet. His bad leg had a habit of cramping up on him at odd moments and skidding out from underneath him. Wufei had caught him a few times now, which had been rather embarrassing. But he could walk across the room! And that was something he hadn’t believed possible. Right now he wanted the window open in his room. They were going back to the manor house tomorrow, and he wanted to get some decent sleep for the trip so he didn’t fall asleep in Wufei’s lap again. The room was too hot, however, with the window closed. Of course he wasn’t supposed to walk without either Wufei or Duo in the room… Screw that! He’d walk if he wanted to walk! With determination he got out of bed and carefully made his way to the window. It was only six steps, but it felt like miles. Apparently he’d been putting more weight on Wufei than he’d thought in those walks around the room. That was something he’d have to work on. He grasped the window ledge tightly as he opened it up, then started back. Three steps from the bed his leg gave out and he crumpled to the floor with a loud thump. “Shit,” Heero hissed in pain, rolling onto his back. “YUY?!” Wufei charged into the room, eyes wild. “What the hell are you doing?” Heero groaned. The doctor wasted no time in getting his patient off the floor and tucked back into bed. “You stubborn idiot! You were walking around when I specifically told you not to!” “I’ll walk if I want to walk,” Heero growled back at him. “You’ll not! I’ll bash you over the head if you try something like this again!” Wufei wrenched the pants off so he could look at his thigh. “What kind of damage did you do this time?” “I’m fine,” Heero snapped irritably. He hated being coddled even if his leg was throbbing and burning so badly he wanted to scream. “If you tore my stitches out, you won’t be,” Wufei snapped back. His eyes and fingers were probing carefully. “Huh. Apparently you didn’t rip anything. Just a bruise on your hip.” “I told you I was fine.” “And to think I wanted your spirit back,” Wufei grumbled. Standing up fully he glared at his patient. “It is my job to push you to your limits. It is your job to do as I say and do nothing beyond that!” “I can walk across the damn room,” Heero returned flatly. Wufei matched his glare for a moment, then spun on his heel and out of the room. When he reappeared some moments later, he was carrying a pillow and futon which he placed on the floor. “What are you doing?” “I can’t trust you,” Wufei told him pointedly. And so he was going to sleep in the same room to stop him from doing anything else ‘rash’? Heero hid his delight behind a scowl. “And what if I snore?” “I have a very obnoxious tasting potion that can cure you of it. I’ll force the whole damn bottle down your throat.” Heero glared, but knew when he had been outmaneuvered. Giving up, he flipped over onto his side and pulled the covers up over his shoulders. Under the cover of darkness, a small smile came to play over his lips. A smile that Wufei didn’t see. + Heero’s protest against being held by Wufei on the return trip to his manor was completely for show. As such, it was of course overruled by his physician with a disdainful snort. Once he was settled and the carriage was off, he took the precaution of closing his eyes and turning his face so that it was tucked under Wufei’s chin. He didn’t want the man to know how pleased he was by his current position. Wufei was solid muscle, and warmth, and a scent that spoke of man, with maybe a hint of peppermint and other herbs mixed in. It had been so long since he’d been held like this. So long since he’d been around a man he was attracted to. He couldn’t act on it. His eyes flicked open a little. Of course he couldn’t…for one thing, Wufei was his physician. He doubted the man would welcome any kind of offer on Heero’s part. It wasn’t professional. And…there was no suggestion that he leant in that direction anyway. “Yuy?” “I’m fine,” Heero answered automatically. Whenever Wufei had that tone in his voice, it meant he was worrying. Funny, how he knew that even though they’d barely known each other two weeks. “You’re tense,” Wufei disagreed. “Is your leg stiffening up?” “No. I’m just…thinking.” “Worrying, you mean. Stop.” Heero blew out an irritable breath. “I didn’t say I was worrying.” “No, I did. And I’m right.” “Arrogant,” Heero muttered. But he was right. “You aren’t the first to call me that,” Wufei noted in a voice that was distinctly untroubled. “I doubt you’ll be the last. What are you worrying about?” Erk. He could hardly tell him the truth. Or maybe he could…a different part than what he was thinking about. “I’m tired of being so dependent. Can’t you give me a cane or something to use?” “No.” “Why not?” “Because if you have a cane, you’ll push yourself too hard.” Heero growled under his breath. “I’m leaning too much of my weight on you when I walk.” Wufei sighed. “Yuy, I’m only going to say this once more. You are NOT to do more than I allow you to. Otherwise you’re going to do more damage than good. If you undo all my hard work, I’ll beat on you until I feel better.” “Fine.” Heero settled back into the embrace, eyes falling closed again. This was so comfortable…maybe he should suggest they take carriage rides more often… + Arrows falling like rain from the sky, screams and pleas for mercy, thunder building on the horizon, there was no way out— “Watch out!” He wasn’t in the woods. Breathing shakily, he passed a hand over his eyes. Sweat cooled on his skin in the night air and he shivered. A dream—a nightmare of the ambush. Moonlight danced through the window, highlighting the edges of the bed and the floor. The wan light did little to erase the memory still tingling in his mind. The door flew open, revealing Wufei as he ran in. His hair was mussed, and he was only wearing a loose pair of cotton pants. He went straight for the bed, reaching out to grab Heero’s shoulders with both hands to steady him. “Heero?” He’d heard hoarse yells, even through the thick walls. Heero let his body slump into that hold. “Just a dream. Sorry.” “A nightmare, you mean.” Wufei relaxed next to him, tucking one leg up underneath him. “Do you remember? What it was about.” “When I was ambushed,” Heero admitted reluctantly. His eyes went to the window, still seeing vague flashes of that time. “Tell me,” Wufei asked softly. He’d never told the story before. There hadn’t been any need. Everyone had already known it by the time he had been lucid enough to put a full sentence together. And Wufei…sincerely wanted to know. It loosened his usual reserve. “Our maps of the northern border aren’t very accurate,” Heero started out hesitantly. “It concerned Quatre. He wasn’t sure if we were losing ground up there or not. Since I am from that region, he wanted me to go. He said I knew the people and the area better than anyone else. And…” “And?” “I agreed. I knew that the only other person he could send was Trowa. They’d just become lovers at that point. I could understand Quatre’s hesitation in sending him away for an extended period of time. It could hurt the relationship he was trying to build. So I went. I was stupid, Wufei. I’d read the reports about the region, but that kind of unrest has been going on for generations. I could have taken more men with me—Quatre begged me to do just that. I didn’t think I needed to and if I had taken more men with me, it would have slowed me down. I wanted to get everything done before winter set in. I thought even fifty was too many, but I took them to appease Quatre. We never knew what hit us.” Heero’s eyes went vague as the memory of that time took over. “They hit us from behind. I knew what would happen next—I’d seen it often enough, but I was powerless to prevent it. They took out the supply wagons, then the scouts. I shouted for everyone to get down—they rain arrows down on you next, you see. Most of my men couldn’t hear me over the sounds of panic. I lost half in that first onslaught.” Wufei was nearly shaking as he lived the story through Heero’s eyes. /My god. No wonder he tried to shut himself off from the world and just die. He blames himself entirely for what happened./ He lowered his hand and grasped Heero’s hand tightly, trying to anchor him in reality. “It was the storm that saved us. It had been brewing all day, and it unleashed itself as I tried to get my men clear. It obscured our retreat. I got some of them out—half died on the way home. Our doctor had been the first one to fall, you see. It was all I could do to get us on a riverboat headed toward the capital. I don’t even remember arriving. It was my lieutenant that got everyone to the hospital.” “I can’t figure out which one of you feels guiltier for that massacre,” Wufei whispered. “You or Quatre.” “I think we’re even,” Heero corrected with a bitter snort of amusement. “I know he feels guilty on several levels. For sending me out, for sending me instead of Trowa, and for feeling relief that it was me instead of his lover. I can’t blame him for any of those feelings. I’d feel the same, in his place.” “My master often told me that bad things happen to good people. There isn’t always a reason for it—and there isn’t always a way to prevent it.” Heero could understand what Wufei was trying to tell him, but he wasn’t sure if he could accept it. Sighing, he looked toward him. “What can I do to atone for it? So many lives were lost because of me.” “I think you already have. What would you call the last eight months, if not an atonement?” “That was me throwing a tantrum.” Wufei laughed softly. “Well, I must admit that was part of it.” He sighed, looking at the man sitting in front of him. There was so much pain there. The healer in him wanted to fix it, but he recognized that this was one wound he couldn’t heal. Only Heero had the strength to do that. But still, he wanted to say something to give him the motivation to pull himself from his guilt. “Heero—strength isn’t equated to perfection. True strength is rising to your feet, no matter how many times you fall. Your time has not stopped—you must regain your feet and continue to move forward.” “I won’t be able to forget what happened.” “No. It would be a dishonor to your dead if you forgot them.” Heero thought over those words, nodding slowly as he realized the truth in them. Yes—that was the right way to deal with the past. To remember, and learn from it, not to forget as he had been told to do by those idiot doctors. His eyes went to the beautiful man sitting on his bed, offering comfort without any pity or disdain. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” Wufei’s mouth quirked. “You’re welcome, Heero.” Heero snorted. Yes, a clever man indeed to hear what he had meant to say. As he watched in bemusement, Wufei rolled underneath the blankets and closed his eyes, for all the world appearing as if he were going back to sleep. “Wufei?” “You don’t want to be alone tonight,” Wufei explained without opening his eyes. “But I know you’re too proud to ask. Good night, Yuy.” Heero’s eyes softened as he looked at him. /You read me too well, Chang Wufei./ “Good night…Dragon.” + Trowa simply could not believe his eyes. He’d come up to check on Heero, since it had been a good week since they’d heard any word from either him or Chang. Quatre had been ready to simply move his office to the manor so he could keep an eye on the situation, despite the impracticality of the location. Trowa had to…distract him from the idea before it could really take root. Of course, upon arriving at the manor, he’d gone straight up to see Heero. But he hadn’t expected anything like this. Wufei was curled up next to Heero, sound asleep. Heero’s body was curled toward him, and it looked like he was sleeping better than he had in months. Trowa’s mouth quirked. Now what had started this? And was it safe for him to jump to certain conclusions or was there an innocent reason behind all this? He soundlessly moved toward the bed and lifted a hand to touch Wufei’s shoulder. The doctor started awake, staring up at him wildly before relaxing. “Barton?” Trowa lifted a finger to his lips, then gestured him to get up and follow him. Wufei nodded in understanding, sliding carefully from the bed so that he didn’t disturb his patient. They didn’t breathe easily until they were outside the bedroom and in the attached study next to the room. “Did you come to check up on him?” “Yes.” Trowa waved him to a seat, taking one for himself. “Quatre was ready to just move his office here, he was so anxious for news. I don’t suppose you can send us daily reports?” “There isn’t a lot to say,” Wufei grumbled. He felt a little less than at his best at the moment. He knew he looked like he just stumbled out of bed, and it was hard to compete with that when the Admiral in front of him looked so immaculate. “He’s healing well, and is able to walk with some assistance. He’s actually improving faster than I thought possible. I’ll end up strangling him if he continues to push himself when I’m not looking, however.” Trowa nodded thoughtfully. “That sounds like Heero. If I may ask…why were you in bed with him?” “Nightmare,” Wufei answered with a smothered yawn. “It woke me up from a sound sleep.” “Ah.” Trowa didn’t have to ask about what…he already knew the answer. “It must have been bad if he asked you to stay.” “He didn’t.” Trowa’s brows shot up. “Oh come on, Barton. You know the man well. He wouldn’t ask for help if he was bleeding, and you know it. I saw what he needed, and gave it to him. That’s all.” No, that wasn’t all. Wufei didn’t realize it, but Heero would never have let him stay if he didn’t trust him absolutely. “Hn. Going back to the original topic—so you think Heero will be up and running faster than the original estimate you gave us?” “Most likely. Although if he keeps pushing himself like he has, he’ll do more damage than good.” Trowa shook his head. “He won’t do that. He knows his limits.” Wufei growled, running a hand through his hair in agitation. “I just wish I knew why he was doing it. For eight months he was trying to be the first human vegetable, now I can’t get him to slow down.” Trowa crossed one leg over the other, head cocked. “There is more than one reason why you were chosen, Wufei.” The hand stopped in mid-motion. “Come again?” A pair of green eyes flickered significantly to the closed bedroom door, then back to Wufei. “Quatre wanted more than just your medical knowledge. He knows people very well, and can predict how they will react.” “Will you stop talking in circles?” “You’re a clever man, Wufei. I think you can figure it out.” Trowa glanced at the window and stood. “Well, I think Heero’s slept enough.” He went through to the bedroom, leaving a very confused Wufei in his wake. /Just what the hell was that all about?/ ~*~*~*~
~ * ~ |
