|
"Wo xi wang ni shi shu yu wo de""I wish you were mine"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: Not mine. I just permanently borrowed
them for an unspecified amount of time. I’ll give them back.
Eventually. Rating: NC-15…maybe NC-17? Warnings: Yaoi, TWT, romance, lime Pairings: 5x3, 4x1x2 Author’s notes: I have no idea where this
came from. Shigeki (my muse) doesn’t either. I was just thinking
that there weren’t enough 5x3 fics—I can only think of four—and
WHAMO! There it was. The whole idea. Tell me if you like, ne? *emphasized* *sounds* //vidphone// "Wo xi wang ni shi shu yu wo de" "I wish you were mine"
Chapter Two: Frustrations
These were weighty issues, with very large consequences. If I started thinking about them too much, a massive headache started to develop and with good reason. Because, to be honest, I haven’t had much experience when it comes to relationships. My attempts at a marriage with Meiran had been a disaster. That time in my life only helped me now in one way: I knew precisely what NOT to do. Right now I couldn’t focus on the bigger picture. It’d scare me too badly and I’d probably end up screwing everything up. No, what I had to do was figure out how to approach Trowa this morning. I laid in bed for over an hour that morning, thinking of ideas and discarding them almost as quickly as they appeared. Where was Quatre when I needed him? He knows Trowa better than I do. Before I could come up with anything brilliant, Trowa’s call of “Breakfast!” carried into my room. Ai ya, out of time. Praying for strength from my ancestors, I got out of bed and limped into the kitchen. Omelets were waiting for me at the table, and I noticed with a flash of irritation that there was only one place set. Now this was going too far. Trowa had his back to me, doing something at the sink, although I have no idea what. I bypassed the table completely and stopped right next to him. I leaned both crutches against the counter, grabbing his shoulders and turning him forcefully to face me. His face was completely blank, although for a moment I could swear that there was a flash of trepidation in his eyes. Instinct did indeed kick in, and I did the only thing that I could think of to ease his fears. I slid a hand behind his neck and bent him down enough to where I could reach his mouth. Then I kissed him, gently. “There. Now we’re even.” Trowa’s eyes were huge in his face. For a second, I thought that I had gotten the message across. Then he jerked that blank mask of his back on and turned his head away. “Don’t.” “Why not?” I demanded. I wasn’t going to be happy with my instincts if they had just screwed things up even further. He didn’t answer. He pulled free of my hold and almost ran from the kitchen. I had to grab the counter to avoid from falling over. Damn! This is exactly what I had been trying to avoid! Ignoring breakfast completely, I attempted to race to my laptop on crutches. It looked like I needed Quatre’s advice after all. And since there was no way that I could catch Trowa in this state… To my surprise, it wasn’t Quatre’s face that appeared on the screen. It was Heero’s. He appeared just as surprised to see me, in a Heero kind of fashion. “I need to talk to Winner.” //Hn.// Heero stood up and walked away from the screen. I had an excellent view at that point to see that he was wearing a towel. That’s it. When Quatre appeared on the screen, he was wearing a bathrobe. Uh-huh. I did not see this coming. If anyone would have become lovers, I would have said Duo and Heero. Tearing my mind from wondering just when this development had occurred, I put a scowl on my face. //Wufei! How are you—ah, is there any particular reason why you’re scowling at me?// “Why yes, Winner,” I purred menacingly “there is.” I could see him blanch quite clearly. “Several things actually. For instance, you can tell me how long Trowa has been interested in me.” //Ah…he told you that?// “In a manner of speaking, yes.” Quatre sat back in the chair, now studying me thoughtfully. //What went wrong?// “I didn’t say anything was wrong.” I snapped. Zao gao! Why does the blond have to be so perceptive? //Wufei. You would never, in a million years, contact me and ask personal questions unless there was something wrong and you had no idea how to deal with it. Now, start from the beginning.// He was right. And if he were to truly give me the advice that I needed, then I had to tell him everything. With a sigh, I gave in. “Fine. Last night we were up late, talking—” //Talking? As in, an actual conversation?// “I’m not Maxwell.” I growled, giving him a flat lipped stare. “I can’t chatter endlessly about nothing.” //Sorry. It’s just rare that Trowa is actually comfortable enough with someone to really talk.// That made me feel like an absolute heel for some reason. After all, right now he was anything *but* comfortable with me. “If I can continue…thank you. We were up late enough to where I had stiffened up a little” I wasn’t giving him that detail “and he moved me so that I was sitting on his thighs and gave me a massage.” Quatre gave me an encouraging little nod, which I needed. “When he was done, he…kissed me on the neck.” //Oh.// “Precisely. He apologized for it afterwards, but I could see that he wasn’t easy with me. So I tried to fix the situation this morning by” I had to swallow and force my eyes to meet his “kissing him. At which point he pulled away and ran. Now that you know everything, I expect you to tell me how to fix this!” Quatre narrowed his eyes. //I won’t do that until you tell me your intentions.// “To have him, obviously! I wouldn’t be telling you all of this otherwise!” //For how long?// That question alone answered two of my questions. I hadn’t known why Trowa had reacted so badly this morning or how serious he was about me. If Quatre was making sure that I wanted more than just a ‘by your leave lover’ then I knew that Trowa wanted more as well. After all, he was sure to have talked to the blond. Everybody did. Even me, apparently. “I have no intentions of letting him go, Winner. EVER.” The boy on the other side of the screen finally relaxed and smiled at me. //Good. First, I suggest that you let him know that. It will work miracles, I promise.// “That’s it? That’s all I have to do?” //I suggest a hot and heavy make-out session afterwards, but that’s up to you of course.// I fought down a blush and drummed my fingers irritably on the tabletop. “Hmph. Will you at least tell me how long he has been interested?” //Remember the first day you two met?// “Of course!” The full implication hit. “THAT LONG?!” //Any other questions?// Quatre’s manner was nothing if not polite. “No. I’ll let you get back to chasing Yuy around the bed.” I smirked when Quatre blushed brightly. “Chang out.” For a full minute I stared blankly at the laptop screen. Then I clicked into the security cameras to see if I could locate Trowa. + *click, squeak, click, squeak* pivot around *click, squeak, click, squeak* I hadn’t been able to locate Trowa, which meant that he wasn’t within a two mile radius. I was down to waiting at the moment, and even David Weber couldn’t hold my attention. I was just too restless to sit still, so I had settled for pacing the length of the living room. *click, squeak, click, squeak* Why hadn’t Sally given me a walking caste? At least that way I could pace without my arms killing me. “Wufei!” My head snapped up and around to the door as Trowa came in. “What are you doing?” He looked concerned as he hurried forward. “I’m pacing.” “People with crutches don’t pace.” “An obvious misnomer, Barton, considering that I’m doing it.” As soon as he was within range, I chucked the crutches to one side and grabbed his arms for support. “Now that you’ve finally decided to come back, let’s get something straight. I don’t kiss people when I don’t mean it!” Trowa froze, staring at me with a mix of apprehension and muted hope. “I…I shouldn’t have—” I shook him a little. “Have I said anything accusatory? I enjoyed what you did. It surprised me a little, considering that I’ve never seen you as more than a friend. But believe me, Barton, you’ve left me a LOT of time to think things over and I’ve used it to do just that. Your Interest Is Returned. Is that *clear*?” The apprehension melted away and he nodded. If I didn’t know better I would say that he was smiling. “Good. Let’s go into the kitchen. While you’re making lunch, I can tell you what I discovered this morning.” “Okay.” He said softly, lifting me cautiously in his arms. I sighed, but let it slide this one time. After all, it wouldn’t kill me to be carried. As long as this didn’t become a habit on his part, I could deal with it. He settled me in a chair at the table before going to the fridge and pulling out ingredients. “So what did you discover?” “That Yuy and Winner are lovers.” He froze, then started laughing softly. “So it worked.” I frowned at him. Hm…it seems that he knew something about this. “What worked?” “Quatre had been planning on seducing Heero. It must have worked.” And why couldn’t the blond have imparted that plan to me? It would have been nice to have a seduction plan that was tried and true, after all. “I wish you would have mentioned it to me. I got a bit of a surprise when I called this morning.” “Hn.” He glanced at me, obviously curious as to what kind of conversation I had with the blond, but he didn’t ask questions. I was rather grateful for that. I wasn’t sure that I could have answered those questions without blushing madly. “Where did you go?” “Nowhere. Just walking.” Hm. Interesting. I guess we both have the habit of walking out our frustrations. My laptop was still sitting on the coffee table from this morning. It gave a quiet beep and a cool female voice announced “One new message.” Without thinking I stood up to answer it and almost fell over when I put weight on my broken leg. With a hiss of pain I abruptly sat back down again. “Zao gao! You’d think I’d be used to this after two and a half weeks!” “I’ll get it.” Trowa wiped his hands off on a dishcloth and went to fetch the laptop, settling it in front of me. “My thanks.” I opened it cautiously. Doctor O wouldn’t have emailed me while knowing that I was out of commission, I doubt that Heero was emailing me, and for some reason it just didn’t strike me that Quatre would email me after our ‘chat’ this morning. And that could only leave one person. As soon as I clicked into my email, my suspicions were confirmed. It was from Duo. The title of the message was ‘call me!’. Ha. That wouldn’t happen in a million years. Quatre and Duo were best friends, and shared everything. I have no doubts that His Blondness had wasted no time this morning in emailing the braided sha zi and given him an earful. I wasn’t going over it again for Maxwell’s curiosity. I deleted the email without a second’s thought. In retrospect, that might have been a mistake. As soon as I clicked the delete key, someone invaded my screen and took over. //Wuffers!// I didn’t groan like I wanted to, and bury my head in my hands. I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I scowled at him instead. “If this has anything to do with my talk with Winner this morning, then hang up now. And stop sabotaging my laptop through your emails.” //Now, Fei, you shouldn’t be like that.// Trowa’s movements had slowed slightly, and I knew that he was listening intently. I didn’t particularly want him to know everything that happened this morning and knowing Duo, he would manage just that…I stopped that train of thought and examined it again. Actually, this might be to my advantage. Assuming, of course, that I approach the conversation with some subtly. What better way of informing Trowa just how serious I was about him? I wasn’t looking forward to the idea of blurting everything out and running into any awkward moments. “Must you and Winner discuss *everything*?” //It’s called ‘com-mun-i-ca-tion’. You should try it sometime. Works miracles. Just look at Glares Of Steel. He looked happy this morning!// “ ‘Happy’ is pushing it. ‘Sated’ comes closer.” Duo shrank in mock horror. //I don’t believe it! Prim and Proper Chang just made a crude remark! I’ve got to write this down…// “If you’re just going to sit there and chatter, I’m hanging up.” I snapped. The idea had been reconsidered by this point. It was actually a Bad Idea. There was no way that I could trust Duo to only say what I wanted him to and keep quiet about the rest. //Nah, actually I called to pass along a piece of advice. Whatever you do, DO NOT make Tro feel inadequate in any way, you copy? He’s already kinda got a low self esteem in that area, don’t ask me why, he just does.// Against my will I shifted a little in my seat. Duo caught the reaction, of course, and proved at that moment that he had spent too much time in Yuy’s company. He looked rather impressively scary while glaring at someone. //Oh no you didn’t!// “The matter was resolved!” I snapped. “And who said we needed your advice?!” //Chang, I ain’t worried about your self esteem. You have enough ego for five people! And a temper for ten! Damnit, can’t you stop lashing out at people when they’re trying to help you?!// “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?!” //Hey man, I’m not talking about that little punch in the face when I was trying to get you out of that nightmare! I’m talking about how you snapped at me for trying to wake you up in the first place! Let me clue you in here. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT! Trowa wouldn’t care about you if you were, and frankly neither would the rest of us! You’re allowed to have your share of weaknesses and mistakes!// Duo took in a large breath before he continued, slightly calmer. At least, he wasn’t yelling and shaking a fist at me. //You help us when we’re hurt or troubled. Why can’t we do the same for you?// “I don’t know how to accept it.” I whispered. “I’ve always been told to do things on my own. I *can’t* accept it.” //What kinda dumb shit is that? Look, Wu, there is no such thing as a ‘debt’ when it comes to friends. We do what we can to help each other out, whenever it’s needed. That’s what friendship *means*. How do you think we feel when you help us out so much, and then won’t let us return the favor?// I gave into a brief temptation to rub my forehead. “I think we’re getting off subject. To answer your first…accusation. Yes, I blew up at Trowa. Something I regret doing, and something that we have managed to resolve. We’re back on friendly terms.” That was a bit of an understatement, and Duo’s smirk indicated that he knew it too. “Now. I have a piece of advice for you. Don’t go into a counseling career after the war. Ranting at your patients isn’t an approved technique.” //All I’m saying is—// Trowa came around into view at this point, leaning a little over my shoulder. “Duo. It’s fine.” //TRO!// Duo yelped. //CHANG! WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU WARN ME THAT HE WAS LISTENING IN?!// I pretended to think about this for a moment. “Because I would have told him about everything later anyway. It seemed more efficient to just let him listen.” //Damnit!// “Duo.” Trowa repeated calmly. “It’s fine.” Duo, for once in recorded history, actually voluntarily shut up and took a long look at Trowa’s face. Then he smiled. Not the usual baka grin, as Yuy coined it, but a real smile. //Yeah. Looks like it is. Okay, fine. Just don’t kill each other, alright? Me and the guys will pick up Sal in a week or so and bring here out there, so don’t worry about that, kay?// “Fine. Good*bye* Maxwell.” *click*! I stared at the blank screen for a moment. I was seriously beginning to question my judgment on letting Trowa listen into that conversation. “So.” Trowa moved to the side a little so that he could sit on the table and look at me directly. “You would have told me about all of this later, hm?” I arched a brow. “I said so, didn’t I?” “Even the things that you considered to be ‘irrelevant’?” I kept my expression smooth with an effort. “What are you talking about?” “I don’t think you would have mentioned to me that you have nightmares.” I managed to not squirm under those knowing eyes. “We all have nightmares from time to time. In this business, it’s rather difficult not to. It’s nothing to be concerned about.” “If it woke Duo out of a sound sleep and got him a shiner for his efforts, then I think it is worse than the typical ‘nightmare’.” He held up a hand when I started to protest. “Wufei. Part of accepting help from your friends *graciously* is not arguing against it when it is offered.” I closed my mouth again and mulled that over for a bit. I’ve seen that this inability of showing gratitude with dignity was a weakness that I needed to overcome. Fine. Let’s start correcting it now. “And what are you suggesting? It’s not possible to stop nightmares.” “Maybe it is. Depends on your method.” And he got back up and started making lunch again, refusing to say another word about it. + I discovered what he meant later on that night. I had just managed to settle into bed and was reaching for the lamp next to me when Trowa came in. He was wearing a pair of loose pajama pants and carrying a pillow and sleeping bag. His intentions, in my opinion, were fairly clear. “Oh no. You are not sleeping on the floor.” “I won’t hear you if I’m upstairs.” “Trowa.” I was mustering all the patience I could. Which wasn’t much. But I was determined not to snap at him. “This is not necessary.” “I think it is.” Without giving any heed to me he unrolled his sleeping bag and started to unzip the side. Ta ma de! “Fine. But you’re not sleeping on the floor.” He froze in place. I lifted a corner of the blanket and gestured to him with it. “Get in.” “Wufei—” “No arguments, Trowa. Get in.” He hesitated a moment longer, searching my face intently before he finally nodded. He brought his pillow with him, gingerly sliding in next to me. I scooted over enough to give him room—thanking my ancestors that this was a full size bed and not a twin—trying not to feel awkward about sharing a bed with him. I’d shared before with some of the guys, but not with someone that was a potential…something. The light switched off, leaving us in relative darkness. For some reason that helped to ease the tension between us and I finally relaxed. I felt my eyelids getting heavy. It had been a long day, and an emotional rollercoaster. I was glad it was over. “Wufei.” Not quite over, apparently. “Yes?” “Why…did you kiss me this morning?” Hm. Now here was a possible emotional quagmire if I ever saw one. Carefully I answered, “Two reasons. Because I wanted to kiss you, and I wanted you to know that it was okay for you to kiss me.” He sucked in a sharp breath. I tilted my head sideways, meeting his eyes in the darkness. I reached out and touched his cheek softly. “Don’t hesitate.” I whispered. “There isn’t any need to.” His hand was shaking a little when it rose and covered mine. When I didn’t move, he grasped my hand tightly and lowered it so that it lay between us. It was at that moment that I truly saw how beautiful Trowa was. He smiled at me, and the expression held so much peace and simple happiness that I smiled back without realizing it. We fell asleep like that, hands still clasped and turned toward each other. I don’t even remember dreaming. ~~~~~ ~ * ~ |
