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"Excerpt from the Diary of Sandrock Winner, Feline"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: Hey, not only did I create the GW
boys, but I invented aluminum foil too. Pairings: Um, none really Warnings: From the view of a cat. *snicker* Rating: G Author's Insane Ramblings: I felt the urge to
write another Christmas ficlet, like I did last year. (I'm sure some
of you remember last year's new Christmas Song.) Anyway, while I was
putting up both Christmas trees—yes, two, my mother is insane—my
cat Tony was being an absolute pain about it. He's still being a pain
about it. It struck my muse as funny, apparently, because this is
how I'm coping with the need to kill a cat. "Excerpt from the Diary of Sandrock Winner, Feline " Day 283 of my captivity. My captors have reached new inventive heights in tormenting me. I was lying on their favorite chair, doing my best to straighten out my fur after that wretched bath they had insisted on giving me this morning—a poorly disguised attempt to drown me, is more like it. I bet that stupid dog thought it up. He’s currently out of my reach, frolicking in the backyard—but I can wait. It’s only a matter of time. As I lay there grooming myself, doing my best to shed all over the chair, my two captors came down the stairs. They had suspended between them a very long box, quite heavy if their grunts of effort were anything to judge by. I kept hoping that they would trip at some point, thereby saving me the effort of twining around their ankles at the top of the stairs tonight, but alas they made it down in one piece. “Trowa, be careful! You nearly rammed me into the wall.” “Quatre, explain to me again why you bought such a large tree?” “Well, a small one looks ridiculous in that huge living room.” “So buy a smaller house.” “And move again?” “…point. Definite point. Okay, where do you want this thing?” Coolly I watched the proceedings from the safety of my chair. What were the two of them up to now? At least that thing didn’t smell like water…more like dust, and plastic. Hm. They struggled with the box, finally putting it near an empty corner of the room and left again. I wasn’t curious enough to move and simply stayed put. Several minutes later they returned again with two smaller boxes which they placed nearby. That’s when things got interesting. The one with brown fur on his head opened the box, revealing lots of spiky green stuff. He began routing through the box, apparently looking for something, then pulled out a white piece of paper. “Ah, here it is.” The one with light fur on his head had been digging in the other end of the box, and unearthed a round green thing. “Here’s the base. Let’s sort the branches out.” “Right.” This is truly puzzling. Most human’s behavior is odd to begin with, but this was reaching new heights as far as I was concerned. What they were handling looked like the branches off a tree, but why dismantle a tree and put it back together again? And it didn’t smell right either. The paper was set aside, behind the one known as Trowa. (I had learned my captors’ names in an attempt to use such knowledge against them. Alas, I’ve yet to find a way to do that.) He and Quatre began to sort out the green stuff, although how they were judging which ones went into which pile escaped me. I didn’t exercise the necessary attention to figure it out, but instead looked toward the paper. It was apparently important, because it had been searched for and laid out of the way for safety. Hm. I casually stood, arching my back to get the blood flowing again before leaping lightly off my perch and padding closer. The fools were too busy with their greenery to notice me, so I proceeded to circumvent them and their weird nesting tendencies and headed straight for that paper. I studied it thoughtfully for a moment before sitting on top. It was folded in half, making it easy to arrange myself to completely cover it. Wrapping my tail around myself loosely I yawned and waited. When the greenery was all sorted and piled to their satisfaction they moved the box out of the way. “Okay, Trowa, what branches go first?” Trowa turned, and for the first time noticed me. Fool. He’d never survive in the wild, he has no self-preservation instincts whatsoever. I am a deadly predator, have been sitting here for nearly ten minutes, and he’s only now noticing me? “Oh hello Sandrock. Decided to help us with the tree, eh? I don’t suppose you know where I put that paper?” One large hand was extended and patted me on the head. See? No survival instincts whatsoever. I glared at him, but he was completely unfazed. Still patting me, he started to visually scan the immediate area. I was tempted to swipe at him for disregarding me so thoroughly. Didn’t he know better than to look away from an enemy? The only reason I refrained was that moving would mean showing the paper underneath me. “Weird, I just had it…” The hand was removed as he rubbed the back of his head thoughtfully. Quatre stood and moved toward me. I glared at him too, but he picked me up easily (mental note, must eat more of that disgusting dry cereal, I must become bigger to effectively combat them). “Ah-ha, I thought so. Bad puss. What is it with you and lying on paper?” Curses, my attempt to annoy them had failed. Maybe I’ll claw the furniture to get even. Or I could eat one of the house plants… They went back to their tree building. Foiled, and rather put out about it, I went back to my chair and resumed grooming. Humans are such vile creatures, why do they insist on splashing water on everything? Don’t they realize that’s what a tongue is for? By the time that I had rectified the damage done to my fur by that “bath” they had most of the green limbs attached to some kind of pole sticking out of the round green thing. It actually looked like a tree now. Why they were assembling one in the house was still a mystery to me, but now I didn’t mind. Maybe this was one of those “presents” for me—like that tall post with carpet all around it. The tree had a great many limbs, providing good camouflage and easy access. Well, maybe they’re not such idiots after all. I was waiting for them to move so that I could appropriately inspect this new addition, when Quatre turned and opened up one of the smaller boxes. After pulling out several crumpled sheets of paper, he withdrew a green ball of string with white things poking out of it. What on earth…? “I hope these still work,” Quatre observed as he bent and put one end into the wall. “I packed them carefully, so maybe there won’t be any bulbs broken.” “You know that has nothing to do with it,” Trowa disagreed. “Only half the lights from last year will work, it’s a cardinal rule.” The coil in the blond’s hand lit up. Huh. What’s the purpose of having glowing string? My confusion increased as he started unraveling the string and weaving it into the lower branches of the tree. Well, maybe this was a ‘toy’ like the other bits of string dangling from my carpet pole. They proceeded to wrap several glowing strings around the tree, groaning when some strands didn’t glow. I still couldn’t figure out why the glow was important, but apparently they thought it was because anything that didn’t glow didn’t get added to the tree. Then they pulled out the next box. This one didn’t have glowing strings. There were balls of all shapes and colors, different things that looked like miniature people, and long strands of something clear that sparkled next to light. They put those on the tree too, sometimes arguing over the position of certain objects. Truly strange. I rather liked the idea of something to bat around while in my tree, however. The only thing that made my captivity bearable was the toys that my captors gave me to serve as entertainment. They stopped with only half the box empty, saying something about lunch. Normally I would follow them to the room with food and attempt to gain some kind of treat, but first I wanted to closely inspect that tree. When they left I descended from my chair and went to the tree. It still smelled weird, but the lights and dangling objects captured most of my attention. I reached up and batted at one. It was cool and slick against my paw, and made a jingling noise. Just for fun I swatted it again, and grinned when it bounced onto the floor and rolled on the carpet. Trowa’s head appeared around the door. “Sandrock! Leave that alone!” What, it wasn’t for me? I take it back, they are idiots. They’ve put into place the perfect source of entertainment and I’m not allowed to touch it? If this was an underhanded way to force information out of me, they’ll be in for a long wait. I will never reveal the location of my stash. One day I’ll escape, and then… Trowa sighed and called out to the other diabolical human, “We’re going to have to keep him out of this room; the tree’s too much of a temptation.” “Just put him up, Trowa. Heero’s on his way over and you know how allergic he is.” “Right.” I suffered the indignity of being carried out of the room. I still don’t know what ‘allergies’ are, just that the one known as Heero has them. I must discover more information about this and plot a way to use it to my advantage. Once again I was put into solitary confinement and told in a condescending manner to be a ‘good kitty’. When the door shut behind him, I decided to enact on my revenge. That house plant was definitely going to have to die. ~*~*~ OWARI
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