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"Here There Be Dragons"Written By: Honor Disclaimers: I own Gundam Wing (and its bishounen),
polka dots have pin stripe suits, and mermaids live in Arizona. Rating: R. Pairing: 3x4, existing 1x2 Spoilers: Nada. Warnings: AU, yaoi, lemon, romance, some angst,
sap, dragons, clairvoyants, and cats with attitudes. Author’s Insane Ramblings on Who Knows What: DEATH! DEATH I SAY! Off with all plot bunnies
heads! I’ll slaughter them all! Shigeki: Just ignore her. She’s always like
this. "Here There Be Dragons " Chapter Five: Mistakes, II We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong
road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right
road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.
Duo stirred at my back and propped himself up a little to look at me. “Morning.” “Morning,” I whispered back. “How long have I been here?” “Six hours, roughly. How do you feel?” “Worn out,” I answered honestly. And about to the breaking point. I was cornered now with little options, and no room to maneuver. It was a feeling that I didn’t appreciate. “Relax blondie,” Duo murmured, running a soothing hand up and down my arm. “We didn’t bring you back here for Trowa’s sake. Right now I’m a little pissed at him. You’re in trouble because you were trying to help us, so we’ll get you back out of trouble. Just take a few days, and think about what you want to do and where you want to go. We’ll wait for your answer, and take it from there.” Options. I relaxed as I once again given a choice. “Okay.” Heero snorted, grumbled, and peeked open an eye. “Hn?” Duo chuckled softly at my back. “Go back to sleep, love.” “Hn.” Heero shifted slightly, and was out like a light. Duo leaned in close to murmur, “He’s absolutely grouchy in the morning. Let’s go get breakfast and let him sleep.” I was all for letting sleeping dragons lie. “Sure.” + Time can be a commodity, but at this point it was more of a burden for me. I had too much of it, and not enough to do. Part of me kept insisting that I should be up and doing something. I just couldn’t find the necessary willpower and motivation to move. I sat there in the window seat of Duo’s and Heero’s bedroom, staring blindly down at the garden below. My mind was circling over and over, without deviation. It wasn’t fair. Everything in me wanted Trowa. He was the embodiment of the passion and intimacy that I had been craving most of my life. I never felt like that with anyone else, not even Wufei and gods above knew that Wufei was too sexy for his own good. It was more than that, though. Trowa had proven in a variety of ways that he saw me as his intellectual equal, that he respected my opinion and wanted it. Why couldn’t he love me? Wanting me as his mate wasn’t the same as being in love with me. He wanted me for his own purposes, but he didn’t offer any of the tenderness and affection that I so desperately needed. It wasn’t fair. He could give me everything else…so how could he be so adamant about having me without caring anything about me? “Q?” “Hi, Duo.” My voice was a threadbare whisper. I tilted my head a little on the glass to give him a wan smile. Duo stared back, obviously troubled by what he was seeing. He sat down next to me so that we were face to face. “You okay?” “No,” I replied honestly. “What Trowa did…what he tried to do hurt me, Duo. And I’m not even sure how to feel about it, to tell you the truth.” “I don’t think he ever intended to hurt you,” Duo replied carefully. “I’m not excusing what he did, because that was wrong. He shouldn’t have tried to force you like that. I’m just saying… When Heero and me made love that first time, I was running almost on pure instinct. And I have to tell you, having him under me like that had a really profound effect on me. I don’t even clearly remember branding him as my mate, that’s how strong the internal drive was. I bet it was the same with Trowa. I bet instinct took over.” Maybe that had been it. I could forgive him if that had been the case, and he wasn’t simply trying to force the issue. “He’s outside now,” Duo continued neutrally. “He’s been begging to be let in, so he can see you.” Anxiety clenched low in my stomach and I tensed, staring at Duo with wide eyes. He wasn’t going to let him in, was he? “I won’t let him in. Not until you want to see him.” With that soft assurance the panic faded. I wasn’t ready to face Trowa…not yet. “Thank you.” “No problem. Do you want anything?” “…no. I’m fine.” Duo nodded, and uncharacteristically walked away without saying another word. I appreciated the quiet space and went back to my non-contemplation of the garden. I had some more thinking to do. + Trowa whirled around when Duo came out of the room. “Well?” “He won’t see you,” Duo responded firmly. The green dragon looked away, seeming to sag a little. “…oh.” “I know what its like, being with the person you want as your life mate. I know how badly you want to mark them as yours.” Duo bore down on him, eyes gleaming with intensity. “But it was wrong, Trowa. What you did was wrong. You pushed things too far too fast, and now he’s hurt and confused, with no idea what to think of you.” “…I know. That’s why I need to talk to him. Duo—” “No.” Duo was adamant, tone brooking no negotiation. “He isn’t ready to see you, and frankly I don’t trust you right now to be anywhere near him.” There was no doubt about it. Trowa was nearly hunched over at this verbal attack. Hoarsely he whispered, “So what do I do?” Heero stirred in his seat, drawing Trowa’s attention. “You made a few promises, if I recall. Perhaps it is time that you start fulfilling them.” Trowa thought that over, slowly nodding as he conceded the point. Without a word he turned and left the room, the door falling softly shut behind him. Duo blew out a breath, absently twining his braid in his hands. “They’ve really screwed each other up, haven’t they?” Heero nodded in silent agreement. “Does Trowa stand a chance at this point?” “…no. He’s never learned to compromise, Heero, and that’s hurting him badly right now. Quatre is very much a self-sufficient and independent person. He isn’t the type to be ‘kept’ by anyone. That’s the main reason why he’s balking, I think.” “And then Trowa scared him by pushing the issue,” Heero stated flatly. “Yup. If Trowa continues like this, he doesn’t have a prayer of winning Quatre.” + After five hours of sitting there, staring at nothing, I finally was disgusted enough with myself that I moved. I wasn’t accomplishing anything by just sitting there. I needed to move, or…something, anything besides this. Sandrock met me at the door, her yellow eyes wise and solemn. “You love him, don’t you?” I froze in place, that question hovering in the air between us. …oh gods. Was that it? Was that why this was hurting me so badly? “Quatre, do you love him?” “I don’t know,” I whispered plaintively. “All I know is, he doesn’t love me. And I can’t live with that.” “I think he does,” Sandrock countered softly. “You didn’t see him last night, after you were gone. He searched everywhere for you, and when he couldn’t find you…he fell apart. I’ve never seen someone so angry with themselves.” “So he screwed up,” I bit off. “We both did.” “And are continuing to do so,” she snapped back. Her tail flicked irritably behind her. “Fine, if you insist on being dense. Come with me.” It is wise not to piss Sandrock off. Her methods of revenge are sneaky and often cruel. I meekly followed her down the stairs, through a hallway, and into one of the large ballrooms. Sitting in the middle of the room were tons of crates and boxes. Confused, I looked down at her. “What is this?” “Open one, and I think you’ll have your answer.” Still confused, I went to one of the boxes and ripped the binding free. Whatever was in here was very fragile, if the packaging was anything to go by. I shifted through the shredded paper, digging through until I found… “Great gods.” It was my violin. There was no mistake. It had been my mother’s, passed down to me at her death. I cradled it carefully to my chest, staring at the other boxes in dawning comprehension. “Sandrock…he didn’t replace my things, did he? He went and bought everything that was mine.” “Yes,” she said simply. “I went with him, to help make sure that everything was there.” I had a notion just how difficult this had been. When someone was branded traitor, all of their things are put up at auction and sold off as quickly as possible. Trowa must have somehow gone in and negotiated for a bulk sale, buying up everything at once and then having it packed and brought here. It was a much harder process than simply buying replacements for everything. Softly she questioned, “Do you still think he doesn’t care for you?” No. I couldn’t think that, not with the evidence to the contrary right in front of my eyes. “Where is he?” “The music room.” I kept the violin with me as I quickly went back up the stairs and to the music room. The door was slightly ajar. Trowa knows that I prefer this room—I wonder if he was there because he hoped to see me. Brushing that thought away, I pushed my way inside. I’ve never seen someone look more miNairable than he did in that moment. He sat on the piano bench, idly playing with the keys, movements lifeless. “Trowa.” Trowa came off the bench so fast it crashed onto the floor. I saw him take a step toward me, and violently jerk himself to a stop. He watched me hungrily, with a silent plea that I couldn’t deny or ignore. He might not have said it. He might not ever admit it, even to himself, but I could see the truth of it when I looked at him. He did care for me, very much. I carefully set the violin on a table, brushing the face in a brief caress. “This was my mother’s violin. I had forgotten about it completely, until I unpacked it downstairs. It would have been forever lost to me, if you hadn’t done what you did.” “I promised that I would restore what was lost to you,” he managed hoarsely. “So you did.” I took a step further into the room. “Why, Trowa?” His eyes briefly closed in pain. “I lost control. I’m sorry, Quatre. I never…I’d hurt myself before I hurt you.” I believed him. And I couldn’t let him stay in that world of pain any longer. Quickly I closed the distance between us and threw myself at him. He gasped in relief, holding me tightly, fiercely. It felt like he was leaving bruises, but I didn’t care. It felt too good for me to care. I don’t know how long we stood there, just holding each other, but slowly we relaxed our grip. I looked up at him, a thousand emotions swirling through me. Sally had asked why I was really against the idea of mating with him. Sandrock had asked if I loved him. I couldn’t answer either question. I just knew that I wanted a chance…if there was any chance at all that Trowa and I really could live happily ever after, then I wanted to take that chance. “Trowa. Can’t we just take this one step at a time? Must it be all or nothing?” The fear in his eyes drained away, replaced by hope. “…would you accept being formally courted?” “I’m…not sure. What does that entail?” “It’s a time of grace, really. We set a time limit, usually anywhere from two weeks to four, where we spend time with another. There is no talk of mating, or anything permanent. We simply see if we are compatible.” Yes. That’s exactly what I wanted. “Why didn’t you offer this before?” He looked a little guilty, and shifted a bit under my suspicious stare. “I didn’t want to wait.” “I see.” Funny, I didn’t remember ‘impatient’ being among the green dragon’s traits…maybe it was just a personal one of Trowa’s. “Three weeks.” His head snapped up. “How does three weeks sound?” “…acceptable. Starting today?” I smiled at him. “Starting this minute, if you wish.” “Good. Will you play your violin?” His smile at that moment was shy and sweet. “I like to hear you play.” I smiled back at him, and walked back to retrieve the violin. Maybe there was hope for us after all. ~*~*~*~
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