"Something Like Human"

Written By: ELLE

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Gundam Wing (unfortunately) and they were used without permission, but all the words are my own.

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: major character death, angst and feels – always, language, graphic references to m/m sexual relations, alternate post-series ending – a bit of a "what if" Wufei had joined Preventer after the war instead of the Barton Federation and a reimagining of Endless Waltz

Pairings: current 2x5, past and present-ish 1x2

Summary: They came all the way out here on one coded text – and even then, Duo phrased it as an ultimatum. 'You don't have to come, but I'm going.' What kind of option was that? What was Wufei really supposed to say? What was he really supposed to do?

Notes: Completed for the Gundam Wing Reverse Bang and based off a piece by Makkura. Also this is somewhat inspired and influenced by Miss Murdered's Six Times Since, which I adore in every way.

Beta'd by Miss Murdered

"Something Like Human "

 

The kiss was nowhere near as heated as Wufei would've liked and when he pulled away he ran his thumb across Duo's lip, studying the way Duo carefully avoided his gaze, focusing on the supply room instead.

"You still love him."

The words weren't cruel but Duo flinched anyway, moving away from him to slam open lockers in search of anything useful, though the place had clearly been raided long ago.

"It's okay."

Duo threw a gas mask on the metal table. "You take it. I'm used to breathing in shit. Grew up on L2, after all. Everything was shit there, even the air..." His words rambled off into nothing, a clear attempt at avoiding the issue, before he began clamoring through drawers.

"Duo."

He spun around then, slamming his hands down on the table, eyes flashing his anger and frustration.

"It's not 'okay,' okay?"

Every tensed muscle, every unconscious movement of his digits, his limbs spoke volumes about his agitation. Wufei wondered if he really thought he had been hiding it all this time, if Duo really thought him that stupid.

They came all the way out here on one coded text - and even then, Duo phrased it as an ultimatum. You don't have to come, but I'm going. What kind of option was that? What was Wufei really supposed to say? What was he really supposed to do?

He suspected that Duo had always loved Heero and always would - ever since Peacemillion, ever since he opened the door to Heero's room and found Duo face down on the bed, Heero buried deep in his ass. Heero didn't look up - every iota of his concentration focused on pounding into the writhing flesh beneath him - but Duo did. Duo lifted his face and stared him dead in the eyes and the look he saw there sent a cold chill down his spine. Despite being beneath Heero on his hands and knees, in a position of submission, Wufei knew that Duo was in control, that Duo had Heero trapped in his spell. With an animalistic growl Duo's lips curled and Wufei realized he'd be trapped now too, drawn in like a moth to flame, forced to want that face, that groan of absolute pleasure, and want it directed at him.

And the way Heero's hands ran down across Duo's body... It was as if he thought that vessel of bone and flesh were a thing of worship, each stroke of his hands firmly placed down Duo's pecs, over his nipples, across his abs, fingers gripping his bony hips and Duo's hands balled in the bed sheets, brows narrowing in his ecstasy. Duo opened his mouth to moan or speak but Wufei would never know, because he turned and slammed the door shut, shaking as he stood in the hallway, willing his heart to slow down before it burst.

But Heero left MO-II that night after the final battle and he left Duo alone. And Wufei shamelessly took his place, invited Duo into Preventer, into his home and his heart and his bed. But the gaping hole left by the other pilot could never be filled by anyone less than him - and who could ever hope to surmount the man who'd saved the world?

Despite that, things were good for a while. Duo made an effort and Wufei believed he even came to return his affection. But that was before the failed attempt on Relena's life by the Barton Federation, before the attempted colony drop of L3 X-18999, before everything went terribly wrong and they spent half a year trying to prevent a full scale war.

"If nothing has changed by now, you can't change it," Wufei said seriously, grabbing the mask but reluctant to use it.

Duo always talked a big game, but he would rather him have it. He did love him. Even if Duo could never truly give his heart to him completely, even if there would always be a space within it occupied by Heero, it didn't matter - because Wufei did love him.

"Look, let's just get to the rendezvous point." Duo wrapped a bandana around his face to protect him from the worst of the particulate in the air from the heavy artillery fire and Wufei let it drop. It didn't matter, after all, it changed nothing.

"At least take the rifle." Wufei threw it to him as a concession for the mask, for avoiding the topic for the hundredth million time between them. Duo caught it deftly, his eyes cross but with his mouth covered he couldn't see the frown.

"Move out?"

Wufei nodded curtly and they approached the supply room door. The sound of guerrilla warfare outside had never dissipated but now it grew louder as they approached the outside hallways of the deserted base. They didn't really need to search it, and they didn't do a very thorough job, honestly they had both just needed a minute of quiet after the mad rush from the drop point three miles outside the base that took nearly two hours to cross through heavy fire.

The rendezvous point was less than half a mile up, the base hangar where Heero was supposed to be waiting for them to hand off detailed information regarding the inner workings of the Barton Foundation, including, or so Preventer hoped, the covert bases and supply lines of Dekim Barton. Although at times he wished it otherwise, it wasn't hard to get Preventer to agree to expend resources on their trip to meet Heero. Despite being a rogue terrorist element, he was still Heero Yuy, still the pilot who saved Earth from utter destruction, and he still held the trust of anyone he'd ever met.

Duo cautiously reviewed the scene outside the door, assessing their next move as Wufei released his saber. They worked well in tandem and he knew that was partially why Duo didn't argue the rifle - that Duo was better with guns and could pick off enemy combatants from a distance while Wufei could handle any who got near. Duo made a series of hand signals to explain their path and they moved out, ducking non-specific fire to reach a blown apart brick wall for cover.

The hangar was only about a thousand feet away but the turrets mounted on the low metal building weren't particularly encouraging as they rained fire down on the landscape. Wufei was forced to wonder if Heero was even able to get in there or if this wasn't just a damn waste of time. He hated to feel this negatively towards his former comrade, remembering the exhilaration he'd felt when Heero destroyed that hunk of colony over Earth's atmosphere. But after so long competing with Heero's ghost, his lingering charisma that just never seemed would dissipate, he became understandably jaded.

Duo motioned to an abandoned tank and they pushed forward, ducking into the huge tire threads as the turrets targeted them. The hulk of metal rocked against them and Wufei grit his teeth as they slid forward with the force, in the opposite direction of where they needed to be. Duo peeked out from behind the tank, firing three times despite being driven forward, and then motioned to Wufei, throwing himself onto the ground and crawling forward on his stomach. Wufei followed suit, keeping his eyes on Duo's back over the blade in front of him as they maneuvered through rubble as fast and efficiently as possible.

The range of mounted turrets meant they were out of the target area quickly and when they reached the door, Wufei realized Duo's shots had taken out the two guards there. He pushed back the gas mask on his head and re-secured his saber when they entered, quickly assessing their location. They had memorized the layout of the hangar beforehand and made the premeditated assumption that Heero would be in the control room and that if he wasn't, they would split up to search the hangar. It quickly became apparent to them that most of the hangar staff was either dead, manning turrets, guarding entrances, in the hangar bay, or simply somewhere else on the battlefield because the whole hangar was unstaffed.

The pattern of dropped bodies increased as they got to the control room and Wufei anticipated the expected reunion with Heero. He watched the back of Duo's head and tried not to let the bitter taste rising in his throat influence him. This was far more important than a few interpersonal relationships. This was universal warfare. Surely both Heero and Duo knew that too.

Duo ripped the bandana off his face as he threw open the door to the control room, unusually reckless even for him, and they both caught sight of Heero at the key command computer. Immediately Heero paused, picked up his gun and aimed it in their direction, finger on the trigger, butt in the palm of his other hand bracing it, ready to fire.

The moment might have been tense if Duo hadn't been completely oblivious to the tension, breathing out Heero's name in some foolishly romantic way, ridiculous when echoed through a room of broken bodies, canon fire exploding outside. Wufei couldn't see his lover's face, standing behind him as he was, but he didn't need to in order to know the way he looked at Heero. Wufei remembered that tone intimately, that loose posture, from the failed colony drop when his barely functional plane smashed into the ground on landing after practically burning to pieces in the atmosphere on a too shallow trajectory on the return trip from X-18999. Remembered it from when he'd climbed out after reviving from black out and Duo was there, running across tarmac, lifting him into his arms with that same whisper and a look of disbelief.

Wufei instead saw the moment of recognition in Heero, the lowering of his gun, the wild, crazy, heated look that came over his eyes for a moment as he reviewed every piece of Duo with them in an all too intimate way that made Wufei's heart ache. While they both knew that body, he knew it better. Knew the new scars, the recent inflictions brought on by this conflict, the past year and a half that Heero would never know because he left. But Wufei felt in that moment that it didn't matter at all. Despite his absence, Heero would always win.

But then the moment was over and professionalism resumed as they moved into the room and Heero set his gun back on the table, turning his eyes back to the panel, as cool and impassive as Wufei remembered them. And for a minute he wondered if maybe that wasn't worse. If this whole situation wasn't unfair - that Heero had to pretend to feel nothing. That there could be no glorious, passionate reunion between them after a year and a half.

"Got the intel?" Duo asked, leaning the rifle against the control panel and holding out his hand. Heero looked up at him before digging in his pocket for a flash drive, handing over the media without another glance.

"It's good," he said, voice quiet, concentration obviously elsewhere. Wufei peered over his shoulder, tried to determine what systems Heero was sabotaging as his fingers flew over the keys. "It's Trowa's intel."

"Trowa?" Wufei asked, shocked, as Duo tensed up, fingers curling around the plastic a little too hard. Trowa had dropped off the radar three months ago and honestly they'd all thought he'd been discovered and assassinated.

"He was on the verge of being discovered," Heero explained patiently. "He had to cut ties with Preventer as his life and position were at risk. It was easier for him to communicate with me, a rogue element with no affiliation. That's why I contacted Duo." He looked up then, over his shoulder, directly at Wufei. "Otherwise I never would have."

While the statement brought immense relief to Wufei, knowing that it was made out of respect for him, that Heero hadn't intended to come back and claim Duo for his own again, wedge himself into the life they had tried to create together - it obviously tortured Duo, who stiffened and shoved the flash drive into his pocket angrily. But he didn't say anything - there was nothing to say. And even if there was, now sure as hell wasn't the time to say it.

Heero grabbed his pistol, stashed it at the small of his back and faced them directly. "We're done here."

Wufei accepted that at face value, ready to make the trek to the rally point, but Duo turned too and the pained look on his face as his eyes took in Heero said he wasn't going to make this easy.

"Come with us," Duo asked, clearly trying to keep a pleading element out of his voice.

It was a particularly ridiculous idea. Heero could do far more good outside Preventer than inside - that much was obvious just by this meeting. They would never have the intel they did if Heero had been working inside the organization. But Wufei didn't argue, knew it was a lost cause, knew that whatever idea Duo had in his head he wouldn't give up so easily.

"I still have work to do," Heero replied, almost gently, and for a brief moment their fingers touched, laced together loosely and fell apart almost as quickly as they came together.

The look on Duo's face, all admiration and love and need and want, made Wufei feel uncomfortable. Not in any way he was expecting, not because it was confirmation of Duo's feelings for Heero - no - he already knew that Duo loved him. Instead, it was like he was watching something far more intimate than what it was, something his eyes should not have been privy to, something private.

But when Heero turned and looked at him, straight in the eyes, he nodded in some form of acquiescence to his position as the lesser man, the one who lost. And despite not wanting to have to give Duo up to another man, Wufei didn't want it to be that way, either. He didn't want to win by default, to be a replacement for the thing Duo really wanted. He wanted Duo to want him in the same deep, meaningful, raw way that Wufei wanted him.

Heero didn't spend any more time considering Duo's request. He just walked forward and out of the room, leaving them alone. Their eyes met then, for the first time since they entered that room, and it was singularly awkward. Wufei turned his eyes away then, stared at the computer screen, looking at the diagram left up absently, a real time display of the hangar bay. Wondering what Heero was doing with that was easier than wondering what they were going to do with themselves when they got home.

"It's been a long time," Duo started and Wufei didn't look up to meet him. Instead, he contemplated the small shuttle in the bay, the man boarding it on the secondary screen, broad shoulders and -

"Fuck." Whatever Duo was saying was interrupted by the curse and Wufei whipped his head back around to meet Duo's eyes once again. "He's going to assassinate Dekim Barton."

"What?" Duo asked, incredulous, turning to face the screen too.

"Dekim is here." The desperate edge to his voice sounded foreign to him. "Heero's going to assassinate him. I know he is." The words seemed to leave his mouth altogether too fast and he threw off the bulky gas mask the rest of the way, making his way back to the door. Duo followed, the sound of gunfire ricocheting in the hallway as they approached the hangar bay.

Wufei didn't want to see Dekim assassinated. As clean and efficient as that would be, he didn't need to be made a martyr of. He needed to be brought publically to justice, strung up, tarred and feathered and made an example of so that this kind of shit would never happen again.

They hit warm bodies right outside the door and watched as Heero crossed to position himself behind another shuttle, watching the Barton Federation soldiers make last minute preparations to the craft Barton boarded before take off.

"I don't think I can take him down," Duo whispered, his chest heaving against Wufei's back as they peered in together and Wufei nodded.

"I understand." There was no good option here. Taking out Heero was strictly out of the question. Not only could he not honestly hurt a person Duo so obviously loved, but he couldn't take out a former comrade and Gundam pilot, no matter what Heero did, no matter how hurt and angry he was towards him. There was a certain understanding between them that transcended all politics, arguments, disagreements. Transcended love and self-preservation. "But I can't let him kill Dekim."

It was Duo's turn to respond with the same acknowledgement. "I understand."

And he did understand. They talked about this more than once. Although Duo disagreed, as it let Dekim slip through their fingers more than once, extending this conflict in a predictable way, he respected what the agency was trying to do, understood that violence only begets more violence - that true peace was only achieved through the meting out of justice. That the predictable was better than the uncertain. That martyrdom could only create anarchy.

"You should go to the rally point," Wufei suggested then and Duo didn't move to comply. "That intel is important if we lose Dekim here." There was still no answer and Wufei stood, drug him back against the wall, their faces close, his hand coming up instinctually to wipe a smudge of dirt from Duo's cheek.

"There's nothing you can do here," he explained as kindly as possible. "I won't hurt him and I promise you, whatever happens, I'll let him go."

The conflict on Duo's face was clear as his eyes darted to the door, despite not being able to see inside from his angle, and back to Wufei's own, teeth nibbling his lower lip.

"Trust me," Wufei begged quietly, begged with every scrap of the love he hoped that Duo had for him.

And when understanding eyes paused on his own, entrapped them fully in his stare, Wufei kissed him, quick but deep and sweet because Duo kissed back and that little thrill of exhilaration he always felt to be the target of Duo's full attention crept up his spine.

"Love you," Duo whispered as he left, more gratitude than affection, not giving Wufei the chance to respond as he watched him fall back with relief.

Having Duo there would only cloud his decision-making and frankly, he knew Heero. He knew neither of them would want Duo there where he might be at risk, where he might fall victim to some unfortunate circumstance or become hurt by the decisions that might have to be made. With his skill set, Duo was safer in the warzone outside, not making this delicate situation inside even worse with his big mouth, recklessness, and unfortunate feelings. And, if Wufei would let himself admit it, the feelings he caused in both him and Heero with his presence.

Without wasting another moment he took the pistol off one of the men Heero had recently killed and crossed the floor to where Heero had previously occupied a position, watching as he crept across the hull of Dekim's shuttle, gun already in hand. As soon as he breeched the door, Wufei moved to follow, sliding in after him.

When he reached the fuselage and saw Heero with his gun raised and trained on Dekim, he shouted a command to stop, holding his own gun to Heero in defense.

"Wufei." His name came through Heero's grit teeth as Dekim laughed, but he didn't turn his head to confirm if Duo were there or not. Perhaps he knew Wufei wouldn't bring him further into this situation. Perhaps he trusted Wufei to take care of him.

"I can't let you do this," Wufei stated and Heero growled low in his throat. "He needs to be brought to justice."

"We designed our weapon too well," Dekim said so matter-of-factly it made Wufei shiver. "He'll kill me as assuredly as the sun will rise tomorrow. He has no use for human emotion. Nothing you will say can convince him."

Heero didn't flinch but Wufei stared, horror rising in the back of his throat as he realized what was happening here, that Heero was meeting his maker and doling out a punishment that went far beyond the past six months, Relena, and the attempted colony drop.

"He's right, Wufei," Heero finally said, voice tight with frustration. His trigger finger tensed and Wufei took a defensive step forward.

"You don't have to do this," Wufei said. "We can arrest him right here, right now, bring him in to Preventer. We can fly this shuttle there ourselves. Just you and me."

"O was soft on you, boy," Dekim stated but Wufei ignored it, feeling conviction in his heart that he didn't need validated by a terrorist. "I knew it would always come to this. I created this weapon, after all."

"You are more than a weapon." Wufei's voice was rising dangerously but he thought of that look occurring only moments ago, in the control room, when he saw Duo for the first time in over a year and divested him with his eyes, thought of the way he reached out, knuckles touching, fingers meeting in a kiss. He thought of the way he fucked Duo, seeming so ago long now, the way his body moved over him, hands gripping him gently, lovingly. The way Duo spoke of him still, to this day, in a tender way that always made Wufei's heart swell with jealousy and he knew there was more to Heero than a weapon of mass destruction. Whether he believed it or not.

"Tell me, Heero, how many more people must we kill trying to bring about peace? How are we any better than them?"

Heero's hand trembled ever so slightly and for a brief moment Wufei thought he had made a difference, thought that he had gotten through to the other boy. But the sound of gunfire through the fuselage proved him wrong and he stared in shock as blood blossomed from Dekim's forehead and ran out the back.

"Heero!" he gasped and Heero turned on him, gun trained on him now, face perfectly blank.

"I don't want to have to kill you," he stated and Wufei dropped his hand, gun falling to the floor without a second thought.

"But you are more than this," he begged as Heero moved forward, dropping his own hand to hold his gun at his side, until they came face to face.

"Duo - you love him. You are not just a weapon."

Heero's face contorted from impassivity into the most pained expression he had ever seen and Wufei wished he'd just kept his mouth shut and not said anything.

"There's a reason I gave him to you," Heero said softly, pointedly, voice full of regret. "You deserve him. I don't."

"But he still lo -"

"It doesn't matter!" It was the closest to a shout as Wufei had ever heard from Heero and he bit down on his tongue reflexively in surprise - and no small amount of fear. But Heero regained composure quickly and the anguish on his face was replaced once more by the mask he had been trained to use in place of his feelings.

"I'm sorry if this creates a problem for you." He gestured to Dekim's body as he walked forward, making to leave.

"Heero...?"

He wanted to ask him where he would go now, what he would do, but he thought it was damn stupid and Heero probably wouldn't answer honestly anyway - if he answered at all. For one fleeting moment he thought he should extend Duo's offer, ask Heero to come back with him to the rally point, join Preventer, learn to live as more than a weapon - even if it meant Duo leaving him - because Heero deserved better. Heero deserved a life, to enjoy peace, to be happy. Heero deserved to be human.

But he knew Heero wouldn't come, knew he couldn't agree, and so Wufei kept his promise to Duo and he simply let him go. He picked the gun back up and counted to fifteen before he exited after him, moving in the opposite direction, glancing at his back as it moved away, remembering black spandex and a green top for a moment.

He just made it to his exit when there was a shout, a loud clang that reverberated through the hangar and Wufei whipped around, cocking his gun and pressing his back up against the wall defensively. His eyes found Heero across the way, Heero's side pouring blood as soldiers from who the fuck knew where dragged him into handcuffs, holding him up as though his legs obviously wanted to collapse beneath his weight from the bullet wound.

For one brief instance, their eyes met across the way and Wufei's heart started pounding in his chest, regret washing over him in brutal waves. He should've tried to stop Heero, should've offered him a place at Preventer like Duo had - fuck. If only he'd known it would come to this. Not even Heero could survive this. They were going to beat him, torture him, kill him. If he wasn't already dead from the initial hit.

Something passed between them and Heero closed his eyes in submission. But instead of the pain or anger Wufei expected, his expression was almost... reverent. Relaxed. The same face he made as he slid in and out of Duo the last time they'd made love, before the final battle, when he was completely at peace. Happy, even. And Wufei swallowed back the uncomfortable thickness in this throat, knowing that it was okay, that this was maybe for the best, and he left before he could be caught too.

He slipped on the coat of one of the fallen soldiers to make his trip out easier, to avoid being targeted by turret fire, and his escape to the rally point was far less eventful than his and Duo's trip to the rendezvous point, the fire fight having abated to some degree with so many soldiers now dead. In some ways, he was thankful for something else to focus on as he slipped from defensive position to defensive position deftly so that he didn't have to think about Heero bleeding out in enemy arms or the look on his face as he accepted his fate willingly.

Duo's voice came easy to him as he approached the drop ship, demanding they stay a little bit longer, that he would show up and his heart was torn between gratitude and pain to hear Duo speak of him that way. When Wufei reached the doors and climbed in, everyone turned to him, eyes wide as if he were an apparition.

"Dekim Barton confirmed dead," he said as he fell heavily into the metal seating, no longer able to stand of his own volition, the failure of his mission, the emotional and physical strain taking its toll on him in the deepest way such that his muscles and joints ached with weariness.

Stunned silence continued as the order was given to launch the aircraft and Duo snapped out of his shock then, realizing to some degree the implication of Wufei's words as well as the things he wasn't saying, the look of horror he could hardly keep from his face as his mind replayed Heero taking the shot, Dekim slumping anticlimactically in his seat, Heero closing his eyes and smiling, the fingers of his love meeting Heero's for the one moment that was not enough for them - that would never be enough for Duo.

"What happened?" Duo asked, falling on his knees in front of Wufei, clutching his thighs in his hands, trying to get Wufei to look him in the eyes but he wouldn't. He stared down at Duo's fingers, turning white under the strain, and wondered why he could hardly feel them.

"Did he kill him?" The question was fair enough but Wufei felt choked and couldn't answer, just nod slightly.

"Where's Heero?" His voice took on a desperate note. Duo could always see right through him. He glanced to the doors, saw how high off the ground they were now, considered whether Duo might attempt to jump it or not and decided to wait another minute before saying any more.

"Where's Heero, Wufei?" His fingers dug in tighter, with brushing force. "Where the fuck is Heero?!" The shrill quality of his voice resonated in Wufei's ears and his heart. He never wanted to hear Duo sound like that, wild and desperate and pained.

He looked up, meeting his eyes as best he could and watched as the heart of the man he loved broke right before his very eyes. He couldn't do it. He had to look away.

"I let him go," he said softly, voice barely audible over the helicopter blades. "Just like I promised you. I let him go."

"Wufei." Duo's hands trembled as he placed them on either side of his face, twisting it so that he was forced to look at him, blue eyes filled with fear and hope and water as they searched his, rapidly shifting back and forth. "You let him go? He killed Dekim but you let him go?"

Whatever Duo saw in his eyes as he nodded again gave him away and a pained howl left Duo's throat as his fingers scraped across Wufei's cheeks, hands balling into fists against Wufei's face.

"He told me he loved you," Wufei lied desperately, knowing it wasn't so much a lie as something Heero could never say but something he meant with all his heart and Duo clawed desperately at Wufei's jacket, his neck, his shoulders, burying his face in his chest as he sobbed. Wufei wrapped his arms around Duo's shaking body.

"He loved you," Wufei repeated into his hair, stroking down his braid, holding him close. "He loved you and you made him human."

~ * ~

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