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"I Will Find You"Written By: ELLE Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Gundam
Wing (unfortunately) and they were used without permission, but all
the words are my own. Rating: R Warnings: modern day AU, angst, some foul language
Pairings: 1x2x1 with brief mention of 3xH, implied
5xC Summary: A series of intersecting vignettes back and forth through time documenting Heero and Duo's relationship before and after the apocalypse - including what lengths they'd go to in order to be together again. Author's Notes: I have been writing this since
July so I'm happy to finally have it done! This is what happens when
you get terribly distracted and real life bowls you over with unexpected
news. ;-P
"I Will Find You" 13 Days Until Last Communication
It had been like this between them more and more lately.
Duo just had to fight him about every little thing. Wouldn't listen.
Wouldn't let anything go. If he would just – "Come on. Say it," Duo growled, waiting for
the repercussions, waiting for the hurtful words they were both becoming
too accustomed to hearing, whether from their own lips or the lips
of the man they loved. And Heero did love him. He didn't love him any less
for this, in fact, it was his love that drove them to this every time.
His sick imagination, his fear, his insecurity – no, his inability
to do anything meaningful to protect Duo from the inevitable. "I'm not doing this right now," Heero muttered
out, trying to be the bigger man as he headed for the door. Unfortunately, Duo would always be faster than him and
he grabbed his arm before he reached it. Heero yanked away from him,
throwing himself off balance, falling backwards into the door with
a slam. His eyes glared hurt from beneath his bangs, feeling particularly
ineffectual in that moment as he tried to regain his balance. How
could he hope to protect him when he struggled to walk? He was disgusted
with himself. Essentially, he was just a cripple, and he always would
be. The way Duo's eyes widened in fear and apology only
made him feel worse and he growled a little, protectively, as he turned
the door handle and struggled out, slamming the door behind him and
leaving Duo behind. Cloaking himself in his own dark thoughts he wandered
west, towards the coast. He'd never make it there, of course, even
on a good day he was slower than Duo's casual pace and a brisk walk
took a lot of exertion and mental fortitude but then he was used to
it – used to being less than everyone else. And typically that
didn't bother him so much. He had plenty of skill sets that placed
him well above average but when it came to Duo... He was forced to wonder if maybe there wasn't someone
better for Duo out there, someone who had a better shot at keeping
him safe. His heart ached but then he just loved him so much... He
would do anything for Duo. And if that included giving him
up to someone who could take better care of him, then... Then he would
do it. Heero wanted to be man enough to take proper care of him but
the fact of the matter was that he just wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't
a man at all. Eventually, he slowed to a stop, feeling uncertain,
feeling like he didn't know where he was going – and not just
with regards to this particular moment because physically he really
didn't know where he was going. He stared up at the stars, dimmed
so dramatically by light pollution, and he felt frustrated. Trapped.
He was so wound up in his fears, in vague possibilities that he was
letting them spill into all his interactions with Duo. He was so afraid
of losing him, he really was losing him – losing him to a fantasy
of events that might not even happen. A weary sigh escaped his lips and he ran his hands through
his hair in frustration. What the fuck was he thinking? He had a good
thing here – he sure as fuck didn't want to ruin it over his
all too vivid imagination. Cars passed by but then it was their car pulling
up to the side of the road and Heero didn't bother to look over, just
kept staring up like he always did. At this point, Duo understood. Fuck, Duo understood so much about him it was sick.
A little piece of him was disgusted that he brought the car, disgusted
that Duo would know he was exhausted, that the walk back would be
too difficult for him. He never wanted so badly to be normal again
than he did at that moment. After a few long minutes Duo got out of the car and
joined him, stood beside him, staring up with him for a while. It
was comforting just to have him there. And that was really the problem,
wasn't it? How could he lose this – now that he had it? Now that
he knew what it felt like to be loved by someone like Duo? He swallowed
a lump in his throat. "What are we doing here, 'Ro?" The question
was soft, honest, and Heero bit his tongue to hold back rare and distinctly
uncomfortable tears. "The stars aren't as bright here as they are from
the pier." The statement had nothing to do with the question,
which had nothing to do with location, but then it didn't really matter.
The silence grew between them until Duo was standing in front of him,
putting a hand on his cheek, connecting them. "I mean, what are we doing?" The smile he
offered was weak but organic and it made Heero's heart beat faster
to see it. "We don't argue about the best way to freeze chicken.
For fucks sake, this is ridiculous." "I just..." Heero started and stopped, averted
his eyes and brought them back. Duo waited patiently but there was
so much he could say and none of it would help, none of it would really
explain the depth of his fear that he was going to lose him. And suddenly he was crushing Duo to his chest, burying
his face in his neck and his hands in his shirt and dragging him so
close he was sure he was hurting him but it was as if he just couldn't
get enough of the feel of Duo on his skin, Duo's warmth pressed against
his, Duo's breath against his neck. He trembled and Duo's arms came
up to hold him back, fingers of one hand trailing in his hair, stroking
through it, comforting him. "I just don't ever want to lose you," he choked
out so quietly he figured Duo probably wouldn't have heard him except
his mouth was so close to his face. But Duo's grip tightened and Heero
knew he'd heard. "Hey," he breathed, pulling away, big hands
cradling his face, forcing Heero to meet his eyes even though their
close proximity made it nearly impossible. "You're never gonna
lose me. Okay?" Duo smiled then and nudged his nose against Heero's.
"I'm not that easy to get rid of." He saw Duo's smile falter as Heero looked down, nuzzling
his way back into his neck, not even Duo's teasing and optimism able
to pierce through his depressed state. "Is this about your last trip to DC?" Duo
asked carefully as he stroked his fingers against Heero's neck, kissing
his hair. Heero nodded just slightly, arms constricting further. "Listen, 'Ro, we both got vaccinated, that's all
we can do. We shouldn't even know about this shit but we do. And it's
driving you crazy, I get that, but that means we already stand a far
better chance than anyone else we know. And Mr. Winner is watchin'
out for us. You aren't gonna lose me, babe. Ya gotta believe that."
His hand stopped. He tilted Heero's head up to face his eyes again.
"Okay?" "I want to grow old with you," he stated carefully,
words he'd felt but was reluctant to express, even despite Duo's own
repetition of them, afraid even after all their years together that
he'd jinx it. But once he'd said them, words started falling out of
him, tumbling, like a torrent he was unable to dam. "I want to
see you every night. I want to wake up to you every morning. Every
business trip is worse because... because all I want is to be
with you." He paused, straightened himself, met Duo's eyes head
on as he realized just what words were about to come out of his mouth.
They surprised him, sure, but then, he knew in that moment that was
what he really wanted. That finality. That symbolism. That commitment. "I love you." His words were pointed
and direct, never more sure of himself than he was in that moment.
"And I want you to marry me." And then suddenly Duo was pulling away, a big grin on
his face as he held Heero at arm's length, a mischievous glint in
his eyes. "No." Heero blinked, knowing he couldn't really be serious,
surely, not with that look, not after saying yes through kisses that
left his lips burning. "No – I want you to do it again. With a ring.
On one knee. All that," Duo specified, brushing Heero's bangs
out of his eyes so that he could see them better. "I'm only gonna
do this once, right?" "You better only do this once," Heero growled,
pulling him into another kiss that more accurately portrayed his
passion and the depth of his feelings for his partner. Duo chuckled as they parted and wiped at his eyes with
the back of his hand. Heero smiled a little, amazed that he could
produce such a reaction in him, knowing Duo was genuinely pleased. "It's gonna be okay, you know? We'll figure this
out." Heero nodded, stared down at their feet a moment, suddenly
embarrassed by his declaration, by walking out, by arguing about chicken
in the first place. "Even if there ain't a single person left on the
planet but us," Duo started, jabbing a teasing finger into his
hip, causing Heero to jerk away with a laugh. "I'd choose you
every time." Every thought he had was more than he could say, nothing
Duo ever wanted to hear, betrayed the fact that despite what Duo said,
he knew he didn't deserve him. So he kept his mouth shut instead,
studied the beautiful lines of his face, and smiled a bit sadly, knowing
he could never truly express the depths of his gratitude and love
without being able to make Duo understand how little he was worth,
how much inequality existed in this relationship. Duo was like a meteor,
burning his way through the atmosphere, and Heero... Heero just wanted
him burned into his retinas. "Let's go home," Duo suggested, tugging his
hand a little as he tilted his head and smiled. "I gotta change
our Facebook status to 'engaged.'" Heero rolled his eyes at his partner. "What about
the ring?" "Oh, you're getting me a ring!" he
teased as they climbed into the car together. "I can't wear my
Facebook status around with me." "I'll get you a ring," Heero promised, picking
up Duo's hand and kissing the knuckle of his ring finger. He would
get Duo anything he wanted, as long as it would make him happy.
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