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"Finding Myself"Written By: Eliza
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, don't have any
money Warnings: um, sap,ooc(but for good reason),shameless
self insertion Pairings: None,
Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Tk is going to get her happy ending very soon *eeps quietly,and hides under computer desk, as Tk brandishes her whip* as this story has taken on a life of its own. Forgive the shameless self-insertion, and the insertion of the two instigators of this fic. But I needed some OC’s and this worked for me.
Finding Myself Part 4 I’ve been here for three weeks now. There’s been no change in my memory. I still can’t remember who I am or where I’m from. And it seems to bother me less and less with each passing day. Elizabeth has been wonderful, and perhaps if I were older, there might be something between us, but she’s 27, and from what we can figure, I’m only 16. Then again, with the way I’ve reacted to some of Liz's male friends, I wonder if I’m not gay; which the girls have assured me is fine, that they won’t stop being my friends because of it. It was Toria...Tk's suggestion that I keep this journal, saying that perhaps writing things out would help me come to terms with my feelings. She’s changed her entire demeanor towards me, and now seems to look upon me as a little brother, or perhaps a son, because she tends to mother me unbearably at times. Hawk, who's told me calling her Alyssa will lead to a slow and painful death, is a character. She often plays pranks that sometimes prick at the back of my mind, but before I can capture the feeling, it fades away, and I’ve lost it. But next to her pranks, her loyalty and protectiveness outshine everything else. It took quite a while for her to warm up to me completely. Even now I find her staring at me with a contemplative look on certain occasions. Almost as if she's afraid, I'll hurt Tk or Liz in some way. All I know is that I am happy, and content, to be a part of this strange little family. One of the many things we’ve learned about me over the last few weeks, is that I seem to have an uncanny knack with computers. I’ve been playing around with Tk’s computer and upgraded it several times. She’s thanked me on more then one occasion, saying that it’s never worked so well, not even when it was new. These three girls have given me their time, their compassion
and their friendship; none of them asking for anything in return,
except a return of that friendship. Yet I still wonder, what will
happen if my memory ever does come back? Something deep inside me
tells me that I won’t be able to return to them the friendship
and caring that they seem able to give so freely. Ruefully shaking his head John wandered into the living
room straightening books and magazines as he settled down onto the
couch. ***That’s something else we’ve learned, I’m
a ‘neat freak’ as Hawk puts it.*** Grinning softly, John
picked up the TV remote and began flipping through the channels. Leaving Liz in the kitchen, Tk wandered into the living room and gasped. Books and magazines were strewn everywhere, cushions pulled apart, and drapes off their rods. Pulling in a deep breath, she managed a strangled, "Liz!" Hearing the strange quality to her friend's voice, Liz snapped off the burners and raced for the living room. Skidding to a halt beside Tk, her eyes widened in disbelief, as she took in the destruction, then settling on the apparent instigator of that destruction. Sitting in the corner of the room, knees drawn up and
a frighteningly blank look on his face, John was rocking himself back
and forth muttering "who... why... fighting... always fighting."
Squatting down on her heels, at eye level, 3 feet away from John, Liz whispered his name softly. Turning his head towards the voice John shrank back as far as he could into the corner. His eyes flitted nervously back and forth between Liz and Tk with no hint of recognition. Reaching out a hand slowly, Liz reached for John’s hand only to have him try to shrink further into his corner. "Shh, it’s OK, John... it’s me ... Liz!" "Fighting,.. stop the fighting." John whimpered softly, cobalt eyes not meeting her gaze. Stepping forward, Tk noted the empty, almost emotionless look, in those cobalt eyes, and nervously cleared her throat. Whispering softly in reassurance, "No one's fighting John. You're safe here." Shaking his head vigorously, John pulled his knees closer to his chest, his soft whipers and ramblings, becoming almost a steady mantra. "Guys the door was..." Hawk entered, her voice dropping off as she took in the disheveled state of the room. Seeing the plight of her two friends, she wordless left the room, only to return a few moments later with Liz’s med. bag and the portable phone. Reaching out again, Liz’s heart pounded in her throat, and she stiffened in surprise as John’s hand snapped out and pushed her backwards. Seeing Hawk’s thumb twitch nervously over the keys of the phone, Liz shook her head sharply and mouthed ‘I’m all right’. Pulling herself back to her knees, Liz watched breathlessly as Tk moved forward to take her place. "That’s enough, young man!" Tk stated firmly taking up Liz’s former position. Wide, empty cobalt eyes regarded Tk warily for a moment before John threw himself forward against her and buried his head in her shoulder. Wrapping her arms loosely around the shaking body in her arms, Tk’s voice cracked slightly as she whispered, "It’s all right John. Shh, it’s all right." Brushing her hand gently through Johns hair, Tk raised her eyes to meet Liz’s in silent question. Feeling John's body tense, she whispered again soothingly, "It’s all right sweetheart, Shh." Nodding reassuringly, Liz reached for her bag, watching silent sobs wrack John’s body harshly. Moments later she drew a needle away from his arm, rubbing his shoulder in gentle circles. Feeling the tension slowly ease from his thin frame. Sighing in relief, Hawk dropped bonelessly into the nearest chair, the portable phone falling from nerveless fingers with a dull thud to the carpet. "He should be fine now," Liz stated softly. Sharing a hopeful look with her friends, Liz silently returned her things to her bag while Tk, still rocked John, uttering soft reassurances. Three girls waited anxiously until John finally faded into a restless drug induced sleep.
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