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"And Then He Smiles "Written By: Dùlin
Archive: This arc is archived on this site with permission. Do not reproduce it anywhere without permission. Disclaimer : I’d like them for Xmas … Really I would … Please, Santa ? Warnings : sap … and more sap … and a bit of angst … and romance ? shounen ai, vaguely canon, Heero POV, introspection, reflections of the ‘What-did-I-get-myself-into-again’ kind … nothing really bad, mostly just a one-shot plot bunny that hit me at random … Rating : PG Pairings : Primarily written as a 4+1+4, but can be read as a ?+1+?. Summary : the tiniest thing can bring hope to
a child lost in war …
"And Then He Smiles "
I don’t know what he sees in me. He never says. I knew what I saw in him from the first time we met. I was wrong. I don’t know what happened, why I let my guard down, how he slipped under it so easily. I can’t remember how it happened, just that it did. I used to think he was a fool to show that much vulnerability to everyone around, to wear his feelings on his face for everyone to see. It probably wasn’t better to lock them all up inside, but I didn’t know how to do otherwise. If I had stopped to look closer, I would have realized that he didn’t know either. I don’t even understand what’s happening around me. It seems like forever since I last was all alone, savoring the silence on my own. Now, it doesn’t have the right taste if he’s not there. It doesn’t feel as peaceful if he’s not sharing it with me. I’m falling. Fast, and I don’t know where I’ll land. Just like that first time, when Wing and I went to Earth. I’m falling, and I’m burning in the process, disappearing into ashes as his fire consumes me. I don’t want to land. Not now, not ever. I want him to carry me somewhere else, far from the noise, far from the smell of guns, of machines, of war and death. But he can’t. He smells of them too. He’s bathed in it too, trapped in it too. He can’t get away from it, no matter how hard he tries. Just like me. He’s hiding behind his feelings just like I’m hiding behind the Soldier. I thought he would be the one to bring me peace. He didn’t. How could he, when he himself is even more confused, even more lost than I am ? In the end, it’s almost like I am the one bringing peace to him. He doesn’t let anyone come near like me, even if it doesn’t show. I’m the only one allowed to come near enough to see through it all. He’s falling too. Maybe we’re gonna crash soon. I know all of my scars. He took the time to learn them. I didn’t see any on him, and he opened his heart to show them to me. He’s so sad, most of the time. And yet he hopes. But I wonder, what is there to hope for ? Will it ever end ? Will I get the right to rest, just for an hour, just for a minute ? Will I even get out of it alive ? Do I even want to ? And then he smiles … And it doesn’t matter any more … OWARI |
