"Unobserved "

Written By: Deathangelgw

Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys….just use them for my own pleasure and such…yea.

Warnings: PWP, AU, Heero POV, OOC, slight language, shounen-ai, yaoi implied, angst, sap, dark.

Rating: PG

Pairings: implied 2x5, 2xH, 2x/+3, 1+2

Note: well….this kinda hit me and such and even though I said I wasn’t doing anything with 1x2x1, well….it had to be written

Unobserved

Author: Deathangelgw

 

I watch you leave our apartment again, showing nothing as you wave cheerfully at me. Going out over to Trowa’s again, hm? I find myself sighing in a mixture of feelings. Feelings that only you seem to bring out in me. Why is that? Is it concern for you? Is it jealousy? Is it both? Who knows.

I stare up at the ceiling and once again try to figure out this whole mess. After the war, we had moved in together, whether for friendship or just financial stability I don’t know. We had to work around each other for the first month or so, both of us so used to being on our own that it was strange. But….we worked it out.

I can feel myself smirking at the memory of all the times you had tried to get me to talk to you. Anything and everything seemed to please you, so long as I was talking. You tried to get me to talk about my past…about whatever’s bothering me….but I don’t think you understand me even after all this time. I don’t talk.

I find myself picking at the comforter of my bed. You had given it to me for my birthday, though how you found that piece of information out is a mystery to me. Sighing again, I try to figure out what is really bothering me.

Thinking back, I remember what had happened with you and Hilde. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to work out, but I stayed out of it, knowing you’d probably figure it out. Unfortunately, it was too late by the time you did. I remember consoling you as best I could, my own heart breaking at your tears of being used. Then….a year later, you and Wufei hooked up and I knew it was going to be a repeat. But, again, I sat back and waited for you to get a clue. Why didn’t you get a clue?? Why did you have to let yourself be used and thrown away? Didn’t the last time give you any inkling on what to be careful of?

Guess not.

You had cried so hard when Wufei had broken up with you and again, all I could do was comfort you. Being used for sex is something that I had tried to warn you on. But I guess some things are learned the hard way.

Or are they? You still haven’t learned. Two days after Trowa and Quatre had broken up, you and he started dating. Duo, don’t you ever learn?! I find myself clutching my pillow in a rare show of anger as I remember you admitting you two had already slept together. Five days….FIVE DAYS!! WHY CAN’T YOU LEARN!?

But…I stay silent. I don’t interfere. I don’t know why I’m so protective of you. Maybe it’s because of all the kindness you have shown me that I want nothing but the best for you. So why do you constantly open yourself up to hurt? Didn’t you realize after the last time that if you had waited and gotten to know that person you would have seen the true intentions of that person? No one falls in love or into bed that fast and expects a lasting relationship. You say you two just ‘clicked.’ Fuck that. I don’t care how much you clicked; you don’t love someone and give a piece of yourself that fast. Love at first sight happens, yes. Yes I do believe in that. I believed it when I met all four of you. But especially you. But you can’t expect that to last when it is just for the physical.

Frustration seems to be my partner recently when I’m dealing with you. You just don’t get it. You’re so desperate to fill that emptiness inside that you give yourself to whoever is willing to take advantage of you. Do you know how much it hurts for me to see you being used for sex once again? No, you don’t. I don’t think I hide it all that well, but you are so lost in finally having something to cling to that you don’t even realize the people closest to you. The ones who ‘really’ know you. You might say I’m being like a ‘mother-hen’, but when you yourself fail to realize that you are repeating history again….how can I not?

I won’t interfere. I refuse to. You have to make your own choices. But tell me…when you fall again, who do you expect to catch you once more?

The ground is cold. Learn from it.

OWARI