" Meaning of Loneliness"

Written By: Deathangelgw

 

Disclaimer: They aren’t mine, they’re theirs. No sue.

Warnings: AU, POV, angst, dark, OOC (slight?)

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: implied 3x4

Note: Um, this is based somewhat on real life. I am kinda unsure on the POV, take a wild guess….I just needed to write it.

Meaning of Loneliness

Author: Deathangelgw


I watch as he laughs at a joke. He has such a wonderful smile and a kind heart. I often find myself just staring into his eyes and saying jokes to hear his soft laugh. But then, he turns away and does some sweet thing for the one he is truly in love with. I don’t know why I do this, pondering the impossible. They are both my best friends and I would never hurt them.

But, I can remember all the conversations we shared, all of the times he was there to hold me and chase away the darkness. He always is trying to get me to open up, to talk about my problems. I know he wants to help, but I also believe that if I share what’s wrong, I’ll end up hurting him. He always denies it, saying that’s what friends are for. But, I can’t.

How do you explain the emptiness inside of you? The darkness that threatens to overwhelm you in the middle of the night? How do you explain your reasons for hiding the sorrow and pain when you don’t even know them yourself?

We all wear masks in life. Some of us wear them temporarily. But for others of us, we can’t even tell where the mask begins. You try to hide all the bad under this mask, but, eventually, it breaks. What do you do when it breaks? Who do you turn to?

He was there for me when my mask cracked. He held me as I cried and didn’t let me fall. But, as always happens, I hid it all again and became the happy person everyone sees. Trustworthy, supportive, strong…yep, that’s me.

At night, I stare at the mirror and wonder at the person that I see. Is this the real me? Or, is it a mask? I know that he doesn’t know. Neither does Quatre, who cares so much as well. They both think they know me, but even said that my mask was too deep, too thick. So, they try once more to believe that I’ll talk, hoping that I’ll open up and let it out.

Everyone is looking for that special someone in life. They say that it’ll happen when you least expect it. Or, if you believe in God, that He’ll send the right one to you. God must have a strange sense of humor. Why do I say this? Because, why would He send someone whose heart has already been taken by someone else?

I don’t know why I try. Maybe it is because of that one thing that gives a ray of light to the darkness. When he looked me in the eye and held me, saying, "I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but you mean a lot to me. I love you and will always be there for you." Oh my Trowa. I love you too. If only to chase away the loneliness.

~Owari