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"Sideshow"Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: language, sex, violence, BDSM, angst Pairings: 2x3 Summary: Duo visited Trowa a few
times every year, catching up to the circus on one colony or another
and showing up uninvited and unannounced in Trowa's trailer. But an
unexpected confession from Duo leads to a change in the nature of
their relationship. "Sideshow" Chapter Three X2913 wasn't the only colony under martial law, but it was certainly one of the ones most in need of it. The circus hadn't been to the colony in two years, not since the troupe had woken up after their first week of shows to find tents vandalized and one of the lions stolen. Trowa wasn't entirely sure why the circus was visiting the colony now. The evening curfew meant early shows - one just after noon and another at five - which, in some ways, was a respite for the troupe. The only had evenings free while traveling, or when on their two month hiatus at the end of the season. However, because of the forced curfew, X2913 didn't have much else by way of entertainment and even with the tickets being sold at reduced prices the circus was making a profit. Still, it wasn't quite a fair trade off. It wasn't just the empty stares of the too thin children in the audience that disturbed Trowa, or the hungry way the men stared at Cathy and some of the other female performers, but more than anything else, it was the expressions of disgust on the ESUN military police who patrolled the grounds. The expressions looked exactly like those of the OZ and Alliance guards Trowa remembered from the war. He had taken to patrolling the circus grounds each night, hours after the show went down, after the curfew was in effect, just to make sure everyone and everything was secured. He didn't like having to do that, didn't like the prickle of anticipation on the back of his neck or the way his body reacted to unexpected noises in the night. He hated how normal it felt to reach for his knife or his gun, and he wanted nothing more than to get off this colony and never come back. It was hours into the night cycle when he usually returned to his trailer each night, and when he did finally climb into his bed his sleep was restless, plagued with memories and nightmares and he woke up at the sound or feel of any disturbance. He found himself almost counting down the hours until their departure when they were down to only four more shows, and he couldn't help but be frustrated with himself, angry over his fear and unease. So much for the life of a civilian. When he came back to his trailer one night, with only three shows left, and found Duo inside, naked and positioned, waiting for him, Trowa honestly felt relief more than anything else. It had only been two months since Duo's last visit, and he didn't normally appear again so soon, but Trowa certainly wasn't going to question it. He knew Duo wouldn't be there for long, maybe only the night, maybe only two or three, but it would mean an extra set of eyes, extra hands and extra experience to help watch over the circus for these remaining days. Duo's eyes met his, and it was very obvious he was excited to see Trowa, obvious to see he had been waiting in anticipation for Trowa's return. So Trowa pushed his concerns away - they would speak about them later. Right now, however, his pet had returned to him, and that was the only thing he wanted to focus on. He removed his jacket and the shoulder holster with his illegal gun and stored it in the cabinet, Duo watching him in silence, his blue eyes taking in everything. Trowa approached him and allowed himself a small smile. Duo smirked in return, and it really did feel as though a weight was lifted from Trowa's mind. Yes, it was good to have Duo here. He reached out and threaded his fingers through Duo's hair, petting him and tugging on the roots just as Duo liked. "Missed me?" "Yes," Duo sighed. His eyes were closed and he leaned into Trowa's touch, swaying forward slightly. Trowa looked over his body, searching for new scars or tattoos. There was a long, jagged line down Duo's right thigh that looked healed, but only just. Not for the first time, Trowa wondered what the hell Duo did when he wasn't here. He had asked Duo once, during one of their drunken conversations, and Duo had merely given him that shit eating grin of his and replied, "A little of this, a little of that." Whatever the hell that meant, it seemed as though it came with a lot of risk. His search was derailed when he noticed that Duo's groin was devoid of pubic hair. "You shaved." Duo's eyes opened and he regarded Trowa warily. "Yeah, I... noticed that you shaved and thought you might... like that." Trowa leaned down and kissed Duo, a quick, firm press of lips before standing back up. "I don't want you to change your body for me, Duo," Trowa said. "I appreciate it exactly how it is. But," Trowa added, "that was thoughtful. It pleases me that you care about what I might like." "Of course I care," Duo scoffed. "Good. As I said, you've pleased me. And when you please me, I want to reward you." Duo arched an eyebrow. "Does that mean no spanking?" "That was an act of discipline, Duo. It wasn't a punishment. You will always be disciplined when you come to me. I will always give you pain and pleasure because it is what you need. But, when you please me, I will reward you. And when you disappoint me, I will punish you." "But the spanking wasn't a punishment?" "No. Your punishments will be much worse than a spanking, Duo." Trowa had given a lot of thought to just how he would punish Duo. He had been with a submissive last year who responded very well to corporeal punishment, but Trowa did not think Duo would. Instead, Trowa wanted to keep that kind of physical contact entirely within the realm of discipline - he would beat Duo and he would caress him, but not to punish him. Duo had already had a lifetime of physical punishment, and it clearly hadn't broken him. If Trowa really wanted to tame Duo, then he was going to have to use something else. Duo swallowed hard. "Worse how?" Trowa arched an eyebrow. "I'm sure it's too much to hope that you never find out." Duo's lips twitched. "I suppose that depends on what sorts of things disappoint you," Duo said. Trowa knew Duo was teasing, trying to play a game with him, but it was still a conversation they needed to have, so that Duo would understand. He continued to stroke Duo's hair while he spoke, stepping closer so that Duo could lean his face and shoulder against his thigh. "Disobeying me will disappoint me. Questioning me. Whining while you are being disciplined. Forgetting that you are my pet. Not trusting me. Any of those things will disappoint me, and you will be punished." "Last time... I questioned you and I whined," Duo pointed out. "Yes. Several times," Trowa agreed. He gave a slightly sharper tug on Duo's hair and Duo drew in a sharp breath and shivered. Interesting. "Do any of those things again, and I will punish you, Duo. As I said before, I won't have you become a spoiled brat." "I... understand." Trowa stepped back so that he could look at Duo again. He was hard, and without his pubic hair, his cock was even more well defined, standing stiff and proud and it certainly pleased Trowa to know that Duo was so easily aroused by his touch. "Would you like your reward or your discipline first?" Duo licked his lips as he considered. "The reward," he decided. "Why?" Trowa had to ask. Duo gave him a look and a dark, lopsided smile. "Because whenever you wait for the good stuff it gets fucked up." That was certainly a lesson they had both learned in life, and while Trowa didn't want that to color their interactions, there was no denying the truth of it. "There is a black box under my bed," he said. "Fetch it." His choice of words was deliberate, and he could see the play of emotions on Duo's face as he reacted to the command. But Duo rose without complaint and went into the bedroom. While he was gone, Trowa sat down on the couch, toeing off his boots and setting them aside. Duo returned with the box and hesitated, looking between his usual spot on the floor and Trowa's lap. "Come here," Trowa instructed and he opened his legs so that there was space for Duo between them. "Turn around and kneel down in front of me." Duo did so, presenting his back to Trowa. "Open the box." He sat up a little, so that he could see over Duo's shoulder. Duo lifted the lid from the box and set it aside. He stared at the contents of the box for a long, silent moment. "It looks just like the one Sister Helen used." Duo's voice was quiet, barely loud enough for Trowa to hear. "Do you like it?" It had been a gamble, but Trowa had seen it and hadn't really been able to resist the temptation. Duo had told him about Sister Helen, about the way the nun had brushed his hair and taught him how to braid it. It had been one of the few happy memories he had of his childhood, and considering that between the two of them they could think of maybe five happy memories, Trowa knew it was important to Duo. "Yes," Duo said, his voice rough with emotion. As much as Trowa wanted to see his face, he knew he had made the right decision in having Duo's back to him, knew that Duo would appreciate not having Trowa's eyes on him as he fought back his memories. "Would you like me to brush your hair?" "That's my reward?" "Yes. If you would like it." Duo nodded and then cleared his throat. "Yeah. Yes. I would like that." Trowa held out his hand and Duo placed the brush in it. It was a wooden brush, smooth and stained dark, with a oval face and a handle just long enough for Trowa's fingers to wrap around. The bristles were some kind of special massage bristles, so the salesman had said. He set the brush down on the couch beside his thigh and picked up the heavy tail of Duo's braid. Carefully, slowly, he threaded his fingers through it and pulled it loose. Duo had a lot of hair. Trowa had already realized that, after touching Duo's bangs for the first time and feeling how fine his hair was, and now that he saw it loose, spread over Duo's shoulders and reaching down to the floor, Trowa was left a little breathless. He sectioned off Duo's hair, draping most of it over his right shoulder, and picked up the brush to begin working his way through it. He started at the ends and worked his way up towards the roots. Simza had done it that way, with Sylvan, when she had been younger and some children had tangled gun into her hair. Duo sighed in pleasure. "I like that," he said. "God, I like that." Trowa had wondered if Duo would even let him do this, or if it would be too personal for the man who was, even more so than Trowa, intensely private. He was glad he had taken the risk. It took quite a while to brush out all of Duo's hair. There was just so much of it and it was so long, but the bristles apparently did massage the scalp, and he had Duo moaning softly and bending his head back for more attention. Eventually, however, Duo's hair was smooth and straight and Trowa set the brush aside again so that he could rebraid it. He based that on Simza too, having seen the woman braid her own hair countless time, though her hair was shorter and not as fine, not as difficult to manage as Duo's. He took his time, though, not wanting to make a mess and not wanting to make a braid that would pull at Duo's scalp. "It feels good," Duo told him as he neared the end. "Not too tight, not too loose. Have you been practicing?" "No," Trowa answered honestly. "But I'm not going to do something poorly if I care enough." Duo turned a little, looking at Trowa out of the corner of his eye. Trowa arched an eyebrow. "Turn back around, Duo," he said mildly. "I'm not finished yet. And I did not tell you you could move." "Sorry." Duo turned back and remained still while Trowa finished his task. "Now, you may turn around." Duo did, spinning so that he was still kneeling but now he was looking directly at Trowa. "Thank you," Trowa said. "Er - sorry. Thank you, for the reward." Trowa smiled. "No, I was thanking you for allowing me to do that." "Oh. Um, you're welcome?" Trowa ran his knuckles over Duo's jaw. "But I do appreciate you thanking me for your reward." Duo smirked. "I aim to please." "You aim to please when it pleases you to do so," Trowa muttered and Duo's smirk grew. Trowa sat back on the couch and patted his leg. Duo sucked in a breath. "Time for my discipline?" "Yes," Trowa said. "Lay down across my lap again." "More spanking?" Duo asked as he lay down. "Was it so very bad last time." "Yes and no," Duo admitted. He sucked in a breath when Trowa rested his palm on Duo's ass. "It hurt but... it felt good too." "Mm. Confusing, isn't it? When you don't know if you're feeling pain or pleasure." "Yeah," Duo agreed with a shaky breath. "It will hurt much more this time," Trowa told him bluntly. "Going to hit me harder?" "No, but I will be using an implement." "An - what are you going to use?" Trowa picked up the hairbrush and rested the flat side against Duo's ass. "My brush?" Duo sounded almost offended. "Yes. Your brush. I want you to think of it as your brush, and I want you to remember that whenever I use it on you, it is a gift. Whether that gift is a reward or whether that gift is my attention to your discipline is irrelevant. Just remember that I choose to give you exactly what you need." Duo swallowed and Trowa saw his body tense up as he tried to anticipate the first blow. "I won't always do this," he told Duo, "but this time I will tell you how many strokes you deserve." "Thank you," Duo said. "How many?" "Fifteen." It wasn't a very high number, but it wasn't particularly low either. Duo pressed his forehead into the couch cushions and his hands gripped the fabric tightly. Apparently it was sufficiently intimidating. Trowa delivered the first blow and Duo gave a startled cry, only slightly muffled by the couch. Trowa counted to five before delivering the next and Duo rocked with the blow, his hard cock trapped against Trowa's thighs, but, unlike last time, he made no attempt to move again. Trowa continued to steadily beat Duo, keeping each stroke firm and even, careful not to hit too hard but making sure that none of the blows felt like a reprieve. Duo continued to make harsh, strangled noises and his fingers spasmed against the couch as he gripped it tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. He made a noise that sounded very nearly like a sob. "Turn your face so that I can see you," Trowa instructed. Duo hesitated. "Duo. Do not disobey me." Duo drew in a deep, shuddery breath and turned, pressing the right side of his face against the couch and showing Trowa the left side. His eyes were closed and his face was red, his mouth parted as he drew in harsh breaths, and his cheeks were wet. "Duo. Look at me." Duo blinked open his eyes and Trowa watched a tear fall from the corner of his thick, wet eyelashes. "I told you that I wanted to see you cry. Why would you hide your face from me?" Duo swallowed several times. "I can't - I can't cry." Trowa refrained from pointing out the obvious fact that Duo was crying. "Why not?" "Boys aren't supposed to cry." Well fuck. Trowa remembered that now, remembered Duo speaking of Solo, his childhood hero and saviour in the kind of reverent voice that Wufei used when speaking about a well-forged sword or his dead teenage bride, or that Quatre used when speaking about Relena or that Relena used when speaking about the future of mankind, or that Heero used when speaking about Duo. He tried to think through this complication, and he really should have thought of this sooner, but he honestly hadn't - he wondered how much of Duo's tears now were the result of the beating and how much were from his failure to live up to Solo's expectations. "Duo." He smoothed the pad of his thumb over Duo's cheek, erasing the tears. "I told you before that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever you feel, whatever pain or pleasure or frustration or release, I want you to feel it. To express it. What happens between us exists only for us. As soon as you kneel for me the rest of the Earthsphere ceases to exist. There is no past, there is no future - there is only the time you choose to give to me. These tears are not what Solo told you about. These tears aren't for him, they are for me." "You want to just break me down?" Duo asked, his voice without malice or bitterness and Trowa almost wondered if it was an invitation. "Do you feel broken?" Trowa asked cautiously. Duo's lips twisted into a grim line. "You really think spanking me and jerking me off is going to fix me?" He asked by way of an answer. Trowa ran his hand through Duo's hair, buying himself a moment before responding. "Those are tools," Trowa said, choosing his words carefully. "And they aren't the only tools I will use. But you do need discipline - beyond the excuse it gives me to torture you," he added when Duo opened his mouth, "you need it. You need someone else to take control of you and you need to belong to someone." "You can't keep me," Duo said, his eyes dark and troubled. "Oh, but I can certainly try," Trowa said and he gave Duo a sad smile. "I can try, but I know you aren't the kind of pet that will follow me around, waiting for me to have a moment to spare. I'm the one that has to wait for you." Duo sighed, and he looked on the verge of apologizing. Trowa ran his thumb over Duo's lips. "I have never seen anything more beautiful than you are in those moment, Duo." It was clear Duo wanted to say something witty to deflect Trowa's words and attention, but his gaze locked with Trowa's and he seemed to understand the weight of the compliment, the sincerity of it. Trowa broke the moment and ran his hand over Duo's shoulders. "You have five more strokes," Trowa reminded him. Duo nodded and started to turn his head but then he remembered and stayed in the same position. When Trowa hit him again he was able to see Duo's reactions, the way his eyes clenched shut and he drew in a wet, harsh breath of air. He didn't cry again, and it was clear that the tension he had felt earlier had already broken, had already left him empty and at rest and Trowa hoped Duo remembered this feeling, remembering the tight sensation of anger and frustration and anxiety the the moment when it all unraveled and he was able to breath again, to feel again. "Put away your brush and bring me the aloe," Trowa instructed once he had finished. Duo was no longer erect as he rose and took the brush from Trowa. Trowa was willing to assume his arousal had more or less faded at the thought of Solo and his judgement. He took his time rubbing the aloe into Duo's skin, noticing the welts from the edge of the brush and the rich red of Duo's abused flesh. "Spread your legs," he said and Duo obeyed without question or hesitation, perhaps remembering last time, when Trowa had applied the aloe to his ass and then teased his anus. Trowa spread more aloe on his fingers and ran them between Duo's ass cheeks, past his anus and down to the sensitive skin just below his balls. Duo shivered and then moaned when Trowa applied pressure, massaging his prostate through the skin. "I've never done that," Duo said. "You clearly don't take enough time when you masturbate," Trowa chided him. Duo chuckled and then moaned again when Trowa continued forward and massaged his balls. "Clearly not," he agreed, his voice slightly breathless. Trowa made a ring around the base of Duo's once again erect cock and he teased it up and down the length a few times, intentionally not really applying enough friction or pressure to do anything more than frustrate Duo. He returned his fingers to Duo's anus, tracing around the ring of muscle before pressing his index finger against the opening. Duo tensed and Trowa waited for him to relax before pressing forward, slowing easy the tip of his finger inside. "How does it feel?" He asked Duo. "Different," Duo admitted. "Deeper than last time." It was. Trowa had barely penetrated Duo then. Now, he paused once his finger was in to the second knuckle and he waited for Duo to catch his breath. He pulled his finger out and added more aloe before delving back inside, going just a little deeper and holding still while Duo adjusted again. He curved his finger and searched for Duo's prostate, glancing across the knot of flesh. "Holy fuck," Duo cried out. "Red or yellow?" "Green, fucking green," Duo panted and Trowa had to laugh. "If you're going to try this on yourself," he advised Duo, "make sure your nails are very short and very smooth. I do not want you to cut yourself." "Do you do this - to yourself?" With some of his other partners, Trowa would have labeled the question as impertinent and punished his submissive for asking. But this was Duo, who was still a virgin, and who did not willingly go into things blind. "Sometimes. Would like you me to add a second finger?" "I - oh God, Tro," Duo was distracted from answering when Trowa stroked his prostate again. "Yes? I - yes," he decided. Trowa eased his finger out and added more aloe before nudging at Duo's entrance again, this time with his middle and index fingers. He took his time stretching Duo, waiting for his body to accommodate the extra digit before he tried to caress him again. Duo groaned and his hands gripped the couch just as tightly as during his spanking. "Do you like that?" "Yes," Duo panted. "Yes. It feels so intense." Trowa curved his fingers so that he could touch Duo's prostate inside and so that he could rub his thumb over Duo's perineum and stimulate it from the outside as well. "Oh, Jesus. Fuck. Tro." Trowa had to smirk. He continued to stroke Duo until he was writhing in his lap, his cock thrusting against Trowa's thighs and his tight ass raising up to meet Trowa's fingers as he pulled them out and slowly pushed them back in. "Trowa - Trowa can I please come?" He didn't think he would ever tire of hearing Duo ask his permission, of hearing his desperate plea for release. "Yes." Someday his response would be no, but he wanted to wait a little longer before exposing Duo to that particular facet of discipline. Trowa scissored open his fingers and Duo gave a hoarse shout that he quickly muffled against the couch. Trowa could feel his body spasm, tightening around his fingers, and the shudder of release that signalled Duo's orgasm. Trowa eased his fingers out of Duo's body. "Stand up." Duo climbed off of his lap and stood. Most of his semen was on Trowa's pants, but a few drops still clung to his cock and Trowa licked at those, drawing Duo's cock into his mouth and feeling him shudder at the sensation. Once he had cleaned him off, Trowa pulled Duo down onto his lap, letting Duo settled into position before folding him against his chest, allowing Duo to lay his head on his right shoulder. "Sleep with me tonight." It wasn't a command, but it was as close to a request as Trowa could bring himself to make. "Yeah," Duo agreed, his voice thick. They continued to sit on the couch for another half hour while Trowa ran his hand over Duo's back, using his memory to trace the tattoos and locate the scars. -o- When Trowa woke in the morning Duo was already dressed and sitting in the kitchenette. Trowa sniffed the air as he walked into the room. "Shandor let me borrow his percolator to keep it warm," Duo said and gestured towards the coffee maker on the counter. Trowa didn't bother to dress, but instead joined Duo at the small table, still naked, and accepted a cup of the steaming coffee. "Why?" "Because we need to talk and I don't want Sylvan or anyone else around." Trowa arched an eyebrow. "What about?" "The troupe needs to leave the colony. Today if possible." Duo's voice was deadly serious, his eyes cold and his face set into the grim lines of Shinigami. Trowa could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Duo look like this since the war - and none of those times had been pleasant. "Why?" Duo shook his head. "I cannot just tell the troupe to pack up and go," Trowa bit out. "Without some kind of reason." "Think of something. But you need to get them out of here. This place... it's just waiting to blow, Trowa. Any day now something is going to set off the MPs or the colonists. I don't want you here when that happens." "Will you be here what that happens?" Duo shrugged one shoulder and gave him his trademark smirk. "Who knows? Destiny has a funny way of working." Trowa scowled. "Fuck destiny. What do you know?" Duo's eyes grew even colder. "I know that you need to leave, Trowa. You need to tell Sylvan and everyone else whatever lie you want to but you need to leave." Trowa sipped his coffee but, for the first time ever, it tasted bitter and it turned his stomach. He set the cup down. "You didn't say anything last night." Duo drew in a deep breath and slowly let it back out. "No," he agreed. "I didn't. Last night... last night wasn't about today. Last night was just us. Like you said. I need you, I need that chance to be controlled. To belong. You were right. You're always fucking right," he added, a little sourly. Trowa arched an eyebrow at his tone but Duo just shook his head and ran one hand over his face. Trowa realized that Duo looked tired, his face pinched and tense lines drawing down the corners of his mouth. "How long have you been awake?" "Hours. Sorry. I slept as long as I could but... you know me. I've always been a restless sleeper." Trowa nodded. Last night had been no different. Duo had watched Trowa undress, had made a teasing offer to relieve Trowa's erection but Trowa had brushed him off and pulled Duo to his chest and held him, running his hand over Duo's arm and side until Duo's breath grew even and shallow. He had felt Duo wake up an hour or so later and had allowed him to shift away, but had kept one arm draped over him. "You know things aren't right on this colony, Tro," Duo persisted. Trowa had to nod again. Hadn't he been thinking that since his arrival? "Leave," Duo repeated. "Please." -o- ~ * ~ |
