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"The Road Not Taken"Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: angst, language, yaoi Pairings: 2x3, 1x5, 3x4, past 1x3 Summary: Sometimes we live our lives following one road because we never consider another. Trowa Barton has the misfortune to answer the classified of a straight Duo Maxwell. Thanks as always to the always fabulous Cuzo
for being my beta! "The Road Not Taken " Part Eight Duo spent the first week of May locked in his bedroom or the graduate study lounge in the library, frantically writing his term papers and forcing himself to think about nothing else. He was grateful, for perhaps the first time in his academic life, of a crippling workload. Between the four papers he was writing more than one hundred and fifty pages and while he had already finished half of them while Trowa was still in Phoenix, he was still enough of a perfectionist that he revised each of the papers three times. It was a great way to avoid thinking about Trowa, their break up, and his new found sexuality. Instead, he focused on the civil rights movement, immigration reform, the Vietnam War and post-War War II America. All things that should have absolutely nothing to do with Trowa. Except that every time Duo came across an interesting photograph or a great quote or a tragic statistic he wanted to text Trowa and share it with him. After just seven weeks, Trowa had become a fixed part of Duo's life. He was the one Duo wanted to laugh with or bitch to or think about. He was also the one that Duo had lost. When Duo finally turned in his papers he felt empty, as though his entire purpose for living was suddenly gone. It didn't help that the summer stretched out before him. He had made no plans for the long three months, thinking that he would be plenty busy preparing for his thesis and his General Examination in the fall, but he realized now that that left far too many hours in the day for him to think about Trowa. He thought about travelling, he had enough money saved that he could bum around Europe for a few weeks at least, but even that wasn't very appealing. He couldn't help but think how much better it would be if Trowa went with him to Europe. Trowa always seemed to know the most fascinating details about things, and Duo had no doubt that touring the great architectural features of Europe with Trowa would be enlightening. And impossible. He made it through a full week of feeling pathetically depressed and sorry for himself until Hilde cornered him. Unlike Duo, she did have plans for the summer - an internship with a women's advocacy group in New York, so she would be leaving in just a few days. Which meant Duo really would be completely alone for the entire summer. Abandoned by Hilde, his soul mate, and Trowa, the man he loved. "This is pathetic," Hilde announced one night, coming home to find him staring listlessly at the tv, a bottle of wine between his legs. Duo had foregone the use of a glass and decided to drink straight from the bottle. "I know," he agreed. "You have never been this miserable about a breakup. Not even our breakup!" She had stayed up waiting for him the night of his last, fateful date with Trowa, anxious to hear details about the talk, and Duo had still felt raw from the encounter. He had recounted the entire night, including their amazing last kiss and he had actually had to bite his tongue to keep from crying. "I know," he agreed again." "Duo, I'm honestly worried about you," she said and sat down on the couch beside him. "Hilde, I'm fine." "No, you aren't. Talk to me." Duo shook his head. As much as he wanted to, he really, really didn't want to cry, and he knew he might do that. He felt like enough of an idiot as it was. He didn't want to further embarrass himself. "Duo, please." "Hilde, I can't. I don't even know what to say!" "Tell me what you're feeling." "I'm feeling completely empty, Hilde. I feel like - I feel like I spent my entire life blind, and it was okay because I didn't realize I couldn't see and then - then Trowa made me see Hilde. He showed me this entire world I'd never even considered and now I'm just stuck here. I can see, Hilde, but there's nothing for me to look at anymore." "Oh Duo," she wrapped her arms around him. "I know it feels like that now, but just give it some time and -" "No, Hilde, you don't understand. I'm not - okay, let's assume that I can just forget about Trowa and move on. Who am I supposed to move on with? Am I supposed to find a girl? Or a guy? Because I'm not... I don't think I want to date another girl, but I also - what if I really only wanted Trowa? What if I'm not gay either? What if I'm seriously never going to figure myself out?" Hilde sat back and stared at him. "Okay, well I think we can try to answer some of that tonight." "What? How?" "Well, for starters give me the wine and go take a shower. I'm taking you out." "Hilde - don't you and Greg have plans? You're leaving in a week. You don't want to waste your time with me." "Time spent with you is never wasted, Duo. You're my soulmate. And Greg is going to meet up with us later." "Us?" "Yes. Most of the Gender Studies candidates are getting together to celebrate our survival tonight. You're coming with me." "Hilde, no. I don't -" "Yes. You are. Now get up, clean up, and get dressed. And shave!" Duo stared at her for a long, defiant moment, but predictably he gave in and did as instructed. An hour later he found himself standing on the back porch of a three story house holding a plastic cup of beer and wishing he was back on the couch, alone. "Hey." Duo turned to see a man approach him. "I'm Zechs," the man said and held out one hand. "Duo." He shook the other man's hand. "Hilde suggested I should come and save you from yourself." Duo had to snort a laugh at that. He looked Zechs over. He was tall, fair, with intense blue eyes and long, white blond hair that was longer than Duo's. He wore it loose, as if daring anyone to comment on it. He was attractive, and Duo was startled to realize that he was attracted to him. "You don't have to," he assured Zechs, "I'm pretty miserable company at the moment and shit for conversation." Zechs arched an eyebrow. "If you don't feel like talking, I can think of other things we can do to save you," he suggested. Duo stared at him. "Are you... are you flirting with me?" "I was trying to, yes," Zechs said, smirking widely. "I have to admit, I usually get a better response to that kind of proposition than a confused stare." "No, I'm sorry, I just... I mean, you're gorgeous and I'm..." "Not far from gorgeous yourself," Zechs assured him. He closed the space between them and brushed one long strand of Duo's bangs back. "Not far at all," he said and leaned down to kiss Duo. Holy shit, Duo thought at the searing heat of Zechs' mouth and the forceful plunge of his tongue into Duo's own mouth. It was nothing like kissing Trowa, nothing like anything Duo had experienced. He found himself leaning into the taller man and kissing him back, their tongues battling together for control. Zechs pulled away with a smirk. "So how about it?" "What?" Duo had no idea what he was talking about. "Want to take this somewhere a little more private?" "I, uh, that seems kind of rude?" Zechs snorted. "It's my house. If I want to take a hot guy up to my room and blow him I can do that." "Oh. Oh." Duo thought about it for a moment but then he tossed back the rest of his beer and followed Zechs. They wove their way through the crowd inside the house, Duo spotting Hilde and Greg deep in conversation with a blue haired woman, and upstairs to, presumably, Zech's bedroom. As soon as the door closed behind him, Duo felt a pang of regret. What the hell was he doing? He had never been into casual sex - and he had never even experienced homosexual oral sex. But Zechs' hot mouth was soon back on his and he could feel the other man's hands working to unfasten his pants. "This is, really fast," Duo had to say when Zechs pulled away. "Would you like me to slow down?" Zechs asked, still smirking. He knelt down and ran his hands up Duo's torso, under his shirt and Duo shuddered at the sensation. "Yeah, yes." Zechs continued to smirk as he slowly undid the button and then the zipper on Duo's jeans. "How is this?" Zechs asked, slowly pulling Duo's pants and boxers down to his ankles. "That wasn't actually what I meant," Duo had to say. "I know," Zechs said with a chuckle. "But if I hesitate now, you're just going to put your jeans back on and run away from me, aren't you?" "The thought had crossed my mind," Duo admitted. "I just - I don't even know you and -holy mother of God!" Zechs clearly had no interest in what Duo was saying. He ignored him completely and licked Duo's cock, his broad tongue stopping to swirl around the head. "Still too fast?" Zechs asked, using one hand to work Duo fully erect while he cupped his balls with the other. "Ah, um, no, not too fast," Duo panted. "Good." Duo found it hard to maintain any coherent thoughts as Zechs proceeded to give him the most amazing blow job of his life. It felt incredible, indescribably different than oral sex with Hilde or Sylvia and Duo felt completely boneless afterwards, sliding down to the floor while Zechs grinned at him and licked a drop of semen from the corner of his mouth. "I, Jesus Christ. That was amazing." "I like the way you taste," Zechs said. "We should do this again sometime." Duo blinked and realized he was being kicked out. He struggled to stand up and pull his boxers and pants back on. "I, uh, would you like to get coffee or something?" Duo asked. Zechs chuckled. "I'm not interested in dating you," he said and kissed Duo. Duo could taste himself in the other man's mouth. It was intensely strange, but not unpleasant. "But if you decide you don't mind taking things a little faster, I wouldn't say no a quick fuck." Duo had no idea what to say. "Let me see your phone," Zechs said calmly. Duo passed it over and watched Zechs enter his number. "Call me when you're ready for more," Zechs said before opening the door to his bedroom and ushering Duo out. -o- A new project was exactly what Trowa needed to get his mind off of Duo, and it was with relief that he went to the first read thru of The Pillowman two weeks after his breakup. It was a dark play, which suited Trowa's dark mood these days just fine. Of course, the fact that Quatre was cast in the show didn't help, or that Wufei and Heero both kept glancing over at him during the read, clearly trying to gauge his mood. He had told them that he had ended things with Duo and stated that he didn't want to talk about it. So far they had respected that, but Trowa knew them both well enough to know that that would only last for so long. No doubt it would come up at one of their Sunday dinners eventually. Until then, Trowa tried to bury every thought about Duo and focus only on his work. The trouble with that, however, was Quatre. The blond's constant presence in his life did nothing to help things. Especially when, after the read thru ended, he came up to Trowa. "Hey," Quatre stopped him on his way out with a hand on his arm. Trowa sighed. "Hey," he responded, knowing that he didn't have it in him to just ignore Quatre when he was right in front of him. "Do you want to grab lunch?" Trowa started to shake his head in the negative. "Just lunch," Quatre finagled. "I'm not trying to get you back or anything - I just really miss talking to you and it would be nice to catch up." Trowa hesitated. "Oh come on, you have to eat, don't you? And I promise I won't try to blow you under the table or anything, unless you want me to?" Quatre gave him a saucy wink. "Quatre." "I'm only teasing you. I know you've got your new straight boyfriend for that sort of thing anyway." That brought Trowa up short. "Who talked to you about Duo?" He didn't think that Wufei or Heero or even Cathy, who loved to gossip more than even Wufei, would mention Duo to Quatre. "Oh, he did." Quatre shrugged. "I ran into him at Capulets a few weeks ago?" He shrugged again. "So, lunch? Seriously. I just want to talk to you. I promise to keep my hands to myself for an hour." Trowa wanted to say no, but in truth, a small part of him that would probably never go away wanted to spend time with Quatre. A larger part wanted to know more about Quatre and Duo's encounter, and he gave in. "Sure. Chipotle?" "You read my mind," Quatre said happily. He grabbed the stylish leather messenger bag with his script, water and notes and fell into step beside Trowa. "This is going to be a good show." "It's very dark," Trowa pointed out, surprised that Quatre was excited about something he didn't have the lead in. "And Ariel is a really different character for you to play." "I know," Quatre agreed. "I'll be honest, I was kind of pissed when Wufei was cast as Katurian but today during the read, listening to him... he's going to be amazing. He's got a perfect voice for the role and he's able to blend anger and confusion really well. Besides, I haven't ever done a role like Ariel. I'm looking forward to it." Trowa had to smile when Quatre looked up at him with a broad grin. He wanted to hate Quatre - it would be so much easier if he could - but Quatre was a good person. It wasn't until they were halfway into their naked burritos that Trowa brought up Duo. "You so him at Capulets?" Quatre nodded. "Yes. He was so adorably lost and terrified to ask for help." Quatre chuckled. "I remembered him from that night - the opening night of Eurydice? Anyway, he said he was trying to learn how to be gay and didn't know what you liked or expected and he really, really is adorable. How did you two meet?" "Heero introduced us," Trowa stretched the truth a considerable amount. It worried him that Duo had asked Quatre what Trowa enjoyed and expected. He wondered just what Quatre had told him. "I guess Heero gets his revenge then," Quatre muttered. Trowa arched an eyebrow at that. "You know, for me enticing you away from him years ago. Now he found someone to entice you away from me." "Duo didn't entice me away from you, Quatre. You never wanted me in the first place." Trowa had to point out. Quatre sighed. "I always want you Trowa, you just... you've always thought I was capable of giving you more than I can." Trowa had to arch an eyebrow at that. "You did! You wanted me to become some domesticated thing that I'm just not interested in. I'm gay, Trowa, and I don't want to replicate the same kind of heterosexual entrapment that people have been forced into for millennia." "Are you talking about marriage?" "Yes. Marriage and a family and all of that. Trowa, we're different. We aren't like straight couples." "Heero and Wufei are." Quatre rolled his eyes. "Heero and Wufei are only gay because they hate women. If either of them could get it up for a pair of tits they would be straight in a heartbeat. I don't want to be compared to them." Trowa shook his head in disagreement. "They have an amazing relationship - they're partners, Quatre. That's all I ever wanted from you. Just for you to be my partner." Quatre gave him a sad smile. "And that's the one thing I can't give you. I don't want you to get tired of me, Trowa. And if you saw me everyday you would. I love you too much to let you throw me away." Trowa was shocked into momentary silence. "I would never do that, Quatre. I wanted to spend my life with you. I wasn't going to get tired of you." "But you did," Quatre pointed out. "No, I got tired of you choosing other guys over me. I got tired of waiting for you to realize I was there." "And what if I said I was ready for you now? If I said I wanted to try out this partnership thing of yours - would you get rid of your straight boy for me?" "Why does everyone keep calling him that?" Trowa snapped. It didn't matter that the relationship was over now, it still irritated him. Especially to hear Quatre say it. "Probably because we can all sense his fear of your dick," Quatre murmured. "Of course, now he's probably just as afraid of your hands." "What?" Trowa asked in confusion. "I pointed him towards the BDSM section of Capulets and told him about our little fisting experiment and your fascination with leather." Trowa felt all of the blood drain from his face. "You did not." "I was just trying to open his eyes, Trowa. He's such an ignorant little virgin and he was pretty desperate to learn anything I could teach him." "The fisting was your idea and it was one time, Quatre." "Yes, but the bondage was all you." "You never complained about it - and I don't think we can call a blindfold and a pair of fuzzy cuffs hardcore bondage." Quatre shrugged. "I know. But I still felt he had a right to know about it - after all, he might not appreciate showing up at your apartment to find you wearing just a pair of leather chaps quite like I did." "You're an asshole, Quatre," Trowa decided, finally able to start hating him. Suddenly Trowa realized that his last conversation with Duo had not been about what he had thought it was. Hadn't Duo practically come out and said he was terrified of Trowa's lifestyle? At the time, Trowa had thought it meant that Duo was scared of coming out as a gay man and engaging in sex. But what if he had meant BDSM or fisting? What if Duo had finally been ready to move forward in their relationship and first Quatre, then Trowa himself had ruined it?
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