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"The Road Not Taken"Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: angst, language, yaoi Pairings: 2x3, 1x5, 3x4, past 1x3 Summary: Sometimes we live our lives following one road because we never consider another. Trowa Barton has the misfortune to answer the classified of a straight Duo Maxwell. Thanks as always to the always fabulous Cuzo
for being my beta! "The Road Not Taken " Part Seven "We have some news," Wufei said as they sat down at the table and Heero plated their grilled steaks. Trowa arched an eyebrow. "You've finally decided to stop calling Duo my straight boyfriend?" "No, of course not," Heero told him with a smirk. "We're going to adopt," Wufei said. Trowa blinked. "Like a kid?" "No, a wild badger," Wufei snapped. "Of course a kid." "Wow." "Wow?" Wufei echoed. "Yeah. Wow. That's amazing." And it was. He knew that Heero had always wanted to adopt kids and suspected that Wufei did as well - why else would he be interested in marrying Heero in the first place if he didn't share that dream? - but he had somehow imagined that it would be further down the road. "You two will be great parents," he said with confidence and then smirked. "Wufei's going to give into their every whim and Heero will be a great bad cop." "I am not going to spoil our children," Wufei said and shot Heero a glare. "Don't you even start." Heero chuckled and turned towards Trowa. "We're working with an agency out of New York that places refugees who have lost their parents in conflicts abroad." "That's... wow." He said again. "We passed the interviews and now we're on the list - they said there's a good chance we might have a child in the next six months to a year." "Boy or girl?" "It doesn't matter to us. Eventually, I think we'd like a boy and a girl, but we'll be happy with whatever family we make." "I'm really happy for you," he said. Wufei leaned over and kissed Heero and Trowa felt a moment of pure jealousy as he realized that he could be in Wufei's position right now. He could be the one ready to start a family with Heero. Instead, he had cheated on Heero with Quatre, almost ruining their friendship and certainly ruining their chances of a life together. Five years later, Wufei and Heero were ready to start a family and Trowa... Trowa was dating a straight guy. He was no closer to his dreams of having someone in his life and having a family than he had been the day he confessed his betrayal to Heero. "We would like you to be the godfather, if you are interested," Heero said. "Are you sure?" Wufei nodded. "Absolutely. You and Cathy will be perfect to foist the monsters off on when we want to run away to Hawaii." Trowa had to laugh. "I see." "You're my best friend, Trowa," Heero said, "and we want you to be part of our family." The words brought Trowa up short. He swallowed hard against a lump in his throat. "Thank you," he said, meaning it sincerely. Heero smirked at him and nodded. "But," Wufei interrupted the heavy moment, "how is your straight boyfriend?" "He's fine," Trowa sighed. "Did he give you a proper homecoming?" Wufei asked with a lascivious wink. "Not yet. He's coming over tomorrow night." "Did you talk to him? About what you wanted from him?" Heero asked. Trowa sighed. "No. There wasn't really a good time to do it before I left and it didn't seem like the kind of thing to talk about over the phone." "If you keep putting it off, you're going to end up having that kind of conversation at the worst possible moment," Heero prophesized. "I'm not sure when there is a good moment to tell your straight boyfriend that if he's not interested in at least touching my dick then I want to break up with him." He realized he had said too much and had to confront the dual, shocked stares of Wufei and Heero. "He hasn't -" Heero started. "Dump him. Dump him now," Wufei advised. "He really is straight, isn't he?" "What exactly have you two done together?" Heero asked. Trowa sighed. "I've given him a few hands jobs," he wasn't going to add that they had had three nights of amazing phone sex, because he felt fairly certain that wouldn't help Duo's case in the least. Wufei just sat silent, shaking his head. "I think this is about more than sex," Heero said, clearly choosing his words carefully. "Is he really someone you can see yourself in a relationship with in five years - an intimate, physical and emotional relationship?" "I've only known him for seven weeks, Heero." "Trowa, when you and I had been together for seven weeks we were working our way through the Kama Sutra for a second time and planning to move to Atlanta together." That had been true. They had met the summer after graduate school while working together at a summer stock theatre in upstate New York. Neither can concrete plans for the future, but after seven weeks together they had decided that whatever future was out there, it would be better to face it together. So, in August after the season ended, they packed up their things and moved to Atlanta, finding an apartment and moving in together and living an amazingly happy life together until the night Quatre asked Trowa to drive him home after a dress rehearsal for A Midsummer Night's Dream. "Heero -" "No, Trowa, I'm serious. I know seven weeks isn't a lot of time, but you were in love with him after four dates. If you can't tell now whether or not you want to be with him - or whether or not he wants to be with you, then there's a problem." Trowa sighed. There was no argument against Heero's logic. He chanced a look at Wufei and then had to wince. The reference to working their way through the Kama Sutra multiple times probably didn't sit well with him. Wufei, seeming to read his mind, shrugged. "Don't worry about it. We worked our way through it a few times before moving on to more advanced things." -o- Duo didn't think of himself as vain. He liked to be clean and he liked to be presentable in his appearance, but he didn't put much effort into his clothing. Sylvia had tried, for a while, to pepper his wardrobe with clothing she thought was appropriate for a future history professor. She was the sole reason he had three pairs of khaki pants, let alone one. She was also the reason why all of his cargo pants and cargo shorts had been thrown out. So now, as he stared at his closet and tried to figure out what in the hell to wear, he felt at a complete loss. "Hilde!" He finally called for assistance after half an hour of fruitless efforts. "What's up? And whoa! Duo! What are you wearing?" Hilde's eyes locked onto the black, athletic cut boxer briefs and Duo fought the urge to cover himself. "Uh, boxer briefs? Do they look stupid?" "Um, no. I've never seen you look so sexy - you're like a male model or something, Duo. Jeez! Turn around for me." He reluctantly did so. "Duo, your ass looks amazing! Trowa's going to rip these things right off you!" Duo snorted a laugh. "Hopefully, but first, he's going to have to rip off my clothes." She arched an eyebrow. "I don't see you wearing any." Duo sighed. "Yeah, that's the problem. I haven't seen him in three weeks and... look, the last time we were together he kind of wanted more and I hesitated and I want more too. So... how do I say that with my clothes?" Hilde's mouth worked as she tried not to smile. "My little Duo," she finally said as she walked over to the closet and started to leaf her way through the clothes. "All grown up and ready to be ravished by a big, strong man." Her words did nothing for his anxiety. Because Duo definitely wasn't ready to be ravished by a big, strong man. Especially not one who enjoyed fisting and bondage. He forced himself not to panic. Trowa hadn't pushed him into anything yet - he seriously doubted that he would spring on him with a pair of rubber gloves and a barrel of industrial lubricant tonight. "Okay... put these on and I'll be right back." Hilde handed him a pair of black trousers and Duo pulled them on. He realized they were the same ones he had worn when he and Trowa went to see Eurydice together. That brought back pleasant memories of their kiss in the theatre, when Duo had almost come at just a squeeze of his ass from Trowa. "Do you want to go for kind of... casual, sexy Duo or do you want more super slutty, take me to bed or lose me forever Duo?" Hilde held up his red dress shirt in one hand and one of her blue dress shirts in her other. "Hilde, does your shirt even fit me?" "Barely, probably. Try it on." He reluctantly did so, sure that the strained buttons would break. "Tuck it in," she instructed. He did so and then looked at himself in the mirror. Because of the cut of the shirt it was open for a good three inches below his collarbone, displaying the top of his tattoo. It also fit him like a glove - an obscene glove. "I cannot wear this in public," he told her. "Are you going to be in public?" She asked him and he realized he had no idea. "Uh... I don't know. I guess I should ask." He called Trowa. "Hey," Trowa answered, the warmth of his voice making Duo smile. Hilde rolled her eyes. "Hey yourself," Duo said. "I was wondering what you had planned for tonight. Did you want to go out or stay in or...?" Trowa sighed. "We should probably go out," he said, the warmth strangely gone from his voice. "I don't mind staying in," Duo said, ignoring the leer Hilde shot him. "No, we need to talk and if we just stay in I'm probably going to get distracted." "What kind of talk?" Duo asked. Was this going to be the time when Trowa announced his fetishes? "Just - let's meet up at Hal's on Old Ivy. I've got reservations for us at eight." "Okay, sure. That sounds great." Duo hung up and had to stare at his phone in confusion. "So... super slut or not?" Hilde prompted. "I'm thinking definitely not." He started to take off Hilde's shirt. "He's taking me to Hal's." Hilde's eyes widened. "Isn't that where you took Sylvia to break up with her? Both times?" "Three times - you're forgetting this last one." "Right - and you took what's her name, Karen? Karen, right? You went out with her five or six times? You broke up with her there too, right? And who was it? Sarah? Was Sarah the -" "Yes, Hilde. Hal's is my preferred break up dinner date location." Duo took the red shirt from her and angrily started to button it up. "Does Trowa know that?" "What? No." "Then maybe he wants to take you there because it's a really nice restaurant?" Duo glared at her. "What? Duo, come on! It is a really nice restaurant!" "Yeah, which is the point! I take girls there so they don't make a huge scene when I end things and so they don't feel like I've treated them like shit." "Okay, but again, Trowa doesn't know that's what you do. Duo, come on!" He sighed. "Hilde, he said we needed to talk. That's never a good thing." "Well," Hilde sat down on his bed and watched him put on a suit jacket and start searching for a tie. "Sometimes it can be." "Really? Like when?" "Like when... oh fuck it, I don't know Duo! But do you have any reason to think he's going to break up with you?" Duo frowned and thought about it. "No, except he really didn't sound... I don't know, Hilde. He didn't sound exactly thrilled about talking to me. Which is weird, yanno, because we've been talking for hours every day for the last three weeks - so this is clearly not a good talk." In Duo's mind there were only two possibilities - Trowa was going to break up with him, or Trowa was going to reveal his BDSM passions and was already adopting the role of a stern, cold master. Duo swallowed hard. He had hesitantly purchased a book on BDSM and one on fisting from Capulets. He hadn't been able to get past the introduction in the fisting book, but he had read the BDSM guide. Parts of it intrigued him, but other parts he wanted nothing to do with. He sighed and looked at Hilde. "I need to ask you something, and it's going to sound weird and I need you to just... go with it." "Okay..." "If you were dating someone and you realized that they had a... kind of lifestyle that you didn't want to ever be part of, what would you do?" "Well," she cocked her head to one side. "Does this lifestyle affect me?" "Yeah. The lifestyle... I mean you would have to become part of it." "And I'm not interested in it at all?" "You're interested in something like two things about this lifestyle but everything else terrifies you." "Duo, if Trowa is into things that you don't want to do, just tell him that." Duo closed his eyes. "Yeah, I know, but it's not that simple. It's really a lifestyle here, Hilde." The BDSM book had very explicitly laid out what was expected in most master-slave relationships and Duo wasn't at all comfortable with it. On one hand, he did trust Trowa, but on the other, he had absolutely no desire to be tied up and spanked. The thought of Trowa putting his hand - his large hand with long fingers - up Duo's rectum was even less appealing. "I can't do it, Hil. I just - I mean, fuck. I've been trying to work myself towards just touching him and now I learn this and I just - it's not... I have no fucking clue what to do." "Well, I think freaking out is the worst thing you could do," Hilde said and kissed his forehead. "Pull yourself together and talk to him. You've said you can talk to him about anything. I think this counts as anything." Duo nodded. She was right. "Okay. Yeah." He just needed to figure out how to tell Trowa he was terrified of what he wanted. -o- Trowa had hoped that meeting Duo for dinner out in public would help him figure out just what and how to tell Duo that things weren't working out for him. That plan had gone immediately out of the proverbial window when Duo had walked into the restaurant in a black suit, black tie and blood red shirt that made Trowa want to take him home and undress him. And then Duo smiled at him, that shy, self-deprecating smile he sometimes had that made Trowa want to kiss him until he was breathless and moaning. Pull it together, he mentally berated himself. Duo sat down across from him at the table. "It's good to see you," Trowa told him, meaning it. "You too. I really missed you, Tro." Tro. How could do make that nickname sound so damn sexy? "Have you been here before?" Trowa asked him, gesturing to the restaurant. Duo sighed. "A few times, yeah." Trowa had to arch an eyebrow at his tone. "Nothing pleasant?" "Oh, no, it was... the food is great." An awkward silence fell between them that was broken only by the waiter coming back to take their orders. "So, I mean, you said you wanted to talk? I just -" Duo caught himself when the waiter came back with their wine. "I knew if we just stayed in for the night I would forget about talking to you and just try to get you naked," Trowa confessed once they were alone again. Duo flushed. "I don't think I would have complained much, if that was the plan." Duo's words made Trowa sigh. "I know you wouldn't have complained, much, but Duo... I like you." "I like you," Duo insisted. "I think about you all the time and, hell, Tro, talking to you on the phone has been the highlight of my days for the last three weeks. Just the sound of your voice makes me smile and I - I'm sorry. I'm a little freaked out at the moment." "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable." "No, it's my own fault. This restaurant... this is where I've taken some of my old girlfriends to, in the past, to break up with them." "You're joking." Duo shook his head. "No. It's a nice place, you know? So no one is likely to get up and start yelling at me and it's good food so it's not like I've tried to ditch them on the side of the road or anything, you know?" Trowa had to nod in agreement. It had been his exact thinking when choosing this restaurant tonight. "Duo, I've had a lot of fun with you these past few weeks." Duo stared at him. "Holy shit, you are breaking up with me," he breathed. Trowa winced at his tone. "You're an amazing guy, Duo. You're smart, funny, sexy - you're everything I've ever dreamed of finding in a guy, but, Duo, I don't think I'm everything you've ever dreamed of, am I?" "Well, no. I never really dreamed about guys before I met you, but Trowa -" "Duo, do you really think you can do this? Do you really think you can be in a relationship with me? Something that involves more than me giving you a hand job? I - I'm not straight, Duo. I'm not just figuring out whether or not I like the idea of sucking another guy's dick. You are and I think that you're not ready for what I want." "I - Tro, I just..." Duo sighed. "You're right. You deserve to be with someone who can do that stuff with you, or have you do - or whatever, you know? And I guess I'm just not that guy. I mean, it's not your dick I'm uncomfortable with, Trowa, it's everything else that, I mean if I'm being honest it scares the hell out of me." Trowa sat back in his chair. "That was... very honest," he had to say. Duo shrugged and offered a bitter smile. "You know me, speak what you feel..." Trowa had to nod in agreement. "And if that's what you feel, I'm glad you said something." Duo sighed. "It's just - Trowa, you've changed my life. I've never felt this way about anyone and I've tried a lot of new things with you and I've loved all of them, but I can't... I can't do that. Not with you, not with anyone." Trowa was amazed at how deeply Duo's words cut into him. He had suspected their conversation would go this way, but that didn't mean he wasn't still surprised. Part of him had hoped that Duo, especially after their intensely erotic phone sex, was finally embracing the idea of touching another man. "It's your lifestyle - I guess, hell, it's your life, isn't it? I want you to be happy and to be with someone who can do those things with you. I really, really wish it was me, Tro. God I wish it was me, but I just..." "Duo." He reached across the table and gripped the other man's hand. "It's okay. I understand. And I appreciate it." Duo gave him a shy smile. "I guess, maybe we could try be friends after all?" He suggested. Their food arrived and Trowa was saved from disappointing him. He knew now there was no way he could be Duo's friend. Not if it meant being near him, hearing his voice, smelling his aftershave, seeing his smile. They ate dinner in relative silence. Duo managed to keep a light conversation going for some of it, telling Trowa a few horror stories about the undergrads he taught, but Trowa could tell Duo's heart wasn't really in it. They skipped dessert and after Trowa paid the bill they walked out together. "This is me," Duo said and gestured towards his Corolla. "I'm over there somewhere," Trowa said, waving vaguely behind them. Duo smiled. "Sorry," he said when Trowa gave him a look. "It's just - this is the same as the first time we went out." Trowa nodded, remembering. He had been nervous then. Duo had captivated him almost instantly - first on the phone and then again in person, when he smiled at him and he hadn't wanted to screw it up. "Would you mind... maybe a goodbye kiss?" Duo asked. He had clearly decided for himself that Trowa wasn't interested in being merely friends. "Of course," Trowa said, knowing he would regret it. Duo closed the space between them and reached up, wrapping his arms around Trowa's shoulders and angling his head downwards so that their lips met. It was the saddest, most passionate kiss Trowa had ever experienced and he found himself blinking back tears when they pulled away. "Thank you, Tro," Duo said, giving him a sad smile before turning and walking away. -o-
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