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"The Road Not Taken"Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: angst, language, yaoi Pairings: 2x3, 1x5, 3x4, past 1x3 Summary: Sometimes we live our lives following one road because we never consider another. Trowa Barton has the misfortune to answer the classified of a straight Duo Maxwell. Thanks as always to the always fabulous Cuzo
for being my beta! "The Road Not Taken " Part Six As Spring semester drew to a close Duo found himself having to comfort the undergrads in the classes he TA'd for as well as trying to juggle his own work load. He had four papers to finish and was still trying to prep for his thesis, which he would begin in earnest in the fall. He found himself spending most of his nights in the library, and felt a moment of gratitude that Trowa was gone for most of April - if he had been in town Duo had no doubt that he would have wanted to set aside his work and spend time with Trowa instead. Of course, late nights in the library meant that he holed himself in the graduate study lounge and talked to Trowa while he tried to assemble a reading list for his thesis. He found himself grateful for this three week break from their physical relationship - it gave him the chance to get to know Trowa better and to revel in the sound of his voice without getting distracted by his mouth and wanting to kiss him. Duo wondered if eventually it would be easier to be around Trowa and not think about kissing him. Part of him hoped so while another part hoped not. Duo had never felt quite this way about anyone except for Hilde - when they had dated he had wanted to spend every moment with her. He felt the same way about Trowa now, but Trowa seemed content to seeing him only once or twice a week. Now that he was in Phoenix, however, they spoke every night and texted often during the day. It was great for Duo, and he wondered if he would be able to convince Trowa to either continue their nightly conversations or at least spend more time together. Hopefully he could talk him into both. Because as much as he enjoyed talking to Trowa every night, he missed touching him. It was crazy to think that two months ago he had considered himself to be straight, with zero interest in guys and every one of his future plans focused around marrying the woman of his dreams and raising a family. And now he found himself taking study breaks to look up gay porn on the internet. He had bookmarked the website Trowa had used to show him the frottage clip, and over the last weeks he had found himself visiting the site fairly often. Unfortunately, nearly half of the time he found clips he enjoyed while the other half of the time he saw things that scared the shit out of him. He had absolutely no idea what Trowa was into, he realized, and no idea what to expect if he did try to progress their physical relationship. Duo had enjoyed himself with Trowa, but he couldn't deny the fact that he wanted more - even if he still wasn't entirely sure what more was. He knew he wanted to touch him, to feel his cock and his body and make Trowa come with the same intensity that Duo did, but he also knew he was way out of his league. Trowa was older, experienced, and amazing. Duo had never had complaints from Hilde or Sylvia or any of the other women he had been in years, but he seriously doubted that his skills would translate to pleasuring Trowa. So Duo fell back into his old habits and decided to focus on research. He still spent hours on his actual research and graded papers for his professors, but he managed to carve out some time at night to sit up late and watch porn or read erotica, taking notes on a pad of paper with hand even while he often masturbated with the other. And of course, that's how Hilde found him one night when she barged into his room unannounced. She stood in the doorway, staring at him with her mouth open. Duo froze, one hand still around his cock, the other holding a pen over an open notebook, and the sights and sounds of two sailors fucking on his laptop. "I, er, um… I'm just going to go and…" Hilde closed the door and Duo fell backwards on his bed, completely mortified. He took a moment to collect himself and then closed his laptop, set aside his notebook, and found his sweatpants. He went into the bathroom and rinsed the lotion off of his palm before going to look for Hilde. He found her rifling through the fridge. "Hilde -" "No, um, you don't need to say anything. I was just having trouble opening the wine but I'm going to switch to liquor anyway," she pulled away from the fridge, a bottle of rum in one hand and a can of coke in the other. "So it's okay." "Hilde -" "Really, you don't need to say anything. In fact, can we please just forget that that ever happened?" "Yes," Duo agreed. "I'd love to do that, but I think we both know that's not going to happen." Hilde poured out half of the coke, filled it back up with rum, and took a sizeable gulp before looking at him. "So, is there, um, any kind of rational explanation for what I just saw? I mean, were you watching gay porn, taking notes and masterbating?" "I like to multi-task," Duo said defensively, but he knew his face was flaming red. "Gay porn, though, right? That was definitely two male sailors, wasn't it?" "Yeah, yeah it was." "Is this something new you and Sylvia are experimenting with or are you writing a paper or…?" "No, it's not for a paper. And Sylvia and I broke up almost six weeks ago," Duo said. Hilde frowned. "Then who have you been going out on dates with?" "Huh?" "For the past… six weeks, you keep going out random nights and coming home late with a goofy look on your face. Well, except for the last three weeks, when you just crawl home looking exhausted." "I've been staying late at the library most nights these past few weeks," Duo explained. "And before that?" Duo sighed. It was now or never. "I've been dating Trowa. The guy who answered my classified ad and I'm watching the porn and taking notes so I can figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do and I'm masterbating because it's hot as hell." "Oh," Hilde said. She stared at him in silence for a long moment before chugging back the rest of her drink. "So… you're gay?" Duo shrugged. "I'm at least bisexual." Hilde nodded. "Uh huh. Sorry, this is a lot to process." Duo sighed. "No kidding," he agreed. "So you two are… dating, dating?" Duo frowned. "Is there any other kind? What do you mean?" "I mean, you've had sex with him?" Duo crossed his arms. "Define sex." "Have you, I don't even know - have you penetrated him or, Jesus that's just weird to say." "No, we haven't done that. And I think it would probably be him doing the penetrating, I don't think I could do that to him." "But you have done things?" Duo nodded. "A hell of a lot of kissing and just kind of fooling around, you know? A few hand jobs." Hilde arched an eyebrow. "You've given him hand jobs?" "No," Duo admitted with a sigh. "Those were from him. I, well, that's part of why I'm watching the porn - to figure out what to do." "Do, haven't you been jacking yourself off since you were a teenager?" "Yeah?" "So… can't you apply the same principle to someone else's penis?" "Sure, saying that makes it sound simple, but, I mean, Hilde, he's freaking amazing - I feel completely out of my element with him. I don't know what to do or what he's going to like." "Wait, wait - a minute ago - you said that you wanted him to do the penetrating? Are you serious?" Duo shrugged. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'd hurt him, you know? And he's done it before and it kind of… I don't know, I guess I sort of like the idea of him doing that to me?" Hilde's mouth dropped open once again. "Holy Mother of shit. You are totally gay." Duo frowned. "You don't have to say it like that - you're the one who told me to go out with him in the first place." "Yeah, and then you ignored me and hooked up with Sylvia again. I just… I can't believe this Duo. You're like this totally different person." "I am not. The only thing that's changed is my taste in porn and the fact that I get off in the shower thinking about fucking Trowa instead of you. I'm still the same." "You've replaced fantasy me with a fantasy boy - that's a pretty dramatic change, Duo. And I'm not - I'm not saying it's bad, just that, I mean Jesus, Duo. You've kept this a secret from me for six weeks!" Duo sighed. "Yeah, well, I didn't exactly know how to bring it up, okay? It's kind of been one mind blowing realization about myself after another for the last month and I don't know… Hilde… It feels like I'm crazy, like I've done this completely stupid thing that doesn't make any sense at all and I feel things about him that I've never felt about anybody. I love being with him, I love thinking about him and talking to him and touching him and -" "Does he get you?" Hilde interrupted. "I mean really get you?" Duo thought about it for a moment. "Yeah," he concluded. He thought back to all of their conversations, their jokes, their shared looks. "He really gets me." Hilde smiled. "Then, I mean, how crazy is it really? Love is blind or whatever, right?" "Love?" Hilde arched an eyebrow. "You're going to tell me you aren't in love with him? Because you were confessing your eternal devotion to me after our fourth date. And you've been seeing this guys for weeks now." Duo blushed. "Yeah, but it's not like I can say it or anything. Hilde, he's… he's out of my league. I don't really know why he's wasting his time on me, but I already say enough crazy shit - I'm not going to tell him I love him on top of all that other stuff." Hilde cocked her head to one side. "Duo, if he gets you, then he's going to get that you fall hard and you fall fast." "Maybe." She sighed. "Fine, don't listen to be about that but please, please stop watching porn to figure out what gay sex is supposed to be like." "Why?" He asked in confusion. "Because it's porn and just like straight porn, it's about fetishes and fantasy fulfilment - it's not real. If you really want to learn, go to Capulets - it's an adult store that caters to the LGBT community." "How do you know about it?" Duo had to ask. "I'm getting my doctorate in Gender Studies, Duo. I know all the adult stores in Atlanta. Plus they have a great vibrator collection." -o- After almost three weeks in Phoenix, Trowa was certain the city was no longer on his list of possible future homes. It was hot, dry and sandy. The water tasted strange, the sun was killing him, and he missed Duo. It was crazy, and stupid, but Trowa was literally counting down the days until he could kiss Duo again. Just three more days until he started his drive home. Heero and Wufei had already made him promise to come over for dinner on Sunday, but on Monday night Trowa had every intention of spending the entire night on the couch with Duo, or, if he was lucky, his bed. Five days and he would be with Duo again. Thinking about that last night with Duo had more or less sustained him over these last few weeks. That and the sound of Duo's voice. Talking to him every night over the last few weeks had been amazing, and Trowa hoped that he could convince Duo to continue the tradition once he was back in Atlanta, or at least spend more time with him. Suddenly two or three nights a week didn't feel like enough time together. Trowa tried to tell himself that he didn't even care about the physical side of things - if Duo still felt uncomfortable touching him, that was fine. They could watch movies or go out or do anything, really, so long as Trowa was able to be with him. He realized that kind of thinking would earn him a lecture from Wufei and a knowing look from Heero. Maybe they were right, maybe Duo was turning him straight after all. When Duo called that night it was still only nine in Phoenix and Trowa had just arrived back at the apartment after having a drink with the other designers. "God I miss you, Tro," Duo said by way of greeting and it made Trowa smile. "I miss you too, Duo," he said. "How many days until you're back?" Duo asked with an anxious sigh. Trowa had to laugh. "Five. I'll see you on Monday." "Right. Monday. I'm going to have to start counting down the hours." Trowa smiled at the thought that Duo was as excited to see him again as Trowa was to see Duo. "Anything in particular you would like to do?" He asked. "Uhh, anything that involves being with you? I mean I've got about twelve fantasies I'd like to work my way through with you but we could get dinner or something too, I guess." "What kind of fantasies?" Trowa had to ask and the silence on Duo's end made him suspect that the other man was blushing and trying to figure out what to say that would cause him the least embarrassment. "I only ask because I've got a few of my own," he said, trying to ease Duo's discomfort. "Really?" "Mhm." Trowa toed off his shoes and then laid down on his bed. "Want me to share?" He asked, trying to think if any of his fantasies would be appropriate to share with Duo. If Duo still wasn't comfortable with the idea of touching Trowa, that eliminated most of them. "I wouldn't mind, if you wanted to," Duo said, and Trowa could hear the thread of excitement in his voice. He smiled at that. "Well, the shower here is pretty big and it reminds me of the one in the video we watched - do you remember it?" "Yes," Duo breathed. "I think about you every time I step in the shower, Duo. I think about standing there with you, naked, your hair loose and wet. Your entire body slick and I think about washing you, just like they did in the video, rubbing soap all over you and feeling you grow hard in my hand." As he spoke, he closed his eyes and thought about it, imagining for what felt like the hundredth time what it would be like to shower with Duo. He thumbed the phone onto speaker and laid it down on his chest. He could feel himself getting hard and the thought of hearing Duo's voice as he masterbated made him even more aroused. "Yeah?" Duo said, his voice sounded like it did when Trowa had him near orgasm. "Are you thinking about me too, Duo?" He asked. "Of course I am, Tro. How the hell could I not?" Trowa smirked. "Are you touching yourself, thinking about me? Wishing I was touching you?" "Yes," Duo breathed. "Tell me what you're doing." "I… well, I'm on my bed. I actually just got out of the shower." "Are you naked?" There was a moment of silence and then a rustle of fabric. "I am now." Trowa chuckled. "You're very sensitive, Duo. You react to me whenever I touch you." "I know," Duo growled and it sounded like he was irritated with himself. "I haven't had the chance to touch you when you were naked, though," Trowa mused. "Are your nipples sensitive?" "I don't know," Duo confessed. "Pinch them. Think about me doing it to you. Think about me licking my way down your chest and biting down. Just hard enough to make you -" Duo gasped into the phone. "Just like that," Trowa concluded. He ran his own hands down his chest, shoving his shirt up and teasing his own nipples. "I never realized… I only thought girls… that's stupid, isn't it?" Duo concluded. "Our nipples are the same, have the same nerve endings and everything, we just can't produce milk." "True," Trowa agreed, amused yet again by the way that Duo's brain seemed to work. "What about you? Are your nipples sensitive?" "Yes," Trowa assured him, tugging on one hard enough to make himself hiss in pleasure. "You're touching yourself, too?" Duo sounded even more excited. "Of course. I'm not going to pass up the chance to listen to your sexy voice while I get off, Duo." "Jesus, Tro." Duo breathed. "Are you naked?" Trowa set the phone aside and shucked out of his clothes. "I am now," he said a moment later and Duo chuckled, his voice heavy with desire. "Run your hands down your body, Duo," Trowa instructed. "Just skim your finger tips over your chest and your stomach. Down to your hips and back up again." He closed his eyes and followed his own instructions, trying to imagine it was Duo touching him but failing miserably. He doubted Duo, if he were here, would be comfortable looking at, let alone touching, a completely naked man. "It feels good," Duo said, drawing Trowa's attention back to him. "Really?" "Yes. I mean, I've never really taken that much time to jerk off. I just get in the shower and think about the way your hand feels wrapped around me and you kissing me and me feeling your cock through your pants and that's kind of all it takes." "You think about my cock?" Trowa asked, startled. "Hell yeah, I do. It's kind of hard not too, yanno?" "I think about yours too, Duo. I like the way you're shaped, the way you feel in my hand." "Uh huh?" It was clear from his voice that Duo had started to work himself towards an orgasm and Trowa touched himself, responding to the need in Duo's voice. "You're big and thick, Duo. I like that." "Your hands - you have big hands, Trowa. It feels incredible when you wrap your hands around me." "I like the way you shudder against me, Duo. The way you leak onto my hand." "Then you'd be pretty happy right now," Duo moaned. Trowa could feel himself getting close to release, just picturing what Duo was doing to himself. "Does it feel good, Duo? Touching yourself?" "And wishing it was you? Yes, Tro. It feels amazing." "Are you going to come for me, Duo?" "Yes, yes, god yes, Tro." He could hear Duo's shuddery moan of ecstasy and it sent Trowa over the edge. "Did you get off?" Duo asked after a few minutes of silence as they both regained their breath. "Yeah," Trowa assured him. "You were great." Duo chuckled at that. "You never finished telling me about your shower fantasy," he pointed out. "Well, what are you doing tomorrow night?" -o- On Saturday afternoon Duo finally caved and went to Capulets. Hilde was right - watching porn wasn't the best way to learn about realistic homosexual sex. Especially if the last week had been anything to go by. He and Trowa had had phone sex for the last three nights, and it had been as erotic as it had been insightful. Erotic, because all it took for Duo to get hard was to hear Trowa's voice ask him what he was wearing, and insightful because, compared to the porn he had been watching, Trowa's fantasies were practically Disney movies. Duo had to assume that Trowa was trying to tone things down for him, likely thinking that anything too graphic would scare him off. Which meant that now Duo had two days to prepare himself to engage in one of his or Trowa's real fantasies. He knew he wasn't ready to have sex yet - not anything involving penetration, but he did know he wanted to touch Trowa. He wanted to look at his body and explore him and make him feel as incredible as he made Duo feel. The only problem, of course, was that Duo was terrified of being awful at it. So, on Saturday morning, he wandered into Capulets and discovered an entire world he had not known existed. Growing up as a military brat, moving around every few years and dealing with an alcoholic father and the death of his mother and brother, Duo had never considered himself particularly sheltered. But looking around the rainbow colored store, at the equally rainbow colored assortment of toys, he realized he had no clue what he was doing. He walked through the aisles, each one more and more overwhelming. There were dildos and vibrators of every size and color he had never imagined; butt plugs and some kind of squishy vagina stand-in that frankly repulsed him. There were lubes and lotions in all flavors and walls of books and pornography. Costumes for men and women were arranged along one wall and Duo simply had no idea where to even start. "You look lost." He turned at the sound of a friendly, amused male voice. It was Quatre Winner, the golden god of an actor that Trowa had dated. "I know you," Quatre said and frowned, trying to place him. After a moment his face cleared and he smiled brightly. "Duo?" "Yeah. Duo Maxwell." "Right. Trowa's friend!" "More than his friend, I guess," Duo had to say and instantly regretted it. He had no idea if Trowa had even told his friends about him. "Oh?" Quatre smirked. "Good for you. He's quite the catch." He winked. "Are you here to get something to spice up the sex life? Not that it needs much, he's a devil in bed isn't he?" Duo found himself flushing red. "Oh, sorry, you haven't…?" Quatre seemed genuinely regretful. "Not yet," Duo said. Quatre nodded and then frowned. "How long have you been together?" "A few weeks? Seven weeks?" "And you still haven't fucked him? Are you… you are clean, right? Because we aren't involved anymore but he is still my friend and -" "No, I'm clean," Duo assured him and felt mortified. "That's not it." "Then what is it? Because it is a crime not be enjoying that man's glorious penis." "I, ah, I mean, this is weird, me talking to you about him." "Why? Because we used to be together?" Quatre shrugged. "It was fun and I guess I understand now why he hasn't returned any of my calls. No hard feelings there." Duo frowned. He hadn't even thought about Quatre after that night at the bar, and he found it incredibly gratifying that Trowa had ignored his phone calls. "It's nothing," he said, in no way comfortable talking to Quatre about this. "He likes the vanilla scented lube," if that's what you're looking for," Quatre said with a wink. "Oh. Um, thanks for that tip." "Speaking of tips," Quatre grinned. "Have you noticed how he always loses it when you lick the tip of his penis?" "Ah, no, no I hadn't noticed." Quatre frowned. "You haven't had sex, you haven't sucked him off… what have you done with him?" Duo felt very grateful that he had never tried to embark on a career as a spy. Quatre had managed to crack him in less than five minutes. "We've done things together," he said, wincing at how defensive and stupid that sounded but Quatre only smirked. "He's your first, isn't he?" Duo sighed and nodded in defeat. "How old are you?" "Twenty three." "Twenty three - and you've just realized you were gay?" "Yeah, I guess so." Quatre shrugged. "I've been with guys who didn't realize it until after they were married and had three kids - trust me, it's much better to figure it out at your young age." "Thanks?" "So why are you at Capulets?" Quatre persisted. "Because I'm twenty three and just realized I was gay seven weeks ago. I don't know what I'm doing or what Trowa wants me to do - or what he wants to do to me. I figured, I don't know, I could find some books or something here." Quatre looked at him with a serious expression. "You really are a virgin, aren't you?" "I've had sex with women," Duo argued. Quatre smirked. "That doesn't count, darling." He looked Duo up and down once and then shrugged. "I'm surprised Trowa is interested in you." "How so?" "Well, you aren't really his type, are you?" If Trowa's type was Quatre, then no, Duo had to conclude, he wasn't Trowa's type. Quatre was in great shape, clearly had great taste in clothes, had a killer smile and was an amazing actor. Duo was none of those things. He knew he was decent looking - and funny and smart enough that Trowa liked to talk to him, but he was nothing like Quatre. "Maybe he just felt like trying someone new?" Quatre wondered aloud and then shrugged. "In any case, you want to know what he likes?" Quatre pointed towards a section of the store that was covered in black leather and silver chains. "I recommend you try that section." "BDSM?" Duo was at least wordly enough to know what that meant. Quatre nodded. "The man can fill out a pair of leather chaps, let me tell you. He needs work on his fisting, mind you, but it's not like you have anything to compare it to." "Fisting?" Duo had stumbled across a clip of that and had had to slam his laptop shut to avoid watching what he could only describe as his worst nightmare. "You know," Quatre started to gesture with his hands but Duo stopped him. "I know what it is." "See, you aren't as ignorant as you thought. Anyway, remember, vanilla lube." And with that, Quatre walked away, leaving Duo to stare in horror at the assortment of bondage gear before him.
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