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"Before Now"Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Angst, language, sex, angst Pairings: 1x2x3 Summary: Two stories of friendship,
love and loss told fourteen years apart. "Before Now" Chapter Eight Before The first time Trowa saw Duo again was in the locker room. He walked in to change into his running clothes for the first practice of the season and saw Duo half naked, his shirt caught on his arms and around his head, his long braid of hair and the way he wore his boxer briefs low on his narrow hips the only indication of his identity. He had changed over the summer, had put on weight and muscle and grown tan. His torso was golden and freckled and his legs long and lean and his thighs - Trowa walked into the bench separating the lockers and swore, angry and embarrassed to have been so distracted. Duo jerked his shirt off and saw Trowa. He grinned broadly. "Hey!" Duo stepped over the bench and threw his arms around Trowa in a fierce hug that took Trowa completely by surprise. God. He felt good. Duo had hugged him before, a few times, the last being when he and and Heero stopped by the night before Duo left for the summer and they watched a Yankees game together in Duo's room and ate pizza. Hugging Duo had felt good then. Hugging Duo now felt... criminal. Trowa extricated himself and fought in vain against a blush and a hard on. Duo's smile faltered and his cheeks turned red, but he squeezed Trowa's left shoulder and stepped away. "It's good to see you, Tro," he said. He started to walk back to his locker, but he stopped and leaned in close to Trowa. "And remind me to tell you about how I got a hard on this summer every time I saw the UNESCO truck drive by the village I stayed in." Trowa arched an eyebrow but Duo nodded solemnly. "Every time. So damn embarrassing." Duo walked back over to his locker to continue changing and Trowa drew in a deep breath and forced himself to do the same. Heero came in late, barely having time to change before Khushrenada called them out to the field, and he looked... not exactly angry, but tense at least, when he returned Duo's hug of greeting as well. And again, Duo's smile faltered slightly. Trowa felt guilty for that, guilty that he had made Duo feel awkward, guilty that he couldn't control himself around his friend. He barely listened to Khushrenada opening speech, or the introductions, and it was a relief when they were finally running. It felt normal, and when Duo started to talk about his summer, trying his best to get either Heero or Trowa to crack a smile, that too felt normal, and Trowa let Duo's voice and the pounding of his feet on the earth lull him. They had run three miles before Duo seemed to tire of his own voice and asked Heero and Trowa about their summers. Heero shrugged, which made Duo roll his eyes, but since Heero still looked upset, Duo didn't push him. Instead, he turned his attention to Trowa and arched an eyebrow. "It was okay." Duo groaned. "It was okay? I thought you were living out your mountain man fantasies - how was it only okay?" "It was good," Trowa amended. Duo looked expectant, clearly wanting details, but Trowa hesitated. He didn't have any amusing anecdotes, not like Duo. He could, of course, tell them about the long days spent hiking, how good it felt to be exhausted every night, to sit around a fire and look up at the night sky and see the entire galaxy stretched out above him and how he had felt so insignificant when surrounded by nature, so quiet and at peace when no one tried to talk to him, that it had been hard to come back. But they didn't want to hear that, and besides, Duo would worry about him if he knew that Trowa enjoyed feeling insignificant, enjoyed knowing his existence was small and temporary. Heero, even, would question that. Or, worse, he would agree and then Duo really would have something to worry about. He could, of course, tell them about Nathan. His tent-mate, another quiet guy, two years older than Trowa and from Maine, Nathan had been on the hike before and had enjoyed pointing out things to Trowa without forcing him into conversation. Trowa had enjoyed that too, and had enjoyed the evenings they spent in the tent together. On their third night, Nathan had caught him masterbating and Trowa had been unable to breathe, he had been so embarrassed. And then Nathan had shrugged, had zipped the tent back up and told him it was normal, they were both guys, no need to be embarrassed, and he didn't mind - he was even happy to give Trowa a hand if he wanted. No, he couldn't really tell them about that. He couldn't tell them about the first time someone else had touched his cock, the first time he had orgasmed while kissing someone, the first time he had come in someone's mouth, the first time he had heard someone whisper his name or the first time he had tasted the salty, bitter cum of someone else. So, instead of giving Duo any details, Trowa just shrugged and looked away, because remembering Nathan while looking at Duo was a bad thing. Because it made Trowa wonder what it would feel like to have Duo's mouth on his cock. He felt himself growing hard again and he mentally cursed himself. He needed to control himself, needed to stop fantasizing about Duo and - Heero pulled ahead of them a little and Trowa found his attention glued to Heero's thighs, to his trim backside and - He tripped over a rock and went sprawling into the dirt. Duo and Heero both stopped, both knelt down beside him, put their hands on him, concern on their faces and they were so close to him Trowa felt momentarily claustrophobic. "You okay, buddy?" Duo asked, one hand gripping his shoulder tightly. Heero's hands were on his right ankle, carefully pressing around the flesh and Trowa shivered. "Does it hurt?" Heero asked, mistaking his reaction. "No," Trowa grunted and he pulled away from them. He stood up and couldn't help the wince as he put weight on the ankle. Okay. It hurt. His friends frowned at him. "I'm fine," he insisted. "I'm fine." -o- Now Trowa wasn't much of a cook. Food was an unfortunate necessity in his life, and he kept meals as simple as he could - sandwiches or salads for lunch, cereal for breakfast, and mostly baked or sauteed chicken and fish with rice and greens for dinner. It was boring, it was bland, but it was enough and it meant he didn't spend hours of his life in the grocery store every week trying to put together complicated menus. Instead, Trowa had refined his once a week grocery store trip to just under an hour, which was perfect, because it meant he was unlikely to run into anyone when he was there. He used to, before he had perfected his shopping route and found himself lingering in the aisles. On more than one occasion he had had to watch Relena and Heero shopping together, had had to ignore how much it bothered him to be ignored by Heero. As it was, the last time he had seen them at the store had been a year ago, and he was hoping he could keep that record going. But as he parked in front of Shop Rite he couldn't help but recognize Relena's car a few spots away and he sighed and contemplated going home and coming back later. It was stupid, and he mentally berated himself for the very idea and forced himself to get out of the truck. As he did, he saw Relena coming towards him, alone, pushing a half full shopping cart. "Trowa," she greeted him with a wan smile. "Relena." She looked... different. Not her usual self. "How is Duo?" She asked. Trowa shrugged. "I'm sure he's fine." He wondered why Relena was asking. "You don't know?" "He went back to New York yesterday." Relena glared at him. "What? For good?" "Not yet. He needed to meet with his agent. I think he's coming back next week." Relena was scowling, was looking more upset that Trowa had seen her since high school. "Not yet," she repeated. "He hasn't left for good yet and you and Heero are just... what? Sitting back and twiddling your thumbs?" Trowa stared at her. "Relena -" "Trowa. I did not just... wreck my entire life so that you two could just let him go off again." "Relena, I have no idea what you are talking about." It was her turn to stare at him. "Heero hasn't... Heero hasn't told you." "Hasn't told me what?" Relena bit her lip and looked away. She drew in a deep breath. "I... ended things with Heero last week. I know about you - about you and Heero, about the three of you back in school." Trowa momentarily found it difficult to breathe. "I'm sorry," he had to say. Relena sniffed and met his gaze again, her blue eyes bright. "I'm sure you are, Trowa. But that... I thought I could make him happy. I couldn't. And I want him to be happy - I want him to be happy and I want to be happy so it was time to end it." Trowa nodded. Relena wiped at her eyes. "Anyway. I need to be going. Quatre is coming over for dinner tonight and I don't want to be late." Trowa stepped aside and let her push her cart past him. It wasn't until he was in the checkout line that it really hit him, that he really, really understood what this meant. The last time Trowa had spoken to Heero had been the Friday night Heero came over and slept in his bed, the night Trowa confessed that he still missed Duo, the night Heero had spooned with him for the first time since they were in high school. And that had been weeks ago. Heero hadn't told him about Relena. Heero hadn't told him anything, hadn't spoken to him, hadn't been to see him. Why? ~ * ~ |
