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"Before Now"Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Angst, language, sex, angst Pairings: 1x2x3 Summary: Two stories of friendship,
love and loss told fourteen years apart. "Before Now" Chapter Six Before Something was on Duo's mind. Usually, if something was bothering him, if he felt Heero or Trowa were being too quiet then he just spoke up and called them out. If he was annoyed about classes or some prick saying something to Trowa or to him, then he bitched about it. But today he was quiet, scowling as he changed into his running clothes beside Heero in the locker room. They were outside, stretching by the road and getting ready to run when Duo finally spoke up. "It's not a big deal or anything." Heero frowned and looked over Duo's head at Trowa. "What's not a big deal?" Heero asked. Duo straightened up and he sighed. "Nothing. It's stupid. It - just - do you guys want to go see the Yankee game this weekend?" Trowa arched an eyebrow at Heero and it was clear he was fighting back laughter. Heero stared at Duo. "You just spent twenty minutes working yourself up to invite us to go to a baseball game with you?" Duo scowled and muttered something under his breath and then started running. Trowa and Heero exchanged looks. Trowa shrugged and they started after Duo. "You don't have to go," Duo growled when they caught up. "But you... want us to?" Heero guessed. Duo glared at him. "You don't." "I don't fucking care if you come or not. It's just a stupid baseball game and I'm just saying -" Trowa reached over and put his hand on Duo's arm, pulling him to stop. "Do you want us to go or not?" Duo glared ahead at the road, a sullen expression on his face. Heero frowned. Duo had a mouth like a sailor, and Heero often wondered if he had given Father Maxwell an aneurysm yet, but he had never really cussed at Trowa and Heero before. "I said it didn't matter. It was just a stupid idea anyway." "I didn't even know you liked baseball," Heero had to say. "I don't," Duo muttered. Heero arched an eyebrow at him. Duo shrugged. "I don't know, maybe I could. It wasn't my idea." "Okay..." Trowa sighed. "So whose idea was it?" "Father Maxwell. He said we should do something to celebrate or whatever and I don't know - we watched a game on tv or whatever and he said it was better in person." "Celebrate what?" Heero asked. Duo flushed. "My birthday." "I didn't know it was your birthday." Duo shrugged. "Yeah, well. It's not. I mean - I don't know when it really is but Father Maxwell told me to pick a date and I didn't think it mattered but then last night he was all 'let's celebrate' or whatever and suggested the baseball game." Duo sounded unenthused, but there was a glimmer in his blue eyes that betrayed his interest in the idea. "Is this the first time you've celebrated your birthday?" Heero asked him. Duo shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe. Yeah. I guess." Heero's birthday last month had passed without much comment, Odin taking him out to dinner and putting money into the savings account that his mother had started for him and the rest of the night spent in awkward silence as they tried to watch Top Gun together. "It sounds like a big deal to me," Trowa said. Duo glared at him. "It's not. It doesn't matter. You don't have to -" "I want to go," Trowa interrupted him. Heero nodded. "Me too." Duo sighed. "It's probably going to suck. Riding the train into the city and then the game will probably be boring or whatever and -" "It sounds like fun," Heero insisted. "Yeah, I guess," Duo agreed with a shrug. He started to run again and Heero and Trowa fell into step on either side of him. "I should probably warn you that I'm a Red Sox fan," Trowa said after they ran two miles in silence. Duo looked over at him. "Does that matter?" He asked. Heero laughed and Trowa smirked. "It matters," Heero assured Duo. "It means Trowa's a hopeless romantic." Trowa shrugged, accepting it. "Yeah. I guess." "But what the hell does that have to do with baseball?" Duo asked them. Now When Heero pulled up in front of the house there was an unfamiliar car parked out front, a silver sedan that looked clean to the point of being sterile. He frowned and only barely stopped himself from looking into the windows for clues. Maybe it was one of Relena's friends? Another teacher at the school. That
made him pause - had he forgotten some dinner party tonight? He sighed and tried to muster up some enthusiasm. He had had a long day at work, dealing with two punk kids who seemed to be doing their damnedest to get themselves arrested once a week for pranks at Granville High, and all he really wanted to do was sit down and read for a while before going to bed. He wasn't even hungry, but if this was some kind of dinner party then Relena had probably cooked a Julia Child worthy meal and Heero would have to dutifully shovel it down. When he opened the front door he could smell the meal and he sighed in relief. It was roasted chicken, which meant it wasn't a party, probably just one person, maybe two. He closed the door and toed off his shoes and walked into the kitchen, knowing Relena liked to talk while she cooked, and sure enough, there she was, smiling and laughing as she sipped a glass of wine and cut the ends off of green beans. And sitting at the counter, glass of wine in hand - was Duo. He met Heero's gaze and he looked wary, as though he was waiting for Heero to attack. "I didn't realize we were having company tonight," Heero managed to say, and he was proud of himself for how neutral it sounded. Not neutral enough, though, judging by the way Duo winced. "We weren't," Relena said and came over to kiss him on the cheek, "but I ran into Duo at the grocery store and he was buying frozen meals and I figured this would be the perfect chance for you two to catch up and save him from eating those disgusting things." "She wouldn't let me say no," Duo said, and it sounded like an apology. "Of course I wouldn't! Honestly. It's bad enough that you're staying in that house all by yourself and you won't even try to cook." "I don't want to mess anything up," Duo shrugged. Heero frowned. He had no idea what they were talking about. "Father Maxwell left Duo the house." Wufei had not mentioned that to Heero. "You're staying in Granville?" Duo snorted. "No, of course not. I'll sell the house and give the money to the church or whatever. I'm not - I didn't think he would leave it to me." Heero nodded and he accepted the glass of wine Relena handed him. "Why don't you and Duo go relax in the living room while I finish up in here?" She suggested. Duo looked about as enthusiastic about that idea as Heero felt, but they dutifully went into the living room. "I'm sorry," Duo said once Heero sat down on the couch. "I really tried to tell her no." Heero sighed. "I'm sure you did." "I did. I even made up some shit about not eating much beef these days because she wanted to make some steak thing and -" "I believe you, Duo. It's hard to say no to her. I get it." Duo seemed deflated. He sat down on the far end of the couch and took a huge sip of his wine. "Have you seen Trowa?" Heero had to ask. Duo nodded. "Yeah, he's taking care of Death. I went by a few days ago - he... Heero." Heero turned at his name, at the raw emotion in Duo's voice. "Heero, he's miserable." Heero swallowed hard and looked away. "I know." "So what - why -and you and Relena?" Duo hissed. "What the hell happened?" The question made Heero surprisingly angry. "You happened," he snapped. "You with your speeches and running away - and of course he's miserable, Duo. We all are." Duo stared at him and Heero realized he had said way too much. "Heero -" "Dinner is served!" Relena announced, stepping into the room and smiling at them. They reluctantly followed her into the dining room. "Did Duo tell you he's going to come and speak to the students this week?" Heero looked at him and Duo shrugged. "She thinks they care." Relena snorted. "Of course they care! So many of them read your books, Duo. I think it's wonderful for you to take the time to speak to them." "It's not like I have anything else to do," Duo said. "And - and if it means something to them then I'm happy to do it." Relena smiled. "So you're staying for a while," Heero realized. Duo shook his head. "Hopefully I can leave this weekend. The realtor looked over the house today and she just needs me to go through all of their stuff and figure out what I want to keep." Duo shrugged. "So I'll be gone soon." "But you're at least here for the rest of the week," Relena concluded. "You, Heero and Trowa should try to spend some time together. Heero, why don't you three go out tomorrow and -" "I can't. I'm visiting Odin." Relena arched an eyebrow. Heero had not been planning on visiting his step-father, but it seemed like the easiest way to get out of whatever Relena was planning. Duo frowned. "He still lives here?" Heero shook his head. "No, he's in a nursing home about twenty minutes away." "Oh." Duo looked relieved. "I... I guess I hope he's healthy." Duo and Odin had only ever met twice, and neither meeting had been particularly pleasant, so Heero couldn't blame Duo for feeling apathetic towards Odin, but he still thought it was strange for him to be relieved that Odin no longer lived in Granville. "Well, what about Wednesday night? You could -" "No," Duo interrupted and shook his head. "I've got a Skype meeting with my agent on Wednesday night." He shrugged. "Our schedules just don't line up well." Relena frowned and looked between them. "No, I suppose they don't," she agreed. The rest of the meal was eaten in silence and Duo ran away as soon as he could, waving away Relena's offer of coffee and dessert and as he left the house Heero couldn't help but feel torn. He was relieved to have Duo out of his house, to know that there were only a few more days that Duo would be in Granville and then everything would go back to the way it had been. But, he realized, he didn't want things to go back to the way they had been. Duo was right. Trowa was miserable, and Heero knew that it was, in large part, his fault. And Heero was miserable, and as much as he blamed Duo for that, he knew that he was the only one who could really change it. After Duo left Heero joined Relena in the kitchen, washing the dishes while she dried them and put away the leftovers. "Don't you think it's time you forgive him?" "What?" He turned to her in shock. Relena arched an eyebrow at him. "I'm not an idiot, Heero. I know that you three were close in high school and I know that after he left you and Trowa drifted apart and I know that you miss him. Don't you think it's time to forgive him for whatever he did?" Heero looked away from her and scrubbed the roasting pan furiously. She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. "Heero." She was using the tone she used on her students when they misbehaved and Heero felt equally annoyed and ashamed to have her using it on him. "I know that you... you loved him, didn't you?" Heero turned to look at her. "I always thought there was something between you - between you three and... and whatever it was was important, Heero. Surely it meant more than whatever drove you apart?" "So you want me to just run after him and tell him that I still love him?" Heero demanded. "I was a kid back then, I was stupid. I was blind. Things have changed. I can't just pretend the last ten years haven't happened. I can't just pretend that he didn't leave me." Relena drew in a deep breath and she looked on the verge of tears. Heero realized what he had just said. "Relena." She held up a hand. "I always liked you because she didn't care about the fact that I was the prettiest girl in school, or the most popular girl." Heero frowned. He had no idea where she was going with this. "And I know you didn't care for me all that much in high school but - but you do, now." "Yes," he agreed. "I do." She reached out and ran her hand over his cheek. "I know. But you don't feel about me the way you feel about him, do you?" "No," he admitted. "And I don't want to. He -" Heero shook his head. He couldn't put it into words. He couldn't explain to Relena how being in love with Duo and Trowa when he was eighteen had made him feel invincible, had given him hope and dreams and made him want to do so many things that he had even forgotten he had once dreamed about. He couldn't put into words just how empty he felt seeing Duo again, how Duo's presence only seemed to highlight just how gray he was, how unfulfilled his life was, how he felt around Trowa now, remembering the way things had been before. They way they should be now. "I love you," he told her. "I know you do, Heero. I know you do. But you don't - do you really want to spend the rest of your life with me? Would you really be happy without him? Without Trowa? I know... I know you still see him, Heero." Heero felt ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry. I never - I never wanted to hurt you." "And you ended up hurting all of us, Heero. Me, Trowa, yourself - Duo." Heero gripped the edge of the sink. "I don't know what to do." Relena kissed his cheek. "Why don't you take your own advice and follow your emotions?" He had said that to her, more than once over the years, whenever she came home frustrated with work, with parents and students and administrators and debated whether or not she should just quit teaching. Whenever she asked his opinion Heero always gave her that response, always told her to think about the things that made her happy and to figure out if they were enough to outweigh the things that frustrated her. But this wasn't like that. Heero's emotions were a mess, a tangled jumble that he had no hope of sorting through. And Relena - He sighed and looked at her and he realized that whatever else happened, their relationship was over. She smiled sadly at him. "We had a good run," she assured him. Heero nodded. "I'm sorry," he apologized again. "You deserve someone better." She gave him a teary laugh. "Of course I do! I deserve a saint after putting up with your grumpy ass for the last five years." ~ * ~ |
