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" A Very Dark Corner "Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Language, violence, angst…major angst (probably a bit more than my usual. Okay, a LOT more than my usual), sex… yaoi sex, that is. Pairings: 1x2 Summary: Duo Maxwell is anaspiring writer who
suddenly finds his lonely and dull life full of intrigue,romance,
and horror. " A Very Dark Corner " Chapter 6 Friday night found Duo lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Earlier in the day he had called Wufei and the therapist had somehow managed to use his wiles, on the phone, to convince Duo to tell him everything about the serial killer. The fact that Wufei's first reaction to the news that a serial killer was using Duo's blog as a how-to guide for slaughtering innocent people was rage, had startled Duo. That it was rage directed towards the killer, who dared to pervert Duo's words was even more shocking. He had had to listen to a five minute rant about the injustice of art being warped by lesser mortals and a very drawn out monologue about Plato. Somewhere along the way, Duo actually had to tune him out, and didn't focus on his words again until Wufei shouted his name several times to get his attention. Wufei had then gone to great lengths to make Duo understand that this was not his doing, it was not his fault – it was a series of events that he was involved in, and that he could positively influence, but not a disaster of his own creation. While Duo did not completely agree with him, he was, finally, starting to feel the creep of doubt in his conviction. He wasn't willing to distance himself from the blame in this, but maybe – maybe it wasn't entirely within his control to have prevented this. Maybe. Duo wound up watching Return of the Jedi three times and caught himself questioning the morality of the Rebel troopers, who seemed so at ease killing the Stormtroopers while the troopers could hardly shoot anywhere near a living being and Duo realized he was too far gone and should try to sleep. It was only eleven, but after a sleepless night on Thursday, and not much sleep on Wednesday before that, he hoped that he could, at last, close his eyes and rest. While his mind did drift, he was unable to really sleep, and finally gave up on it. His phone started to ring and Duo reached for it immediately, hoping it was Hilde calling to tell him the serial killer had been captured, and saw that it was Heero calling. He felt dread settle in his stomach. It wasn't Saturday afternoon yet. He had really been counting on another day before the younger man decided to break up with him. He had needed it to steel himself for the fact that he would, once again, be alone. "Hello?" He answered eventually, knowing it was cowardice not to. "Can we talk?" Heero sounded just the slightest bit unsure, and it made Duo sigh. This was not going to be good. "Sure." He rolled over onto his back and tried to mentally prepare himself for the reality of Heero breaking up with him. Instead, however, Heero hung up on him. Duo scowled at his phone. Had he dropped the call? Should he call back? Had Heero meant to hang up on him? What if - His thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking on his door. Reluctantly, Duo rose from the bed and walked to the door. He looked through the peephole and was shocked to see Heero on the other side. Duo opened the door. "Hey." "Hey," Heero repeated. "Could I come in?" Duo stepped aside to allow the other man in. It took him a moment to realize that Heero should be at work. "Aren't you late?" He asked. "I called in sick," Heero said, his blue gaze searching Duo's face. "I wanted - I needed to talk to you tonight, not tomorrow." "Right." Duo felt like he had been punched. Ironic, that waiting for Heero to break up with him had been painful. Now that the event was immediately before him, he wanted to go back to waiting. Duo gestured towards the living room, and Heero sat down on one end of the couch. He briefly debated whether or not he should sit on the armchair, or join the other man on the couch. If this was the last time he was going to have Heero here, he might as well sit near him, he reasoned, and sat down on the other end of the couch, still giving him space. "I'm not really sure where to start. I have... three different arguments, and they're equally important." "Okay... you don't think one is enough?" Heero frowned and shook his head. "No. I want you to understand me. I want to understand me, this." "Okay," Duo said again and tucked one foot under him, preparing himself for a lengthy discussion. "I'm only twenty-one, and I know that I've got most of my life ahead of me," Heero began. Duo nodded in emphatic agreement. "Right. And you don't need this weighing you down. I get it, seriously, you -" he stopped talking when he realized Heero was glaring at him. "I'll just let you say it," Duo muttered. "I've always told myself that at some point in the future, I'd have the time and opportunity to be happy. When I was in high school I used to tell myself that I'd be happy in college. That if I could just make it out of Seattle, away from my Dad - things would be better. Then, when I got here, when things weren't, really, that much better, I started to tell myself to wait for grad school. But recently, I realized - I'm just going to go to grad school and tell myself to wait for after, wait for work. Then it'll be wait five more years, then ten." "No, you will be happy," Duo felt the need to interrupt. "I promise, things will get better and -" "Duo, I am happy. I'm happy now. Just when I thought I wouldn't ever be happy, just when I realized that maybe it's me, maybe I'm just not meant to be happy - I met you." "I don't understand." Duo hadn't had any previous experience being dumped - not unless he counted Sarah Forbes back in second grade when she had ditched him for Jimmy King, who had better lunch desserts - so he didn't have a lot of experience to draw on, but this didn't sound like something you said to break up with someone. "You make me happy. I'm happy with you." Heero said it like it was the most obvious fact in the world. Duo felt even more lost, and decided to just stay quiet. Heero drew in a deep breath, and it looked like he was struggling to find the right words. "I've experienced a lot of darkness in my life," he said eventually. "Not the same things you have, but... I know what it's like. Some days I just lay in bed and hope that I can wake up - that my life is this nightmare that I've just been trapped in for a while." Duo swallowed hard at the emotion in Heero's voice and had to fight his urge to reach out to the other man. "I haven't lost the things that you have," Heero continued, "but I've lived without them long enough to know how painful it is to not have a family, to not have someone you love more than breathing. Being with you - it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Watching movies with you, eating cheesecake, talking to you- kissing you - these past few weeks have been amazing. I didn't know things could be like this, for me." Duo was now beyond the point of mere confusion and beginning to wonder if his mind had developed some weird defense mechanism to alter Heero's words so that, instead of hearing the painful truth, he was hearing some dream version. "I took this lit course my freshman year," Heero said after a moment, "Victorian Literature. The prof insisted that every author - no matter how bad or how good - always put himself into their work. They might disguise themselves, they might show their best or worst qualities - but they were always there. Always. When I got off work last night I went home and kept reading your blog. You're a really talented writer," he paused, "but you aren't that good at being subtle," he added with a slight smirk. "What?" Duo asked. Heero was going to break up with him and attack his writing? "You're the victims," Heero said, and his voice grew soft. "I know it's written from the point of view of the killer, and that the victims are women, and they're all different... but they are all you. Writers write what they know. And YOU know what pain and anguish feel like. You know what loss feels like. And you know how to fight it. That's why they all fight - all of your victims. Because they're you, fighting this impossible, losing battle against fate and all the shit that's happened." Heero's blue eyes were intense and Duo forced himself to meet the younger man's gaze. "Your blog - it isn't a love letter to violence, it's more like... more like you asking death to leave you the hell alone." Duo had, from the very beginning, thought that Heero was incredibly smart. The fact that he was one of two people, the other being Wufei, who actually understood what he wrote was... beyond belief. "And it's all too much for you, right?" Duo asked, trying to keep his voice neutral as he brought them back to the point at hand. "You finally felt happy and then there's just this darkness surrounding me, and it's all I can see, and you want out. I get it. It's okay. You -" "You really, really talk too much sometimes," Heero growled. "I'm not breaking up with you. I'm not saying it's too much. Stop putting words in my mouth." The anger in his voice made Duo sit up a little straighter. "I want you. I want this. I want to be here for you. I needed time to think about it, to decide if this would really be good for you, if I was good for you, and -" "Whoa, whoa. Wait. You good for me? What about me being good for you? There's a serial killer out there who is copying my work - and since he lacks your literary analysis skills I think it's safe to say he thinks it's a love letter to him- and I am surrounded by darkness and -" "Seriously, shut up," Heero said and closed the distance between them, practically tackling Duo backwards as he kissed him. Heero's irritation with Duo was clear, even as his lips pressed down on Duo's with a firmness and urgency that had Duo instantly responding to the kiss, but when Heero's hands moved to cradle his jaw, Duo realized that Heero meant it. He did want this. He might be seven years younger, he might have never buried the man he planned to spend the rest of his life with, but Heero knew what he wanted. He now, more than ever before, knew exactly what he was getting in Duo. And he still wanted it. Still wanted him. Duo eased them back, so that Heero was beneath him and they were stretched out on the couch, still kissing, but now their entire bodies were flush against each other. "You know," Duo said when they pulled apart for air, "you kissing me when I talk too much isn't exactly a punishment. It's more like an incentive." Heero smirked up at him. "I figured as much." "God, you have the most incredible eyes," Duo said as he continued to look at the other man. "Really expressive," he added. He leaned down and kissed Heero again, smiling at his enthusiasm. "I love when you look at me like that." "Like what?" Heero asked, his voice rough with desire. "Like you're tasting chocolate for the first time," Duo responded with a smirk. "That's sort of how I feel, when I look at you," Heero confirmed. "When I kiss you," he added and pulled Duo back down to him, their lips meeting again. It amazed Duo how much just the touch of Heero's tongue against his seemed to ignite a fire all over his body. Kissing the other man, hearing him moan in pleasure, feeling his hands ghost under his shirt and rake over his back – it made Duo feel alive. Heero pushed against him until they were sitting up, and Heero pulled Duo's shirt off, baring his chest to the other man's touch. Heero started to kiss and nip his way down Duo's throat and across his chest. Duo groaned when he gently bit down on his nipple. "I want you," he said, sitting back and looking at Duo with lust filled eyes that nevertheless conveyed the seriousness of his words. Staring into those eyes, Duo found himself unable to fight his desire for the other man. He wanted Heero as well, and he knew that this wasn't just sex anymore. It wouldn't just be mutual physical attraction – it would be more than that, now. He pulled Heero to his feet and kissed him while steering them towards his bedroom. Duo stopped when he felt the edge of his bed against the back of his legs. He broke their kiss and lifted Heero shirt up and tossed it aside, exposing his lean chest. "God, you are so beautiful," he said as he looked at him. Heero smirked, but there was an edge of uncertainty to it that made Duo want to hit something. He loved how confident Heero was, but the self-doubt he occasionally broadcast was testament to the fact that he had had little positive reinforcement in his life. Duo decided to change that. "Seriously," he said, and stepped aside so that there was space between their bodies. "You're perfect." He ran his hands over Heero's shoulders and down his back, smiling at the shiver of pleasure his touch evoked. He ghosted his hands over Heero's stomach, having learned early on that he was ticklish, and traced the slight but distinct muscle definition in his torso and back up to his jaw. He reached up to brush Heero's bangs out of his eyes before kissing him again. He felt Heero's hands reach for his jeans and start to undo them. He returned the favor, and soon they were both naked. Duo could feel Heero's erection, firm and hot, against his own, and he couldn't resist the urge to thrust against him. The sensation of their erections, trapped between their bodies and rubbing together was amazing. Both men moaned. "How do you want to do this?" Duo asked Heero. More often than not, Duo had bottomed for Solo, but they had enjoyed switching things up in their relationship. Duo wasn't sure what experience Heero had, or what he wanted. He saw the confusion and doubt in Heero's eyes and kissed him again, hoping to ease the tension he suddenly felt in the other man's body. "I've only ever –" "What do you want?" Duo interrupted, not too keen on being compared to Heero's college experiences. "What do you want?" Heero turned the question on him. "You. I want to be in you. I want you in me. But we can kind of only do one at a time," Duo pointed out with a slight smirk. He reached down to touch Heero, having previously discovered that the other man responded well to slow, almost leisurely strokes along his length. Sure enough, Heero started to look a little unfocused and his shoulders lost the tense set to them. "Yeah," Heero agreed shakily. "I don't want to do something wrong." "If you do, we can try again," Duo promised him. When this whole thing had first started he had been convinced that this moment – that having to ease Heero into this – would fill him with frustration and awkwardness. Instead, he felt very protective of the other man. He wanted this experience to be unlike his others, he wanted him to enjoy it, and he wanted him to stop looking like he was trying to solve a complicated math problem. Duo continued to stroke him and closed the distance between them, kissing Heero again and letting their tongues tangle together until Heero pulled them both down to the bed and wrapped his legs around Duo, forcing their bodies together. Duo rolled them so that Heero was straddling him, thinking that it would be a position that the other man would feel comfortable with. "I want you in me," Heero finally decided, his breath uneven. "Next time can I –" "Yes," Duo stopped him before he could sound uncertain again. "Next time I definitely want you in me." Heero smirked at that, and Duo was relieved to see no sign of doubt in the expression. Duo reached over to his nightstand, grateful that he had thought to prepare for this eventuality and didn't have to rely on lube and condoms that were a year old. He fumbled for both and set the condoms aside for the moment and screwed off the cap for the lube. After coating his fingers, he turned back to Heero and kissed him again even as he started to lightly caress Heero's entrance. He was slow and thorough as he prepared the other man, taking his time for both their sakes. It had been a very long time for Duo, and he had no intention of being rough with Heero. When he judged the Heero to finally be ready, Duo rolled them over and eased back so that he could put on a condom. Heero watched him the entire time, his eyes fixed on Duo's erection until Duo was convinced that he might still be tense or anxious about this, but then Heero licked his lips in anticipation. Duo groaned at that and had to kiss him again. Heero kissed him back and arched his body upwards, as though inviting Duo to finally plunge into him. He accepted the invitation and slowly worked his length into the other man. He was tight, and so very hot, and Duo was almost certain he wouldn't last long. Heero felt too damn good. "You okay?" He asked Heero, and received a vigorous nod in return. "Yes," Heero said and then groaned in pleasure when Duo started to move, slowly thrusting in and out of the other man. He reached between their bodies to stroke Heero, wanting to give him as much pleasure as possible. "Fuck," Heero hissed after a moment. "This isn't –" Duo instantly stopped moving. "I can stop," he said and started to pull out. "No. No. It feels incredible. It's nothing like before, with Nate." "Good," Duo grunted and pushed into Heero again. "You deserve better than him." "This is better," Heero assured him. "Infinitely better." Duo smirked. "I wouldn't go that far yet," Duo told him before kissing him again. He enjoyed the dual sensations of having his tongue and his cock inside the other man, and from the way that Heero shifted up to meet him, it was clear the other man found it pleasurable as well. He changed his pace, moving faster, hoping to bring Heero to orgasm before he came. "I'm close," Heero panted a few moments later. "God, it feels so good. Duo – " "Come for me, Heero. I'm here. I'm here with you." He could feel Heero tense up beneath him and then felt the hot stream of his semen flow over his hand and between their bodies. Heero's muscles tensed, seeming to pull Duo deeper into him, and with a few more thrusts, Duo found his own climax. "That was incredible," Heero concluded. Duo chuckled and slowly pulled out of him. "No kidding," he agreed. He leaned down to kiss Heero and then got up from the bed. Heero looked at him in confusion. "Be right back," Duo told him. He went into the bathroom, disposed of the used condom, and ran warm water over a washcloth. He cleaned himself off and then returned to the bedroom. He took his time wiping the sticky mess from Heero's belly and chest before setting aside the washcloth and rejoining him on the bed. "Thank you," Heero said, and it was clear from his tone he wasn't referring to being cleaned off. "Thank you," Duo responded and kissed the other man's shoulder. He rolled over onto his side and pulled Heero's back against his front and wrapped one arm around his chest. He could feel the steady drum of Heero's heartbeat under his hand, and it filled him with a sense of wonder. "I meant what I said, before," Heero spoke up after a moment. "I want to be here for you." It was a harsh, if well intended reminder, that Duo had a very fucked up life. One that Heero just kept getting pulled deeper into. Duo sighed and felt regret begin to tug at him. He shouldn't have done this. He never should have allowed Heero to mean this much to him. He never should have taken this step with him. He should have, as soon as Hilde told him about the serial killer, sent the younger man on his way and never seen him again. Heero deserved so much better than him. He deserved better than a man with his twisted past and his dark future. "Stop," Heero crankily commanded him. He sounded on the verge of sleep. "What? I wasn't talking." "But you were thinking." "I'm not allowed to think now?" Duo demanded. "Not if you're going to regret this," Heero said, his insight once again shocking Duo. Duo sighed. "Heero –" "Don't feed me any bullshit about being too young or you being too messed up," Heero warned. "Okay, how about the fact that there's a serial killer out there who thinks I'm aces and could, at any moment according to Hilde, decide that instead maybe I'm the devil and decide to kill me?" "So, because something shitty could happen to you, I should run the other way," Heero concluded. "Yeah," Duo agreed, glad that Heero had followed his logic so quickly. "No," Heero said. "Heero – " The other man rolled over in Duo's arms until they were looking at each other, so close the tips of their noses almost touched. "If you really want me to leave, if you really think that being with me isn't a good idea, I'll go." He paused. "But if this is coming from your guilt over the death of your family, or Solo – if this is about you thinking that nothing good can last in your life – then you owe it to me to fight for this." There was steely determination in Heero's voice and Duo found himself smiling in the face of such conviction. "The sex was really nice," he said, hoping to change the subject and give Heero the answer he was clearly looking for. Heero kissed him. "I knew it would be. Hot old guys are always great in bed."
Things didn't go as planned. Something was off. The plan was flawless – he executed it perfectly. Yet the pleasure he usually felt at having brought these creations to such a visceral conclusion was missing. He wanted to blame himself. He felt that maybe he had rushed things – maybe he hadn't taken the time to truly appreciate the elegance of death. But no, he was confident that it wasn't him. He felt sure that Duo wasn't keeping up his end of this. Not only had the author missed several days of publishing his blog, but then, this morning…it had been so succinct and with barely any guidelines for him to follow. It was almost as if Duo had lost interest, as if he grew tired of this. The thought filled him with dread. Duo was both his muse and his mentor. He needed the brilliance and depth of the other man's desires to motivate his own. He needed his words to be able to find the beauty. Something had to be wrong, then, with Duo. He needed
help, clearly.
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