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"What May Come"Written By: Clara Barton Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following
is an intellectual exercise with no intention of profit. That said,
these characterizations, words, and situations are mine. Please ask
before reprinting. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: Language, angst, violence, sex Pairings: 2x3x2 Summary: Almost two years after the war, Trowa Barton decides to move on and enrolls at Amaris University, located on the former Lunar Base. He quickly learns that the past isn't so easy to run away from, especially not when the past confronts him in the form of Duo Maxwell. A/N: This has been in my head for years. I'm
sorry it isn't an update to any of my WIPs but… it's a challenge
to get back in the heads of characters who I haven't lived with in
a while. For now, all I can do is try to write - but rest assured
that I am looking over my old work and making notes and preparing
to update. Eventually. I'm sorry I can't promise more. "What May Come " Chapter Seven If he had known they were going to be lying on the floor for two hours he would have brought a pillow, or at least a sweater he could use as a pillow. It was easy to lose track of time, staring up at space like this, and it was easy to fall asleep - Trowa had done it himself at least twice. He looked over at Duo's face, wondering if he had fallen asleep - he hadn't spoken in more than an hour. Duo was looking at him. "Are things better?" The question was fairly oblique and it took Trowa a moment to realize what Duo was asking him. "You mean with me?" Duo nodded, the motion a little awkward considering that he was laying on the floor. "What, you think I was asking about... the world? The rest of them?" Trowa shrugged. He had, for a moment. "Nah. I think I've given them more than their fair share of my attention by this point. If my blood and tears weren't enough for them before... I've got nothing left to spare for them now." "But you do for me?" Duo looked as though he had been caught in a trap. "Yeah," he said eventually, carefully. "I mean I'm not going to open a vein for you or anything but..." "Even if I need a transfusion?" Duo rolled his eyes. "We don't have the same blood types. You know that." Trowa had compiled as much intel on the other Gundam pilots as he could, years ago, so that he had the knowledge to manipulate them if need be. He wondered if Duo had done the same, or if he had stumbled upon the information later - "Jesus. It's on your school ID," Duo mumbled. He rolled his head back so he was staring at space instead of Trowa. "You hack into my personal records now, after the war, but you didn't bother to during the war?" "You didn't... you didn't matter as much back then. I mean, I either fought beside you, or you beat the shit out of me but kept me alive, or you weren't there. You were kind of a take it or leave it thing." "I matter to you." "Yeah. You matter to me." Trowa looked back up at the stars as well. "The last person who said that to me slapped me," he said, thinking back to Catharine and his monumentally failed attempt to self-destruct Heavyarms. "You want me to? Will that make it more real for you?" Trowa didn't bother to fight the smirk that spread across his lips. "You can try," he teased. Duo snorted and shifted to fold his hands under his head. "Maybe some other time. You're expecting it now. The effect would be lost." They stayed silent for another few minutes before Trowa answered Duo's initial question. "I used to just pack everything away. All my emotions - every thought that didn't help me survive - I shoved it all to the back so I could stay alive. But now... it feels like a flood. The memories, the smells, the faces." "So it's worse?" "Nothing is worse than before. It's different," he finally decided. "It's terrifying." Duo let out a long, painful sigh. "Yeah it is." "I don't think I could do it again. If I had to get back in a mobile suit tomorrow and fight another war - I couldn't do it." "You ever think - you ever think they're going to do it anyway? Fight again? They weren't there. They don't know what it's like to pick brain matter out of your hair." "Or break the edge of a knife on someone's sternum." "They don't know what it's like to drown in blood." "I hate them for that - for not knowing what we did. What we feel." "Yeah, but I also... I don't want them to feel this way. Ever - I don't want anyone to feel this shit." "Do you think you'll ever be able to sleep more than an hour at a time?" Duo rolled his head over to glare at him and Trowa returned the look. "Do you think you'll ever stop waking up right when you hit REM sleep and have a nightmare?" "I want to," Trowa said eventually. Duo swallowed hard. "Me too."
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