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"Somewhat Wooish "Written By: Asymphototropic
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam wing. Author: Asymphototropic (attracted toward the
light, but never quite arrives there) Email: asymphototropic@aol.com Rating: R Warnings: language, shonen ai Summary: Heero attempts to woo Duo on Valentines day. Pairings; 1+2
"Somewhat Wooish " Duo Maxwell sank wearily into the depths of his chair. His Preventers office cubicle was cramped and impersonal, noisy from nearby co-workers' spillover racket. He sorted through files on his desk. Criminals, conspirators, slime, dirt, violence, vile perps. Lovely company. A bright carnation-hued file folder in the midst of bland gray caught his eye. Not regulation, not to specs. Huh? What the heck? With curiosity mildly piqued, he flicked it open, peered cautiously inside. It contained a single audio chip. Shrugging, Duo entered the chip into his quarantined input. Then he spent some time on crime, working on work, as his computer thoroughly examined the chip for evidence of destructive programming. The report came back negative. Nothing malicious on board, it concluded. He ran the chip through physical analysis next. The program replied rapidly, smugly. "One partial thumbprint detected. Universal database for comparison, y/n?" Duo shook his head as he entered the "y" command with restrictions. No point spending resources on this, he figured. "Limit search, Preventers' personnel files," he instructed the program. Unless there had been a serious security breach, the chip had been delivered to his desk by someone who belonged inside the building. This analysis replied with results even faster than the last. "Identification, 94.313 % probability. Identity, partial thumbprint, one. Heero Yuy, Preventers Wildcards Force. Proceed with confirmation analysis, y/n?" "Nurp," Maxwell told the machine as he entered the negative command. Then he laughed. Heero Yuy, up to a prank? Bizarre. Maxwell assessed various possible psychiatric ailments that might have prompted the current, utterly atypical behavior of Agent Yuy. He concluded, after a few bemused moments of reflection, that actually listening to the sound bit might be useful. He applied the shielded earphones, tousling his already unkempt mop of shining hair. As the request for sound, entered from his comp, made its complex way into the com station, the analysis program offered him another enticing tidbit, flashed upon the computer screen. "Warning: original recording digitally altered, affecting information content. Continue play, y/n?" "Yurp," he chuckled. What the fuck was Yuy up to? No good, he decided, as his widening grin threatened to knock the earphones off his head. There came the nostalgically evocative sound of static, as if it originated from the playing of a cylinder on an antique Victrola. Then sounded a clever run of fingers over ivories, a jazzy piano vamp, offering the opening strains of a song. Next, a slightly Irish sounding tenor voice crooned. "My punny Valentine. My cosmic Valentine." And at that, the sound bit crackled to a halt. Maxwell dug his fingers through his luxurious bangs, stretching to reach warm flesh on his scalp, to scratch at it in a puzzled gesture. Okay then. He was pretty sure that wasn't the way the old lyrics had sounded originally. He did a quick net search for the phrase "punny Valentine." His comp retorted in a somewhat scathing correction, "Did you mean 'funny Valentine'?" "Yar," he agreed to the amendment. That brought up several hundred thousand entries, most of which contained the correct lyrics to the old song, as well as current advice on the wooing of difficult or demanding sweethearts. Duo bridled a bit. He considered himself an easily pleased, basically contented sort of guy who didn't ask much of life. Still, if Yuy had seduction of his Preventers partner in mind, Duo supposed Heero might consider the assignment somewhat thorny. If he got it wrong, maybe he figured Maxwell might just slug him one in his disappointed kisser. Left cross rejection. Spoil Heero Yuy's pretty face? Nah. Wouldn't think of it. Maxwell chuckled. Still, maybe Yuy figured humor would take the edge off a direct frontal assault. Duo eyed the most popular website's dating advice, displayed upon his computer screen. "Valentine's greetings for a really hot guy? Say it with flowers, ply him with chocolate, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, suggest a hot date, take him out," the Valentine's Day column recommended. Maxwell closed his eyes, picturing Yuy leaning over him to follow said instructions. It was a sultry fantasy. When the image suddenly was accompanied by tactile and sound effects, Duo startled violently. A masterful set of hands pressed him solidly into his chair. A hot pair of lips brushed in close proximity to his quivering ear. A sexy voice murmured, "saccharin, aspartame, sucralose." Duo shivered, as the steamy breath tormented his sensitive helix. Then he shrugged away from his partner's grip. "Oh, har har, Yuy, very funny. Sweet nothings? In my ear." He aimed an annoyed look at the other boy. Who smirked back in a most irritatingly provocative manner. "There's more," Heero promised. Maxwell shook his head, returning to the stack of boring paperwork threatening to avalanche off his desk at a moment's notice. His partner left him alone for a while. Duo next emerged from Preventers' business, at the sudden feel of a hearty slap on his back. Several followed in quick succession, crisscrossing the dorsal aspects of his shirt. As he leaped from his chair and turned to confront his aggressor, the last contact sounded, a slap to his properly uniformed ass. "Yuy," he growled. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "Plying you with chocolate," Heero chuckled wickedly. Duo hastily turned his back to the nearest surveillance camera, drawing his silky braid aside, and glaring over his shoulder at the video screen. Forming a neat letter "Z", starting with his left shoulder and ending with his right butt cheek, was a tidy row of red foil hearts. "Huh?" Maxwell commented intelligently. "According to the Complete Unabridged Universal Dictionary, under the heading 'ply, verb', subheading 'nautical phrases'. To tack, in a zigzag pattern." "I'm not a fucking sailboat." "Its ultra-fast acting, stain-free, presentation-grade tacking glue. And the chocolates are still quite edible," Heero soothed. "Get them off of my shirt." Duo retorted. He probably could have reached them, himself. But where was the fun in that? "But they're so artistic. And festive. And seasonal." "Yuy!" "Shall I use my teeth?" "Whatever." Duo felt Heero behind him, grasping him firmly and then nuzzling between his shoulder blades. He wondered how long it would take his partner, using his mouth in such a manner, to arrive at the seat of his trousers for that final chocolate. Probably the longer the candy hearts stayed in place, the more solidly the glue would set. Duo shuddered reflexively at this thought. The day progressed for Maxwell as it had begun, with stretches of mundane work, punctuated by bizarre interruptions from Yuy. "Duo, I made this for you. Do you like it?" Heero's imitation of a school boy making puppy eyes at his first true love was irresistible. Irritating, but irresistible. Duo examined the proffered sheet of yellow notebook paper. Glued upon the page were multiple small, rather wilted, white clover blossoms. The blooms were stuck in a pattern, spelling the word, "it", complete with quotation marks. "Say 'it' with flowers," Duo quoted the sweethearts' website from memory. He gusted a sigh, blowing his tousled bangs off his forehead. "Hardy-ha-har. Got it." "Oh good." "Look, Yuy. I can take a joke as well as the next fellow. Better than most, probably. But I've got a shit load of nasty, stinking perp reports here to accomplish. So enough with the Valentine's Day puns. Okay?" "But Duo," Heero pouted in a most appealing fashion. "I haven't suggested a hot date yet." Maxwell scrubbed his face with his hands, groaning into his sweaty palms. Yuy slapped a computer printout onto his desktop. "Ten Day Flight Weather Forecast," the heading proclaimed. "Looks like Thursday's going to be the warmest. Not a very high temperature, I admit. But this being February, and what with our current location in the Earth's Northern Hemisphere, I believe it is the hottest date I can suggest." Maxwell stared blankly at Yuy's finger, which tapped insistently on the readout, where Thursday was circled clearly in red permanent marker. Yuy smirked triumphantly down at his partner. "Oh, and by the way. I forgot to mention, the commander approved your request for the rest of the afternoon off." "What request?" "The one I filed in your name." Now for the grand finale. Before Duo could think, much less act, Heero had him bent, belly first, over the desktop with his hands shackled to a leather waistbelt and cuff restraint. With one glittering red foil heart prominently pasted to the seat of his pants. Heero tossed the squirming Duo over his shoulder and carried him briskly through the outer office toward the building exit. Scattered applause, catcalls and whistles followed the pair. "Great Valentine's greeting you got there. Like the heart. Nice touch," random personnel shouted after them. "Hey, Preventers' agent being abducted here. Isn't someone going to intervene? Call the cops. Hostage situation. Request backup." Duo's voice was somewhat muffled into his partner's musculature, as he struggled futilely against an adamant grip. " 'Back up'. I get it. Nice pun," Heero stroked Duo's butt cheek. "Yuy, what the hell do you imagine you're doing?" "I'm 'taking you out'. Of course. Strictly according to the best authoritative recommendation for Valentine's Day comportment." By the time Heero had left headquarters and tossed Duo into the car seat, the indignation had deserted one warmly flushed kidnap victim. Maxwell watched the speeding automobile's route with increasing interest, which crested enthusiastically as they arrived at the Preventers' shuttle port. "Just how far are you 'taking me out'?" Duo chuckled. "How far do you want to go?" Heero wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. After parking the car. he extracted his bound captive, and carried him to the fueled and ready star cruiser. "My punny Valentine. My cosmic Valentine," Heero hummed, low and melodiously, as he strapped Duo into the co-pilot seat. "How does a little zero-g activity sound?" He nuzzled the silky braid where it draped over a pounding hot carotid artery. "Sweet," Maxwell sighed, as they commenced blast-off count down. A vast view of the glittering galaxy was just minutes from view. Duo mused, shaking his head. "Who knew Heero Yuy was such a romantic guy?" ~ * ~
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