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"Rorschach Pizza "Written By: Asymphototropic
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam wing. Author: Asymphototropic (attracted toward the
light, but never quite arrives there) Email: asymphototropic@aol.com Rating: PG Warnings: Language Summary: Preventers Oneshot Wufei Chang does a
little free thought association, resulting in a call to Duo Maxwell.
Pairings: 5+2
"Rorschach Pizza "
Occasionally, humanity is somewhat puzzling. The rest of the time, humanity is utterly inexplicable. Wufei Chang pondered the front of the dark drugstore. Its single light, a "closed" sign, glowing the printed proclamation. The two neighboring buildings, on one side a supermarket, on the other side, a porn mart, were both open for business. He could get snacks and smut at this hour of the evening. But not medication. Chang shook his head once over the peculiar priorities of his fellow man. But then desisted, finding the gesture too hard on his headache. Returned to his apartment, he glared at the two purchases on his kitchen counter. A small bottle of aspirin. A huge brown cardboard carton of Hawaiian pizza. He had known before ever he had stepped into the grocery store, it was an exercise in futility. Understanding the details of his conditioned physiology rendered even a placebo effect of the aspirin unlikely. And what could he do with a pizza large enough that the box wouldn't fit into his refrigerator? Inspiration. So bizarre as to seem maniacal. Wufei went to his com station, scrolled down his Preventers roll screen until the name he sought was highlighted, and placed the call. Of course he was greeted by an "away" message. That was the inevitability of his fate tonight. But just as he moved his hand to ring off, a familiar voice broke through the recording. "I'm here," Duo stood, wrapped in a towel, dripping wet before his comp camera. "I thought we weren't... Chang?" Stark astonishment. "Maxwell. I've interrupted your shower." " 'S' all right. I was starting to wrinkle," Maxwell grinned. "What's up?" "What are you doing tonight?" "As little as humanly possible. Why?" "I have an absurdly massive pizza on my kitchen counter. So big, I may require help in moving it." "Oh man, there's just gotta be a good story that goes along with that." "Perhaps. Can you find enough milk of human kindness in you, that you would come over?" "I'm zagged." 'I can see that." Hades, he hadn't meant to say it out loud. "Look, you can come over in your bathrobe, as far as I care." "You're a very persuasive man, Chang. Preventers got your address correct on the roll?" "Of course." "I can be there in about 20. No guarantee I'll be either dressed or awake when I arrive. Oh, and I'm on call. So if I bail, you'll know why." "Confirmed. Chang out." He shook his head before he recalled why that motion was a bad idea. With a tepid drink of water, he swallowed four aspirin tablets. Maxwell truly had looked like hell. Angry purple welts showing upon his pale flesh, ringing his wrists, throttling his throat. Wufei exorcised the image from his cringing imagination. Twenty minutes came and silently left. Then thirty. Then forty-five. Chang went for a hefty butcher knife. He felt like a murderer trying to dispose of a victim's corpse. He could cut the pizza into quadrants and stack them in the freezer. But the instructions on the carton stated that trying to bake portions of the raw pizza was a bad idea. Why, he couldn't imagine. Ultimately, he pre heated his oven, freed the vastly pineappled pie from its polymer body bag, and placed the whole damnable thing in to bake. It barely fit on the rack. For an unmeasured time he stood, noting the commercial details of the cardboard carton without registering them. He turned at the soft swoosh of his door opening. Maxwell had gotten stealthily through the security door downstairs and the locks upstairs. "Sorry I'm late. Une phoned. Then I had to tank up the bike." Duo gestured with a six pack. "Brew?" "I have a headache." For the third time that night, Wufei regretted shaking his head. He placed the pack into the refrigerator, leaving one bottle on the sideboard. "Take something?" Duo asked. "Aspirin." "Yeah, right. The water will have more effect." "The chemy was shuttered for the night by the time I got there." "Tsk. Tsk." Duo produced his wallet from some hidden pocket of his biker jacket. Extracted a blister packet from which he popped four pills, offering two to Wufei. " 'Ere you go. Po's formula 02. Guaranteed to please." He grabbed a couple of porcelain tea cups from the drainer and poured a modicum of beer into each. "All the hay in Texas," he offered the toast, before washing down the pain killers and brew. Wufei remembered not to shake his head. "With alcohol?" "Just a small jump start," Duo winked, sipping at his tea cup. "She just does that to be mysterious. Giving each of us our own special pills. Betcha Dr Po's formula 05 analgesic has the same junk in it as mine." "But if not, I might end up head banging to metal whilst I hang out in my wheely boxers." Simultaneously, both of them snorted to mental imagery of Wufei doing Duoesque. Synchronous chuckles sounded. "The one and only original. Accept no imitations," Duo declared, settling onto the couch. "Smells like the forage needs tending." Wufei hastily pulled the bubbling pizza from the oven onto some kitchen towels. Then with only minor reservations, downed his formula 02 guaranteed to please pain killers and beer. Duo had clicked on the late night news. Wufei dropped next to him onto the sofa, listening to the box report. From an empty stomach, the beer buzz was immediate. Meanwhile the bad news of the day offered to kiss them good night. He realized the analgesics had kicked in when the weird aroma of oregano and pineapple actually seemed palatable. He rose to fetch the butcher knife. "Testing, one, two, three," he intoned, before biting gingerly into the first slice. "Not overtly toxic." "In that case, yes please. I may come back from the dead after all." Wufei handed Duo a slice on a plate. "The saga of the tiny aspirin bottle and the extra large pizza that could. You still owe me." Wufei sighed. "I am daily in front of the comp screen, planning strategics for Une. EO." Eyes only. Classified. Don't ask about the case. I can't tell you about it. "Endless strategics. I suppose I need my glasses checked. Eyestrain. I tried to nap when I got home, but couldn't with the headache. Finally I went to the local pharmacy. It was closed for the night. So I proceeded to the grocer's next door. Nothing strong available over the counter there. Hence the aspirin bottle." "And then," Duo prompted with a grin. "And then I happened to walk past the delicatessen on the way out. At a folding cardtable, there was a woman. Moderately maternal. Middle height, middle weight, middle age. In a kitchen worker's uniform. And a grass skirt." "Huh?" "A grass skirt. Because of the Hawaiian pizza she was selling. Artificial, plastic, ghastly green. A grass skirt over her uniform trousers. And a plastic lei around her neck. With a paper blossom pinned into her hair net. I defy anyone to walk past that without pausing to glance." "She got you," Duo's eyes gleamed with glee. "Hooked you and just reeled you in." "She looked...dejected. Just standing there. But then she seemed to brighten when she saw me. Free samples. Delicious. Just try one. Half price with the coupon. How could I say no?" "The Saga of the Aspirin, the Pizza, and the Chang. That is just too too cute." Wufei bristled. "Its not bad, though." Duo leaned forward for his plate on the coffee table. The collar of his oxford cloth shirt drifted open. While the cuff of his sleeve slid up his extended wrist. The torturous marks etched upon skin screamed at Wufei. He grasped Maxwell's elbow. "What happened to you?" he hissed. "Eyes Only." Duo mouthed the words without sounding them aloud. Classified case. Not to be discussed. It struck Chang all at once. How many EO cases could there be at headquarters just now? "Did you at least get the perp?" he growled low, deep in his chest. Maxwell sank back into the embrace of the upholstery. His eyes settled shut. "Une shot him. Frontal lobe, third eye. Foom." His fingers gestured, indicating the recoil on an imaginary pistol. "Damn, that dame is deadly." A tiny, wry smile hovered on his lips. "Turned out to be the wrong guy, though." "Fuck." Chang was up and pacing. Eyes only. Une probably had classified the case to keep him in the dark. Keep him concentrating on his abstract suppositions. He'd been correlating, analyzing data, planning moves, initiating them, sending them out into the obscure gloom. Staring at the comp screen. Developing a case of eyestrain. A wicked headache evolving. Of course, somebody else had to be out there, doing the actual legwork, dodging the shrapnel. Taking the hits. Nameless somebody. Named Maxwell. "No need to kick yourself. He wasn't The Big Baddy. But bad enough. No tears shed upon his departure from this mortal coil. Trust me." Duo's face looked appeasing, his soft smile appealing. Wufei felt disembodied carnivorous teeth gnawing at his vitals. He couldn't look at his friend. He stood up, faced the wall. Leaned his forehead against it, pressed into its cold solid support. "I knew Une had called you in dirtside. I hadn't actually seen you though. Didn't know where you were staying. Had to look you up to call tonight. Didn't know what assignment you were on. Didn't realize. I didn't know." He sighed. After a pause, he turned again and sat down on the couch next to Duo. Sinking, they settled nearer each other. "I got it. Free thought association, right?" Maxwell quirked a funny look his way. Puzzled, Wufei eyed him. "Just answer me one question," Duo said. "Was it the pizza that reminded you of me? Or the headache?" Before Chang knew it existed, the laugh escaped him. Duo looked pleased at the sound. Wufei Chang slid closer. Until he was shoulder snugged shoulder with Duo Maxwell. "Neither. No, that's wrong. Both." An internal emptiness that could not easily be filled. A pain that proved petty by comparison, but still needed soothing. A huge pizza. A little aspirin. And... Wufei murmured, "The one and only original 02.
Guaranteed to please. Accept no imitations." ~ * ~
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