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"Missing"Written By: Ashkara Disclaimer: I sadly enough do not own them. Sigh.
I also do not own the song ‘Missing’ by Evanescence Rating: PG 13 Warnings: ANGST!, songfic, depression, language,
mild violence, and a severely bastardized Quatre. Pairings: 3x4 Summary: What happens when Trowa is hurt beyond
his breaking point? " Missing"
“Hi! You’ve reached Catie Bloom’s vid-mail! As you can see, I’m not available at the moment…” Duo Maxwell sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He couldn’t find Quatre, and now Catherine was AWOL as well. He hated vid messages! “… I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks for your call!” He took a deep breath and smoothed his hair, hoping to look as decent and presentable as possible. Catherine… never seemed to like him too much. He smiled nervously into the vid. “Hi, Catie. I’m Duo Maxwell. I don’t know how well you remember me, but I’m your brother’s partner at the Preventers, and we worked together during the War as well. I was hoping to talk to you…” He took a deep breath, his expression sobering. “I… um… I tried calling Q, as well, but he was out at some kind of meeting, so I’m trying you. Look, your brother’s one of my best friends, okay? And I’ve noticed… Something seems… well, he seems kind of ‘off,’ if you know what I mean. I’m a little concerned for him – you know, him being my friend and all that…” He took a deep breath and scrubbed a hand over his face, tired. He was babbling – he knew he should have waited to call until he got some rest. “Look, can you just call me back? I know it’s probably nothing, but I’m worried about him. You can reach me at…” He dropped his face into his hands as he ended the vid-call. Zero for two. Well, no one could say he wasn’t trying, at least. He looked up, frowning at the room as he twisted the end of his braid around his wrist. It was just little things, but they added up quickly. He’d been Trowa’s partner at the Preventers for four years and he knew how to read the quiet young man. Maybe the others didn’t see it, but he certainly did. Something was very wrong. Hopefully, either Quatre or Catie (he still hadn’t gotten used to calling her that, yet!) would be able to help. Someone had to be able to. He had a very bad feeling about it all and, like Heero always said, he had to trust his feelings. They had rarely led him wrong. Shaking his head to clear his mind, he stood and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. Either Heero or Wufei had to be around somewhere. Maybe they knew something he didn’t. ~*~ maybe someday you'll have woke up, Trowa Barton was well and truly lost, but he didn’t give a damn about it. He’d stopped watching where he was going hours ago. He kept his head down and tucked his hands in his pockets. Invisible. Unapproachable. Insignificant. It would have been nice if Quatre had at least thought to leave him a message at their home. He and Duo had been on an extended mission, gone for two and a half weeks. Before they left, Quatre had promised he’d be there when Trowa got home, but just like last time… And the two times before that. And again before those times. Many times. The butler met him at the door and haughtily informed him that Master Quatre had been called away on ‘business’ and was not expected back in the near future. The first couple times, he’d been disappointed, but he knew how important Quatre’s job and family was to him. He’d forced himself to smile and head back out, looking up Duo or one of the other guys. It was getting old by now though. And it wasn’t the only strangeness in their relationship either. Not anymore. He couldn’t understand it, but the blond man had changed. The gentle, kind person was being sapped away at endless board meetings and shuttle flights, leaving behind a person Trowa barely recognized anymore… He hadn’t felt up to facing the guys tonight, though he knew any one of them would have been happy to see him. He didn’t want to see anyone. At least, the only person he *did* want to see wasn’t there and didn’t look to be coming back to welcome him home. Trowa glared at a passer-by unfortunate enough to try and speak to him and felt his pain and anger welling up inside as the woman scuttled away quickly, unnerved by the look on his face. Was it something he’d done? Had he pissed Quatre off somehow to deserve this kind of treatment? They’d promised each other once that they would never allow an argument or annoyance to last more than one day – they would talk it out, fight, do whatever, and get over it. This was much more than a day. This was seven months and fourteen days. Months of odd silences, hollow hallways, frenzied, meaningless sex that couldn’t possibly be termed ‘making love,’ cold, empty sheets in the mornings, and worst of all, oppressive silence. He gritted his teeth and kept walking. It hurt to have your heart broken, but this last time had been the last straw. There was no way Quatre could have forgotten this day, unless he was tired of his lover and wanted him gone. It was their fifth anniversary and he was alone, though both he and Duo had fought like demons to get him back in one piece and on time. It matter to him. It mattered a lot. However, it appeared he was the only one. In his right hand, he clutched the small, wrapped box containing Quatre’s anniversary present. Stopping and looking up into the cloudy night sky, he fought off the tears that threatened. “Hi, Quat. Did you miss me?” ~*~ you won't cry for my absence, I know - Trowa was drunk. Not the normal buzzed-and-happy sort of drunk. He was the surly, rude kind of drunk that got himself arrested for it, and Heero and Relena were shocked to see it. He’d never let himself go like this; he’d always considered it beneath him, beneath any of them, as pilots and responsible people. As Preventers. It was unnerving to see him so out of control and they could only hope that Duo would arrive soon. If anyone could help them to help Trowa, it was his partner. Heero sighed – he knew Duo was concerned and had been for quite a while. The American had never been able to hide anything from him. He honestly hadn’t seen anything strange, though, not until now. Relena squeezed his hand and asked, “Where’s Quatre? I thought this was their…” “Ourr wha?” Trowa asked in return, bloodshot eyes swinging around to glance at her. “S’not like *he* cares! E’s not ev’n here…” The other two exchanged shocked looks, and Trowa laughed hollowly. “Jus’ me. Dun’ matter. Heh.” Heero felt a pit opening in his stomach. Quatre had ditched Trowa on their *anniversary* and he’d called *Duo* to come and help? This had enormous potential for disaster! It was true that Duo had never been able to hide things from Heero – as in nothing, not even his attraction to and affection for his very own partner. The Japanese teen had kept the secret, even from Relena, but he knew his friend well. Duo was already upset that Trowa was so upset, and when he found out that Quatre had caused this kind of a break-down… “Heero?” He looked up. Trowa was staring at him with a damned heartbroken look in his eyes. “Wha’ did I do? Why’s ‘e not love me anymore?” Relena stepped forward, tears in her eyes. “Oh, Trowa, you know that’s not true! It must have been something extremely important…” “Yeah,” Trowa sighed dejectedly, leaning into her embrace as she put her arm around him. “More impor’nt than me. Everything’s more import’n th’n Trowa.” isn't something missing? ~*~ Duo’s eyes were hard with anger and pain as he sat across from Heero and Relena while Wufei finished preparing them a pot of tea. The Chinese man had taken one look at his American friend and promptly kicked him out of his own kitchen to calm down. He supposed he deserved it. “I can’t believe that blond bastard could do something like this!” he growled, carefully keeping his voice down so as not to wake the young man asleep on his bed. Heero shot him a warning look. “We don’t know where Winner is. It could be an emergency.” Wufei snorted. “Something so important that he couldn’t spare a moment to leave some kind of message? Unlikely.” He poured tea for everyone and took a seat next to Duo. The long-haired young man rubbed at his eyes, tired. They’d been going on very few hours sleep before this mess happened, and now… “I left a message for Catie earlier, too. Don’t know why *she* hasn’t gotten back to me yet.” Relena shook her head. “I’m sure she’ll respond in the morning. There has to be a reason for all of this. Trowa’s been stressed out and he’s out of balance. Quatre loves him, everyone knows that.” Though both Heero and Wufei nodded their agreement, Duo’s frown deepened. How could they all be so sure? ~*~ even though I’d be sacrificed, Someone was banging on the door as loud as they could – Duo started awake, reaching for his gun automatically. He could hear groaning from the other room and he looked around, dazed- He’d finally fell asleep on the sofa the night before. He could only assume that Relena had been kind enough to fetch him a blanket, and the others had left him in peace. Duo groaned and stood, cautiously approaching the door. “Who’s there?” “Open the damn door.” He grimaced – it was Quatre. Just what he needed – and just when he couldn’t be sure he could talk to the bastard without punching him on first sight. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. The blond man was impeccably dressed and glaring at him for all he was worth. Quatre stalked inside. “Where the hell is he?” Duo blinked. “Trowa?” “Who else would I be looking for?” Quatre asked acidly. “What did you do to him?!” “ME!” Duo exclaimed, disbelieving. “All I did was pick him up from the police station when he needed a friend! Because YOU weren’t here.” It was at that moment that Quatre spotted an extremely groggy, sick Trowa trying to sit up in the bedroom. His eyes narrowed. “So, dear, I see you found *someone’s* bed to sleep in on our anniversary!” Trowa was completely disorientated. He could only stare in blank shock. Quatre turned on Duo. “It would be just like you to get him drunk and go after him, Maxwell! Trowa belongs to *me!* Don’t think I haven’t see how you look at him…” “Quatre?” Trowa said softly, trying to understand what he was seeing. Duo, meanwhile, was beginning to see red, while feeling his heart break at the same, exact moment. He closed his eyes, swallowing his fear. He’d tried so hard- so hard to hide how he felt. He’d never done or said anything that anyone could have misconstrued… “Quatre, for the sake of our friendship, I’m going to warn you. You say anything like that to me ever again, and we are no longer friends. Trowa needed a place to crash. He was drunk and sick and upset. *I* slept on the couch.” “You’ve been after him for years, Maxwell!” Quatre yelled. Duo’s temper snapped. “I’ve been his friend, Quatre! His partner, you asshole! How dare you come here and yell at me and at *him* when *you* were the one who wasn’t there when he needed you! What the hell is the matter with you?” “Duo, please,” Trowa said, crawling up the bed, his face a grimace of pain and hurt. “Please don’t say anymore. Quatre, you’re being irrational…” The blond faced his boyfriend with a glare that would have peeled paint. “Get up, Trowa. We’re going home. Where you belong.” “Trowa, you don’t have to go,” Duo began to say- Quatre spun and sucker punched the American in the stomach. “And you – stay away from him! He does not belong to you, you bitch!” Duo fell to his knees, gasping in pain. He couldn’t breathe, it hurt so badly. “Don’t even love him, you bastard…” Quatre’s glare darkened and he kicked at the American, drawing a sharp gasp of pain. Trowa scrambled to his feet and moved between the two. Gently, he reached down and squeezed Duo’s shoulder. “I’ll talk to you later.” “No, he won’t.” As the door closed behind the two, Duo allowed himself to fall forward onto the soft carpeting, his breath hitching in his chest as he gave in to tears that had been a long time in coming. “Oh Trowa… don’t you get it? You don’t belong to anyone… Trowa…” ~*~ please, please forgive me, It was hours before Trowa was functional enough to even begin to try and understand what he’d just seen and heard. His head was still pounding as he walked towards the door as quietly as he could, hoping he could get out before- “Just where the hells do you think you’re going?” He turned back around to find Quatre was watching him from the top of the stairs just outside his private study. “Out.” “I don’t think so,” Quatre purred. “You owe me one hell of an apology and an explanation!” Trowa shook his head. “Really? Who hasn't been here for *months*? Who never seems to notice I’m here unless he wants or needs something? Who just beat up a friend for no good reason?” Quatre laughed derisively. “A friend? Trowa, you idiot! Duo’s been panting after you for years – why else would he partner you and spend so much time with you? Do you really think he wants you for anything other than your ass?” Trowa glared. “He wants me for more than you do.” Quatre’s eyes glazed over, cold and hard. “You know your place. I dare you to leave, Trowa. Face it, you’re nothing without me.” He turned on his heel and stalked back into his study, slamming the door behind him. Back on the main floor, Trowa’s eyes filled with tears and he wrapped his arms around his chest, allowing himself to slide down the wall. Nothing. Nobody. ~*~ even though I’d be sacrificed, He couldn’t look Duo in the eye. The American clearly was at a loss for what to say, and Trowa didn’t blame him in the least. If Quatre had been telling the truth… He stopped that train of thought angrily. He’d shown what he was worth when he’d given in as he did. He’d proved to the world that he was as spineless as he was nameless. Duo had been his best friend, and Quatre had even managed to take that from him. They hadn’t spoken to each other apart from work-related matters in over a week. And in all that time Quatre hadn’t touched him once. Trowa was disgusted even with himself. How could he possibly still love the bastard so much? Both Trowa and Duo started though, as the door flew open and Heero followed it in, his mission face on. “Come on – hostage situation.” ~*~ and if I bleed, I’ll bleed, Duo cursed fluently as he watched the scene unfolding thirty feet below his position. What the hell did Trowa think he was doing?! The plan had been precise. Heero, Wufei, Trowa and Duo had worked together on many occasions, and this one should have been just as simple as most of their previous assignments. Everyone was in place by the appointed time, and then the rescue ran like clockwork. So why then, was Trowa strolling out into the room, tossing his gun aside, hands up in the air? He was pushing the self-destruct button, Duo realized, a cold pit of fear opening in his stomach. “Oh, God.” He drew his weapons and took off running. ~*~ Trowa kept his eyes on the terrorist ahead of him and kept walking. “You want to shoot someone, shoot me,” he said, his voice completely flat. “These people have nothing to do with you.” The masked man shouted at him to stop, but he kept going, not even flinching as several people cocked their weapons and aimed at him. Even if they did shoot, it would give the others full reason to take them all out and everything would be over. Blessedly over. He kept walking until the muzzle of the man’s gun was pressed to his armoured chest. “Are you gonna shoot me, already?” It happened in an instant – someone off to his right screamed and the man pulled the trigger reflexively. Everything went white, and Trowa was surprised as he fell. He could have sworn he heard someone yelling his name. As though someone could have actually cared. ~*~ and if I sleep just to dream of you He opened his eyes slowly; his first conscious thought was that Heero had been right all those years before. Dying really did hurt like hell. His second thought was that he was a true failure – he couldn’t even die properly! Attempting to shift to a more comfortable position, Trowa froze instantly as pain shot through his body. He was definitely still alive, then. His eyes darted around the room. How long had he been out? The door opened softly and he did his best to look over. “You’re awake. Good!” Duo popped into his field of vision, his face drawn and pale. Trowa was shocked to see his partner, still wearing a blood-stained set of mission clothes, as they called them. As his brain woke up, he knew he must have been out for quite a while. Had Duo been there the whole time? “D-Duo?” The American sat quickly and patted his hand as he pressed the call button for a nurse. “Where else would I be, buddy? You scared the shit out of me, pulling a stunt like that. But you’re alive, that’s all that counts.” “Quatre?” Trowa tried slowly, his head and throat aching with the effort. Duo sighed. “He was here. Said he had to go somewhere, though. I’m sorry, Tro. I really am.” Trowa looked away, his eyes slowly filling with tears. So, his lover couldn’t even be bothered to stay with him? He supposed he deserved it, after all. “Oh, Trowa!” Duo’s face swam back into view, blue eyes practically glowing with concern. “I didn’t mean…” “You did.” Trowa’s tears spilled down his face. “Go away.” “Trowa…” “GO!” Duo jumped as the heart monitors attached to his friend began to beep and alarm and he was almost immediately shoved out of the way by medical personnel, as Trowa’s eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out again. Unnoticed by anyone, Duo stole out of the room and out of the hospital. Tears fell from his eyes, but behind them, he felt a wave of anger unlike anything he’d ever felt before. It was time to find Quatre Winner. ~*~ even though I’d be sacrificed, “Catie sounds so much classier than Cathy,” a male voice was saying with a slight giggle. A female voice responded, “It does, doesn’t it? Especially when you say it.” Wufei watched as all the blood drained from Duo’s face. They knew those voices; and without even entering the small trailer, they knew what they would find on the inside. Feeling sick to his stomach, the Chinese man followed his friend around the front and on Duo’s signal, kicked the door in. Duo’s eyes were burning with anger and pain as he trained his gun on the two figures on the bed, both trying frantically to cover their nude bodies with the stained sheet. “You unbelievable bastard.” Quatre stared back at him, sparing a glance at Wufei. “This is unexpected.” Wufei’s lip curled in a snarl. “Your *lover* is in the hospital and still might die from his wounds, and you’re here fucking his *sister?!* You have the gall to call this unexpected!” Quatre lifted an eyebrow. “I heard your reports to Une. He tried to kill himself out there.” “He loves you, asshole!” Duo yelled, stepping closer. “For some unknown and obviously completely undeserved reason, he actually loves a manipulative, cheating bastard like you!” “Instead of you, you mean?” Quatre asked, reaching for his pants as though this was a normal occurrence for him. “He has taste, then.” “What happened to you, Quatre?” Duo asked. “What happened to the guy we thought we knew, that we all loved like a brother?” “I’ve put the Wars behind me, Duo. I’m not a soldier anymore. I’m a businessman. A *wealthy* businessman with a family and legacy to worry about.” He grinned as he pulled his shirt on and began buttoning it. “Really! Trowa was fun, but I need *heirs,* and he can’t give me that. Where this charming young lady can…” Duo stared, wide-eyed. Quatre was really… and Catherine (by God, he wasn’t calling her bloody ‘Catie’ any longer!) was going along with it, like a good little gold-digger… “ENOUGH!” Wufei bellowed, grabbing for Duo’s arm before the American could launch himself across the small room and pulverize his once-friend. “Winner, you have one day to confess – the both of you do,” he said, including the silent Catherine in his glare. “If you do not, *we* will tell him in your place. You have no honour to use someone so cruelly and play with their heart.” “He wanted to be used, Wufei…” “No, Winner,” Duo sneered. “He wanted to be *loved.* You’ve both betrayed him.” He stepped closer, glaring darkly. “You will confess, or Shinigami will haunt your footsteps and make you wish you had.” Quatre smirked. “You cannot touch me, Duo, and you know it.” “Try me.” The American’s smile was cold and dark. “You are dead to me, Winner. Don’t force me to make that official.” He turned on his heel and walked out. Wufei followed behind him, pausing to throw one last glare back over his shoulder. “Quatre?” Catherine queried, sounding frightened. “We don’t really have to tell…” The blond swallowed heavily. He’s said he was no longer a soldier, but he knew instinctively what he’d seen in Duo’s eyes. The American hadn’t been bluffing. And nothing kept Shinigami from his prey when he decided to seriously go hunting. “We do.” ~*~ Heero and Relena supported him on either side, and Trowa was very glad for it. The hospital had wanted to release him on crutches, but it had hurt too much to use them. He’d been so depressed at the thought of spending one more minute in that hellhole of a room, where his entire life had come crashing down around his ears… He’d sat in shock and horror as Quatre walked in, hand in hand with Trowa’s *sister* and confessed. It was humiliating, after all, to find out that one’s lover had been sleeping with one’s sister on his anniversary with you. Even more humiliating to find that neither Catherine nor Quatre seemed to find anything wrong with that. He was hurt, angry, humiliated… and yet relieved. It was out in the open. Even if it meant he had nowhere to go and felt used and worthless… Trowa was miserable. He felt adrift and more alone than ever. No more Quatre, no big sister, no home… No Duo. The braided man hadn’t returned to see him, not since he’d banished him from the hospital room. Isn’t someone missing me? ~*~ “Surprise!” Trowa’s eyes widened as a servant opened the doors ahead of them and Heero and Relena helped him into what would be *his* room at the Palace of Sanc. He was shocked. His things were there, arranged almost exactly as he’d arranged them back at… his previous habitation. Duo was sitting on the bed, beaming a 5,000 watt grin at him. He gaped at the other man. “Duo?” The American stood and laughed as Heero and Relena helped Trowa to the bed and settled him comfortably. “Sorry I haven’t been back to see you, Tro. It took a while to haul all of this from… Well, it took a while. I think I got the placement right – did I miss anything?” Trowa was still staring at him, but a small smile was beginning to tug at his lips. “Looks good.” “Are they… Ah. Glad to see you here, Barton,” Wufei greeted him gently, as he walked in, pulling off his tie as he moved. “You look better.” “Thanks…” Trowa was completely bewildered. Relena gave him a gentle smile. “We should probably let you rest a little, eh? He’s right, though. You *do* look better.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. The others were following her out, but Trowa called, “Duo?” The American froze, still facing away from him. “Yes?” “Duo… please stay a moment?” Relena gave him a soft smile as she pulled the other two men from the room and closed the door softly. Duo turned and stepped closer, his bright smile tinged with apprehension this time. “Trowa, I’m sorry I…” “No, me first,” Trowa said resolutely. “I was horrible to you. And I’ve… I’ve missed you.” “Your aim was off – you’ll get me next time.” “Duo!” Trowa exclaimed. “For heaven’s sake, this isn’t a joke!” “Sorry.” “Duo, look at me,” Trowa ordered, waiting until the American was looking him in the eye before asking his next question. “Give me a straight answer. Was Quatre right about… about how you feel for me?” Duo flinched and looked away. “I swear, I never… you two looked so happy! You were one of my best friends, and I respected you two… I swear! I would never have said or done anything to come between you…” “Straight answer, Duo.” The American looked away, his smile completely gone. “I… no. He wasn’t right.” Trowa didn’t know how to feel about that. For some reason, he felt disappointed and hurt, and he looked away, himself. “Oh.” Duo’s voice broke as he continued, “He thought it was just lust. It was never just *anything.* I’ve been in love with you since you punched me in the stomach, back on the Moon base.” Trowa choked. “What?!” Duo cringed. “I know, it sounds stupid, and it probably is! You were doing it to help me, and then our hands met and you passed me that vid viewer, and I just *knew!* But then you didn’t recognize me, even just a little, when you lost your memories, and Quatre came for you… You two seemed to just click and I knew I could never compare to that! I mean, he’s rich and cute and powerful and… well, apparently, he’s also an asshole, but I had no way of knowing that back then! He seemed like such a nice guy! But we were still friends, and that’s good, right? And partners – we make a damn good team, even if you did blow Scythe up that time…” Trowa felt a fond, if surprised, smile coming on. Duo was babbling again. It was either emotion or exhaustion – both, by the look of it. “When’s the last time you slept?” he asked out of the blue, stopping the American in his proverbial tracks. Duo stared at him. Was that all the guy could say, when he was pouring his stinking heart out to him? “Trowa!” “Come here,” Trowa ordered, patting the bed next to him. Duo slowly stepped closer and sat down as though awaiting his own execution. “Trowa, you don’t have to… You were never meant to know.” “Duo, do you know why I yelled at you that day at the hospital?” Trowa asked, half wondering what the answer was, himself. “Because you were there. *You,* and not him. He didn’t care enough to be there for me, but you were. No one on Earth cares about me that much.” “Trowa,” Duo said softly, his eyes serious. He couldn’t help absently wondering if Quatre and Catherine had admitted where they were and what they were doing with each other at the moment in question! “It should be completely clear that there are at least four other people in this world who think of you as family and love you dearly…” Trowa put his hand over Duo’s mouth. “Let me finish. I don’t know… Your feelings…” Duo pulled away and stood, walking to the window and looking out to hide the sudden wetness in his eyes. “I understand. I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry. I’ll put in transfer papers as soon as I can get back to the office…” “Duo, you are the most incredible idiot of a best friend a person could ask for,” Trowa said, half growling. “Don’t be silly!” The long-haired man turned, surprised and shocked. “You mean…” Trowa shook his head sadly. “I’m flattered, Duo, I really am. But it changes nothing. What kind of friend would I be to you if I didn’t offer you the same thing you offered me? You deserve better.” “I don’t…” “You do,” Trowa said with quiet conviction. “Now shut up and get over here. We both need a nap.” Duo’s eyes went wide with panic. “Trowa! You…” “Nap, Duo,” Trowa repeated, laying back and attempting to get comfortable. “You’re my best friend and I trust you. Now get over here.” Apprehensive, but also clearly relieved, Duo obeyed, kicking off his shoes before he settled onto the bed, leaving plenty of space between their bodies. They were both silent for a long moment before Duo asked, “Trowa?” “Hm?” Duo propped himself up on an elbow and shot his friend a look. “Are you… we’re really okay? After what you’ve been through, I will understand if…” Trowa cracked open one eye. “Duo. You’re my friend, and I need you. Now shut up and sleep already!” “Yes, sir,” Duo replied, his face unreadable. “Thank you,” he whispered as a bittersweet afterthought. He couldn’t help the single tear that made its way down his face, and didn’t dare wipe it away for fear the movement would attract Trowa’s attention. Friendship. It had to be enough. It *would* be. Watching as his best friend finally dropped into an uneasy sleep, Trowa reached over and gently traced the tear’s path. “No, Duo. Thank *you.*” Please… please…
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