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"Misunderstanding"Written By: Ashkara Disclaimer: I sadly enough do not own them. Sigh. Rating: R Warnings: Angst, Sap Pairings: 1x2 Summary: The boys are forced to separate for missions,
and Wufei struggles to be a good friend to Duo when Heero's training
kicks in the wrong way. //BLAH// indicates character thoughts. Sequel to 'Learning to Feel' "Misunderstanding "
//Dammit!// Heero glared at his laptop as the familiar beeps alerted him to a new message coming in. His grace period was over, and it was time to get back to work. He scanned through the mission orders quickly and agreed with them, much though he hated to admit it. //They would have figured out what Duo and Trowa stole eventually. We should have taken those places out already, instead of staying here!// Three sites. He was being sent to the one in Norway, Trowa and Quatre to the one in India, and Duo and Wufei to El Salvador. He was both saddened and relieved that he would not be working with the American. After all, since he had recovered, his loudness had returned tenfold, jokes, singing to himself as he worked on his precious Shinigami. Or, worse yet, in the shower, given how early Duo liked to get up… About the only times he was quiet anymore were when he was asleep, his mouth was full, or he was working at his computer. But then again… Duo was undeniably cute, grease stain on a pale cheek, biting his lower lip as he worked, with a small frown on concentration on his face. And he did have a good voice… The truth was that Heero was still having a hard time admitting to himself how much it would hurt to be away from the violet-eyed boy. Even without the memory of that night, two weeks before, when he had kissed the sleeping Shinigami and heard the other calling his name… He closed his eyes and growled at himself angrily. He was letting himself be distracted, despite his orders. //Another good reason not to work with the baka. Too much distraction there…// He shut the computer with a snap and headed out to check up on Wing. He would leave next morning. *** “But it’s not fair! Heero was finally starting to act like a human being!” Quatre whined, staring at his orders as Trowa looked on bemusedly. “I was finally beginning to believe he’d get all of Duo’s hints and…” Trowa had, of course, heard everything about the other two, and been sworn to secrecy by his blond lover. The two now sat next to each other at the cockpit hatch of Sandrock, staring at the orders. The Austrian acrobat cocked an eyebrow. “Shame for Duo, but I’ll be quite happy to get away from Heero’s glares.” Quatre’s frown slid to a pout, and Trowa grinned. The smaller pilot really was too cute for his own good… “And we’re going to India! It’s hot there…” “Not any hotter than your place outside Algiers, Quatre.” “But it’s humid too!” the Arabian replied defensively to Trowa’s amused tone. “If you want to feel bad for someone, feel it for Wufei. You know he won’t react well to being forced to work with Duo.” Trowa gave a small smile. “Kisama! You’re not the one who will be babysitting a maniac baka with a trigger finger from Hell and beam weapons!” The shout was so unexpected that even Trowa almost lost his balance and tumbled from his perch. Quatre leaned over with a smile, dangling precariously from his Gundam. “Oh, come on! We both know you better than that, Wufei! And you know he’s funny, even if you won’t admit it.” “Hn,” the Chinese pilot grunted, stomping off towards his Gundam to begin his series of checks. Quatre shared a look of exasperated fondness with Trowa as he reached the lever system and began to lower himself from his cockpit. He watched jealously as the Austrian leapt to a lower perch on Sandrock’s knee and then dismounted in a triple flip. //I should ask him to teach me to do that sometime…// Heero spared them a nod as they passed each other, the Japanese pilot heading in as they came out. Neither Quatre nor Trowa took offence- they both knew Wing’s pilot too well for that. They walked into the safe house’s rather extravagant living room ,and Quatre collapsed on the sofa- not from exhaustion, but from disappointment. By this time tomorrow, the five of them would be scattered across the globe, and who knew when or even if they would ever see each other again? TICK! TICK! TICK! He and Trowa both turned at the sound- Duo was sitting with his back to them at the table, tapping away at his laptop. His posture was still slightly stiff though he was mostly recovered. The other two pilots smiled vaguely- the American was spending more time than ever at his computer, and both of them knew that he wasn’t playing video games, like he used to, or updating Shinigami’s log or checking intelligence, as Duo pretended. Quatre knew that Duo was perfectly aware of their presence, and was surprised he had said nothing as yet. “Hey, Duo! How’s it going?” “Oh, hi Quatre, Trowa,” the braided boy called over his shoulder. “I’m cool. Just got my orders. Suppose y’all got ‘em, too?” He turned to them with a smile, shutting the computer. “Yeah, we got it. So you’re teamed with Wufei, eh?” Quatre had to know how the American felt about it. Duo shrugged. “Yup. I’m looking forward to it, though I doubt he is! D’you think he’s still pissed about that silly sheet thing?” Both Quatre and Trowa smiled, the Arabian giggling a little at the memory. About three days before, when Wufei had gone particularly intense- on one of his ‘I’m not worthy’ rants- Duo had snuck off and, hours later, a loud “KISAMA, MAXWELL!” had rang through the safe house. Duo’s latest offence- he had rigged it so that a test run of Nataku’s Dragon Fang would result in a red sheet bearing the word BANG! on it in large, purple lettering would pop out as the ‘Superman’ theme played over the external loud speakers- had resulted in a furious Wufei chasing the braided pilot around until he collapsed in exhaustion (and pain, though he would never admit to it,) and Heero had separated the two. They had all gotten a good laugh, and Wufei’s rant had ended, thank God! Trowa smirked. “I don’t think he’s quite forgiven you yet. What were his words- ja- he called you a ‘maniac baka with a trigger finger from Hell and beam weapons.’” Duo smiled again. “It could have been worse- I could have done the same thing to Wing…” Quatre shook his head. “Why do you pick on them so much? I mean, it’s funny and all, but…” Duo laughed again. “They’re so intense, man! They both need to relax a little, that’s all!” //And stop beating themselves up! It’s better just to get them angry at me, and it is amusing!// His smile drooped the slightest bit as he considered being separated from Heero, though. “I’m gonna miss you guys, and Heero, too. Damn, this’ll be hard!” Both Quatre and Trowa gave him sympathetic looks as he collected his computer and ducked out. *** Duo slipped into the room he shared with Heero late that night, exhausted. He had worked on his Gundam until he was ready to collapse, hoping that fatigue would keep the dreams and useless thoughts away. Standing over a sleeping Heero now, though, they all came crashing back to him and he felt a pain so immense it frightened him. To say that he ‘liked’ or ‘loved’ Heero Yuy would have been a gross understatement. Even saying that he was ‘madly in love’ with the other pilot would have been putting things too lightly for Duo’s tastes. And what hurt the most was that Heero would probably flip if he knew, and so they would leave the next day with words unsaid. //Dammit, I’m waxing poetic! Real manly, Maxwell…// Duo was sentimental, despite his best efforts against it, but he was no fool. They were both professionals and damned good at what they did. All the same, there was a distinct possibility that one or both of them could die before they saw each other again, and that thought terrified him. “Is there something wrong, Duo?” Heero’s question made the long-haired boy jump in surprise. “N-no, Heero,” he stammered. “Bullshit.” Heero turned to face him, cobalt eyes gleaming in the darkness. “Tell me what’s bothering you.” Duo sat heavily on the bed, his eyes looking anywhere but at the other boy. //It would be so nice to lie right about now…// “I’ve just been thinking about how much I’ll miss you when we leave here.” Duo expected any number of things to happen at his statement- he would be laughed at, ridiculed, called ‘baka,’ told to shut up, braid pulled, maybe even ignored completely. He was surprised when Heero sat up, a troubled frown on his face. “I’ll miss you, too.” Duo looked straight into Heero’s eyes and was shocked by the warmth he saw there. //Maybe I’m not just imagining it- maybe he feels something for me, too!// He smiled hesitantly. “You will?” “Hai, I will.” Heero had known the exact moment the American snuck in- he had wanted to remain quiet, but he had felt such deep pain in the other boy that he couldn’t. Heero knew exactly how much it had cost Duo to admit what he had just admitted to, and it touched him deeply. “You’re… the best friend I’ve ever had. I don’t like the thought of you getting hurt again.” Duo gulped and clasped his hands together to hide their shaking. “I… yeah, I don’t like the idea of you getting hurt, either.” Heero could see the slight trembling of Duo’s frame,
and he grabbed hold of the boy’s shoulders, their eyes meeting
and locking. “Nothing will happen to me, I promise you that.
Can you promise me, too?” They were both suddenly struck by the meaning of their promises. Heero pulled back to stare into the deep violet-blue of Duo’s eyes, shocked and thrilled by the solemnity and resolve he saw there. His eyes wandered down to the soft, velvety-looking lips, and his breath caught… Duo actually felt his heart stop beating as Heero’s eyes zeroed in on his lips, and the Japanese boy leaned forward ever so slowly. He could smell Heero’s musky scent so clearly, now that only whispers of air separated them… He closed his eyes as their lips met. Heero felt a shock of electric heat as he pressed his lips to Duo’s, savouring the seeming endless warmth and softness as Duo surrendered to his touch. His lips became more insistent and he whimpered lightly as the other teen yielded to him, lips parted for a deeper, hotter kiss. Duo tasted… like he imagined Heaven felt. Heero moaned and pulled the American even tighter against him, trying to memorise the feel of his compactly muscular body, his scent, his taste. He pulled the other down and rolled them over, using his weight to press Duo down into the bed, settling gently on top of him without breaking the kiss. Duo felt pure happiness coursing through him with every movement of Heero’s lips and tongue. He had fantasised about kissing the Wing pilot for months, literally, but not even that had prepared him for how this felt. The pressure of Heero’s body on his- he had never even dreamed of something so exquisitely perfect. Duo moaned as lips trailed down to his throat, teasing little nips, flicks of the tongue… Heero pulled back to look at his… friend? Lover? Duo’s face was flushed, eyes dark and shimmering as they opened to look back at him. Duo was about to say something, but Heero silenced him, putting a finger to his lips, and they just looked at each other. The bottomless well of warmth in the violet eyes was almost too much. Heero trembled as he whispered, “Duo… please… stay with me tonight?” The words froze in Duo’s mind as his heart gave one massive thump. He nodded, unable to speak, as his hands came up to ease Heero back down. He kissed the Japanese boy passionately, half of him trembling with desire while the other half remained sceptical, as though this was all a dream, or worse- it was something out of his nightmares coming back to him with a new face… He shut his eyes tight and banished the thought- this was Heero in his arms- Heero was nothing like that! Heero’s head settled against his chest, and Duo finally let his tears fall as he felt the warm, steady breath against his skin. He cradled the Japanese boy close, kissing his soft, silky hair, and his voice sank to a low, breathy whisper, “Heero… ai… ai shiteru, Heero.” The soft whisper rocked Heero to his very core. //Duo… loves me? Is that really possible? I… no, well… maybe…// His arms tightened around the slender form. “Duo,” he whispered, “please don’t die. I… want to see you again.” He could just see the smile spreading over that beautiful, elfin face. “Hey, I promised, didn’t I? And it’s hard to kill Shinigami. I’ll be here, Heero.” //As long as you will, too.// Heero fell asleep quickly, lulled by the strong, steady heartbeat under his ear. Duo Maxwell, however, remained awake for quite some time. When he finally did sleep, he was smiling. *** “Wake up, baka!” Heero shook Duo’s shoulder - it was rare for Duo to truly sleep late! “Argmrph! Go away! It’s too early, Sister…” Heero chuckled darkly as he stripped the blankets off the American who yelped as cold air hit his body. He frowned at the sight of the American laid out before him- Duo still bore a few red scars from his most recent cross with OZ but, apart from those, his body was perfection- he looked almost edible… Distracting. Heero forced the though away with an angry snarl and a toss of his head. This was no frame of mind in which to begin a mission! But then again, it had felt so good to open his eyes and see that face so close to his own, close enough to feel Duo’s soft, warm breath on his temple… It was exactly what he didn’t need and he knew it. The violet eyes opened and Duo sat up, looking adorably young as he rubbed at his eyes. “Mornin’, Heero.” He spared the other boy a look and a grunt before he turned back to his packing. Last night had been by far the greatest, most beautiful moment of the Perfect Soldier’s life, but he had a mission now, and he could not, would not let anything or anyone interfere with that. Not even his feelings for the young man on the bed behind him. He could almost hear his trainers- Distractions will get you killed! You don’t need them- you don’t need anyone or anything! Give it up, unless you want to be a pathetic cry-baby! Give it up, or I will beat it from you! Pathetic… His eyes flashed at the memory. He wasn’t even supposed to have feelings. //Pathetic… useless… God, what am I doing? What about Duo… No! Remember…// He refused to turn around and break his training- it was how it had to be! Duo blinked hard. Had he imagined it all, the words, the lingering touches, the kisses, the feeling of absolute contentment as he drifted to sleep with Heero snuggled in his arms? His eyes drifted over to his unused bed- it had been real, alright! “Heero, I…” “You’ll be left behind if you don’t get your ass out of bed,” Heero interrupted coldly without turning. He didn’t want to see those wide eyes in that elfin face. //If I look, I won’t be able to just leave, damn me! Please understand this, Duo! I can’t do it!// But Duo was completely bewildered, and he blushed as his heart sank down into his toes. He berated himself for worse than a complete baka street rat as he fought back his tears. //So it meant nothing to him, then! He won’t even look at me- probably hates me for the idiot I am!// He stood and marched to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Heero stopped in his motions and stared at the door. //What have you done now, Yuy?// *** The other pilots sensed it immediately as Heero followed Duo in for breakfast- something was dreadfully wrong. Not only was Duo silent, but Heero had lost all the animation of the past two weeks- he was the cold Perfect Soldier again, the intense stare back as he methodically buttered his toast and spread a thin coating of jam on top. And what was even worse, Duo snapped out of his silence and began acting normal, and Heero seemed to retreat even further into himself. Wufei’s eyes narrowed- he could see through Duo’s chipper behaviour well enough to know that the boy was deeply hurt. Trowa watched carefully, a quick side glance from Quatre telling him that he wasn’t alone in what he saw. The Austrian usually held his emotions carefully in check, but he allowed his face to fall into a frown. As street-smart and sassy as Duo could be (and often was,) he was also one of the youngest pilots- only 1 ½ months older than Quatre- and was thus a person that he felt extremely protective over. It seemed obvious to the green-eyed teen- Heero had once again managed to hurt the American, and Duo was furious, half with himself for having tried and expected something back and half again at the fact that they were splitting up now, and this argument would remain unresolved. Duo was hurt, but as he sat there joking with Quatre and trying to pry a smile out of Trowa, Duo’s anger settled on Heero, for once. //It happened! He felt it just like I did and I told him… how I feel… and then he freezes up again! It wasn’t just my imagination and dammit, I don’t want to possibly die without seeing that look in his eyes again! Damn you, Heero! I love you so much, I think I want to kill you right now!// He stood up abruptly, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to keep up the act much longer. “Well, I gotta few more things to check out on Shinigami. Later, all!” He left as gracefully as he could manage. Quatre noted with some dark satisfaction that Heero’s eyes followed the American out and lingered on the closed door. His Spaceheart was telling him exactly how upset Duo was, despite his brave face- he turned to the Japanese pilot with one eyebrow raised. “What’s with Duo? He’s not acting like his normal self.” Heero graced him with a disinterested look. “Probably getting sentimental and being a baka.” *** Goodbye. This was always the hard part, when each of them tried to engrave the image of the others on his mind, so he could never really lose them, while maintaining some shred of dignity and masculine bravado. Quatre watched as Duo approached Heero, carefully hiding his trembling as he put on a brave, cocky smile. It was fairly obvious that Duo wanted to throw his arms around Wing’s pilot, but equally obvious that Heero would probably have slugged him for it. Instead he held out his hand. “See ya later, Heero-man!” “Hn. Hope the mission goes well.” Heero took
the offered hand and shook it, maybe held onto it a fraction of a
second longer than he had to. He turned and walked away. There was still something missing from his eyes, though, when he hugged Quatre and Trowa and left with Wufei. That… and something darker, uglier than anything that should have been there. It truly bothered the Arabian pilot, and he watched the sky with a frown as all traces of the three Gundams disappeared as though they had never been there. “Damn, you, Heero!” *** Romefeller and OZ leaders were woken from their sound slumbers exactly seven hours and thirty-two minutes later as three bases dropped off of OZ’s main network simultaneously. The honeymoon was over- the Gundams were back, and what was even worse, they were working as a unit. Treize Kushrenada frowned at his printouts before he looked up to find both Zechs Marquise and Lady Une waiting for his orders. He set them down quickly. “Any news from our informants, Lady?” She shook her head. “None yet, your Excellency, but I’m hopeful…” He cut her off not unkindly, “It says that El Salvador never even saw it coming- they didn’t even manage to get a message out…” Zechs gave a half- awed, half angry laugh. “Nothing, sir. Whatever hit them came in on full stealth mode and decimated them before they were even aware it was there. My guess is 02 is alive and well.” Lady Une flinched. Treize frowned down at his desk. “01 in Norway, 03 and 04 both identified in India and then 02 and 05 in El Salvador. Someone has gotten very smart. Interesting.” He turned to face Lady Une and gave her a small smile. “Lady- have our network fan out and look for them. I doubt anything will turn up, but we have to try. Romefeller will want to see some action on our part.” “You’d prefer to let them live?” she asked. He gave a deadly grin. “Of course! The game is finally getting interesting.” *** Wufei did his best to remain aloof as he watched Duo climbing down from his cockpit. As much as he griped at the younger pilot, he was also aware of just how reassuring the American could be, and indeed how funny, as much as he would never admit to it. The chatter and practical jokes had driven him crazy in the beginning (and still did on a regular basis,) but he would have missed it if it stopped. And it was stopping. Wufei was not blind- he knew that the American had struck up a deep friendship with Heero and had seen the strain between them when they said goodbye. And then in battle this time- It was hard for Wufei to admit, but he found Maxwell terribly frightening in battle. It was as though a deep well of anger, bitterness and rage had burst in Duo’s soul, the darkness hidden in him barely held in check by a will that had to be terribly strong to contain it all. It made it doubly dangerous for him to lose control, as he almost had that day. The Chinese boy doubted that even Heero could truly handle a truly pissed-off Duo, and that was a scary thought. //Heero Yuy.// Wufei frowned. The Japanese pilot had obviously found a way to hurt the normally thick-skinned American yet again. The kid really deserved better from his friend than that. //Maybe that’s what provoked that unholy rage back at the base…// Nothing had been capable of scoring a real hit on Deathscythe as Duo had darted through the battle, scythe raised and a truly evil smile on his face. He hadn’t known that the American could fight like that, or even that such rage existed beneath the smiling face he hid behind so well. He surveyed the damage on Nataku and sighed- he hadn’t been as lucky, and would have hours of work ahead of him to fix his suit. A few suits had tried to follow them after the battle, and he had switched on his jammers and dimmers to minimise the possibility of detection as they flew north to their safe house in Arizona- Shinigami had been cloaked, and even Wufei had barely been able to pick him up, flying no more than fifty metres away. The result- he had gotten hit numerous times as Duo picked them off. //I’m not going to worry about it now. I need sleep first.// Duo still walked with a slight limp, his shoulders sagging slightly in fatigue after two long flights and a battle. Wufei made up his mind quickly, jogging up to the American. “Do you need help with your gear, Maxwell? You should still use caution…” Duo managed a smile. “Thanks, but I’m cool. Just tired. That base gave me the creeps, too! I’m damned lucky I didn’t get caught in that sort of place!” He hugged the computer in his arms closer to his chest. Wufei cocked an eyebrow. “Needing help after what you went through is not being weak, Maxwell. Let me help you.” Duo surrendered his computer with a grateful, if tired, smile. The safe house was rather small and sparsely fit-out. Both pilots let their thoughts travel back momentarily to Quatre’s ‘country house’ where they had been over the last few weeks. Not that this wouldn’t do in a pinch- both had lived in far worse on many occasions- but the other place had been much nicer! Duo entered one room and dropped his duffle before collapsing on the bed. He fought off the urge to cry as his tired mind worked its way back over the last day. //What did I do wrong? I pissed him off, maybe, or I scared him, somehow…// His anger at Heero, especially since its release in battle, had faded to a nagging feeling that he had screwed up. //I’m so tired… tired of being pushed away, of getting hurt…// Duo flopped onto his side, eyes open and staring blankly at the bare wall. As if the Heero situation hadn’t been enough, the base they had taken out… He shivered. //No one has the right to treat someone like that- no one!// It had only made him angrier, as old memories reared their ugly heads… Duo had a sudden longing to get his feelings out- not the same rage from earlier, but the pain he now felt in its place… Sister Helen had once told him that he could always write down what he was thinking and feeling and that it would help him through whatever was bothering him when she couldn’t. He knew that he was not a good writer at all, but she had been right- it did make him feel better. //I’ll just write it all out and hope it goes away…// Being so carefully watched over the past few weeks had been difficult, especially since it had finally seemed as though he and Heero had been getting closer, and he certainly couldn’t share those thoughts with anyone… He had been doubly grateful for his laptop. //My laptop! Where is it…// he snapped to a sitting position. “Where…” Wufei knocked and hesitantly stuck his head in. “Did you want this, Maxwell?” The violet-eyed boy almost leapt from the bed to take hold of his precious computer. “Oh my God- yes! I was wondering where I had put it… anou…” He turned an interesting shade of red as he realised just how silly he must have looked to the Chinese pilot. Wufei gave him a strange look. “No need to tackle me for it, baka! No manners in you, whatsoever, sometimes!” Duo gave an angelic smile. “Sorry ‘bout that! Thanks, Wufie!” //That awful nickname again!// “My name is WuFEI, bakayaro!” the Chinese pilot growled. Duo’s smile became, if anything, even sweeter. “And my name just happens to be ‘Duo,’ ya dig?” Wufei stared at the other pilot for a moment, his face unreadable. “Fine.” He turned and walked out, closing the door behind him. Duo stared at the door for a few minutes before turning back to his computer and switching it on with a sigh. He had a lot to write about. *** A beeping sound woke Wufei a few hours later- a message was coming in to Nataku, according to his communicator. He grumbled as he climbed out of bed- “They just have to call in the middle of the night… We can’t even sleep anymore!” Fully dressed, he walked out into the hallway and towards the door. //Nani?! Maxwell’s still up?// A small amount of light bled from under the other boy’s door, and he could hear the faint tapping of fingers on a keyboard. //What is he really doing, I wonder? As tired as he was, he certainly isn’t still reviewing the log…// He walked out into the chilly pre-dawn air. Whatever Duo was up to would have to wait until he had dealt with this message. He climbed nimbly into his cockpit and activated his screens. Quatre’s image popped up immediately and, despite the pleasure he felt at seeing his friend, Wufei growled, “I hope you have a good reason for this, Winner! Even Chang Wufei needs sleep…” Quatre looked exhausted and worried. “What’s
your status, 05?” There was more beeping, and Duo’s image suddenly filled another screen, surprise and concern clearly written on his face. “Hi, guys! Whoa- Quatre! What gives?” Quatre’s eyes were hard. “We’ve got a problem- Taurus launch from Spaceport Portland in 2 ½ hours. They managed to keep these suits secret, somehow. Orders are to take them out.” Duo’s eyes narrowed. “Mission accepted. I can be there in under an hour and a half. 05 got a little cooked, though…” “Then you’re going in alone, 02. Good luck.” Quatre’s image winked out. Duo stared for a moment at Wufei before he broke from his shocked stupor. “He looked awful! Poor guy- say, could you maybe…” Wufei nodded. “I’m fuelling her now. Get down here.” Duo smiled. “Roger that.” The screen went black. Wufei was just starting the fuel pump when Duo ran into the makeshift hangar, still zipping up his flight suit. He had a medium-sized bag thrown over his shoulder that the Chinese boy pointed at suspiciously. “What’s that, and how did you get down here so quickly?” Duo grinned as he nimbly climbed his mech. “The bag’s got some ‘tricks’ in it, just in case I end up on foot, and I was still up.” He straightened a small microphone on his collar. “Start up check, Shinigami!” As the cockpit hatch opened, Deathscythe let out a low humming sound and the eyes flashed evilly. Duo hopped in and attached himself into the harness. Wufei could hear a cockpit voice saying- “All systems go! Ready to rock!” He grinned. Duo’s Gundam had become custom- type the moment its braided pilot had set foot inside. He wondered vaguely just how many things the young man had ‘modified,’ as he had the cloaking system- Deathscythe hadn’t always been completely undetectable! Wufei shut the pump down and detached it. He hopped up to the still open cockpit and peered in- Duo was going over the mission specs. He looked at the American with a thoughtful frown. “Did you get any sleep, Maxwell?” The braided pilot shrugged and smiled. “No, but
I feel fine, so no worries. This shouldn’t take too long.” The Chinese pilot frowned as he walked back towards the small house. What had Maxwell been doing up all that time? And for that matter, how did he get his smile back like that? *** Wufei tossed and turned in his bed and, with a string of curses, finally gave up on the idea of sleep. It never failed! Late night calls always left him jittery! He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, growling, before he pushed himself back on his forearms with a puzzled look on his face. //Maxwell didn’t sleep- so what was he doing?// Before he knew what he was doing, the Chinese pilot was on his feet and headed to the other boy’s room. Duo’s laptop computer was still open on the desk, an empty coffee cup at its side explaining at least part of the Maxwell problem- Duo was so naturally hyper that giving him caffeine bordered on dangerous! But what was truly curious was that the computer was still on- Duo had always been careful to shut it down before, almost as if he was afraid of someone else seeing what was there. Wufei sat down gracefully and toggled the machine off sleep mode- The desktop picture flashed up almost immediately- it was a shot that Duo must have taken at one point in time. All four of the other pilots were smiling, even Heero, at the centre of the photograph- quite a rare sight. Wufei clicked on an icon that announced ‘photo gallery.’ Pictures. Hundreds of pictures- of the five of them, places they had been… Wufei held his breath as he began to flip through them. A shot of Quatre, smiling goofily in Abdul’s sunglasses and fez, Trowa balanced neatly on a tree branch, Heero, a secret smile playing over his face as he lay, stretched out in the grass, Quatre and Trowa together, sitting hip to hip as they read something in a study in one of Quatre’s many homes… Wufei stopped on a picture of himself- //Do I ever really look like that?// Duo had caught him in mid-kata, his features relaxed and peaceful as his body swept through the motions, almost like running water… He shut the file, not knowing what to think except that it was an incredibly beautiful thing. And that Maxwell had gathered them all… The next file he clicked into was Shinigami’s log- a detailed list of repairs and changes that Duo had made to his Gundam. Wufei closed the file after two minutes with a snort. Interesting… but details like those were best saved for daylight and other more normal times of the day than four in the morning! He clicked on another icon. It was a huge file- pages upon pages of writing, separated out by dates. He stopped to read: I actually feel bad for Relena- losing her dad like that and then being saddled with so much responsibility… she wasn’t ready to be thrown into this mess with no one to really turn to. It’s only natural that she would look for someone strong like Heero to be her anchor, as annoying as it is for the both of us. I’d normally hate anyone who hung on him like that, but in her case it just makes me mad, knowing that I can’t do a thing about it… Wufei looked up guiltily. He was reading something deeply personal and it pricked his sense of honour, yet it also intrigued him- it was a valuable insight into Duo’s mind. //He’s very upset, and he won’t ever tell me why if he doesn’t want to. Well… why not? He has probably written it all out by now…// He felt awful about it as he advanced through the entries, skimming up to about three weeks prior: I’m so glad that we’re all together again, even if I’m leaving with Trowa in a day! These guys are the only family I have, or ever have had… since the orphanage. I only hope I won’t fail them like I failed Father and Sister Helen. Every smile I bring to their faces is like balm to my soul. Theirs, too. They need humour, and if I didn’t give Heero or Wufei a chance to vent at someone other than themselves, it would kill them eventually… Wufei sat back, a look of surprise on his face. It was true that Duo’s pranks always seemed to distract Heero when he most needed it- was it the same with him? //I couldn’t even remember why I had been angry at myself by the time I finished chasing him down, after that God-awful sheet thing…// How had he missed such perceptiveness in the braided pilot? He skipped ahead- the next entry was dated several days later: I finally convinced Quatre to grab this out of Shinigami for me. I could have asked Heero, but… It’s stupid, but I think I’d die if he ever read this! You couldn’t ask for a better friend- he even helped me wash and brush out my hair this morning. I couldn’t believe that he’d volunteer to do it, either! Do I dare to hope? Better not. It hurts too much to lose them when they go, and everyone I love dies. I couldn’t bear it if Heero died, too, as much as he tries to kill himself every so often. That really scares me. Still, the feeling of his hands in my hair nearly killed me! I hope he’ll do it again! “Masaka!” Wufei exclaimed, rocking back in his seat. “Duo and… Heero?! I can’t believe this!” He shook his head- was it possible that he had missed those signals? Now that he truly thought about it, it seemed obvious that Duo was in love with the Japanese boy. And Heero? //I’d be willing to bet Heero feels the same. He definitely puts up with more from Maxwell than from the rest of us combined… But then what was that yesterday?// Wufei scanned along through the next few entries- an awful lot about Heero, things he never would have guessed at! And then his eyes caught his own name: I hope Wufei won’t stay angry at me for too long this time, but he was all strung out and down on himself again. It was impossible to pass up! I tore a leg wound open getting away from him- thank God for Heero! I shouldn’t have screwed around with Nataku. I know that, but Wufei beats himself up mercilessly, and I can’t just sit by and watch! He’s so cool, a really amazing guy- I wish I was that smart and wise and honourable. Here I’ve been seeing him as a role model, and he’s beating himself up for the very things I admire about him! He must despise me as a weakling or worse, if I can’t even be as good as he is! I hope not- his friendship is very important to me. “Maxwell…” Wufei’s face had drained of colour as he read, and his eyes were burning madly. He would never have suspected that Duo esteemed him so greatly. It was humbling. It was crazy, but knowing that the American felt like this about him made him feel wonderful, as though he wasn’t so bad, after all. He smiled fondly- he had never known the friend he had in the American boy before this. And yet he still didn’t see why Duo was acting so funny now. It couldn’t be the same-old Heero thing- that had obviously been going on for a while now. He skipped forward to the most recent entry, the one Duo had been up all night writing: I wish Quatre was here! God! I feel so… so… worthless! Cheap, stupid, useless, worthless ( I’ve already used that one, haven’t I?)- I used to hear those words so often as a child, and I think all those people might have been right. So stupid- I kissed Heero Yuy last night. “No fucking way!” Wufei whispered, unconsciously using a Maxwell-ism. Or rather, he kissed me first. Maybe God is punishing me for being such a bad person! But it felt so good- it felt right. We both promised to survive so we could see each other again, and I kissed him, and then he fell asleep in my arms! It took me hours to fall asleep, myself- I was so happy! I don’t think I’d ever felt more happy or loved. I finally did it- I told him I loved him, and he didn’t hit me or even turn away. I thought he must feel the same way. So here’s the problem. He woke me up this morning- in his bed- and he was colder than ice! It was as though last night meant nothing and I was just a warm body, like a security blanket. I guess someone like me can’t hope for more than that- he definitely deserves better than a street rat like me! The Chinese pilot was fuming. “What did you do, Heero? If you’re just using him…” Wufei was stunned by his own anger, but what was all this crap about Duo’s deserving this? Who had dared to call the boy worthless? He read on: The stupid part is that I’m certain he felt something. And I don’t think… I’d like to believe that he wouldn’t hurt me like this on purpose. No one has ever kissed me like that. But it gets worse. I was angry at how he just walked away- I fumed all the way over to El Salvador. And then that base- it was sick, what they were doing, and I got even angrier! In fact, the only time I can remember getting that angry was after the rape. And when we attacked- I wasn’t fighting to protect. I was using my rage and just killing. What I did was ugly and utterly disgusting. I showed how worthless I really am. I nearly puked in my suit when I realised that I was rampaging. I hope I never lose control like that ever again- it’s too dangerous when you fly a suit like Shini. I really was weak and pathetic. Maybe they were all right. Wufei’s hands shook. He was angry- mostly at Heero, again at Duo, and then more than a little at whoever ‘they’ were. And what was this about a rape? //Someone… took advantage of Duo? Why didn’t he ever say anything about it? Am I that stand-offish that he couldn’t tell me?// As for the rage, Wufei had no difficulty understanding that. There wasn’t one battle he had gone into without reminding himself of Meiran’s dead body in his arms, her blood on his hands. For him, the rage was normal and necessary. He shut the computer down absently, his mind buzzing with activity. It seemed that he had learned more about his braided counterpart just now than in months of the boy’s chattering. And it had become clear that Duo needed to talk some of his problems out- his various self- esteem issues, not to mention Heero Yuy- if he could only pin the American down long enough for it. His face darkened as he considered the Japanese pilot. Having read those entries, Wufei trusted Duo’s judgement that Heero felt something for him. And it would have been true to Heero’s character to run away from his feelings if he felt at all threatened. Strange that Maxwell, who he now knew to be so perceptive otherwise, should miss that! Wufei’s frown softened. //I can and will help him- a friend like Maxwell deserves at least that much.// The only dilemma was how to do it without letting on that he had read this private log. *** //Mission completed.// The last Taurus carrier exploded violently behind him as Duo stifled a yawn and banked hard right for a better offensive position. //Now I just need to get out of here and drink some more coffee!// Sirens were blaring in the pre-dawn gloom, but Shinigami was once again fully cloaked. He had only been visible for three seconds- enough time to scare the shit out of some Ozzies as the scythe diced the main carrier to bits. Suits were flooding around his last known position now, and he grinned evilly as he watched the pandemonium. He flipped his comm switch. “What’s wrong- you scared? You should be- Shinigami has come for you… DEATH IS HERE!” Duo yelled over the speakers as he clove through seven suits. Pulling up in a tight turn, he set his cloaking device on ‘Slow Uncloak,’ a programme he had designed specially for its psychological effects. He could hear the fearful screams as first the glowing eyes, then the razor sharp bat wings became visible… He at least made it painless for them, the thermal blade incision vaporising the enemy’s cockpits on contact as he attacked with a yell. The Gundam made a mockery of suits and pilots. It was over. Duo fought to calm his breathing as he re-cloaked and turned back towards the safe house. He yawned again widely, his mind suddenly realising how long it had been since he had last slept… //Since I slept with… him.// //Baka na! To think that I could possibly be good enough for Heero Yuy! Yeah, right. And Hell could freeze over! It was my own damn fault for trying.// *** Duo woke a little past three in the afternoon and stretched lazily. Bright sunlight streamed though his window, shadows playing hide-and-seek as he watched and let out a little giggle. And there was a scent on the air… //Mmm… Wufei can cook? I didn’t know that…// He winced as he stood and allowed himself a slight limp as he made his way to the shower. Duo stood under the jet of hot water and smiled in pleasure- by the time he had gotten in that morning, the coffee had completely worn off and he’d been lucky to land, let alone squirm out of his flight suit and into bed without collapsing between steps. It felt wonderful to just revel in the hot water now. He padded back out into his room, clad only in a towel, and frowned as he brushed out his hair- Duo usually enjoyed the process, but doing it now brought up memories of delicious shivers and thrills as the brush, in Heero’s hands, made its way through the silky-soft mane. He had secretly fantasised about that, and it had been far nicer than even his rather extravagant dreams. The brush fell from his hands as he shivered violently, fighting to hold back tears. He looked up and stared into the mirror- pained violet-blue eyes stared back at him accusingly. //How did you ever convince yourself that you could possibly be worthy of Heero Yuy?// Duo tore his eyes away, quickly finishing his hair without looking into the mirror again. It only reminded him of why he hated himself sometimes. His stomach growled loudly as he headed towards the kitchen. Whatever Wufei had cooked up, it smelled absolutely wonderful and helped resurrect his smile. //He cooks, too. Is there anything that guy can’t do?// “Hey, Wufei! What’s for breakfast? It smells great, wow…” Wufei looked up with a smirk. “Breakfast? More like dinner, Maxwell. Welcome home.” He watched Duo’s surprised reaction to his statement with secret satisfaction. It had taken him a while to decide how to approach this and, a few hours into it, Wufei had come to a realisation. As much as Duo had chattered through much of their acquaintance, he had said very little about himself at all. He realised that his American friend never really shared his problems (his real ones- not the everyday bitching fests,) nor did he ever truly speak about his past. What Duo needed was to learn that these things were an important part of who he was, and that his friends would still love him, even if he occasionally needed to cry. He needed to see how special he was. And after seeing that journal, Wufei had an idea- he could draw Duo out by sharing some of his own past and his own fears. The food had been an afterthought… and an easy way to snare the braided stomach-on-legs. Duo recovered quickly and grinned. “Why thanks, dear! I never knew you cared!” He sat down as Wufei served up two plates. Thanking the Chinese pilot with a beaming smile, he gave his full attention to his plate. They ate for a while in companionable silence before Wufei could summon his courage to do this- he hadn’t ever spoken of most of what he wanted to say with any of the other pilots- it had been too painful. //Showtime, Wufei! You can do this- and he needs it…// The Chinese boy took a few more bites, and then set his fork down with a thoughtful frown. Duo looked up from his rapidly emptying plate and concentrated on his fellow pilot. Something was obviously wrong. “What’s up, Wufei? You look… depressed, man.” Wufei looked up quickly, then back down again. “It’s nothing, Maxwell. I’m fine.” //Thank you, Meiran. I think we’ve got him!// Duo snorted. “I’m not as dumb as I look, buddy, and, believe it or not, I’m a good listener. Come on- talk to me!” Wufei gave a weak smile. “Meiran once taught me how to cook this for when she couldn’t be there.” Duo’s eyes widened in understanding. “It must have really hurt to lose your wife like that. I’m sorry, Wufei.” The Chinese boy felt a shock run through him and looked up sharply into those sympathetic violet eyes. “How did you know I was married? I never told anyone…” Duo gave a soft smile. “I wanted to know why you seemed to be hurting so much. So I snooped. I was real surprised, too.” Wufei threw a quick look at the American. “Why? I mean- I know I’m not the nicest of all…” Duo blushed at the implications. “NO! I didn’t mean… that’s not it at all!” he blurted out. “You just seem to hate women so much- you’re really rude to them, you know!” he added, shaking his finger a little at the Chinese pilot. Wufei grunted. “They all seem so weak when I compare them… to her. My Meiran! She… she was a fighter, while I was a scholar, a weakling. And she died…” he paused to contain the feelings. “She died so that the weak could live. I failed her, so I took her place, and here I am.” “You are NOT weak, Wufei!” Duo practically growled. “A weak person wouldn’t care and certainly wouldn’t have taken up the fight! You’re just… alone.” Wufei felts tears welling up and looked up gratefully into Duo’s face. The braided boy gave him another of his bright smiles. Wufei found himself returning it, strangely enough. It quickly faded away, though, and the frown came back. “All the same, none of them can possibly…” His voice drifted off. Duo’s face took on a wistful look. “Yeah, I know what you mean. No one will ever measure up to He… right.” He ducked his head quickly to hide his blush. //I’m admitting that to Wufei? I never confide in anyone like this- he has his own problems to worry about!// Wufei leaned forward. “To whom? Who’s the lucky g…” “No one!” Duo interrupted. “It’s no one.” Wufei wasn’t about to give up that easily. “I
thought you never tell lies, Maxwell. I’m your friend- you can
tell me.” Duo looked terrified of the very idea. “I’m just a dumbass, okay? I need to go now- assess Shinigami’s damages…” “Duo, please.” The braided pilot met his eyes, shocked at the use of his first name. “Don’t shut me out. You’re miserable, so out with it. It hurts to see someone I care about in such pain.” Duo had tears in his eyes. “You don’t need to be burdened with my stupid problems.” This Chinese pilot reached out and gripped Duo’s hand across the table. “But you regularly take mine onto your shoulders. You’ve given me so much, Maxwell. Let me give you something back.” Duo was almost trembling with feeling- Wufei truly was concerned for him, stupid, worthless and unworthy though he was! And he really did want to know- Duo could see it in the sincerity of his eyes, and he felt it in his heart that Wufei would listen. He could almost feel another of his emotional walls collapsing as the Chinese pilot gave him a slow, caring smile. He took a deep breath. “Well, there’s this… someone. An incredible person who, I thought, felt as much for me as I did… I was wrong, and it made me feel cheap and stupid.” “Are you certain that this person doesn’t love you, too?” Wufei tried. Duo laughed bitterly. “Wouldn’t matter. I don’t think anyone could ever want me if they knew…” “Knew what?” Wufei’s grip on Duo’s wrist tightened painfully as the American tried to turn away. “Tell me! I won’t turn away from you, I promise.” Duo’s voice sank to a low whisper. “Back when I was ten years old- I was a cute kid, you know, charmed people almost as often as I stole from them- there was this awful man that we saw every now and then. I made sure that all my kids stayed away from him ‘cause he looked real dangerous. Well, it was late at night and I was real tired. Hands grabbed me and something hit me on the head. When I woke up again, he was hurting me, over and over again…” His voice trailed off as he shuddered violently. He began speaking again in a flat monotone. “I was so ashamed! I’ve felt dirty ever since, really. But something… broke inside. There was no reason for it- he hurt me because he could, and I decided that no one had the right to do that.” Duo looked up again and Wufei shivered at the look in his eyes. “I went back and found the guy, and I killed him. I’ve been Shinigami ever since.” His smile was pure mischief. “I’m the nightmare most people only read about in their newspapers.” Wufei sat back a little to consider. He remembered the American’s file, and none of what he had just heard had been there. “Did your controller know about this?” Duo gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Probably, but I never told him. It never got in my file, either.” //That was the first time he’s ever told anyone about it- he’s been living with that on his soul…// “You honour me, Duo Maxwell.” Duo looked bewildered. “You… you don’t hate me? Even now?” Wufei shook his head. “No, I don’t. You didn’t ask for any of this, Maxwell. It just happened, and it was horrible. It was horrible, not you, and you managed to survive it and keep sane. I’d like to think that I would have met the test as well as you did.” He stood and bowed formally. Duo blinked, but quickly stood himself and gave a bow of his own. “Thanks, Wu.” The Chinese boy shook his head ruefully. “You know, I hope Heero knows how lucky he is, the baka!” “NANI?!” Duo tried to sit, missed the chair and landed on his rump with an ‘eep,’ much to Wufei’s amusement. He quickly scrambled to his feet. “You knew? Who… did Quatre tell you? Or Trowa? I know blondie must have told him everything by now…” //Shit! I was the only one who didn’t know!// “No one told me, Maxwell. I just figured it out,” Wufei replied, smirking. “And I mean it- he’s a complete baka…” Duo was suddenly talking faster than he ever had before, telling Wufei all about it, up to and including waking up in Heero’s bed. He was surprised to see real anger flashing in the Chinese boy’s eyes. Wufei grunted. “If I didn’t know he has the emotional control of a five-year-old, I’d slap the idiot! Duo, it’s not you, not you at all.” Duo looked up into the older boy’s face, his eyes wide and trusting and pitifully heartbreaking as he stared up at one of the people he respected the most in his life. “You mean to say that I’m not wrong?” Wufei gave a light smile. “It fits him so well- Heero was not raised to readily accept feelings. He was taught that they were the ultimate weakness. So when he was faced with this situation, how he feels about you, he got scared and fell back on his training. He switched off, so to speak.” Wufei’s tone spoke of confidence in his theory; Duo looked hopeful, but sceptical. “I’d love to think you’re right, but…” “But what?” Wufei asked with a hint of impatience. “And I don’t want to hear that you don’t deserve it, or you’re not good enough for him or any of that crap! It’s not true.” Duo played with the end of his braid nervously as he considered this. “What about Relena?” Wufei laughed. “You know as well as I do that her obsession has nothing to do with love, and Heero detests her!” Duo grinned sheepishly. “I’m glad you forced me to talk with you. I think you just might be right, Wuffy.” The Chinese boy gave an evil glare at the nickname. “Damn straight I’m right, baka!” “All I don’t get now is why some girl hasn’t tried to get you yet,” Duo added with an innocent smile. Wufei grimaced. “Who said they haven’t? But weak women like Relena are only insults to Meiran’s memory. I’ve only met one who could even come close.” “Well?” Wufei glared at the American. “No way, Maxwell! She’s a revolutionary, and a good pilot, even. But I don’t know if I could really…” He blushed and then scowled, catching the knowing smile on Duo’s face. “EAT YOUR DINNER!” He was surprised when a grip of iron fastened onto his own arm and looked up, startled, into Duo’s face- the American had never looked so serious. “If you loved her that much, if you still do, then you owe it to her to live to the fullest. I’m sure that’s what she would want, Wufei. Listen to your pal, Shinigami, on this one.” He smiled gently and left as quietly as he could. *** The sun had disappeared below the horizon when Wufei finally stirred form his place and began to tidy up after the now cold meal. The small house was completely silent, meaning that the boisterous American had to be working on his Gundam. //Showing how perceptive he is once again- leaving me time to think. Dammit, Maxwell! Why do you have to be right?!// The violet-eyed boy had been right. Meiran had loved life, and would have bitch-smacked him and told him to get a life by now, if she could have. His communicator began to beep and he smiled to himself. The mission was calling right now. But perhaps, when he got the chance, he would listen the next time life called out his name. ~ * ~
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