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"Learning to Feel"Written By: Ashkara Disclaimer: I sadly enough do not own them. Sigh. Rating: PG 13 Warnings: Angst Pairings: 1+2 //BLAH// indicates character thoughts. Summary: When Duo gets captured during a routine
mission, it's up to his fellow pilots to rescue him and Heero begins
to realize that Pilot 02 means more to him than he thought... "Learning to Feel " Duos world blazed in white hot agony and he collapsed with a hollow yelp. Shit! This is way uncool! Trowa, GO! Get the hell outta here! Trowa turned in horror as his friend went down, two bullets to the left leg and one to his right upper arm. //Even Heero wouldnt be able to keep running like that!// He turned and began to sprint back towards the braided pilot. No way, Maxwell! Come on! Their eyes locked- green glistened against the hardened violet stare of Shinigami, and Duo brought his weapon around. He fired twice with alarming accuracy at Trowas racing body, barely managing to miss. Trowa skidded to a halt, chilled by his friends look. Duo, please Trowa felt something clutching in his chest as he forced himself to meet Duos smiling eyes. He nodded once. The American was already planning an ambush for their pursuers as Trowa turned and ran and didnt look back. He heard violent explosions behind him as he shot down the guards in his way and vaulted over the base wall into the heavy bushes below. Trowa allowed himself to look back at the base and felt a tear slip down his cheek. Duo he whispered. //I hope to God hes alive in there! Damn- he had the radio!// Trowa wasted no more time thinking as he dashed to the waiting motorcycles and jumped onto one of them. He sped out into the night. //Ive got to reach them in time! If not Himmel! What will Heero say or do?// He and Duo had infiltrated the OZ base and stolen the locations of three sites where OZ was using captives as guinea pigs for chemical and biological weapons testing, and Heero and Wufei had been tasked with blowing the base to Hell afterwards. Trowa prayed that they hadnt left yet. *** Target is in my sights. Roger that, 01. Im waiting for your signal, Wufei replied. He was nervous and uneasy- but he never would have let it show. Something about this assignment was bothering him, but orders were orders. Wing Zero levelled its rifle at the base, and Heero noted Nataku falling into position on his flank. On my mark- 5-4-3-2 ABORT MISSION! SAY AGAIN, ABORT MISSION, FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH! ACKNOWLEDGE! Both pilots blinked in surprise as Quatres face flashed on their vid screens, pale, his aquamarine eyes glittering in urgent worry. Kuso! Heero thumbed the comm. switch. Youd better have a damned good reason for breaking radio silence, base Trowa shoved Quatre out of the way, a wild look in his normally serene green eyes. Just shut up and listen! 02 is in there! Theyve got pilot 02! Even Wufei went pale. Several seconds later, a blazing-eyed Heero quietly asked, Condition? Trowa gulped. He went down hard- two bullets to the legs and one on the arm when I left him, and then he was playing with some explosives Heero exploded angrily, You left him there?! Trowa o korosu Look, do you think I wanted to?! Wufei interrupted, Now is a terrifically bad time to discuss this, people Without another word, Wing Zero turned and blasted into the sky, heading back towards the safe house. Wufei followed with a sigh. *** Trowa was more than relieved that Quatre and Wufei were there when Heero stalked in, eyes flashing with a promise of painful death for whoever was behind this. The green-eyed boy stood to face the Japanese pilot, steeling himself to whatever was to happen. Heeros voice was low and menacing. Talk to me. Trowa was surprised by how calm he sounded as he began to debrief on the mission. It had gone beautifully- the infiltration, Duos hacking job, the information on the CDs he brought out with him, and then the snag- three soldiers who shouldnt have been where they were. His voice trembled ever so slightly as he described how Duo went down. He wouldnt have missed again, and he would have killed both of us, rather than let the enemy get two pilots and fail the mission. I just hope hes still alive Its damned hard to kill Death. They all turned to the source of the quiet voice- Wufei. He met Heeros eyes calmly. Thats what Maxwell always says. His face falling into hard lines that would always look alien on him, Quatre replied, Lets hope so. It seems we have a new mission. *** Duo winced as he collapsed to the floor, every muscle crying out in agony. //I guess the good news is that that wussy guy wont have the chance to shoot anyone else. Score one more for Shinigami!// Two guards dragged their comrades body out, clearly marvelling at how the small, broken- looking boy crumbled on the floor in front of them could have killed a soldier. Duo wondered at it, himself. It was all he could do to turn his head as another person entered the interrogation room and a new voice spoke- a womans voice- So hes much tougher than he seems, little surprise there. A booted foot connected with his aching chest, shooting fingers of fire through him. Duo curled into a ball. Colonel Une felt a strange twitch in the back of her mind as she bent and pulled the prisoners head back by its long braid. Do you truly want to die like this, 02? So dishonourably? The strength and fire in the blue-violet eyes that met hers shocked her. Duos laugh racked pain through his head as he struggled to speak through broken lips. Dishonourably? Hell, lady, Ive never had any honour and my life has no value. Who cares? the eyes rolled up as pain mercifully rendered him senseless. Une released the boy with a gentleness that surprised her. //Pilot 02- the scythe suit pilot. Deadly, merciless, crafty young smart, dedicated, fearless but still so human // He was all that- and damned good even without the terror-inspiring suit, as well. As much as she hated it, Une felt a deep respect for this boy- and suddenly aching pity, as well. Colonel Une stood and gave the limp form of the Gundam pilot a prod with her booted foot. Get a doctor down here to clean him up, and try not to provoke him anymore- he wont break to physical torture, and I dont want to lose any more men down here. Is that clear? //I dont want to see him suffer any more, either. What the hell is wrong with me?!// She shook her head and walked out. *** Excuse me, but Im looking for the prison block. Im supposed to interrogate a troublesome new prisoner. Wufei fought hard not to growl at this man- it had taken them four days of hacking to find that Duo was still indeed alive and kicking. The guard laughed. That little shit of a Gundam pilot? Tough little bastard- he killed off four of us before the Colonel called him off limits, and we thought we had him beat senseless! You survived. //You stupid piece of shit // The man snorted. Sure, by getting out of there. Hope you have more luck breaking him! Third hallway on the left, fifth cell on the right. Thanks, buddy. Wufei waited until the guard had half turned away before striking, breaking his neck quickly and silently. Heero emerged from the shadows, and they quickly disposed of the body. Walking quickly, they made it to Duos cell without any problems. The door opened with the dead guards pass card- Merciful Nataku! Wufei exclaimed in a hiss as they saw the limp, battered figure on the floor. They both reached for Duos still form. As Heeros hand touched his shoulder, Duo unwound with the speed of a striking snake, one fist connecting with the Japanese boys chest hard enough to knock him backwards onto the floor, lungs gasping for air. Duo was still moving, his good hand flying at the other assailants throat blindly, his eyes still on the first man- //small for an Ozzie, and those eyes are so familiar, so blue, just like Heeros Heero?!// Wufei caught the hand as it slowed in confusion and the braided pilot collapsed again with a dry, rasping laugh. Now Im hallucinating, too. Did yall drug me, or something? Wufeis steady hands shook as he looked down at his friend. Though someone had obviously made the effort to clean him up and treat his injuries, it was equally obvious that he had been severely beaten- almost to death. Bruises and cuts disfigured the normally cheerful face, bloodied bandages showing where his priests over shirt was torn over both his chest and arms. About the only good news looked to be that the bullets from his gunshot wounds hadnt broken any bones. Heero had wanted to kill, seeing Duo as he was and even still fighting. His eyes met Duos and he felt relief wash over him- blue-violet orbs glinted back at him with the beginnings of recognition and trust. Calm down, Duo! Its us, Heero and Wufei! Heero? Wufei? Why are you here Duo breathed deeply and grimaced as his chest convulsed. All the same, his eyes cleared and faced down the other two, pain and exhaustion clearly showing there. You shouldnt have come here. Shut up, Duo. Can you stand? Heero forced his anger down as he gently lifted the American to his feet. Duo swayed a little but forced his legs to work, ignoring the pain. He smiled to cover his wince. I cant walk well, I dont think. Wufei was immediately at his side to hold him up as Heero picked up his discarded gun and stood by the door, listening intently. A few seconds later, he turned and gave the other two a steady nod. Leaning heavily on Wufei, Duo mumbled, Lets go. Heero in the lead, the three pilots vanished into the hallway. *** BLIP. BLIP. BEEEEP! BLIP. BLIP. Both Quatre and Trowa jumped as the signal came through, but recovered quickly. Trowas hands were tight on his controls as he tried to fight down the feelings warring inside of him. //Theyve got him! Thank goodness- now time to toast this place // Carefully avoiding the other pilots escape path, the two Gundams descended from the sky and open fired. *** What the hell is going on?! Colonel Une yelled as an explosion rocked the building and several alert sensors went wild. Enemy attack from the West! I think its Gundams 03 and 04! She darted towards the monitors. Impossible! They wouldnt attack when weve got one of their own But the boys words came back to her- Ive never had any honour and my life has no value. Who cares?- He hadnt expected to live. He was almost counting on it. Get me the prison block! NOW! She turned, eyes blazing, on the young lieutenant at the comm station. He gulped furiously. There is no response, Maam. Communications with the prison block have gone dead. Dammit! She balled her fists in frustration. Everyone, out of here! They will destroy this base and theres nothing we can do about it anymore! COME ON! MOVE! A minute later, the command centre was empty and silent as it was blown down to atomic particles. *** The doctor approached the four waiting boys warily. Despite the immense trust and respect he bore for young Quatre Winner, the intense-looking Japanese boy had worn the same look since the four arrived with their injured friend, and that look plainly said if you let him die, bad things will happen to you. Heero felt a bizarre tightness in his chest as the doctor approached. Duos strength had miraculously held up through the escape- he had even taken out several soldiers as they moved, using Heeros gun. But he collapsed in the van, and Heero Yuy had come as close to crying as he had in years as he did a check on the American- his already slender frame had suffered cruelly, not only from the beatings, but from starvation and severe dehydration, due to four days imprisonment. Heero couldnt understand it, but the violet-eyed American was special. He was somehow different- capable, it seemed, of breaking down Heeros barriers and reaching to the human soul buried deep beneath the Perfect Soldiers stern, emotionless exterior. Duo was the only person who had ever been brave enough to piss the Japanese boy off for long enough to find the real Heero and draw him out. He had somehow managed to become his friend. And now his first and only real best friend was close to death. Time seemed to slow down as the doctor approached- the air was oppressively dense and suffocating. Heero knew that he was wearing his evillest glare and was glad of it- no one would see how upset and worried the Perfect Soldier was for the absurd American. All the same, he could feel his heart pounding wildly, hear his own heartbeat throbbing through his body The doctor smiled wearily and tried to ignore the blood on his white coat. Your young friend will be fine. Smiles. On every face- even, for a split second, on Heeros. Quatre sank back into Trowas arms in relief, even as the Austrian held the blonde closer and buried his face in the boys hair to hide his own relieved smile. Wufei silently thanked the Gods he had been praying to, thoughts dancing in his mind as he watched Heero closely. Neither the slight sag of Heeros rigid shoulders nor the deep, shuddering intakes of air that revealed that the Japanese boy had been subconsciously holding his breath went unnoticed by the Chinese pilot. More telling still, Wufei had caught the momentary gleam in Heeros eyes. Smiling his own satisfaction briefly, he knew that Duo would have been happy to see that hero cared- the American had somehow developed a deep friendship for the Perfect Soldier, and all too often was left thinking that Heero couldnt care less. When can we see him? Quatre asked. The doctor shook his head. Hes not awake yet, but you could go in now, if you wish... Mind! he said, as four bodies moved as one towards the room door, hes weak right now and wont be able to take much. And he wont be truly mission ready, no matter what he says, for another two weeks. As Heero attempted to brush past him, the doctor grabbed hold of his arm. I mean it, young man! His life could depend on it! Heero simply nodded. He had not been back in his own room, the room he shared with Duo, since the abortive raid four days before. It had been too quiet, too serene without Duos annoyingly cheerful smile and sparkling eyes. Not to mention that voice, or those shocking moments when the Americans mask would slip and he would say something incredibly insightful, proving even more about his inherent intelligence than either his piloting or engineering skills. The room was still quiet. Duo was in a deep sleep, his long hair loose around him and his face serene and deceivingly angelic. They could all see it quite clearly now- the many cuts and bruises, the frightening pallor of his skin. Quatre had always thought the American to be slender; he now realised that the boy was positively thin to an alarming point. Heero felt a stab of jealousy as the blonde Arabian reached over and gently took hold of the hand to which no IVs were attached. He, too, had been shocked by the extent of Duos injuries, and like the others had been terribly worried that the lively pilot would not make it- it had been extremely close. Yet something else struck the Perfect Soldier as he stared down at the beds occupant, leaving him completely speechless. Heero Yuy looked at the sleeping boy and felt Duos sensual beauty hitting him like a bludgeon, the rough beauty of his features, the glossy silk of his hair, the unconscious grace of him, apparent despite all the bandages and bruises. He was so beautiful that it actually hurt. Heero leaned forward, drawn towards the other boy- he gently ran his fingers through Duos bangs, fascinated by the feeling of the hair running through his fingers like strands of silk. //How did I miss how beautiful he is?// He couldnt pull his eyes away as his fingertips grazed over a pale cheek A reassuring hand came down on his shoulder. He will be fine, Heero. Duo is tougher than he seems, even to us. Trowas voice was reassuring, but loaded with his deep personal guilt. Heeros hand jerked away, though, as the words registered and he felt a deep, ugly anger welling up inside and directed at the very person trying to reassure him. He turned on the green-eyed teen with a warning snapping in the depths of his eyes. Hed better be, he replied coldly in a soldiers dispassionate voice, or else the mission could be jeopardised. He turned and walked out. The remaining three stared at each other blankly. Quatre had known about Duos attraction to Heero for quite a long time, and he was now certain, after what he had just seen, that Heeros feelings for the American were none too platonic, either. He turned back to the bedside as Duos head thrashed about in his sleep. Wufei was there as well, and placed a cool hand on Duos forehead to try and calm him. The Chinese teen looked seriously pissed. Of all the times for Yuy to get one of his Perfect Soldier fits, this is the worst! He can be such a bastard- Maxwells his best friend, dammit! His voice was soft, but his eyes flashed menacingly. Quatre bit back his response, knowing that Duo wouldnt want him to blurt his secret out. Heero has to deal with his feelings in his own way, and Duo would understand that better than anyone else. He felt the warmth of a body next to his and turned to see Trowa next to him, frowning in shame. This all happened so that I could get out. Its my fault. No, Wufei cut in, you shouldnt think like that. Maxwell might have made it out, but it would have slowed you down and you probably would both have gotten caught. As childish as he can be and often is, Maxwell is as dedicated a soldier as you are. You both did the right thing. Quatre frowned darkly. Now Heeros just gotta
see it. I guess I should talk to him. Quatre nodded, and the two walked out. Silence. Wufei took the empty seat next to the sleeping boy and stared at his sleeping face. Duo slept on. *** Heero, can I talk to you? Go away, Quatre. Im busy. The blond stepped in front of Heero unexpectedly, almost running into him. Hard, cold eyes looked utterly foreign in his normally sweet face. I wont permit you to run away from this, Heero Yuy! The Japanese pilot shouldered past him. I dont feel like talking. Go away. Oh, come on! I know you care more about Duo than that! Theres a real person behind the soldier in you! They had reached the hangar where the Gundams were stored, and Heero walked right up to Wing, grabbing his tool kit as he moved in a smooth motion. The baka will recover. What else is there to say? Quatres aquamarine eyes flashed dangerously. A whole hell of a lot more! Hes your friend, hes in pain, and youre running out on him because you cant handle your own feelings! I have nothing to run from, so I dont see where this discussion is going. Leave. Quatre retreated a step from the growling warning of Heeros tone, but he forced his mind to disobey its survival instincts. Hiding his nervousness behind a calm façade, Quatre reached over and took the tuning instrument Heero had picked up right out of his hands. //I can kick myself for saying all this to him later! Itll be worth it I hope // Youre scared enough that youre ready to abandon Duo when he needs you and threaten me? If youre that out of control then maybe you are as pathetic as you like to berate yourself for being. Shut up and leave, Winner. A warning. Quatre slipped into a defensive posture, continuing. Or what? I always thought you were being too hard on yourself, but I guess I was wrong Winner So screw him- no, fuck all of us! He could see the surprise on Heeros face as he continued, letting the words pour out of him much as Duo would have. //I hope this works!// You dont have to be human! Youre the Perfect Soldier! And if someone who cares about you as obviously as Duo does thinks you might actually have feelings, well, its his fault if he gets hurt Heero shook with the effort of controlling himself as the words assaulted his barriers- he could feel both rage and an appalling sense of helplessness in the face of these accusations. And coming from Quatre Stop! Just go away Because the Perfect Soldier doesnt need friends and doesnt give a damn if hes hurting anyone, as long as the mission is completed! I SAID SHUT UP! Heeros control snapped and, with a bloodthirsty growl, he launched himself at the smaller pilot, the screwdriver in his left hand aimed for the precise spot on the other boys head that would //ITS QUATRE! STOP IT! YOU CANT I CANT DO THIS! QUATRE // The movement stopped bare centimetres from his friends temple, and Heero dropped the screwdriver in shock. He stared into the calm face of Quatre Winner- the boy hadnt moved at all and was now smiling at him gently. Theres a person in you, Heero, that we all care about, Duo more than anyone else on Earth or in Space. He turned and began to walk away, silently counting in his mind. //One, two, three, four, fiv // Thats what scares me. The soft voice stopped him, and Quatre allowed himself a small victory smile before he turned back to Heero, all seriousness. What scares you? The Japanese boy stared resolutely at the ground. Youre right- I do care about him- a lot. But Im no good at these feelings and I could lash out at him as I just did at you. I could hurt him even worse Quatre walked back and took hold of Heeros shoulders, forcing the other to meet his eyes. Youve just got to learn to accept how you feel and express it. I promise you, he added, with a small smile, it will only get easier. Just look at Trowa! I cant promise anything, Heero murmured. Promise to try, at least? Heero nodded, feeling strangely relieved. Hai, I can do that. *** ~! Two Days Later ~! The room was pitch dark as a shadow detached itself from the doorway and darted in and over to the window. The curtain was drawn back- Heero slunk to Duos bedside, still as a statue, watching. The IVs were gone now and the American teen was well along the path to recovery- his pale skin was no longer waxy-looking and his breathing was deep and even. To Heeros mind, Duo Maxwell looked like an angel. He sat on the bed softly and took Duos hand- the sleeping boy stirred, but did not wake. Heero took a deep breath. It was easier for him, knowing that Duo wasnt truly listening to his stumbling words. I bitch at you a lot, tell you to shut up, pull on your braid you seem to understand, though. If I didnt care, youd either have died a long time ago, or you could annoy me until Hell freezes and I would ignore it, and you, completely. No ones ever really cared about me before- Ive certainly never given a damn for anyone until I met you. Duo slept on calmly, smiling in his sleep as though he was soothed by the deep, musical tones of Heeros voice. The slender fingers tightened minutely around Heeros. Ive never told you how important you are to me, Duo- Im not sure I could have. Every time we go on a mission, Im afraid that youll get hurt or die and then I feel so good when its over and you smile at me. I have to growl at you- if I didnt, youd see how relieved I am and youd know that Im not Perfect. He let out a low laugh. Quatre seems to think that he knows how I feel about you. Kinda hard, though, considering that I dont even know what all this is He hung his head. It feels like Im losing control whenever youre around, and that should be a bad thing, but it feels good- it feels right, and it scares me terribly. He froze as Duo stirred again, but the long-haired teen only murmured something unintelligible and rolled towards Heero. The blanket fell down from his shoulders, and Heero could see the slash cut on Duos chest, surrounded by a hideous bruise. He felt his heart freezing up inside him again, just as it had when hed first found the untreated injury, after rescuing Duo from that base The cut had nearly killed the American. His eyes pooled with tears, and Heero let them fall for once without recrimination. His voice sank to a bare whisper. I need you, Duo. I need how you make me feel. I need you He settled Duo back gently, pulling the blanket back up and watching in fascination as he touched silky hair and felt it running over his hands. Unable to stop himself, Heero leaned in and kissed Duos lips softly, the lingering contact sending thrills all through him and tightening his groin. He whimpered involuntarily at the soft warmth of the American, breaking the contact reluctantly, his eyes wide in shock and awe. He heard a low purring sound from Duos throat and smiled to himself, seeing a dreamy smile on the others face. Mmmm Heero The whisper broke from Duos lips and made Heeros whole body thrum with excitement until he noticed with no little shock that he was trembling! One hand reached back over, fingers trailing over Duos cheek- the boy turned his face into the fingers and brushed them with his lips before settling back into a deep sleep. Heero retreated back to his own bed, hardly daring to believe what had just happened. His senses were still filled with Duo- the feel of him, that utterly impractical but amazing hair, the warmth of his lips And his voice. Calling Heeros name- Heero Heero Yuy drifted to sleep with a delicious vision of laughing violet eyes and long chestnut brown hair. And a soft, purring voice- Heero *** Cobalt blue eyes opened warily, feeling someone elses eyes on him like a siren blaring, jarring him from a peaceful dream. Violet pools of shadow were sparkling at him from across the room, a blush stealing across Duos cheeks as he realised that hed been caught. It made Heero feel like giggling? //Since when does the Perfect Soldier giggle?// //Dont blow it, Yuy. Remember last night // Heero gave a smile, completely shocking his roommate. Good morning, Duo. The return smile was well worth it- Duos eyes shone and glinted joyfully as his blush deepened. Dont take this wrong, but I had a wonderful dream, and now that Im awake I feel like shit. Heero snorted, amused. Now you know what it feels like to self-destruct! Duo made a wry face. Yeah- remind me never to do it. Oh, man! He groaned loudly. Heero had to know. So what were you dreaming about? //I dreamt about you, Duo. Strange dream but nice.// He found his heart racing madly as the long-haired teen blushed even deeper, finding it hard to meet his eyes. Duos mind was racing- //How on Earth could I tell the Perfect Soldier that I dreamed of sleeping in his arms and waking to find him smiling at me like that?! Friend or no friend, Id be dead meat!// He grinned to cover his lapse, determined to get out of this. Why so many questions, Heero? Why dyou wanna know? Another enigmatic half-smile that made Duos heart flutter almost as bad as the answer itself. Just curious. I was worried about you, you know. Heero watched, fascinated, as the violet-eyed creature before him first blushed and then smiled, a real, genuine smile completely unlike his usual cocky grin. I was kinda worried about me, too. Duo looked up, laughing eyes locking with those of the other pilot. I fully expected to die in that place. Thanks for not letting that happen. Hn. Whatever. Both boys grinned as they turned away. Though the response was pure Heero- even delivered with the characteristic cynicism- Duo sensed something else beneath it, a something he only dared to hope for in his dreams. As for Heero- he saw that Duo had once again understood him perfectly. //Good.// *** Quatre frowned when he looked up to see Heero stalling on the staircase, slowly descending to join the lowly humans at breakfast. //Probably still hasnt talked to Duo yet, either.// He turned back to his blueberry muffin. Duo! Youre up! His head came back up in time to see Trowa jumping up from his place and rushing to the stairs to support Duo on his other side- Heero had practically been carrying the American down from their room! Wufeis deep frown was tempered by smiling eyes. You shouldnt have gotten up so soon. Whats with letting him up, Yuy? Heeros glare was almost as eloquent as Duos reply- Ive never felt more refreshed in my life! Besides, I know how to be convincing he said, his sparkling eyes concealed beneath coquettishly fluttering eyelashes. It felt so good to hear his voice- everyone except Heero laughed- Heero smiled, if barely. Quatre watched with ill concealed glee as Heero made sure Duo was comfortable before seating himself, noticing how both stole glances at each other when they thought the other wasnt looking. Duo talked- between bites- for a long time about his capture, the beatings, Colonel Une- none of the others wanted to believe that she had helped the braided teen, but they knew that Duo didnt lie. It was intriguing. It was only then that Quatre noticed- Duos hip-length hair was not in its normal braid, just pulled back into a loose ponytail at the base of his neck. And it had obviously been washed and cared for //Howd he manage that, with his arm // Change of hairstyle, Duo? He watched in no small amusement as Heero and Duo looked at each other and promptly blushed. Duo answered quietly, The doc told Heero that any real pulling on it could cause major headaches for about another week and recommended that I leave it alone. I figured that this would do, but Heero had to help me wash and brush it out- my arm still hurts like hell! The blond Arabian shared a smile with his American friend, a knowing little grin based on more than just Duos secret. //The doctor said no such thing! Good for you, Heero!// His eyes strayed to the Japanese pilot, wide and bright. Heero winked back. ~ * ~ |