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"Regained "Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi lemon, masturbation, angst, violence,
language Pairings: 6x2, 3x4, mention of 13+11, R+1 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Lost. GAIA, the
new alliance, fights its first battle in Antarctica; Duo and Zechs
begin to rebuild their relationship "Regained" Chapter 6
Within, Zechs himself was still awash with indignation. //He must have passed Sangers in the hallway. Damn. And of course I put the fear of Gundam pilots in Bronn enough - hopefully - that the poor man was probably spooked to come across him so suddenly. Idiot...// He cleared his throat and called, "Come in, please." Duo opened the door and came into the room slowly... not knowing what to expect. His eyes fell on Zechs immediately. The tall, noble figure was leaning against his desk, arms crossed over his chest and looking very serious. //Something happened. Could they have argued?// Duo cleared his throat then, before saying "Hi," and stepping up to the desk. Zechs glanced up, then, and watched Duo cross the room to him. "You must have run into Sangers on your way in." "Actually it was more like he nearly knocked me and Quatre over..." Duo smirked. He leaned against the desk then, right next to Zechs. Close, but not quite touching. "You okay?" he asked, looking up at the solemn features. "You seem... different." //He's never seen me really angry,// Zechs thought morosely. //I don't ever want him to see... that.// "It was a disciplinary matter," he explained, feigning nonchalance that he did not feel. "I'll be fine. It's not something I... enjoy." "Oh. I suppose it's not easy being the boss," Duo said, sympathetically. //I'm sure Bronn deserved whatever punishment Zechs gave him.// "I remember you saying something about being tired of all your underlings kissing your ass and how you envied me working alone." He smiled then. "Things have sure changed, but it looks like you're still in charge in lots of ways." Zechs gave a derisive snort in response. "Hmmm, 'kissing my ass'... lovely." He shoved off from the desk and walked a couple steps away, still preoccupied. "I have a responsibility to these men, as I have led them out of the den of thieves into a morass of the unknown. I cannot abandon that responsibility so easily, as much as I might want to." //So much responsibility. Is that why he's in a mood?// Duo wondered, watching the man move away from him. It was a little strange seeing Zechs like this, as a commander. He remembered first picturing him as a pencil-pusher in an office somewhere with piles of paper around him. Then he knew better. Zechs had admitted to being a soldier, but Duo had hoped he was the kind of soldier who took orders and didn't give them. //Now I see he's a leader...// "Well, you're loyal to your men... and they respect you, too. Heck, they followed you into this new alliance." Duo jumped up on the desk then, sitting on its edge. "It seems to me," he began again, leaning back with his palms down on the desk top, "that we all have to make changes... in the way we work as individuals and as a team." //And how we see each other.// "In time, of course," Zechs murmured. One gloved hand was still folded into a fist. //This is Duo I'm talking to now,// he mused. //He's never seen me like this... why didn't I transfer Bronn somewhere else when I had the chance? I do not want to deal with this sort of thing right now... or ever again...// "I hate seeing you like this," Duo said, sitting up straight. "Look, I don't want to tell you how to deal with your men or how to run this base, but if it's making you miserable, like I think it is right now, then I have to put my two cents in." The younger pilot jumped off his perch and crossed the short distance to stand in front of Zechs. "And this is my two cents," he said, looking up at the much taller man. "You don't have to deal with any of this on your own. You not only have an alliance, but you have me." He took one of Zechs's hands then and held it to his chest. "I love you, and I want you to be happy." The simple gesture, the touch, and the plainly stated words of his lover served to chip away at the ice that had surrounded Zechs's heart in dealing with Bronn Sangers. "You do?" he asked, and truly looked at Duo for the first time since he'd come into the room. "I have you now..." Zechs whispered, awed. "You... you're right. I'm not alone." "Never alone again. Either of us," Duo smiled, and reached up with his free hand to touch Zechs's face. "I'd like to tell you exactly what you mean to me. If that's okay with you," he said, letting his fingers trace the handsome jawline and then drop back to his side. He still wanted to take things as slow as Zechs needed them to be. Every touch and every word at Zechs's pace. The sudden touch to his face startled Zechs but not in a bad way as he realized he was starved for Duo's touch... though he still felt the need for reserve. Even the simple touching... he craved it. Now it was his turn, though his fingertips were very tentative. Zechs reached and gently touched Duo's cheek, an anchor. "What I mean to you? I suppose... if you want to." "Mmm," Duo gave a slight whimper at the contact from Zechs. These tentative touches were torture, but sweet in that he had them at all. "Don't *you* want me to tell you how I feel?" Duo teased then. "I'd think you'd be a bit more curious to know what Duo Maxwell sees in an ex-OZ colonel like yourself," he said with a smile. Zechs looked stunned. "I wouldn't think you'd like anything at all about an ex-OZ Colonel. What's to love about that?" "As a matter-of-fact, there's plenty to love. Once I realized that the uniform doesn't change or even make the man," he said and ran his hand lightly over Zechs's forearm. Once again he remembered that red was Zechs's favorite color. "You're still the Zechs I fell in love with whether you're wearing this uniform or shorts and a t-shirt. And now I can see what a caring commander you must've been. The men that followed you here know that, too." "Thank you," Zechs replied gravely, though he wore a slight frown. "I can't say I see what there might be to love in an old soldier like myself." He took Duo's hand in his and simply held it at his side. "Duo, you don't know how many men under my command have died... a number at the hands of the Gundams. I fully intended - before all this - to fight Heero Yuy again in order to gain revenge for their deaths. It's pointless, of course, especially since we're fighting the same enemy now, but I still have a hole in my heart from bearing those losses." "Zechs," Duo sighed. "Your sadness over the loss of your men tells me what a caring man you are." He squeezed the hand in his and inched a little closer. "I'm sorry you feel you must bear their loss alone... when the war is to blame for their deaths." Zechs looked down into the honest, loving cobalt gaze. "You're right... it's all war. And I do not have to bear the losses alone anymore." A small smile graced his lips for a moment, then he broke the gaze, glancing around. "I need to get out of this office; I can't let what it represents pull me back into what I once was." He sighed and looked back down at Duo again. "Can we go to your room, please? It would be very nice to just sit down with you and talk." "All right! Finally, broke through that mood of yours!" Duo said with a bright smile. "And boy do I have a lot of talking to do... that ten hour flight had me a little bonkers talking to myself," he chuckled and then playfully poked at Zechs's chest with his finger. "But don't worry, you'll get your share of talking in, too!" The smile, the whole bright, lively demeanor of his little lover was like a ray of sunshine striking deep into Zechs's bruised soul. "I don't care if you talk my ear off all evening," he sighed, steering Duo toward the door. "I just need to anchor in my Dancer, that's all. But I'd like to change out of this uniform first. I'll meet you there in a few minutes." About ten minutes later, Zechs knocked on Duo's door. //This is more like it,// he thought; he'd changed into dark slacks and a maroon v-neck pullover sweater. //I can do this. I need this. I need him...// Duo was in the middle of unpacking his duffel bag when he heard the knock at the door. //He's here,// he thought with a thrill and rushed to the door, nearly tripping over his discarded black zipper jacket on the floor. "Wow, you sure change in a hurry," he said as he opened the door and stepped aside to let Zechs in. //Damn, he looks good in everything!// he thought as he drank in the man's casual elegance. //How did I get so lucky?// "Don't mind the mess," Duo said, gesturing to the bed and then picking his jacket off the floor. All his clothes were scattered on the bed, some in piles, some obviously thrown with no regard for their care. Even his hand gun looked as if it had just been thrown onto the pile. "I'm just unpacking... making myself at home." //I didn't have the chance to put my own things away myself,// Zechs was thinking ruefully. He smiled a little, casting his gaze over the artless array of clothes all over the bed until his glance settled on Duo's handgun. Suddenly he had another bad flash of this very gun in Duo's hand, pointed at his head. A flush of adrenaline churned through him, making him feel nauseous. He gasped and turned away, wrapping his arms protectively around himself. "Zechs?" Duo asked, baffled that the man was turning away from him. He looked back then, suddenly realizing Zechs had noticed something... on the bed. //My gun!// "Oh, shit!" he gasped, throwing his jacket over the weapon to conceal it. "God, Zechs, I'm sorry," he said, walking around in front of him. "I... I was just unpacking... I'm sorry." Then he gave up. Apologizing seemed useless after all the pain he had caused the only man he would ever love. He threw his hands up in the air and declared, "What's the use anyway?" Then he leaned back against the door, dropping his head low in defeat. "I'll never get this right." Numb, Zechs moved closer, coming to stand directly in front of Duo, just inches away. "Hold... me..." He instinctively sought the comfort he knew he could receive from Dancer, the one who loved him so deeply. The one he knew now lived on within Duo Maxwell. The bowed head lifted slowly. "Huh?" the boy asked in disbelief, looking at Zechs through the heavy fall of chestnut bangs. //I don't believe it...// he thought, but couldn't resist the invitation. "Zechs... of course," he said. Straightening, he reached his arms out and gently wrapped them around the man's waist. He shuddered a little at the longed for contact and felt his heart begin to pound in his chest. After a moment, with a shudder, Zechs put his arms loosely around Duo's shoulders, almost holding his breath. "Just... hold me," he whispered again, barely audible. "I need this... to block out the memory... just for a moment..." He was nearly trembling, the reaction too slowly wearing off. It was another frozen moment in time, standing there, holding his Dancer like he had just days ago, feeling the boy's heartbeat hammering against him. Zechs took a long, shuddering breath a few minutes later, then released Duo, putting him off yet keeping hold onto his shoulders. "Thanks," he murmured softly. "I'm better." Then, glancing at Duo's face through the curtain of platinum silk, he added quietly, "You got it right, Duo. See what you do for me?" "I'm trying," Duo said, hating for the embrace to end. But then this was their new beginning. Everything taken slowly... carefully. He had quickly learned sexual abandon with Zechs, but this new caution wasn't coming as naturally to him. "I think I cause as much harm as good," Duo snorted cheerfully, but actually he believed it. Maybe Zechs would be better off keeping his distance... for a while. A long-fingered hand, ungloved now, came up to brush chestnut hair away from the cobalt-blue eyes. "Don't say that, it isn't true. You do more for me than you can know." Zechs smiled a little, then nodded toward the little sofa behind them next to the door. "Come, let's sit down together. I need you close." Duo stood motionless as the elegant hand brushed aside his hair. He wanted desperately to press into that touch... leap into Zechs's arms and cry out, "Just love me like you did before!" But that would have been against the rules they had agreed on. So, instead, he grinned sweetly at the little caress, and then walked over to the sofa where he plopped down. "I need you close to me, too, Zechs," he said, as his eyes watched the graceful, tall blond move to sit next to him. Zechs settled with a sigh beside Duo, arranging an arm on the back of the sofa behind the boy. "The more I'm with you, the more I'm healing. I can feel it," he murmured. "The more I replace the bad with good - either through remembering how good we were together... or the good of what I'm learning of you now - the more I feel myself returning to the man you first knew in Cairo. That man - your Wolf - that's a deep part of me only you have been able to draw out. I'll be eternally in your debt for that, Duo." Having that strong arm behind him, even if it wasn't touching him, made Duo's body tingle. They were very nearly snuggled... all Duo needed to do was scoot in a bit closer and lay his head in its rightful place on Zechs's chest and he would be in heaven. He could hear his Wolf in Zechs's voice. Hear the man who loved him very much and remember with him how good they were together. "I'm amazed," Duo said when Zechs had finished, looking up into those crystal eyes. "Thank you for saying that. No one's ever..." He was about to say that no one had ever appreciated him the way Zechs did, but that sounded too pathetic so he dropped it. Instead, he inched closer to his man until their legs touched. //Yes!// "I like who we are when we're together," he said with wide blue eyes, already feeling Zechs's warmth along his thigh. "I feel different when I'm with you, too." "I'm glad," Zechs replied, smiling warmly. He could feel himself relaxing finally; it had been a very long day, and very trying. "I'd like to think that being with me is beneficial to you, too. I can say, though..." He paused to finger a tendril of chestnut silk dangling on the side of Duo's face. "I've learned to allow myself to be vulnerable with you. I've never, ever, been able to be like that... like *this*... with anyone." "And I don't look at you as vulnerable at all. I see someone very strong. Strong enough to share your emotions with me even after..." Duo said, dropping his gaze to his lap. "Even after everything I did." It took a moment, but he looked back up finally and said, "Let's not talk about that." "That's fine," Zechs whispered, trying not to think about *that* gun that he knew was still on the bed. //I've killed in cold blood myself... but I know now I cannot ever again... does he?// Duo turned his body toward Zechs then, losing a bit of the physical contact, but gaining better eye contact. "You can't imagine what you've done for me!" he smiled. "When I'm with you I feel... grounded. Like some boy who grew up in the jungle and was finally tamed," he said, laughing at his own analogy. Then, completely taken by the moment, he laid his head on Zechs's arm, looking sweetly into the man's face. Zechs's momentary slide into brooding was brought to an abrupt halt. //Dear God, how have I lived without him beside me? Or maybe that wasn't living - it was existing, making the motions of living...// He looked into that trusting, open, playful face and the shell of ice around his heart melted even further. "You... a tamed jungle boy?" Zechs found himself actually winking at Duo, a smile growing on his face. "Banging a fist on the dinner table to make the silverware jump, is that what you call tamed?" When the boy's face looked abruptly stricken, Zechs chuckled. "I'm teasing. You see why I need you in my life? I actually teased you!" Duo laughed freely... gloriously at Zechs's joke. "I love that! *You* teasing me!" He sat up again and looked at Zechs with a very satisfied grin as his laughter finally subsided. "I wasn't kidding when I said you tamed me. I grew up on the streets. Got to be a real tough guy trying to eke out an existence. I even got pretty good at picking pockets to supplement my meager income as a Sweeper." Fidgeting a bit, Duo ran his hand through his hair, pulling his braid over his shoulder and onto his chest. "But meeting you...," he said, looking into Zechs's eyes. "You've changed something deep inside me. I know that sounds crazy, because of the way I act sometimes... like banging my fist on the table." He shook his head at that memory. "But you really make me feel calmer. Like my life isn't out of control anymore." He reached up then and rubbed the back of his hand over Zechs's cheek, his eyes watering at the touch and the thought of what his Wolf meant to him. "*You* do that to me. You make me feel like I have a place. Like I'm home..." Zechs laid his hand against Duo's, holding it in place there. He looked intently at the remarkable young man sitting so close to him. "Oh, Duo," he breathed, then it was as if several days past had been stripped away. "You *are* home, love," Zechs murmured and unthinking bent to kiss his lover on the mouth. The taste of those sweet lips sent the fire of want through him abruptly, but also the fire of fear, dark and slicing. Zechs froze, his breath stolen for real, his heart abruptly pounding hard in his chest. Then with a shuddering, gasped inhale he pulled back, shaking his head. "I...I'm sorry, I'm not ready, I'm not ready," he murmured, unable to look at Duo. The younger man had leaned into the kiss, accepting it without question as their lips pressed lightly together in that most intimate expression of love. And then his lover's lips were gone... lost to empty air. Duo opened his eyes to see a tormented face, and the deep ache that tore through him released a low sob from his throat. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I did this to you," he said, softly. Slowly, Duo pulled their joined hands from Zechs's cheek and into his lap. He caressed the larger hand, rubbing his thumb in circles. "Man, but wasn't it beautiful... even for a second?" "My sweet Duo," Zechs sighed, gazing at their joined hands. "Please, don't give up on me. I have to conquer this fear that consumes me. The God of Death did this to me, but that's only a fraction of who you are, and I do know I will never need to face the wrath of that... entity... again. That's for your enemies, and I am no longer that..." Despite his words, a trickle of very real fear danced along his spine as he remembered something that could yet doom him to the anger of the God of Death. //The Gundam pilots hate Treize with all the passion in their strong hearts... and here I've included him in our alliance... and can I even trust Treize? Despite our friendship? Oh, God, I may have doomed us all. And I'm risking that Duo will hate me all over again... I have to tell him, I have to! But how can I??// Zechs looked up at Duo's open gaze again, his own eyes moist. "I don't have to face the fear alone. I have you to face it with me. I need you..." He gulped, willing himself to calm again. "I love you, Duo." "And I love you, Zechs," Duo said, squeezing the hand in his. "It's too bad your first impression of me as a Gundam pilot was the God of Death. He's such a small part of who I am." His head dipped a little, remembering his fierce treatment of the then Colonel Merquise. //We need to face that demon together... See, Zechs, I need you just as much as you need me. Maybe more.// "Well, that's a relief," Zechs murmured. "Then I will look forward to getting to know the Gundam pilot better." When Duo looked back up, his eyes were bright with possibilities. "I could show you my Gundam. We could talk about piloting. There's so much we can share as fellow mobile suit pilots," Duo said, his voice excited and his face animated once again. "I know when you met me in Cairo you thought I was just a high tech mechanic. I'm sorry I had to deceive you... But I actually think you liked the idea of me not being involved in the war." //He likes being the protector. Imagine that. Duo Maxwell has someone watching out for him.// Zechs sighed, squeezing Duo's fingers back in response. "I did. I wanted to fight to keep war from touching your life." He snorted at the irony. "Imagine that..." "But aren't you glad now that we can fight together?" Duo asked, bouncing a little on the couch. "Aren't you glad that me--- the guy who's your Dancer, your friend, and hopefully soon to be your lover again," he said with a little grin, "is actually a Gundam pilot? We can make a difference in this war together, Zechs." "We can fight... together," Zechs echoed, staring at him openly, the blue topaz eyes like crystal beacons, intent and focused. "You're committing fully to the alliance!" "Sure I am! I thought that was obvious," Duo said, scratching his head. "I want to be with you... Fight with you, Zechs," he said with a little grin, and then added, "and Quatre, too, of course." "Nothing is obvious to me, apparently," Zechs sighed. "But it warms my heart like you can't imagine, Duo, that you want to join me in fighting Romefeller. It *is* right that we should fight alongside one another. I just need to get to know my lover the pilot." He smiled a little, relaxing minutely. "Well, it shouldn't take you too long." Duo smiled back. "I mean... you got to know your lover the high tech mechanic pretty quickly," he said, teasingly. //God, I hope I didn't just step over the line with that one.// Zechs looked at him blankly for a moment, then realized Duo was only teasing. "I suppose so," he replied, his thoughts drifting again to his dilemma. //I should never have involved Treize... but we need an edge in this war against the larger powers facing us... damn...// "Hello!" Duo called out, leaning in a bit closer to study Zechs's face. "Did I lose you to your thoughts again?" he asked, nudging the larger man's chest with his hand. Quickly Zechs grasped Duo's hand and brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of his fingers. "Yes, love, I'm afraid so. I... I have something I need to discuss with you. Not about us... it's about the alliance." "The alliance, huh?" Duo asked, mesmerized by Zechs's lips on his fingers. "You backing out... now that you know I've joined up?" The younger man snickered as he felt himself getting warmer from the sweet attention. "No, love, of course not." Zechs smiled, then brought the fingers in his hand to rest again on his chest. He looked again into Duo's eyes, so close to his, so trusting and loving. //I absolutely must do this. I owe it to the future.// "Duo, I've told this in part to Quatre, just so you know. I'm going to tell you all of it now because I must tell you before anyone else. I can't keep this from you." Duo swallowed hard at those words, but remained completely still. //Please, Zechs. No more surprises...// Zechs took a deep breath and plunged in. "Duo, love, I'm not the only high-ranking OZ officer to become disheartened and angry with the way OZ is going... not the only person who is determined to foil Romefeller in their power-mongering ways to dominate the Earthsphere. There is another who has been, through much of this and especially now, a puppet of Romefeller. Even more than I, he regrets deeply what he has been made to do for them, and sees his days numbered, much as I have. However, while he is still in the den of snakes, he seeks to cause Romefeller no little grief. In that, he is become an ally to us." Before Duo could speak, Zechs added hastily, a flash of fire in his pale blue eyes. "Not that I trust him completely yet! He has a great deal still to answer for... and I have demanded that he do just that." The younger man's brows were tight. "Zechs... What are you saying? You've asked someone else from OZ to join our alliance?" Duo's heart began to pound in his chest. His mind wanting to leap ahead to conclusions that would break his heart. //No. I won't believe the worst of Zechs ever again,// he thought, and then pressed his hand more firmly into the man's chest. "Tell me," he said, with determination in his voice and in his eyes. Zechs straightened and turned to face Duo more directly, then gently laid his hands on his lover's shoulders. "Please, remember... I would never endanger you or any of the Gundam pilots by associating with someone who either bore you ill will or who would use you circumspectly. What is past, is past. None of us are proud of actions we committed. We can only go forward to the future, which is what I have done. I've done it in leaving OZ... I've done it in loving you." Duo blinked at Zechs's intensity. "All this talk of not endangering us Gundam pilots and doing things for the future..." he said, placing his hands on the man's forearms. He had to wonder if Zechs's hands on his shoulders were there to keep him in place. //Obviously he's got something big to tell me.// "...You're making me nervous." "That makes two of us," Zechs murmured honestly, his throat dry and his heart pounding. //This entire thing could unravel right before my eyes,// he thought, internally frightened. //The relationship... everything.// "Duo... it's... it's Treize Khushrenada." //Oh, God, there's my death sentence...// (tbc) (Yes, I know, you all hate me now! And I already know I'm evil. And I TOLD you to breathe! Hee hee!)
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