|
"Regained "Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi lemon, masturbation, angst, violence,
language Pairings: 6x2, 3x4, mention of 13+11, R+1 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Lost. GAIA, the
new alliance, fights its first battle in Antarctica; Duo and Zechs
begin to rebuild their relationship "Regained" Chapter 3
"We have you on our screen. We've been expecting you," the military precise voice told him. "Stand by for landing instructions." "Roger that," Duo answered. The round about journey had been a precaution against any possible OZ attacks, but also just an expression of his independence. It was good to keep everyone a little off-balance. Keep them wondering if Duo Maxwell was actually going to show up. //But Quatre and Zechs had to have known I'd come.// "Zechs," he said aloud. The name on his lips was like a balm, but also a painful reminder of the injury he had caused. //Somehow we'll work this out... won't we?// It seemed like ages since he and Zechs had sat under the stars holding hands. //I wonder how things will be now that I'm here. Will we really be starting over as *us*?// That part of their conversation had been very vague, and though Duo tended to live in the moment... handling things as they came at him... he ached for some word of permanence from Zechs. The runway coordinates were radioed to him, breaking his train of thought. He efficiently prepared the carrier for landing; minutes later touching down on the ice continent. "Smooth landing," he told the tower personnel as he came to a stop on the snow cleared runway. "Thank you, Barclay Base." There was a short pause and then, "You're welcome." //I bet he doesn't get thanked very often,// Duo thought with a grin. He taxied the large transport to the hangar where ground personnel guided him into the massive structure. Taking a deep breath, he looked about for a glimpse of his tall, blond dream man. But the flurry of activity with the incoming carrier and the fact that he really needed to be paying attention to what the ground crew needed him to do, kept him from getting a good look. //Please, Zechs. Be waiting for me,// he prayed, and then unfastened his seatbelt and disembarked the plane. As soon as the hangar doors were shut, the heating system kicked back in full-force, raising the temperature of the bay dramatically in a matter of seconds. Eschewing the proffered coat, Zechs stepped out into the hangar, his boot heels making a loud click as he began to cross the bay toward the newly landed carrier. The sound of those unmistakable boots drew the attention of everyone present in the hangar bay, and eyes turned to watch the tall base commander cross to the carrier. The men present fairly gaped, still unused to seeing Zechs Merquise without the famous mask, and for those with a particular interest, still unused to the man's powerful beauty. Lieutenant Sangers, head of the base's small contingency of Aries mobile suits, stood out from where he was repairing his own suit to fairly stare in admiration at the Lightning Count, lost for a moment in his own memories of the liaison he'd had with him a couple years ago. //I still got it bad,// he sighed, eyes glued to the tall, hard physique of the best pilot OZ had ever had. He brushed shaggy black hair out of his hazel eyes, smiling to himself. On the other side of the bay, Eric Meiser paused in his work on Wing Gundam to glance down and catch Zechs's entrance. He was glad to see the red uniform jacket back, so glad that he groaned a little to himself when he felt the twitch in his crotch. //He's beautiful,// he thought running his fingers nervously through his short, reddish-brown hair, wondering how he could get closer to the ex-Colonel. Then Zechs stopped as another figure could be seen disembarking from the carrier and approaching. Gradually eyes shifted to regard the newcomer. Short. Head of shaggy chestnut hair and - surprise - a long braid nearly down to the bottom of his ass. Longish black leather coat to mid-thigh. Young. Cute, even. And a look in his eyes like acid on paper. Realization rippled through the hangar bay. A Gundam pilot! Zechs, of course, only had eyes for the new arrival. As Duo neared, a smile grew on his face. //No priest's collar, but something red under the coat - did he buy that because I like red? Black... I suppose he prefers black. I can't say I miss the priest collar... but damn, it's good to see him. He's here...// Duo caught sight of the red uniform immediately on exiting the carrier. A second later he realized who was wearing it. //Zechs?!// His heart hammered in his chest. //Why is he wearing that?! Is he trying to scare me? Give me a dose of my own medicine?// But as he crossed the short distance between the carrier and the impeccably dressed soldier, he could see the smile gracing the man's face. //He's happy to see me,// Duo thought with inner joy, letting a small grin curl his lips as well. //He came to greet me just like I hoped.// With that realization, Duo's mind began to rest and to turn to other more pleasant matters. //God, he looks good... No, he looks fucking great in that uniform! His legs look even longer...// he gulped as the image of the tight white uniform pants and high black boots reached his groin. //Not now, Maxwell...// Sangers narrowed his eyes. //Gundam pilot - another damn ally? What's Zechs thinking of? Sure, the kid is cute... wait a minute... nah... not... not the kid and Zechs! But Zechs sure seems glad to see him. Damn, damn...// Meiser widened his eyes as he looked over the new pilot. //Another kid! Look at that hair... and that walk. Oh, no...// Zechs could not help being glad to see Duo, though by the time he'd neared to about ten feet, he was finally able to compose himself a bit, belatedly aware of about a dozen pairs of eyes on them. "Duo," he greeted the diminutive pilot finally, hoping his voice had enough warmth in it to allay any fears the boy might have over seeing him in his usual uniform for the first time. "Welcome to Barclay Base. I'm so very glad you made it." "Thanks," Duo said with a wide smile. He could feel the eyes on them and glanced about quickly, his survival instincts making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. //Damn, what are they all so interested in?// he wondered. "Gee, I feel like a visiting dignitary having the Lightning Count greet me," he said and held out his hand to Zechs in this very public greeting. //Please shake my hand, Zechs. I need your touch... any touch.// "You are a visiting dignitary of sorts," Zechs replied, then glanced down at the hand offered him. For a bad moment, he had that sense again of time freezing. His mind registered that Duo had made the advance, not him, so that was all right - then time unfroze and he could respond as expected. Clasping Duo's hand in a firm shake, he let himself breathe again. A part of his mind was trying to scream at him that this was Duo - Dancer - the God of Death - but he couldn't handle what that was supposed to mean, so he ignored it studiously. Duo watched their hands come together and his heart began to pound once again. //I wonder how far I can take this?// Zechs's handshake was firm, professional and traditional. No hint of what they'd shared could be felt in it, but then Duo knew that Zechs was still wary of these touches. By the end of the second pump, Duo was sure the man would pull back, so he cupped his free hand around the larger gloved hand, effectively trapping it in his. "It's good to see you, Zechs," he said warmly, looking into the ice blue eyes. //What the hell is he doing?// Sangers thought, his eyes bugging out. //Oh, no, oh, no...// Meiser felt faint and sagged against Wing's open cockpit door beside him. Zechs felt his heart pound as if it was trying to beat him up from the inside. "Duo," he gasped lightly, fighting a brief battle within himself -protocol versus the appearance of rejection. He looked deep within the cobalt blue eyes, pleading. "Please... n...not here." Zechs's voice was too soft to travel beyond them. "Sure, no problem," Duo said, giving a little squeeze and then slowly releasing Zechs's hand. //So, I think this is okay, but just not in public,// he decided. "You've got quite a place here," he said, looking around with a great sweep of his arms. Then his eyes fell on Heero's Gundam strapped to a construction grid. "Whoa! It's Wing Gundam!" he said excitedly and took a step toward it. Suddenly there was a loud thump behind him and he turned around sharply to see his Gundam being unloaded from the carrier. "Hey, you!" he called out. "Be careful with that. That's my Gundam!" "Yes, sir!" a mechanic turned hangar jockey saluted him with a chipper smile, setting the young pilot at ease. Zechs was just getting his composure all the way back. He folded one arm behind his back, his other gloved hand at his side. "Though we have a skeleton crew here, their skills are very good and they're very dedicated." Settling into business-talk was helping restore his composure. He looked around. "Meiser!" he called sharply, wondering why his chief engineer wasn't in attendance. Meiser almost fell out of Wing's cockpit. "Up here, sir!" he called down. Zechs tapped a finger against his leg, irritated. "Well, you'll have to meet Meiser another time, I'm afraid, Duo," he said after a sharp gesture to Meiser to stay put for now. "He's my chief engineer. His skills are top-notch, so I hope you don't mind his assistance with your Gundam." "Not at all," he said, looking back up at Wing Gundam and seeing the man peering down at them. //He's a bit intense,// Duo thought, and then turned back to Zechs. "We had heard Wing Gundam was completely destroyed in Siberia. Either our reports were exaggerated or your chief engineer is a miracle worker." Zechs chuckled. "A little of both. Tallgeese, remember, was the prototype for the Gundams. We worked off those blueprints plus the operational data we'd collected on Wing Gundam already." As the two pilots chatted on for a few minutes about mobile suits, Zechs thought to himself, //This is what I needed to see most of all. My Duo is definitely a Gundam pilot! This can actually be a common interest for us, something to bond us together, our unique niche in the world as pilots of mobile suits. I hadn't thought that would be something to bring us together... amazing...// Finally Zechs gestured toward the base facility building. "Quatre is going to want to see you, too, of course. And may I guess that you're hungry?" He smiled, remembering the boy's appetite. "You know all too well how hungry I get," Duo said with a devilish grin, and a wink. Zechs widened his eyes at the audacious and very unwelcome reminder of what aspect of their relationship was no longer possible for the time being, then he drew his brows into a frown. But the sharp retort he had for the boy died on his lips, and his expression just grew sorrowed. Abruptly he ducked his head, gesturing toward the building. //Has he forgotten already? He seems completely unaware of what has passed between us!// Though they'd parted with a minimal amount of renewed warmth and physical contact, the memory of Duo's attempt to kill him was not something Zechs was going to be able to shake off, the image of that gun and the trigger being pulled haunting him. Though Zechs knew he still loved Duo deeply, it was not going to be easy to be intimate again. On a deep, inner level, Zechs's trust in himself, his trust that he had *not* in fact taken advantage of Duo at any time, had been eroded, as had his trust of Duo, whose deadly God of Death persona had been known to emerge like quicksilver. It had truly frightened Zechs to see so much hatred and anger directed at himself, radiating from the slim dancer's body of the man he'd fallen so hard in love with. "Let's go in," Zechs murmured, and started back. "Oops," Duo mumbled under his breath. //Damn it, Maxwell! You never know when to keep your big mouth shut!// he shouted in his head and gave himself a mental kick. His big man was obviously injured by the remark, but Duo, for the life of him, couldn't understand why. //I thought we were starting over...// Silently he followed Zechs, keeping a couple of paces behind to give the man space, but also to look around and take in his new surroundings. After they were well away from the hangar Duo spoke up. "If you don't mind, I'd like to go to my quarters first... before dinner." "Yes, of course," Zechs said automatically. "Your bags should have been sent ahead. This way." He led Duo down a new corridor then stopped at a door about halfway. "Please, I hope this suits you all right," he murmured, opening the door then standing aside to allow the boy to enter. Stepping into the room, Duo immediately thought it pleasant, clean as a whistle and certainly military neat. //I'll bet I could bounce a coin off that bed...// He snickered, noticing the precise, tight line of the bed linens. "I'll just be a minute," he said, feeling a bit awkward when Zechs did not follow him in but remained standing at the doorway. He slipped his leather jacket off, throwing it haphazardly onto the bed, and then rummaged through his duffel bag to find his new black zippered jacket. The one he had bought in Cairo... with Zechs. When he put it on, he gave his love a tentative little smile, wanting to say "remember this?", but then thought better of it. //That's what got me into trouble the last time.// "Please come in, Zechs," he said, pushing up the sleeves of his jacket. "I'd like to ask you something." "I was about to ask you something as well," Zechs murmured, moving to stand just inside the entrance, leaving the door open. //What does he think we're doing?// //Okay, so he's not going to come all the way in and close the door.// "I'm sorry about what I said. Sometimes I just blurt things out without thinking," he said honestly. //God, there's so much we don't know about each other.// //Someone could come by,// Zechs realized, and closed the door. "All right, then, thank you," he murmured, looking at Duo as if he was a stranger. "I confess I was stunned by your outright flirting with me in the hangar. Duo, I'm very glad you are apparently able to set the past aside and forge on ahead with me, but I'm not as resilient as you are, obviously. I... I cannot just pretend that nothing has happened between us these last two days." //And what about the three days before that?// Duo wondered as he listened to Zechs. His stomach was doing flip-flops as he wrestled with his nerves. He was excited being this close to Zechs again, but obviously it wasn't going to be easy getting back together. Now that Zechs had started talking, it all seemed to come out in a rush. "I thought I was clear this morning, but perhaps I wasn't. I can't just... I can't just jump through hoops and be with you like you want right now, and I need you to respect that. Please." He was relieved that his only outward sign of distress - except for his eyes, although those were thankfully dry -were his shaking hands which he held behind his back. "I do respect your needs," Duo said somberly when Zechs had finished. "I just thought..." He broke eye contact then, and looked down at the floor. //I feel like a child. Like I haven't got a clue how to behave in a grownup world.// He was angry at himself for messing things up and for forgetting how much Zechs was still hurting and had a right to hurt. When he looked back up at those sad, crystal blue eyes all he wanted was to hold the man. //But that's not possible right now.// So instead he tried to give some assurance of his commitment to Zechs's needs. "I am trying to give you what you want... time, space... whatever. And I'm sorry I fucked up... again." "It's all right, Duo," Zechs murmured gently, seeing how crestfallen the other was. "Thank you for trying. I know this feels very awkward right now." He took a deep breath and moved closer. "I need to try, too..." With that, he raised his hand, wanting to brush the back of his hand down the boy's cheek, but when he made contact with a satin tendril of chestnut hair, he froze as he looked down into the depths of cobalt blue, looking to see if any hint of rejection was still there. "May I?" he asked and held his breath, his heart beating faster. Duo's face had gone hot as soon as that wonderful, long fingered hand came toward him. //Oh, God, oh, God,// he chanted in fervent hope. And then the hand froze and their eyes locked for what seemed an eternity until permission was politely sought. //He's afraid... but I don't really understand why,// Duo wondered. Quivering in anticipation of that touch, Duo blurted out his desperate acceptance, "Yes, Zechs... please." When the back of his gloved fingers came into contact with the pale skin of Duo's cheek, Zechs released his breath at last as he caressed him gently in a smooth stroke. "You really do want this, then, don't you?" he murmured, barely above a whisper. "I cannot assume anything anymore. I think we need to talk about that." "Yes," Duo answered, leaning into the touch. "I want this." Even though that precious hand was covered in fine kid leather, Duo savored the pressure on his cheek, his breath a little shaky at this connection. It was the first Zechs had followed through on wanting to touch him since... "Yeah, let's talk. Do we have time now?" The corner of Zechs's mouth curved slightly. "No, but we can just go in late to dinner. Though they'll likely hold it for us." The smile relaxed a little more. "You're worth making them wait." "Thank you," Duo said, his cheeks pinking. "I like hearing you say that." It was a sweet reminder, though small compared to all the thousands of sweet words they had shared. But Duo knew it was all a part of them beginning again and he reveled in it. He laid his own hand then over Zechs's on his cheek and leaned in, closing his eyes to deepen his awareness of the touch. "Mmm," he sighed, and opened his eyes again to smile at his love. "This means a great deal to me." //He means that!// Zechs thought, astounded and thrilled. "And to me... that I can be allowed to... to touch you again. Just a little... like this." He took a deep breath, inhaling his lover's scent. "My heart... it's beating fast," he added, wondering. //I feel like I'm the virgin this time...// "I want you to touch me. Reach out to me whenever you need me," Duo said with a brighter smile. "Just to know that we can hold each other's hands..." his words choked off as his eyes filled with tears. //We had everything before... and now my heart is full just knowing I can touch his hand.// "Oh, sweet Dancer," Zechs breathed, using the back of a gloved finger on his other hand to brush at the tears threatening to spill over the milky cheek. "Yes, we can do that, anytime you want, although in the middle of the hangar with everyone watching might not be a good idea." He smiled briefly, hoping Duo wouldn't think that he was complaining. "Duo, I need to tell you about something that happened that might explain why I'm having so much difficulty... with this." He swallowed hard, hoping he could make some sense of this for him. The younger man blinked back the tears. "What is it?" he asked hastily, hearing a slight edge of worry in Zechs's words. //God, what could it be?// Zechs let his hand fall to Duo's shoulder, then after a moment, the one brushing away tears fell to the other one. "I was thinking about you earlier - good things, of course." He smiled wanly, then sobered. "Suddenly I remembered that you had accused me of..." Zechs ducked his head abruptly. //I can't even say it...// "I... I had a full blown panic attack like I haven't had since I was six years old and woke gasping for breath every night because I saw them kill my parents in every dream. My heart was pounding, I was nauseous, and it was hard to breathe. It's... it's a fear response. I was close to having one the first time I flew Tallgeese and knew that if I'd kept on pushing as it wanted me to, I would die. I was afraid to die. So... reasonable or not, I guess I'm desperately afraid now that I might actually do something... against your will." "Zechs," Duo said, his brow tightening with concern as his hands came up to the man's chest. "I'm sorry..." He didn't know what else to say or do. Obviously Zechs had been deeply injured by that accusation. But of all the things that Duo had done to his then enemy Colonel Merquise, he never would've guessed that this accusation would be the thing that haunted him. Duo's hands dug into the wool OZ officer's jacket. //Why is he still wearing this uniform?// he wondered and trembled a little as his own lingering fears came back. His fear that meeting Zechs was no coincidence and that somehow the Gundam pilots were being setup. //But I have to believe him... I know that he loves me, and I love him,// he told himself and shook back the doubts. "Zechs, I trust you. Your Dancer trusts his Wolf and knows you're not capable of that. I only wish I could take it all back. You have to believe me," he said with great conviction. "I do, my Dancer, I do," Zechs breathed, giving his shoulders a little squeeze. "And I wish it were as simple as my mind believing and accepting. It's my subconscious mind that isn't there yet. That's why I need to go slow, need to be with you, talk to you, spend time with you..." His voice softened. "...touch you and let myself be touched. That will make those fears fade away." He reached up again to cup the young man's cheek, managing a bit of a smile. "We'll get there, love. We will." "Yeah," Duo sighed, reaching his hand to touch the man's cheek. His heart believed that they held enough love for each other that they would see this through somehow, but in his mind he wasn't sure how that would be accomplished. //I'll just have take it slow... for us.// He drew his hand through the long fall of platinum bangs, amazed as always, at the breathtaking beauty of this man. "Zechs, I really don't want to mess things up again," he said as he fussed a little with the hair, selfishly indulging in the fact that he could freely touch the silk strands. "So I'm clear on this, can you tell me exactly what kind of touching is okay with you... for now?" "This is real nice," Zechs murmured, almost purring. "I guess nothing..." He paused and had to avert his glance for a moment. "Nothing sexual." Then he looked back into the deep blue eyes, fearing the dismay he thought he'd see there. //I just can't yet, not for real...// "I...I'm sorry." "It's okay," Duo said softly, swallowing hard as he felt the dull ache inside him. //This isn't rejection... just reality.// "Thanks for telling me. I'll handle things better now. And by the way, I don't want to hear any more apologies coming from you," he said with a grin and brushed a finger lightly over Zechs's lips. The lips curved into a smile, then Zechs was taking the straying hand into his. He pressed a quick kiss against the knuckles, then brought it down to their sides, keeping the hand in his. "I'll try. Are you comfortable with this, Duo? If you can tell me what you'd hoped or expected... well, we can see how it works all together, your needs and mine." A small gasp escaped the younger man's lips as his hand was kissed, his face gone warm again. "Yes... this is very okay," Duo answered. "I'm not ready for everything yet either," he admitted, then silently thought, //Though it won't take much to get me there.// He searched Zechs's eyes, thrilled to be able to enjoy those ice blue depths again and to look warmly on that face. "I want to enjoy your company again. To laugh and talk together. To hold each other... and kiss. //God, how I want his kiss.// That's what I'm hoping for." The feel of the fingers entwined with his and the pressure of the hand lightly touching his chest felt so right, though Zechs still felt frantic butterflies inside his stomach and his mouth had gone dry. "Duo..." he sighed, wanting the anchoring this young beauty could do for him, though his body was telling him to ease off. "I don't think I'm ready for kissing quite yet -give me a couple days? All the rest sounds marvelous, though." //I could ravish his mouth right now,// Duo thought as he stared up into that wonderful face. "No, kissing, huh?" he asked in a teasing voice, squeezing the large hand in his. "All right, I suppose I can wait." He smiled brightly then, hoping Zechs understood this good humor meant he was feeling a little more comfortable with everything and that this last request was okay with him. "I'll save my kisses for as long as you need me to." Zechs relaxed even more then with Duo's acquiescence, enough to return the humor with a comfortable smile. "When the time comes, they'll be even sweeter by then for waiting, I'm sure." Then the smile faded a little. "I just realized... you haven't seen me in my uniform before." His eyes widened, wondering. "I'm relieved you aren't more... upset." "Well..." Duo began, patting Zechs's chest lightly with his hand. "It gave me a start when I got off the plane. I thought maybe you were trying to tell me something, like I did you with my..." he broke off then, not sure if he wanted to be talking about this. "The collar," Zechs murmured. "I like this better, the red shirt and this black jacket. Your new uniform?" "Could be," Duo replied with a little shrug. "The red shirt is for you and the black jacket... well, I bought it in Cairo with you. Remember?" "Of course I do," came the response and another little smile. "No, Duo, I was not trying to tell you anything in the least. It was for my men, that's all. We've been in a military organization together and it helps maintain a sense of camaraderie. Plus they haven't seen me without the mask before, so I wanted something about me to be a little reassuring so they don't think I've completely lost it." Zechs studied Duo's face for a moment, then added, "I can change before dinner if it bothers you." "It doesn't bother me," Duo said quickly, and then took a step back to look at the striking red jacket more fully. "I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, since it is OZ and all, but I like it. You look very... handsome." "Thank you," Zechs replied smoothly. "It serves the purpose." Duo smiled then and was tempted to look Zechs up and down... heck, lick Zechs up and down... but he'd just been told not to imply anything sexual. "I got over my discomfort very quickly," he added with a snicker, and left it at that. //I'll tell him later how hot he looks in it.// "Good, I'm glad," Zechs murmured. "Well. Was that all we needed to discuss for now? We can talk again later, of course. But we are holding up dinner." He smiled, giving the fingers in his a little squeeze. "Nope, that about covers it," Duo said with a nod. "And I'm hungry!" he added, patting his stomach. "I didn't bring enough snacks for the long flight here." "Then we must not wait any longer!" Zechs gave him a wink. "We'd best get there before they start eating the napkins off the tables!"
|
