"Lost "

Written By: Artemis

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. I make no money with this fic.

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: implied yaoi, angst, violence, language

Pairings: 6x2, mention of 4+3

Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Found. Quatre has some shocking information for Duo about his new lover; there's trouble in Cairo...

"Lost"

9)
After a breakfast of mostly fruit and pita bread, Duo headed for the study, wanting to arrive before Merquise. He shook out his hands as he walked. [I'm so damn nervous,] he admitted to himself. But he knew the nerves couldn't be helped. This was the first he would face the man since everything had changed. [I can do this,] he thought, rounding the last corner and heading into the study. Quatre was there, seated quietly behind the big desk making notes. [He looks okay...] "Quatre?" he greeted cautiously, knowing their last words had been severe. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Quatre murmured, not looking up. He wasn't going to ask how Duo was because he truly didn't want to know. Today had already been a roller coaster from the highs of discovering the evidence to clear Zechs of being an OZ spy and possibly sexual offender to the lows of the fight he'd had with Duo an hour ago. While Quatre's sensitive empathy had calmed down, he wasn't going to risk another emotional exchange with Duo. And especially not in front of a new ally.

That wasn't the kind of answer Duo was hoping for, but he couldn't blame Quatre. Their last conversation had turned quite ugly... their last several conversations. "I'm here," Duo said, conveying his meaning in as few words as possible as well. [I'll be watchful, Quatre,] he thought and moved to the side of the room to lean against the bookshelf. Pulling his black cap down over his eyes, he crossed his arms in front of him and prepared himself to face the dangerous man he knew Colonel Merquise to be. [God, I can't screw up again...]

Zechs arrived at the study door promptly an hour after the Winner boy had released him. He felt considerably more himself, having eaten and showered, and dressed in the linen suit he came to Cairo in, not the more casual wear he'd been wearing lately. A full hour's time had afforded him the opportunity to iron the simple but tailored beige linen suit, the cream linen shirt, and he'd even salvaged a plain white cravat from the bottom of his bag to complete the ensemble. He needed that, needed to find a way to return to himself.

Especially when his sleeplessness was so evident still in his red eyes and shocking pallor.

He brushed at the nearly dry tendrils of platinum hair framing his face, took a deep breath, and entered the room he'd been told was the Winner heir's personal office and study. When the boy at the desk stood to greet him, Zechs crossed the short distance, offering his hand. "Quatre, thank you for the accommodations," he murmured.

Quatre nodded quickly and shook the proffered hand. "You are welcome, Mr. Merquise. Thank you for coming." Then he glanced off toward the side a bit nervously.

"My pleasure," Zechs replied, releasing his hand, then following his host's glance. For the first time, Zechs realized there was someone there. He looked over and blanched, for it must be... it must be his Duo! [Not mine, not this one,] he thought, his heart losing warmth. He turned to face the man who wanted him dead. Then his eyes widened even as his brows pulled together in a frown. *What* was he wearing??

Duo had stood deathly still as his former lover entered the room. With eyes downcast, he saw only the long legs cross the room... and discreetly inhaled the clean, masculine scent wafting toward him. This was torture, pure torture to be so close to the man, but never be *that* close again. But he had to guard himself against such feelings now. He was a Gundam pilot and he had to do what he thought was best for the freedom of the colonies.

He listened to the pleasant exchange between his friend and the OZ Colonel and nearly screamed. [How can Quatre trust him? He's like I was... so eager to believe. He's been brainwashed.] And then his presence was noticed... finally. Duo could feel both sets of eyes on him and the tension began to build in the room. [Am I that scary?] he asked himself, but he knew the answer. He had taken on his "God of Death" persona as a shield and a threat.

"Don't worry, Colonel," Duo said, as he lifted his head slightly to peer at the man's face. He nearly gasped. [Still so beautiful...] he thought, his heart aching as he drank in the vision before him... a vision despite eyes red with fatigue. "I'm unarmed... at present," Duo informed him, a little menacingly, his arms wrapped tightly around him.

Zechs was still staring at the priest's collar; he would not, *could* not look at those cobalt eyes, not yet. [What the...?] The whole appearance of his former lover was so odd, so strange, that Zechs felt displaced even more than he'd expected. And he was more convinced than ever that he did not know this person at all. There was an angry challenge to the Gundam pilot's stance that screamed the boy's rejection of him. His Dancer was nowhere to be seen.

Carefully he kept his expression composed, though his brows were drawn together in a bit of a frown. "I am no Colonel, or hadn't you heard?" Zechs murmured, his voice low and cool, softer than usual in his effort to control the anxiety that had started to swirl yet again in his belly. [I don't know if I can do this, or for how long...] he mused, feeling a little sick again.

"Of course he's unarmed," Quatre retorted, also keeping his voice under control. [Damn you, Duo, I can't take much more of this,] he thought, gripping his pen almost tight enough to snap it.

"I heard plenty," Duo snorted harshly. "Fairy tales and lies," he mumbled with gritting teeth. He could see now how differently Merquise was holding himself. Different than the man he had known in Cairo for three days. [He is a soldier... an OZ officer... I can't forget that,] he told himself, preparing for the moment this man would betray them all. Then Duo noticed Quatre's edginess, and shifted his eyes onto his friend. "I'm not planning anything drastic," he said, almost good-naturedly, and then returned his eyes to Merquise, "... yet."

"I have never lied to you," Zechs murmured, barely above a whisper, then dared to lift his eyes to meet the other's. For a split second, as ice blue met cobalt, he thought in a moment of wild hope that he saw something there, some glimpse of Dancer... but he knew he was deluding himself and looked away quickly lest he see more of the deadly pilot who'd nearly killed him.

The younger man tingled a little from that gaze, remembering for the briefest moment what it had felt like to have those eyes searching his. [I wish I could believe you... I did once... and I was a fool.] Shaking off the feeling, Duo replied in a mocking tone. "Truth or lies... it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it, Colonel?"

That voice... mocking him. It felt like still another stab to the heart. He turned his face back to Duo, but did not look at those eyes again, already knowing what he would not see there, and way too much about what he would. "If you say so." Then he closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath.

His composure restored a moment later, Zechs seated himself gracefully in the comfortable chair to the side of the desk opposite where Duo stood. He crossed his legs, folding his hands benignly atop his knee. "Gentlemen, I have grave news to share with you regarding OZ's plans for the colonies."

[Gentlemen?] Duo thought and gave a low chuckle. [Let the show begin.]

Quatre looked worried. He glanced aside at Duo, who strangely seemed amused. [No help there,] he thought. [I think Duo's finally lost it completely...] "What is it, Zechs?" he prompted the blond man.

Zechs took no notice of Duo's reaction. "We saw the news broadcast from the colonies three days ago - perhaps you saw it as well, Quatre."

"Yeah," Quatre admitted, making a wry face. "Very cryptic, but clearly the colonists are being deceived. That's why it's so frustrating for us to be here on Earth."

The older man nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed, I am sure it is." He took a deep breath. "I have learned that OZ intends to force the colonies to accept weapons manufacturing as their new major industry. The weapons they are to make... will be mobile dolls."

"Dolls? As weapons?" Duo chuckled. "Maybe these guys aren't as fierce as we thought," he said to Quatre and then pushed away from the bookshelf and walked over to the end of the desk. He looked down at the seated man, studying his practiced poise for a moment. "But they'll pay for using the colonies that way."

Zechs only lifted his chin. "I intend to stop *them*, certainly." he murmured.

"Wait," Quatre broke in, frowning. "Zechs, what do you mean by 'mobile dolls'? Some sort of robots?"

"You could say that," Zechs replied, frowning slightly. "I understood that initially they were going to take Leos and operate them remotely, one operator to a Leo. Besides the fact that it would be inefficient, it does save the life of the pilot, but that brings in a new problem. If no lives are being risked, the destruction they will cause will be all the greater. Now, however, I believe the intent is to use the Tauruses first in space as remote units with programmed targets, say, a Gundam... or the Alliance's Space Leos. Or, since Romefeller has specifics on my mobile suit, Tallgeese, they can program that in there." He sighed and a hand came up, fingers rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "I don't believe they will stop there, either. Regardless, massive numbers of mobile dolls are expected to be produced, first on the Moon, then on the colonies."

"No pilots?" Duo asked, horrified. "What kind of a war is this?" He turned sharply to Quatre, his braid swishing behind him. He wanted an answer, but the other boy seemed just as perplexed. [And what's Merquise up to giving us all this information?] he wondered, his head turning back to the man so elegantly seated with his legs crossed. [It sounds like the truth to me... but why share it? To make us dependent?]

Zechs glanced at Quatre, who seemed to be thinking, lost for a moment in his own internal horror, then looked over at Duo to respond to his question. "What kind of war is it? It's a hideous, brutal war, that's what it is, Duo Maxwell, and the Romefeller Foundation which is now pulling OZ's strings, must be stopped." His voice sounded as tired as he looked, his personal dread over the matter hopefully apparent to this intransigent little pilot who resembled his Dancer. [No, I cannot think of him like that, not now.]

"You're saying," Quatre spoke up, finally, "that it's no longer OZ who is calling the shots."

Both pilots looked intently at the older pilot, and Zechs was reminded again of the magneticsm of the boy who'd self-detonated his Gundam in Siberia. [They're amazing, every one of them.] "In essence, yes," he answered. "Not that OZ itself is fully aware of this, but this is where OZ is going, definitely."

"Are you telling us we're fighting the wrong enemy?" Duo asked, crossing his arms in front of him. This was all a bit much for him. He didn't realize Merquise would be so forthcoming with information... and so coolly professional. "Are you saying we should be attacking Romefeller?" he continued, and then a bit sarcastically added, "and if so, how exactly, Colonel, do you suggest we do that?"

Zechs looked over at Duo; this time he was able to meet his gaze coolly. "And whom are you fighting at this moment, Duo... besides me?" [Oh, that was tactful...]

Merquise's words snapped something in Duo's brain. [He's challenging me,] he thought angrily, his eyes intent on the other man. "Am I being difficult?" Duo asked, almost innocently. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Colonel," he said and gave a little mock apologetic bow. Then he straightened and put his fists to hips and raised his voice in true Duo fight mode. "I nearly forgot that you prefer your Gundam pilots lying on their backs when you're fucking them!"

"Duo!!" Quatre exclaimed, shocked, but hesitated to say more. [Perhaps they need to get this out into the open. Damn.]

The ice-blue eyes narrowed dangerously. [I will not play this game,] Zechs thought, controlling his temper. [Plainly he rejects me completely now, so why am I choosing the path of civility with this one?] Forcibly he relaxed his expression. "Forgive me, but I did not mean to imply anything other than the fact that you Gundam pilots have not engaged OZ in battle for some time. I have no idea why. And, yes, I do mean to say that we should be fighting Romefeller, for in a very short time, that is exactly who we will be dealing with. If it matters at all, I do have ideas on how to fight back."

[Oh, whew,] Quatre thought, almost sagging with relief. [Zechs isn't going to let Duo pick a fight with him. If they were to fight, I don't know that I could stop it...] But he straightened, firming his resolve. If Zechs wasn't going to respond to Duo's rude remark, he had to. "Duo, you owe Mr. Merquise an apology... and me. Both of you are my guests here and I won't have you talking like that in my house. Please... our situation is too grave for us to be fighting amongst ourselves."

Duo turned completely to his friend, throwing his hands in the air. "And what exactly would *I* be apologizing for? Telling the truth?" he asked, wide-eyed. "Isn't that what you wanted before? All the gory details?" Then Duo thought about what the Colonel had just said. "Hey!" he exclaimed, turning back to Merquise. "What do you mean *we*? There's no *we* where you're concerned."

Before Quatre could erupt, Zechs had straightened; he would not stand to face off against Maxwell, not wanting to use his height to intimidate, though danger fairly radiated from his crystalline blue eyes and he clenched his hands into fists. "Since you reject me and anything I say so completely, Duo Maxwell, and since you are now rejecting your host and supposed friend as well, isn't it rather that the *we* no longer includes you? Yesterday Quatre Winner proposed an alliance with me, and I am honored to accept. I have a subordinate contacting two more Gundam pilots who will hopefully join us in Antarctica at my base there. *We* will fight the force who is attempting to fuck with the colonies - what *you* choose to do is, as always, entirely up to you!"

Quatre leapt into the fray finally, as angry as he'd ever felt himself. "I will ally with him, Duo, and I know we can convince Heero and Trowa to join forces with us. We're going to need a united front against those mobile dolls."

"But...!" Duo was about to erupt, his face livid.

"Not so fast!" Quatre threw back, shoving up from his desk to stand. "Do you really think we stand a chance now that we've lost contact with our mentors in the colonies? Working on our own? I've been trying to get all of you to work together for months now - will any of you ever listen?" Tears were by now streaming down his cheek; he brushed them away with his sleeve angrily.

Duo's heart pounded in his chest. [That OZ bastard is totally pushing me out of the picture,] he thought, his eyes blazing right back at Merquise's penetrating glare. It took every bit of his control to stop himself from lashing out again, but this time it wouldn't have been just words... Quatre's tears brought him back from that angry, black place that made him the killer he was. The tears made him remember the promise he'd made himself to protect his friend. "Quatre," Duo said finally, gently, moving toward his friend and breaking eye contact with his enemy. "You want an alliance, buddy, you already have one... with me," he said with a little grin. He hoped his words, his new demeanor, conveyed his desire to keep their friendship and alliance strong. Then quieter, he added, "Don't you see what he's doing, Quatre? He's driving a wedge between us..."

"I want no such thing," Zechs spoke firmly before Quatre could. Now he stood up smoothly, then turned to face them both, though his eyes were glued to Duo. "I do not *want* to exclude you in any way, Duo. I want to ally with all the Gundam pilots." His voice was shaking minutely by now, but he had to finish. "I want... I want to ally with you." A full two seconds passed while he held the gaze, then broke it off abruptly, turned sharply, and strode from the room.

"Zechs, wait!" Quatre called after him.

Zechs stopped at the door. "I will return in a few minutes. Excuse me," he murmured, his voice low, a little raspy, and sounding very tired. He left the room, closing the door behind him.

Outside, he sagged against the wall outside the door, hugging his arms to himself. Zechs trembled from the shock of having to face the changed Duo Maxwell. [My lover... where has he gone? Has Duo forgotten it all that completely? He was so eager to love me, so happy... as was I... how could he have let all of that die? I... I can't do this...] A tear spilled down a cheek.

Back in the room, Quatre looked at the other Gundam pilot with confusion. "Idiot, the man is in love with you still, don't you *know* that?" he muttered, heedless of the streaks of tears on his cheek.

Duo had shuddered, watching Merquise close the door behind him. [The way he looked at me... I saw... I saw Wolf there...] With tears in his eyes he turned to Quatre. "How can I believe that he loves me?" he asked, a tear falling down his cheek. He couldn't quite wrap his mind, his heart, his soul around that possibility. "I can't let myself believe that," he said to his friend, taking a deep breath. "I can't get beyond the fear that he will betray us."

Quatre felt a slight twist in his heart. [Gotta get these two back together,] he thought wryly. [This is hell on *me*...] "Oh, Duo..." he sighed, and immediately came around the side of his desk to touch his friend on the arm. "You do have feelings for him, don't you? And don't talk around it; I told you I already know." He touched his chest. "I know you think this is one of the fairy tales, but I can feel both your pain and the love you feel for him." Quatre took a deep breath; all the anger had drained out of him at the sight of that tear on his friend's cheek. "And I feel his love for you. It's deep... and true..."

A low sob escaped Duo's lips. "I don't understand how you can know all this... but I do have feelings for him," he admitted, his hands trembling. There was small comfort in his friend's touch on his arm, but not enough to calm the drowning feeling he was experiencing. [God, I can't live without him,] he wailed internally. [And what if he does love me the way Quatre says?] "Please, Quatre," Duo begged, grabbing his friend's forearms and looking at him through tear-filled eyes. "Please don't tell him any of this. I've never been so miserable in my life... I love him, but I just can't trust him."

"Oh, Duo!" Quatre exclaimed, his heart aching for his friend, and he hugged Duo hard. "Finally, you said it... I'm so glad and relieved." He released him, but still held him by the upper arms. "I won't tell him, I promise. I know you hate like hell that you let yourself get into such a vulnerable position... we'll deal with that, I promise. I won't let my guard down either, and I don't think I have. When you see the video of the interrogation... well, it will tell you a lot, I think." He sighed and gave Duo a little shake. "We'll get through this!"

With tears drying on his cheeks, Duo grinned. "Thanks, Quatre, you're a good friend," he said. Seeing the relief in Quatre's aquamarine eyes when he had confessed his feelings, and hearing that his friend was being cautious made things worlds better. "I think I will watch that video," he said, extracting himself from his friend's grasp. "And I could use some time alone... to think."

Quatre nodded, taking a deep breath as his heart returned to normal. "I think that's a good idea, Duo," he said, walking his friend to the door. "There's a lot for all of us to think about."

Outside the study, Zechs had mostly gotten himself back together, straightening into his military posture once more preparatory to returning to the room. [I am now and always will be a soldier,] he thought soberly. [Though this is a battle like none I have ever fought. I must find the fortitude to get through whatever he can throw at me. I must... for the sake of the EarthSphere. The sacrifice of my heart is price enough for peace.]

Composure restored perfectly, Zechs opened the door to Quatre's study, only to come face to face - and within inches - to Duo Maxwell, who was evidently leaving in that exact moment. Immediately he drew back, abruptly mortified lest he possibly touch the boy inadvertently, but he could not help looking into eyes of cobalt blue which, in their surprised shock, revealed a glimpse of someone Zechs recognized.

Was it... was it his Dancer? That same look of wonder and purity, the orbs of sheer expression and hope? But then Zechs was seeing again the mask of rage and the gun pointed between his eyes. "Excuse me," he murmured, sweeping aside to allow the other egress, his eyes abruptly averted.

For one brief moment, Duo was breathless. The near collision sent his skin tingling as he stopped just inches from Merquise. [We almost collided... touched!] It was exciting and horrible all at once as memories of their time together mixed with the fear of betrayal. And in those few seconds of surprise, when Duo's eyes were wide with possibilities, he nearly spoke... nearly said something... anything to Merquise, but then he heard the muttered "Excuse me," and watched helpless as the ice-blue eyes turned away from his. The moment had passed. He lowered his head and walked out of the room.

Chapter 10

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