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"Lost "Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: implied yaoi, angst, violence, language Pairings: 6x2, mention of 4+3 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Found. Quatre
has some shocking information for Duo about his new lover; there's
trouble in Cairo... "Lost" 11) The taller pilot spoke a few words in Egyptian to the hangar's manager, then they were being waved inside. Quatre and Rashid followed, both wondering what manner of mobile suit a man like this would be piloting. What they saw... they had not been prepared for. Somewhat resembling a Leo in shape, "Tallgeese" was a monster, a white behemoth of a mobile suit. "It's impressive, I know," Zechs murmured as they gaped up at it when they reached the base. "Twenty years old and only just recently finished completely. It's the prototype for all mobile suits, including the Gundam." They heard the note of pride in his voice. "Our knowledge of this suit enabled us to restore what you call Wing Gundam." "Isn't it awfully heavy?" Rashid inquired, scowling at it. Zechs gestured for them to follow him. "Come over here..." They walked around toward the back of the huge mobile suit. He pointed up at the black lined rockets on the back. "Those... are Vernier rocket launchers, the most powerful I've seen. The output is tremendous... and so are the g-forces." He bowed his head, remembering. Quatre and Rashid exchanged glances. "What is it?" Quatre asked, bewildered by the man's sudden melancholy. Zechs brushed ineffectively at the hair draped around his face, sighing heavily. "The test pilot died of massive internal injuries by pushing this thing past his limits in order to liberate the capital of my nation." Quatre's eyes widened. "Oh. I'm sorry, Zechs. So... this is really difficult to handle, then?" "I do all right," Zechs murmured, shaking off his mood. "Although I may be the only pilot in OZ who can pilot it. Or was..." "I can't imagine they'd let this go easily," Rashid said, worried that OZ would do whatever it took to recover this suit and its errant pilot. "But what good is it going to do them," Zechs replied, a hint of defiance growing in his voice, "if they don't have anyone to pilot this?" The tall Arab raised an eyebrow at the confident response. He still wasn't entirely sure what to make of Zechs Merquise, but his Master seemed sure this man was the key to the alliance he had been seeking. "Perhaps they're more interested in just getting it out of your hands?" Rashid asked. Zechs gave a contemptuous snort, thinking of the irascible Inspector Acht. "Ha! They'd have to catch me first. Let them wonder what I'm going to do with Tallgeese. Fortunately, no one truly knows what it's capable of, except me... and whomever designed it." Just then they heard the sound of a motorbike outside the hangar. "He's here," Quatre murmured, glancing up at Zechs, who froze suddenly as he realized whom Quatre meant. For a moment the two blonds just stared at one another, then Quatre nodded as if to signal that it was all right. Duo's borrowed bike skid to a stop just outside the large hangar. [There's Quatre's car. This must be the place,] he thought. He got off the motorbike and went straight inside... his boots clicking as he crossed the cement floor to where the others were standing. He didn't say a word as he approached. And he could see they weren't speaking either. [They probably weren't expecting me. Maybe Zechs was hoping I wouldn't come.] About halfway across the hangar Duo realized the true mass of Zechs's mobile suit. [It's huge!] When he joined the others, Quatre gave him a little smile and Rashid nodded, but Zechs kept his back to him, looking up at the massive machine. [Oh, great. So he's not talking to me anymore. I suppose I deserve that.] But Duo was really more interested in the Tallgeese at this moment than worrying about his relationship... *former* relationship with Zechs. "How in the hell do you fly that thing?" he asked Zechs with a little chuckle, though he was half serious. He'd never seen a mobile suit this large before. Zechs, who'd been readying himself to face the contemptuous God of Death again, slowly turned to the young man, somewhat surprised that Duo actually addressed him. [Hmph. *Now* he's talking to me?] "I fly it with every nerve in my body alive and a fervent, desperate prayer on my lips that it doesn't try to kill me... again," he muttered. Then he actually looked at Duo through the veil of white hair, his brows narrowed as if wary of what he expected to see. To his wonder, the little priest's collar was gone - that was a good sign. But Duo still wore black, though to wear the tight muscle shirt was just a nasty tease that Zechs wasn't sure he liked at all. [And he's worried about trusting *me*? What makes him so sure I can trust *him*?] The pilot in Duo was intrigued. "It must be very powerful, then..." he said, looking up at the Tallgeese and giving the man some credit for flying it. [Is it that much different from my Gundam?] he wondered. When he turned back to look at Zechs, he swore the man almost winced... perhaps expecting Duo to snap at him again. [Maybe the God of Death did his job too well back there...] "You said it tried to kill you?" he asked, sincerely interested. Zech stared at the diminutive pilot as if seeing him for the first time. In a way he was, never having encountered Duo Maxwell the pilot before. [Who is he this time? How many personas does this character have??] "It has a mind of its own in that it ignores the commands of the pilot," Zechs replied, his voice somewhere between terse and cool. "It requires a pilot with complete focus and a strong will to make it submit." He turned and looked back up at his mobile suit, of which he was proud. "The first time I flew it I suffered a mild heart attack." [It hurts to look at him,] Zechs thought, his mind spinning. [Why did he come? What does he want? Perhaps he's plotting to steal Tallgeese. Fine, let him try...] Duo and Quatre looked at each other and at the same moment mouthed the name, "Heero." Of any of the Gundam pilots they knew... including themselves... Heero Yuy was the only one who sounded like he fit the description of a pilot capable of handling Tallgeese. And the fact that Zechs had suffered a mild heart attack from the mobile suit also suggested that it took a special pilot to handle it. Heero was made of pretty stern stuff. "Then this isn't like any other mobile suit, if it did that to you," Quatre murmured, respectful of what the man had had to endure to become its pilot. The cool tone in Zechs's voice did not go unnoticed by Duo. [He doesn't want me here,] he realized. [But I know Quatre is forming an alliance with him... we're not going to be able to avoid each other.] He stepped next to Zechs and looked up at the Tallgeese with the man. The tension was sheeting off his former lover, but Duo had to press on. He had to continue to try to discover who this man truly was. If he could really trust him. "Do you mind if I look in the cockpit?" [Is he joking?] Zechs wondered with consternation, and realized he was going to have to confront the boy after all. He deftly stepped away from him. "I don't know what game you're playing, Maxwell, but I truly don't want to play this one with you either," he snapped, turning to face Duo, a hand on his hip and ice blue fire flashing from his eyes. "Think of what you're asking - a man who yesterday tried to kill me, still wants me dead for all I know, accuses me of heinous personal crimes against him, rejects me completely and I should let him go sit at the controls of my very deadly mobile suit? Do you really consider me that much of an idiot and a fool?" "So, I guess that's a 'no'?" Duo joked with a little snort. But the lethalness of the look he got back from Merquise for that light remark made him take a couple of steps back. [Whoa! He's really pissed!] Duo glanced at Quatre, hoping for a little support, but the other boy seemed willing to let the scene play out. "All right," Duo said, his voice firming. He turned his attention back to Merquise and crossed his arms in front of him. "Look, about trying to kill you... Well, I thought you were my enemy and this is a war after all," he said matter-of-factly. "Quatre here," he continued, nodding toward his friend, "is convinced that we should ally with you. I can't say that I completely agree, but I'm willing to give it a try." [Though at this point, I don't think it's gonna work.] He took a deep breath then and set his hands to hips, trying to relax a little despite Zechs's continued hard gaze. "Maybe I should've said something when I got here," he shrugged. "I watched the tape of your interrogation just now and it's made a difference in how I feel... about you." [He watched the tape of... what?] Zechs was not really surprised the interrogation had been taped, but for Duo to have seen it... He wanted to scream "did you enjoy seeing me on my knees, in handcuffs?" but managed to keep a lid on his temper. Zechs was aware that Quatre was looking at him very intently, also interested in his response. He stood ramrod still, tapping his index finger on the side of his leg. "I see," he spoke levelly. "Yes, indeed, this is war. But I was *never*... your enemy." His voice shook at this last with the suppressed anguish in his heart. Forcibly he made himself turn to Quatre then. As before, he could not look long at Duo. "Or yours," he added sincerely. "Not since I first laid eyes on Wing Gundam and realized how extraordinary that pilot was. Since then, I've had nothing but admiration for you Gundam pilots. I fought Heero only to avenge my men whom he'd killed." He dropped his gaze, feeling his weariness acutely. "I have no more will to do that. I need you pilots too much." [Never my enemy? What a fucking mess this is!] Duo screamed in his mind. If Zechs had truly never been his enemy... Ack! He couldn't let his mind go in that direction... not now. Not standing here talking about mobile suits and alliances. Then Zechs's compliment washed over him. Like some strange drug, the compliment warmed Duo and yet clouded his mind. [He admires us... He's rebuilding Wing Gundam and returning it to Heero. But why?] He took a half step forward... toward Zechs. "What exactly made you change your mind... about fighting Heero?" He asked, curiosity and confusion showing in his large blue eyes. "I mean, Wing Gundam is impressive, but enough to make an enemy change sides?" The more Duo spoke in a normal manner - so different from the coiled anger displayed in the study - the more Zechs found himself relaxing, though for now his professional manner would still be a refuge. He didn't know when he'd be able to return to the easy, casual demeanor he'd learned to adopt being around Dancer. Now he glanced over again, almost looking into those expressive blue eyes. "Those are two distinct questions. I'll answer the second one first." He sighed. "I changed sides, as I told you, because there were things going on that sickened me. I was on the other side of the world when the New Edwards thing happened, but I was disheartened when I found out how the Alliance leadership was eliminated so smoothly... and the manner in which it was done. Still, the Alliance was my enemy... and I did take revenge on the Alliance general who murdered my parents." His gaze dropped, and he looked away as if inspecting the finish on the massive foot of Tallgeese before him. Quatre, who was standing with Rashid a good ten feet away, whispered aside to his large friend, "I've heard enough. I have to talk to you and then we need to get organized. Let's leave them to talk." Rashid nodded. Silently the Arabians departed the hangar. [So, he did get his revenge,] Duo thought a little sadly, remembering the conversation about their personal losses at the hands of the Alliance. [This man has been through so much... I think I'm only just beginning to understand.] He kept his eyes on Zechs, hoping the man would look at him again. "I'm glad you got your revenge," he said, his hand instinctively reaching out, but then going back to his side when he realized how crazy it was to try to touch Zechs right now... or ever again. The words, quietly spoken, startled Zechs for a moment and he found himself looking up to glance at the cobalt-blue eyes of the other again. "Siberia," he continued, his voice hushed with fierce memory. "That stunt Lady Une pulled with threatening a colony - that was madness! I stopped fighting immediately of course, and tried to reason with her, but she cut me off. That's when your friend tried to disintegrate along with his Gundam." His eyebrows narrowed as he remembered the feeling of outrage. "I allowed the other Gundam pilot to remove his body from the battlefield and leave. I could not fight in that situation. Then... the latest crushing blow... two recently commissioned officers, the pride of the new OZ, decided to 'execute' all Alliance personnel they could find. Arrogant fiends..." Zechs snapped the words off bitterly. "At least I could eliminate them, but how many more are there? Where is honor anymore?" Zechs folded his arms behind his back in a sort of "parade-rest" position. "Those are abuses that are inevitable in any military organization. It will surprise you to know, Duo Maxwell, that I was never really all that committed to OZ. Since my revenge was won, I was merely staying on to help a friend. That time has ended." His voice had gone soft again. "There. The military career of Zechs Merquise in the past five months in a nutshell. I don't know what you could have learned from that, but..." He paused, glancing away again. "I would have told you." "I wish you had," Duo said, barely above a whisper. He wanted to inch closer to Zechs, to give him some support if only through proximity, but he believed it wouldn't be accepted, so he held his ground several feet away. "After what happened at New Edwards and then thinking we had lost Heero in Siberia... well, it was quite a blow," he revealed. [Now I can tell him everything I should have...] "Quatre and I have been lying low in Arabia for the last month... hiding from OZ and praying for news from the colonies." Zechs nodded. "He mentioned you've had no word, no orders. That explains a lot." He took a deep breath, looking over at Duo again. "I was ready to tell you it was OZ I was leaving. I had no idea how much hate you bore within you for that organization. What would you have done if I had?" Within he was still very shaky. [We're actually talking... but there's nothing left now. I suppose that's as it should be. His hatred for OZ is so pure. I didn't expect that.] "I'd like to think I could've handled it coming from you," Duo said, seeing images of Quatre and the Maguanacs facing him in that little side street. [Almost anything would've been better than that.] "Of course, I had seen the warning signs in what you had told me, but I chose not to let my mind go there." His brow tightened as he looked down at the cement floor for a moment before returning his gaze to Zechs. "I do hate OZ... I have to," he said, clenching his fists and standing straight. "I'm fighting for the freedom of the colonies." There was a great deal of pride and strength in his words... his conviction showing. "As you should be," Zechs murmured, marveling again to himself how intrepid and centered these Gundam pilots were when it was about their mission. "And OZ was sweeping into the forefront of activity, so naturally they were the target." But he wondered: [Did I have my doubts about Duo? Did I ever suspect he was anything other than a mechanic? He revealed nothing, absolutely nothing to tip me off...] "When Quatre cornered me at the fruit market and told me you were OZ's ace pilot..." Duo began to say, but suddenly couldn't finish. Next to the Alliance destroying Maxwell Church, that had been the blackest day of his life. Like he had been sucked into outer space and left to float helplessly without oxygen. He turned his face away, suddenly afraid that he would cry. [He's seen me cry before... but now I just can't let him.] Sensing that Duo was having the same problem with his composure that he was currently battling, Zechs waited for him to finish. [That must have been some confrontation... hmmm. Here I've been so bent out of shape by the affront committed on my person and I haven't considered the shock that must have been for him. Though Quatre would have been gentle... it's just the news that would have been so harsh.] After a moment, Duo recovered enough of his composure to continue. He turned his face back, but didn't make eye contact. "I had planned on telling you I was a Gundam pilot when I returned from the fruit market," he said, his voice wary now... the strength faded in this bleak memory. Zechs's lips parted in surprise. [But he shouldn't have... no wonder he got so angry... at himself!] he thought in shock. "I don't suppose there would have been any good way we could have told one another," he replied quietly. "And... if it makes any difference, Duo..." He paused - somehow saying "Duo Maxwell" when addressing the pilot was easier to say than "Duo" when addressing his former lover. "I swear I never knew what you were. Not a clue. It never even crossed my mind to wonder, even after you told me you were from the colonies." He sniffed and looked across the hangar at nothing. "When they say 'ignorance is bliss', they certainly must have been talking about us!" Zechs added with an ironic snort. "Yeah, 'ignorance is bliss'," Duo repeated with a snort. But he was already doubting Zechs again. [It couldn't have been a coincidence that we met. He had to know I was a Gundam pilot.] "So, you think it was fate that brought us together?" he asked, putting his hands on his hips and leaning his weight onto one leg. "Out of all the people on Earth, you and I met online in that chatroom. Funny coincidence, huh?" Duo asked, his eyes narrowing a bit. Zechs looked him straight in the eye, eyes narrowed as well. "Fate." This time, when he snorted it was derisive. "Ha! With my luck in life, our meeting in that chatroom and the rest is exactly that, fate kicking me in the ass one more time! Life's little ironies like that can be too cruel. It's almost humorous if it wasn't so pathetic." [If *I* weren't so pathetic. Imagine me - falling in love with a *Gundam pilot* of all people!] Duo took a half step back as he listened to Zechs's derisive response. [God... I think he's lost it.] But the man's words also made Duo rethink his trustworthiness. [Maybe he didn't know... Oh, hell, I don't know what's the truth anymore... except that I'm miserable.] "Yeah, quite the pair," Duo chimed in, suddenly feeling like he could almost laugh at their situation. "Sworn enemies falling in love..." As soon as he had said it, he regretted it and turned away from Zechs. About to agree heartily at the ridiculousness of their situation, Zechs's mind went completely blank abruptly when Duo turned away... and he caught sight of the boy's long braid. To his utter shock, the end of the braid now only reached a few inches below his waist. A good five inches... was missing. "Duo... your braid!" Zechs exclaimed in dismay, then he realized with another cold shock - [He cut the end off on purpose... cutting me out of his life. Oh, God...] The alarm in Zechs's voice sent Duo into a panic and he shot back around, his braid whipping with the quick motion. For the briefest of moments he could've sworn he saw the face of his lover... he saw his Wolf. And his heart sank. [What have I done?!] "Zechs..." Duo said, with wide eyes. "I... I needed to..." he tried to explain. But how could he tell this man that he had ritually cut his braid to sever their ties? To symbolically end the most beautiful time in his life? "I had to..." he said finally, trying to convince himself as much as trying to explain it to his former lover. Oddly, he no longer felt so sure of the motives that had brought him to that point. It was the first time Duo had called him Zechs since this whole nightmare began. Zechs gaped for an unguarded moment at the worried face of his beautiful, little Dancer. Then he realized his guess had been correct-Duo had done it to be finished with him, cutting off something of himself that he knew meant so much to the one he believed had betrayed him. [It is over... and I am now cursed with occasional glimpses of the What-Was and the What-Might-Have-Been. If Duo allies with myself and Quatre now, this is my fate... yes, I truly am a cursed being...] "I suppose under the circumstances... it's understandable," Zechs murmured, but his voice came out a lot shakier than he'd expected. And why was his vision blurring? He mustered a little resolve, stoically pressing on to live through this painful conversation. "I find that I cannot blame you." "Zechs," Duo said again, the name now feeling right to him. Maybe it was the man's visible anguish that made this situation much more regrettable now. Made him see Zechs as his former lover and not his former enemy. He took several steps forward, his arms extending, his intent clear... he wanted to comfort his Wolf. "Please..." As Duo approached, there was that surreal moment again of time standing still, and faster than he could process, images began to flash through Zechs's stressed mind - images of his Dancer laughing, winking at him, moaning in passion, images of the God of Death screaming at him in his nightmare, waving the gun in front of his face, images of the stranger Duo Maxwell, Gundam pilot asking with rude, bold disdain if he could hop into the cockpit of his enemy's mobile suit. Suddenly it was way too much, and way too soon. To be comforted today by the man who yesterday wanted him dead was more emotional gymnastics than the exhausted Zechs Merquise could manage. "N...no, don't!" he cried, backing away from his former lover's welcoming reach. "I...I can't," he gasped, then turned away, a single tear loosening itself down the golden cheek. Duo choked back a terrible sob at the rejection. "Oh, God... No..." he said, his hands coming back to him as if they had been burned. "You're right. Of course, I shouldn't touch you," he said in apology. He had acted as Dancer, responding to his Wolf's pain, but those men no longer existed. Not since the war came crashing in on their lives a little more than 24 hours ago. The young Gundam pilot felt a dizzying wave of reality hit him and he stumbled back, nearly falling, but somehow managed to stay upright. He turned then and sprinted out of the hangar. Zechs turned back, only to see the slim figure running away. [That was... that...] "D...Dancer?" he asked in disbelief, but Duo was too far to hear the choked voice, and Zechs's throat tightened and he could say no more. Trembling, Zechs stood frozen, his mind trying to grasp what he'd just heard. [Dancer... my Dancer is still there? I know I heard him... that... that was he who reached out to me! And I rejected him...] A wave of nausea swept through him, but he managed to control it. He sagged heavily against the foot of Tallgeese beside him. [Dancer... Dancer is alive...] It was the first glimmer of hope he'd felt in the day since his capture. Outside, Duo pushed past Quatre and Rashid, growling at them as he mounted the motorbike. He tore out of there, sending a large cloud of sand dust billowing behind him. Racing down the road... mile after mile.... pushing the bike to its limit... Duo tried to outrun his shadow. The shadow man, the God of Death, who had destroyed the hearts of two lovers. "NO!" he screamed into the wind, not noticing a rock in the road. Then suddenly the bike was sliding out from under him, skidding away, and he took a hard tumble onto the bone dry ground, his bike coming to a stop yards away. He lay motionless a long moment, dazed from the fall. Finally he turned over onto his back. Nothing seemed to be broken, but he knew his legs and arms would be bruised and scraped up pretty bad. "Damn it!" he yelled, and slammed his fists onto the hard earth beneath him. This fall seemed fitting considering the mess his life was in right now. "God, what did I do wrong?" he asked, squinting up into the bright day. As if God was listening, every hateful action and word directed toward Zechs came back to him. The angry words, the slap, the gun, the accusations... the hatred! The young man sobbed at the images and tried to shut them out, but it was no use as they pounded in his brain. [No kidding, he doesn't want to be near me,] he thought and then sat up. Looking around at the vast desert he calculated he had gone about ten miles before he'd lost control of the bike. "I know this place," he said aloud. It was the place he had cut his braid. Suddenly tears filled his eyes as he remembered the moment he had cut himself loose from his days with Zechs in Cairo. [I thought it would free me... but here I am again... and now it's only worse.] The memory of Zechs's face when he had seen the shortened braid sent a terrible shiver through him. [But isn't that what I wanted? For everyone to see that I had severed that part of my life?] But he hadn't counted on Zechs seeing it... he hadn't expected the man to be alive. Alive and forming an alliance in which they would both see each other every day. [The God of Death is locked away and Duo Maxwell is left to deal with the consequences,] he thought morosely. And the consequences were that Zechs Merquise wanted nothing to do with Duo Maxwell... enemy pilot or former lover. [If the alliance is going to survive, I need to give Zechs some space... maybe thousands of miles of space,] he decided sadly. Slowly he picked himself up, righted the bike which was thankfully not badly dinged, and continued back to Quatre's house.
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