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"Crisis"Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi lemon including rimming, angst,
violence, language, reference to past NCS involving a minor, death,
angst. Pairings: 6x2, 3x4 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Regained. GAIA
prepares to go into space and announce itself to the world; Duo and
Zechs' relationship goes through its own crisis. "Crisis " 34) Outside Heero's door, Duo stood frozen next to Zechs. "I... I'm nervous," he said, looking up at his lover with wide, worried blue eyes. "It's not like the way I felt when I met you... that was an excited, dreamy kind of nervous. This is like I know I'm gonna get my head kicked in." Zechs, holding his lover's worried gaze, reached around behind him and collected the braid into his hand. "I'm going to be right beside you, baby, as is Quatre. Absolutely nothing bad will happen," he murmured, fingering the silken, braided mass in his hand. "Heero wants to apologize, remember? Last time I checked, apologies did not require head-kicking of any sort." Duo nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay... you're my anchor," he said and then knocked on the door. Zechs gave the braid a tiny tug of encouragement and replaced it down Duo's back. "Remember... I love you. And Heero wants to apologize," he murmured into Duo's ear, then straightened. At the sharp knock, Heero started, his head jerking up toward the door. [They're here!] He looked immediately to Quatre, his dark blue eyes large and pleading. "D...do you mind getting that? Please, Quatre?" He slid back off the chair and turned it back around, fussing with positioning it. "Sure, Heero," Quatre said, knowing it was the least he could do to make the boy more comfortable. [Ready or not...] When he opened the door the last thing he expected was for Duo to jump him. "Buddy!" Duo exclaimed, smiling brightly and wrapping his arms around his friend. He was much relieved that Heero hadn't answered the door. "D... Duo!" Quatre said, surprised, but happy to reciprocate by putting his arms around his friend, too. [His heart sings! He's happy!] "I'm so glad to see you, Duo. We were all so worried," he said, including himself, Trowa, and Heero in that statement. He stepped back into the room, pulling Duo with him as they separated and just grinned at each other. "Yeah, we sure needed time alone!" Duo said, nodding at Zechs and winking. Seeing Duo Maxwell blow into the room, his arm squeezing the shoulders of Quatre who wore a silly grin, made Heero's head hurt. He stood with his hands still gripping the back of the chair as if the chair itself might need to become his only defense from either the Wrath of Duo or the Mania of Duo. [He and Zechs... oh, I guess they've been... um...] Zechs nodded to Quatre, but looked beyond to see Heero frozen like a statue, gripping the top of a chair so hard that the wood just might burst under the pressure. [He's afraid... easy, Duo...] "Quatre, Heero," he greeted the other boys, smiling. Duo looked past Quatre, to Heero. "Hey, Heero," he said, his tone sounding a little less enthusiastic than when he had greeted his best friend. [I just don't know what he thinks of me. Look at him standing over there... using that chair like a shield. It's obvious he doesn't want to be around me. I think Zechs was overly optimistic about this...] "Gee," Duo said, searching for a joke to ease the tension. "I like what you've done with the place." Heero's automatic, unthinking response was to quickly look around the room in case he'd forgotten to straighten something. The room, of course, was starkly spartan, with not a single item of personal belongings visible, save his laptop which was folded up and on the back of the desk. Then Heero realized Duo was being, as usual, sarcastic. [Not going to let him do this to me...] His eyes narrowed minutely. "Thanks," he murmured. [Well, I did clean it...] The response was barely heard as Duo got a whiff of food and his eyes zoomed in on the buffet. "Oh, thank God. I'm starved!" he exclaimed and padded over to the desk where he grabbed a slice of cheese and shoved it into his mouth. Chewing, he looked back at Heero and asked, "Did you do this?" "I knew that you probably didn't have anything since... lunch," Heero replied quietly. He unfroze and went to the desk to hand Duo a plate, as the other boy seemed ready to just stand there picking at this or that while he stuffed himself. "Please, you're all welcome," he said in Quatre's direction, his glance again sliding past Zechs. "Thanks, Heero," Zechs murmured, coming over with Quatre. He watched in amusement for a moment while Duo blithely heaped his plate high then danced back to the sofa to chow down. As Quatre assembled a sandwich on his plate, Zechs took a plate from Heero then leaned down to whisper to him. "It's going to be all right, Heero," Swallowing convulsively, Heero shot a glance toward Duo - who thankfully was absorbed in his food - then nodded to Zechs. "Yeah. Hope so," he murmured. Zechs gave him a little smile and filled his own plate, then returned to sit beside Duo on the sofa. Quatre settled into the chair across from Duo and smiled at his friend's ferocious appetite. "Better slow down or you'll choke!" he said, laughing. "Huh?" Duo grunted, looking up at his friend and then swallowing. "Oh, yeah," he said with a chuckle. "I'm really hungry after all that s..." Suddenly his eyes settled on Heero and he shut up. [Uh, better not say that.] Duo had always thought that Heero was too reserved... tight. But now he seemed even more so. [This was a bad idea, but at least I got something to eat out of it.... oh, maybe I should thank him....] "Uh, Heero... thanks for all the food." Heero was just sitting down with his own plate. He looked up with a little bit of surprise. "You're welcome... Duo," he responded quietly. [This is a start. Hmmm, note to self: when in doubt, feed Duo...] "So, Zechs... Duo," Quatre said, as he balanced his plate on his legs. "Things are good with you? Yes?" He was terribly eager to learn all the details of their making up... Duo was sure to reveal most of that to him privately... but he wanted to hear them declare their solidity. Wanted to hear them speak as a couple and say, "We're all better now. We love each other for forever." As Duo's mouth was full, Zechs responded first, smiling easily. "Yes, Quatre, I'd say that we're finally all the way back, as good as in Cairo or even better. All specters, bugaboos, and demons of doubt are firmly put to rest, I'd say." He leaned back on the sofa, draping his arm along the back behind Duo, clearly a possessive gesture. [Oh, good,] Heero thought, feeling a tremendous relief. [Maybe Duo *will* calm down now...] Within he felt again that curious protective sense. He didn't know why it was important to him that Zechs and Duo were okay together. Something to do with his new understanding of the importance of relationships, probably. "I'm so glad," Quatre said, placing his clenched fist over his heart. He could feel the love binding them together... even when Duo had pretended not to love Zechs anymore he still felt their love. [They are right for each other.] "It means a great deal to all of us that you're together... and as you say, 'all the way back.'" "Definitely *all* the way," Duo said, and winked. What a glorious feeling to be sitting here with Zechs, as a couple. There would be no more hiding the way they felt, though Duo was mature enough to know that there would need to be moments of restraint... especially in professional settings. But right now he felt comfortable and eager to share their happiness and love. He wriggled back in the couch to get more snug with Zechs. "I couldn't be happier," Duo said, looking up at his lover and smiling. The joy on Duo's face took Heero aback, and he felt his own twinge in his heart. [They do love each other! They're so happy...] Zechs, too, looked pleased. Heero had a hard time seeing in this relaxed, happy man the seasoned, fierce warrior he'd fought in Siberia. [But this is a very good thing... for them both.] "I'm glad, too," he spoke up. [Will I find this someday... am I capable of feeling... that? I hope so...] "You both look happy, and that's a good thing." Duo looked over at Heero, his mouth dropping open in disbelief. [Whoa! I think he means that!] "Yep, it's a very good thing," he nodded in agreement. "Thanks for noticing." Heero ducked his head in a quick nod. Suddenly he realized he had something to say and he wanted to get it out. "Even I could see that... that's why I never would have done anything to get between you two, not on purpose... there was never anything... I could never... *would* never want to take him... away from you..." Then he was supremely embarrassed that he'd admitted all that, a disturbing hot wetness at the corner of his eyes. Hastily before anyone could react, Heero put his plate on his chair and went back over to the desk where he began rearranging the remaining food, consolidating trays. [I don't know if he can believe me... after what happened in the hangar... and I still need to apologize for that...] Duo was completely flustered by this confession. "Oh," was all he could say as he watched Heero retreat back into the comfort of fussing over the food trays. [God, he feels pretty strongly about this... but I think it embarrasses him, too. Heh, Heero Yuy embarrassed!] Duo thought, chuckling to himself. But then he sobered, realizing how he'd never considered Heero's side of this bizarre triangle. "Gee, I hadn't thought about how that made you feel... me accusing you of that," Duo admitted a bit painfully. He glanced between Zechs and Quatre and knew then he needed to right this. He needed to confess his own failings if they were ever going to move forward. "I was jealous. No doubt about it," he said, setting his plate aside and standing. "And you know why? Because I didn't think I could compete against Heero Yuy... the Perfect Soldier." Suddenly, the dread with which he had suffered for weeks... the dread of losing Zechs flooded him again. He put his fists to his hips and declared, "You're so damn good at everything I just figured you'd win him, too!" Heero whirled around. "What? What are you talking about?" He'd heard the term "perfect soldier" before, tried to ignore it, knew it was supposed to apply to him. He didn't like thinking about that, about his...programming. His training. "How could you think I was a perfect soldier? I had the perfect opportunity to sacrifice my life for the colonies... and I failed. I couldn't even die when I was supposed to." He shrugged, though his head was pounding. "Nothing perfect about that. And here's another way I've failed... I can't even manage to be a friend to you. I barely even know what it means to be a friend... and I haven't the faintest clue about... about..." It was too hard to say. "And I failed you yesterday, Duo, big time. You defended the base from an unknown assailant and I verbally tore you limb from limb." He turned back around, folding his arms over his chest, hurting. "Yeah, some perfect soldier that was." The barrage of truth numbed Duo into stunned silence. He stared intently at Heero's back with wide, cobalt blue eyes and tried to puzzle out what he'd just heard. "You... failed me?" he asked, completely perplexed. He scratched his head and then started pacing between the door to the grouping of chairs. [I don't get it... Heero's admitting to not being perfect?] "Duo?" Quatre asked, feeling suddenly anxious. [Is he being stubborn? Or maybe he doesn't know how to react to what Heero just told him?] "Maybe you should say something, Duo. Heero just opened up to you." He hoped he wasn't being too forward in his intervention, but it seemed these two needed the push. The pacing stopped, and keeping his eyes down, Duo started talking. "I... I don't know what to say. I think he just apologized, but maybe I'm the one who should be doing the apologizing." He looked up, wishing someone would guide him. Tell him what to say or do. Tell him what was expected. What would work with Heero to put things right. At the moment Duo stopped pacing, Zechs, too, got to his feet. He came over when Duo looked for help, and laid his hands on his shoulders. "Come with me," he murmured gently, turning Duo back toward the desk. He steered him to stand beside Heero, remaining close at his back. "Heero," Zechs went on, addressing the dark-haired boy, "I think that was an apology, too. Did you have anything else to say? I think Duo has some things to say as well." Heero nodded, then took a deep breath. He turned, eyes still wary, and faced Duo. "I apologize for..." He paused, realizing he needed to start at the very beginning. [Yes, I can do this now...] "I apologize for not thanking you for rescuing me from that hospital - thank you. I apologize for treating you so coldly at that school. And... I apologize for talking to you like I did in the hangar yesterday. And for what I said." He blinked then cast his eyes down again, not wanting to see the derision that was surely coming. [I'm such a fake. 'Perfect Soldier', indeed...] Mesmerized, Duo watched Heero speak with quiet wonder. Never had the other boy said so much to him in one breath... and make an apology on top of it! But even though the sincerity was there and Duo knew the words hadn't come easily to Heero, something was still missing. [Interesting how he left out the bit about stealing parts from my Gundam...] "Okay," Duo said, in a roundabout acceptance of the apology. "Well, it's a start anyway." [I suppose that's all I deserve,] Heero thought, but then Zechs was speaking. "Does that mean, Duo," Zechs asked gently behind him, "that you accept Heero's apologies?" As he spoke, he tenderly stroked his lover's braid lightly, just a quiet reminder that all was well with them again. Duo glanced over his shoulder to his lover, feeling instantly calmed by his soft voice and gentle touch. [I just want to go back to bed with you, Zechs...] As he returned his attention to Heero, Duo caught sight of Quatre's steady gaze. [He's the peacemaker... and Zechs is the diplomat! I have a lot to learn from these guys.] "I do accept your apologies, Heero," Duo said, dipping his head in a minute nod. "Thanks, but... I was really hoping we'd clear the air between us for good... you know? And before *I* apologize like I want to, there's something more to be said... isn't there, Heero? Or maybe you really don't want to apologize for that. In that case, I'll have to amend my list of apologies," he said, forcing a little chuckle to mask the failed joke. Heero sagged back against the edge of the desk in relief, though he was aware he wasn't completely off the hook yet. [He accepted the apologies! But I must have left something out... what is it? Oh... damn, he's not still steamed about... shit, that's got to be it.] Straightening, he replied, "I do want to clear the air completely, Duo. All right." Heero crossed his arms over his chest, letting his glance slide away for a moment. "I apologize for stealing parts from your Gundam, although I must protest that I didn't know who you were or if I could trust you. It was still petty of me, as I could have given you the benefit of doubt. I'm sorry." Then he cringed, waiting for the patented Duo crow of triumph. [He'll never let me forget this...] The pilot of the Gundam Deathscythe listened with an intense glow surrounding him. [He's doing it... Heero's actually apologizing for that!] His heart-shaped face began to twitch and hint at the emergence of a victorious grin as Heero spilled his guts... all but pleading on his hands and knees for Duo's forgiveness. [Oh, this is too much! I wish I had a recording of this!] Then, just as Duo was about to shout with glee, and laugh and dance about the room advertising his victory, he felt suddenly re-connected to the calming presence of his lover... a gentle touch of hand at the small of his back. [Zechs, my anchor...] And then he noticed that Quatre had stepped much closer, standing beside them with a quiet dignity that made Duo shiver. [If I gloat now... I'll be doing the same thing I feared Heero would do when I lost that rematch.... and I'll disappoint my friends. Damn!] Taking a deep breath, Duo considered his next words carefully. He scratched behind his right ear... stalling a bit, but also exhibiting some of his nervous energy. "I never thought you'd go through with it. I really thought I had you on that one, Yuy," he said, chuckling and shaking his head. "I accept your apology... and I'm ready with my list whenever you wanna hear it." [He's not... he's not going to...] Heero felt a bit light-headed all of a sudden as a flood of relief hit him. [He's not going to...] Abruptly he felt Quatre's hand at his elbow, steadying him. Taking a deep breath, Heero straightened and nodded at his friend, then turned to Duo. "Thank you, Duo. I just have a little more to say first. Can we... can we sit down again... please?" "Of course," Zechs murmured as Heero turned back to the desk quickly and poured himself a glass of water from a pitcher, taking a long swig. [That was very hard on him... I hope Duo appreciates that. Thank God he didn't tease Heero any further. The boy has probably beat himself up enough over all this...] [Whoa, he's never even been this flustered coming out of battle. Guess this wasn't easy for him... opening up like this. Good thing I didn't tease him.] Duo moved with the others back to their respective seats and immediately took Zechs's hand. He threaded their fingers in a silent gesture of thanks for all Zechs was doing for him... them. [Okay, so he wasn't being over optimistic after all...] Quatre watched Heero with wide, worried eyes. [This isn't the boy Duo told me about... except for the stuff about him being very brave. He's certainly that today,] Quatre thought with a little smile as Heero joined their circle. Heero put his half-empty plate on the floor beside his chair and sat down. [Just a little more... I can do this...] Another deep breath and he was ready. "I know... that I'm not like most boys my age," Heero began, pressing his hands together in his lap, not looking down, but not exactly meeting anyone's eyes either. "Much of my training I cannot talk about," Heero related. "Not that I won't, but I simply do not remember. I think they made sure I did not remember it all... what they did..." Zechs leaned forward abruptly, alarmed by the boy's words. "What they *did*?" [Whomever *they* are... if they touched him...] "Oh, I mean I think they brainwashed me," Heero replied. [I sound so calm.] "Conditioned... programmed. Not that it took. They wanted to take away my emotions... Dr. J and the others. But you can't do that to a human being, fortunately. Or maybe that's unfortunately..." [The voice of the little girl - "Are you lost?" And my response... "I've been lost since the day I was born." Is it true? Am I still lost? Trowa saved me... for what? For them? Even Trowa said to me: 'You died a long time ago...'] The whole time Heero was explaining his training before the war, Duo was shaking his head. [Can't believe this... He's been struggling against his programming.... It's not his fault he's acted the way he has. God, what a shit I've been to him!] "They tried to take your emotions away?" Quatre asked, his voice quivering with shock that anyone would try to do such a thing. And for one whose life was so totally connected to emotions it was terribly frightening. He reached his hand over and touched Heero's forearm. "You were stronger than them... stronger than they counted on." The touch - again - felt comfortable, safe. "I suppose you're right," Heero sighed. "There was a man who raised me for a while - Odin Lowe. He was in the organization. He told me something that has carried me through a lot - he said that no matter what, I should act on my emotions. I guess..." He looked directly at them finally - Zechs, Quatre... Duo. "I guess I'm still learning how to do that. Since coming here to Antarctica that's taken on a whole new meaning. I have new emotions -feelings of belonging, of connection, of teamwork. I never had these before, not really. So I'm learning." His eyes lingered on Duo, his voice softening. "Yeah, I guess we're all learning," Duo said, in agreement. He was learning about teamwork, too. Though he'd teamed up with Quatre several months ago, the little Arab was so easy to get along with that it was hardly work. Antarctica had been a challenge to say the least... Admittedly, getting the rhythm of the team had been a low priority compared to trying to get Zechs back into his life fully. But now, Duo could see clearly again and he hoped wearing the GAIA uniform signaled his newfound commitment. "I had no idea... about any of it," Duo spoke again, finally. There was a tension in the air that had nothing to do with animosity between any of them. It was just damn hard to hear about how Heero had suffered... and Duo knew there was no other word for it. [He suffered... and I misunderstood him.] "I'm sorry, Heero," he said, softly, leaning forward just a bit. "Sorry for what you went through with Dr. J and for the stupid things I said and did." "Yeah," Heero whispered very quietly, looking down at his folded hands. In his mind he could still hear the clack-clack of Dr. J's metallic "hand" and the man's grating voice, poking, poking... the endless repetition of mission parameters and protocols, the incessant medical tests... and the rest was one big blur except for the incident with the little girl which stood out in his mind in vivid, brutal detail. "We all have stories," Zechs murmured, glancing at Duo's hand tucked into his. "We all have regrets." They fell into a contemplative silence then, each considering how the political machinations of various powers in the Earthsphere had affected them personally. (tbc)
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