|
"Crisis"Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi lemon including rimming, angst,
violence, language, reference to past NCS involving a minor, death,
angst. Pairings: 6x2, 3x4 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Regained. GAIA
prepares to go into space and announce itself to the world; Duo and
Zechs' relationship goes through its own crisis. "Crisis "
22) Trowa dove and caught Duo by the leg just as the other boy was crossing the threshold of the shuttle door. "No, you don't!" he yelled, but Duo was like a wild animal, thrashing around to free himself from Trowa's grip. "Get the fuck off me!" Duo screamed, furious at Trowa for trying to prevent him from leaving. "This has nothing to do with you. LET GO!" Just then Quatre came running up, panting from pushing himself as fast as he could go to get to the hangar. "Oh, dear Allah," he said as he caught sight of Trowa and Duo struggling. He leapt into the fray, grabbing Duo's flailing legs and trying to pin him down. "Zechs is on his way..." "NO!" Duo cried out. "God, no! Please, Quatre! I don't want to see him!" A wave of pure panic clenched at Quatre's heart. "You're afraid of Zechs?" he asked, not understanding what was going on here. "I... I'm..." Duo stuttered, unable to get the words out. All his plans were crashing down on him. He didn't want to involve Quatre and most importantly he didn't want to see Zechs again. [Zechs is coming... any second now. I don't have much time...] He kicked out, trying to break free again. "Please, Quatre," he begged one last time. "Please..." His friend's predicament tugged at Quatre's heart. He wanted desperately to help Duo, but he believed the only way he could was to keep him here. It wasn't in Duo's best interest to let him run and hide as he was so fond of doing. "I'm sorry, but we're not letting you go anywhere... just yet." Having taken a shortcut, Heero reached the hangar first. He glanced over at Deathscythe, but saw nothing there, then spied the other Gundam pilots by the shuttle that was ready for space. He dashed over, only breathing a little hard. "Duo!" he called to the boy still struggling with the others. "I don't know what's going on, but I want to apologize for yesterday," he said quickly, figuring the sooner he cleared the air with the distraught Duo Maxwell, the better. "I'm sorry... I had no right..." Duo looked up, angry that Heero was now on the scene and disbelieving what he had just heard. "How can you possibly apologize for that?" Duo asked, appalled that the boy would try to apologize for stealing Zechs away from him. "I don't want your stupid apology... You've done everything you could to make my life miserable since we met. Now get out of my face!" "What?" Heero stared at Duo, bewildered. He could hear running steps far behind; Zechs was arriving. It was not for him to clear the air with Duo now, not when the other boy needed his lover. "Duo, I was wrong to confront you in the hangar yesterday about fighting Wufei. I..." Abashed, he bowed his head and stepped aside. "Feeling guilty, I see... good," Duo said with an angry sneer. "You don't mean that, Duo," Quatre said, trying to ease the situation. "Heero's trying to apologize to you... you should forgive him and thank him." "Thank him? HA!" Duo said, exasperated, his head pounding from the hangover, physical and emotional exhaustion, and hunger. "Duo..." Trowa growled, narrowing his eyes at the boy still pulling against his grip. Then he lifted his head to look across the hangar as they heard the swift clicks of boot heels growing closer. "Zechs!" His heart pounding in his chest, Zechs ran over to the tight knot of Gundam pilots before the shuttle. "Don't..." he called out, a hand reaching to them, his ice-blue eyes rather wild. "Don't let him go!" "No," Duo said in a whimper and shuddered. He'd have to face Zechs. Have to hear it first-hand that Zechs didn't love him anymore. He struggled again to break free, but Trowa and Quatre were unrelenting in their hold, so he turned his face away... Maybe if he closed his eyes and looked away, then it wouldn't happen. He could pretend this was all just a dream. A very bad dream. Feeling as if his heart was going to jump out of his body through his throat, Zechs reached the others, staring in disbelief at the boy who meant more to him than his own life. "Duo? T...they said you were trying to... leave? Please, tell them you're not leaving... I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding..." [I did this to him,] Heero thought, backing off, folding his arms over his chest as if to hold in his own deep regret. [To them. Damn...] Duo wished to God that he could put his hands over his ears right now to keep from hearing that man's voice... pleading with him. He felt like a captive and very much out of control. Not looking at any of them he said, "None of you have any right holding me here." He was breathing hard and his fists were clenched. "I'm going to outer space... now LEAVE... ME... ALONE!" "No," Zechs breathed, unable to believe what he was hearing. What had he done wrong? Why was Duo acting like this? "Duo, you can't mean this... we... we have to talk! I have so much to tell you..." He reached with his hands as if to attempt to touch Duo, but he did not come close enough, not yet. "I have to know, Duo! What's going on? Why are you leaving for space?" "I don't want to hear what you have to say, Zechs," Duo said, tightly as he reluctantly turned his eyes up to see the flood of emotions on the man's face. [Can't lose my focus now.] "I know what's been going on and I'm leaving so you won't have to... tell me." Zechs's hands closed into fists unconsciously, as he fought against the waves of denial coursing through him. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be his Duo, his Dancer, *HIS* God of Death saying these things to him! "Tell you? Tell you? Tell you WHAT? If you know what's going on, why don't you tell *me* then!" he exclaimed with a tremor now in his voice. "Why don't *you* call off your dogs? Then maybe I will tell you," Duo said with bite. The fierceness in Zechs's voice had shaken him, but he wasn't about to back down. "At least let me get to my feet!" "Release him," Zechs ordered, frowning, though he gestured for them to stay close in case Duo tried to bolt again. Quatre looked at Zechs and fretted for a second before he exchanged a look with Trowa and shrugged. "Duo," he said quietly, "please don't run." The boy with the long braid glanced at his friend, but gave him no reassurance as to what he would or would not do. As soon as he was released he got to his feet and brushed himself off... indignant at his treatment. "Geez, if this is how you guys treat your allies I'd hate to be your enemy," he said with a snort and tugged on his black cap to make sure it was well in place. Zechs was shaking his head, watching Duo. [He's wearing... he's wearing that strange priest's outfit! He needs the God of Death to get through... what? But I don't fear that entity anymore...] "Tell me what's going on, Duo," he repeated. "Please!" Duo could feel all their eyes on him. Staring intently. Trying to decipher him. He sighed deeply and resigned himself to this public humiliation. [If I had my way I'd be soaring through the upper atmosphere right now...] "You know what's going on, but I'll tell you anyway," Duo said bitterly. He looked Zechs straight in the eyes. Cobalt to ice blue. How he wished it could be different. That he was looking into those eyes under different circumstances. But he couldn't think of that now. "I really thought you'd get better," Duo said accusingly. "But as the weeks went by and you wouldn't make love to me..." He turned his face away, needing a moment to recover and then looked back at him. "I know there's no 'new' Cairo. That was all just a stupid fantasy." [NO!] Everything in Zechs's mind and heart screamed in denial of his lover's words. [NO, no, no, this can't be, this can't be...] Not when he was healed now! The dream, his recovery of the lost memories... [He doesn't know...] "You're wrong, Duo," Zechs managed to say, his voice clearly shaking now. "I... I've been trying to TELL you! I..." "I know," Duo interrupted, harshly, not wanting to hear Zechs's excuses. His hands curled into tight fists... his knuckles white with tension. "You don't love me anymore," he said and bravely held back a sob at the words. "That's why you won't make love to me... You're in love with Heero!" Immediately Trowa and Quatre glanced over at Heero, who shook his head vigorously in negation, obviously as bewildered as they. But the couple was stunned to hear that Zechs had not made love to Duo since Cairo. Not had *intercourse* with him, they assumed, not believing they hadn't at least been intimate. Duo would have cracked long before this! "What? WHAT?" This had to be another nightmare, or at least Zechs wished it was, but it was all too real. "You're not SERIOUS!" Zechs threw back at him, not minding how loud he was, or that anyone walking into the hangar could hear them. He wasn't even aware of the others, did not see their shock. He couldn't see anything but Duo. "You... you can't be thinking..." Suddenly a wave of dizziness hit him, and he swayed, his own hunger and emotional exhaustion catching up to him. "You... can't... D...Duo, that's not why... but I don't..." "Zechs!" Quatre, Heero, and Trowa all shouted at once. But Quatre was the one in motion, somehow able to shake himself loose from the shock of the drama that was playing out before him. He rushed to Zechs's side and took hold of his arm. "Zechs," he said, worriedly as he steadied the man. Duo's brow tightened at the sight of Zechs's unease. He had to wrap his arms around himself to keep from going over and putting his arms around the man. [This is hell. Pure hell,] he thought as he watched his friend comfort his former lover. It was obvious that Zechs's gentle and aristocratic nature couldn't cope with this confrontation. "Shit, I don't know why you do anything anymore," Duo said, blinking back the tears. "Why couldn't you just let me get on that shuttle?" he asked, turning to look at the plane briefly and then back at Zechs. Duo's lips were trembling now and he could feel himself about to split apart into a thousand pieces. [This has got to end... Now!] "Look," he said, sternly, making one last ditch effort at controlling his emotions. "I know you never really forgave me for what I did to you and I'm truly sorry for that... but I can't stick around here anymore... apologizing or watching you get together with Heero." Zechs had a hand on Quatre's shoulder as he steadied himself, but that had tightened at Duo's words. Now he gently put off the other boy as he faced his beloved, anger serving to restore his energy. "I am not TOGETHER with Heero!" he snapped, shaking his head, a bit of a growl to his voice. "I don't know where you're getting that from! Heero has nothing to do with what was wrong with me - it was the nightmares! God, Duo, I've been trying to tell you..." As the wooziness tried to return, Zechs put a hand to his forehead, but took deep breaths to steady himself, not willing for a moment to wait to get this out. "I can't let you get on that shuttle, Duo, not now or ever, because I love you and I have to tell you what's happened! I've had a breakthrough..." "I don't want to hear what's happened between you and Heero! And I don't know about any nightmares... except that this is sure a fucking nightmare for me!" Duo shouted back, throwing his hands up in the air as if to shoo the man away. "Duo, I think Zechs is trying to tell you something..." Quatre said, in an attempt to convince his friend to listen. "Yeah, and I'm trying to tell him something!" Duo shouted at Quatre and then looked at Zechs with intense eyes. "I don't want you saying that you love me when it's over between us!" he said, pointing an accusatory finger at the man. "It is NOT over!" Zechs felt hot tears fill his eyes, and he felt his heart breaking in a million pieces at the vehement denial in his lover's voice and entire demeanor. [How could he? We've gone through so much! How could he possibly think it's over?] "Duo, Duo, you must listen to me! There is absolutely nothing between me and Heero - nothing!" He shook his head again, fear surging into his heart. "Please, I have to tell you about the nightmares! You *must* listen to me!" "No, Zechs!" Duo cried out, as his heart pounded wildly against his chest. "I can't do this anymore," he said, and turned to walk away, but Trowa was standing there with his fists on his hips, ready to stop him. He turned back to Zechs, his eyes sad and pleading. "Can't you see what this is doing to me? I loved you..." The tears began to fall down his cheeks. "... It hurts just to look at you... so why won't you just let me go? Please!" "What is it going to TAKE to convince you?" Zechs retorted, gritting his teeth, though he, too, had tears in his eyes. He was growing truly frightened as well as very angry. He was NOT going to live another hour without getting everything out with Duo! "If you leave me now, Duo Maxwell, it will hurt both of us far worse than anything that's happened to us up to now! And I will NOT let that happen!" He clenched his hands into fists before him, straining to keep from grabbing Duo to shake sense into him. "I've been having nightmares for weeks, since Cairo, but I was afraid to tell you - THIS is what I was afraid of! That you would think that I couldn't get past what happened and leave me, but I HAVE gotten past it! I had a breakthrough last night in talking to Sally, Duo!" "What?" Heero spoke up, abruptly, surprised. "You did talk to Sally?" But Zechs had eyes only for Duo, and would not look at Heero right now, afraid that if he did, Duo would vanish from sight. "Memories I'd suppressed came out, Duo! I remembered that I'd witnessed a rape as a child... and then last night I had another dream and remembered the rest..." He began to pull at his hair in anguish, his voice ragged. "When my parents were killed in front of me, a man shook a gun in my face, though he wouldn't touch me. That SAME man raped my friend two years later, also in front of me! That's where the panic attacks came from! Not from you, not ever from you, Duo, but from that awful man so many years ago! I forgave you in Cairo - but I will never forgive that man!" The others were very alarmed; was Zechs going insane right before their eyes? Trowa checked for his handgun, but Heero shook his head at him, gesturing to give them space. Zechs stared at the Gundam pilot he loved with all his heart, his eyes wide and wild, his whole body straining with the effort to get it all out, release what he'd been unable to talk to Duo about for so long. "GodDAMN it, Duo, I'm in love with you! You know what we've meant to each other, what you mean to me - you're my life! How dare you imagine I could find that with another! How... dare you..." He gulped, his throat closing from the overload of emotion, his hand covering his mouth. The boy's mouth dropped open and stayed that way as he stared wide-eyed and speechless at Zechs. He was struggling to understand. [What is he saying?] Duo wondered, trying to puzzle through the other man's words. [Cairo triggered one of his childhood memories? His friend was raped? A man put a gun in his face?] It was as if Duo's whole world had been turned upside down, shaken apart, then righted again, only to have all the pieces fall on his head. Everyone waited breathlessly for a long, painful minute to hear how he would respond. If he looked as confused and broken-hearted as he seemed... could he pull together in time to save both himself and Zechs who looked very close to going over the edge? Quatre was ready to jump out of his own skin. He could feel both Zechs and Duo's hurt, but also their strong love for each other. [Why isn't that enough?] he wondered, stepping over to his own lover and taking his hand in his. It was Zechs's pure indignation that slammed the hardest into Duo's psyche. The words "how dare you" echoed in his mind like a challenge. "I want to... believe you," Duo said, taking a deep breath. He made himself look at Zechs, despite how very hard it was, and in that moment didn't think he could go on any more. "I can't do this," he said, shaking his head... the tears beginning to fall again. "I don't want to hurt anymore." "You *want* to believe me," Zechs repeated, taking in a deep, ragged breath. "Believe me, 'not hurting' is very high on my agenda, and as long as you begin to want to see the truth, I'll work with the rest. But not here in this very public place! It obviously hasn't occurred to you yet, but without you, all this means nothing to me..." He gestured at the hangar, and therefore the base, in general. "Without you, *they* mean nothing to me!" Quatre started at this; Trowa merely squeezed his lover's hand. Off to the side, Heero turned away, hugging his arms to himself. "Without YOU," Zechs continued, his ice-blue gaze stabbing deep into the impossibly dark cobalt depths of his lover's eyes, "the *alliance* means nothing! There is NOTHING for me without you!" At this point, Duo was trembling hard, completely unable to speak, and about to fall down. Zechs's eyes widened, then with a deep groan in a last surge of anguish he abruptly picked Duo up and threw him over his shoulder. "I'm not letting you go until you BELIEVE me!" he growled, then turned from the other pilots and stalked off, heading for his quarters. "Well," Trowa said as the ringing of Zechs's boot heels faded. "This was all my fault," Heero muttered, facing away from them. "If Zechs was afraid to tell Duo about the nightmares, I should have done it. I should have talked to Duo as a friend, too, and I most certainly should never have lit into him like I did in the hangar yesterday. What was I thinking?" "Don't be so hard on yourself," Trowa murmured, laying a hand gently on his shoulder. "Duo jumped to conclusions and if he thought something was wrong with his relationship with Zechs, he should have talked to him, and not run from it." He shrugged, letting his hand fall back to his side. "You didn't know what was going on in his mind. No one knew that." Quatre and Trowa exchanged a glance. The "perfect soldier" was vulnerable after all. Heero seemed unusually protective of Zechs and Duo's relationship, and they suspected he would be even more so in the future. "Yeah," Heero sighed, then shoved his hands in his uniform pants pockets. "Listen, I know they haven't eaten in a good twenty-four hours. I'm going to arrange for some food to be sent to them. Eventually they'll need to eat." He turned and began to shuffle off, but then turned back after a few steps. "Trowa..." "Yeah," Trowa murmured, a small smile on his lips. "Good luck in outer space," Heero murmured. He pulled a disk out of his pocket that he'd stuck in there earlier up in the control room. "You're going to need this." He tossed it to his friend. "Thanks," Trowa replied. "Good luck to you guys, too." "Hn," Heero answered, then turned and left the hangar. "Well," Trowa said again, collecting his lover into his arms. "I guess now everything will just have to work itself out. Time to go, kitten." "Everything *will* work out," Quatre said with a smile, hugging his lover tight. The anguished volley between Zechs and Duo had been heart wrenching to watch, but Quatre could feel that their love for each other never faltered. [They were meant to be together... They've been through so much.] The young Arab couldn't help but wonder what Zechs's life would've become had he never met the fun-loving pilot of the Deathscythe. From the man's adamant declaration he feared that Zechs wouldn't have had the will to go on... That made Quatre think just how very lucky he and Trowa were to have each other. Even if they were about to be separated. "Be safe, Trowa. I want you back in my arms as soon as possible." The taller boy leaned down and kissed his lover one last time, then went up into the shuttle. Quatre watched, then retreated as the shuttle was activated. In the shadows, the fifth Gundam pilot was waiting to depart the hangar in the carrier he was going to pilot with the Shenlong aboard. He closed his eyes for a moment, having watched enough of the proceedings of the last half-hour to see that quite a lot had happened among the other pilots since Siberia. [So much emotion... so many connections between them all. I'm free of all that. Is that a good thing? Or is what they have going to harm them in the long run? Will it interfere with their missions? Well... I don't have to worry about that...] (tbc)
|
