|
"Crisis"Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi lemon including rimming, angst,
violence, language, reference to past NCS involving a minor, death,
angst. Pairings: 6x2, 3x4 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Regained. GAIA
prepares to go into space and announce itself to the world; Duo and
Zechs' relationship goes through its own crisis. "Crisis " 14) Heero Yuy came to an uncomfortable decision. [I screwed up,] he realized when his mental tension wasn't able to let him do the computer work he'd been trying to do. [I didn't talk to Duo enough before the rematch so that he knew it didn't mean anything to me... then I took him apart in the hangar, in *public*, after his fight with Wufei... shit.] He glowered at the screen for a moment, then shut the terminal down. [Zechs didn't mention a thing about what he thought about *that*,] Heero wondered as he stood and leaned back on the table behind him, still regarding the computer idly. [He's preoccupied with those nightmares he's having... but then who wouldn't be if their lover had put a gun between their eyes and had pulled the trigger...] He remembered Duo's efforts to be friendlier with him when Heero first came to Barclay Base. [Now he's pissed at me again... and it's my fault. What kind of team player am *I*? I should have let Duo talk about what happened out there with Wufei, listened to him with support and concern. Of course he wasn't going to hit Wing with the scythe... and no matter how bad I thought it looked, I had no right to talk to him like that.] Irritated, Heero began a circuit of the room, straightening chairs and realigning the tables. [I've got to talk to Duo, make things right again. This is about more than GAIA... it's for Zechs who needs Duo very much right now, and for Duo. I don't matter... I don't have anyone. But they do, and that's important. Having a partner inspires them to keep fighting. I don't have that kind of motive, but they do. To me, it's just my job...] Finished, he headed for the door to go find Duo... and attempt to start again with him. Outside the room, he ran straight into Wufei, who'd been about to open the door. "Wufei..." Heero breathed, startled. Chang Wufei, unruffled, gazed back at the other pilot serenely. "Heero. I was hoping to find you. Can we talk?" Heero ducked his head in a nod, opening the computer room door again. "Sure, come on in." Re-entering the room, he made a quick visual survey of the already neat room, then turned to face the other pilot, hands shoved into the pockets of his uniform pants. "What's on your mind?" Wufei closed the door behind him quietly. "It feels strange... being here at a military base that I'm not going to blow up," he murmured, taking in the other's appearance. While Heero wore his dark hair in a shaggy, unkempt mop, his GAIA pilot's uniform was neat and pressed. "Don't you find it odd?" "No," Heero replied succinctly. "It's no different than being in the compound of Dr. J and the others in our group on L1-C421. It's just a base. We just have more mobile suits around and we're on a continent of ice. That's all." "But you're surrounded by your former enemies," Wufei pressed, frowning. He glanced at the other boy's dark eyes. [They hide whole storms in them... dark, angry clouds, wind, fierce rain, even the lightning...] "Doesn't that make you nervous?" Heero shrugged. "Let me tell you what Zechs's battle cry was when we went to fight against an OZ fleet, his first time to face his former comrades. He cried out as he launched Tallgeese: 'Glory to all the colonies!' I began to understand then what manner of man Duo and Quatre had allied with. I didn't join their fight right away, but that's when I started to accept that it was time to stop fighting alone." "He said... that?" Wufei was skeptical. "Perhaps he knew it was what you wanted to hear." [Does this guy have emotions? And I thought I was feeling pretty calm...] "No, he doesn't work like that," Heero replied. He shifted his weight and crossed his arms over his chest, wondering for exactly the fifth time what Zechs might have been like if he'd never met Duo. "Zechs has a great deal of integrity. He doesn't even like to fight if he has too much advantage over his opponent." "That's right," Wufei murmured, curious. "I heard you were fighting him in Siberia. Which reminds me..." His glance fell to the other's lips briefly. [He's a very beautiful boy... and I don't think he knows it. A war is no time for such foolishness, but still there's beauty to be appreciated at any time. This one is very special...] Quickly he looked up again from the delicately-formed mouth. "I wanted to ask you, Heero..." [Why is he looking at me so strangely?] Heero sighed. "What's that?" Wufei's black eyes narrowed and unconsciously he edged closer. "Tell me, Heero... what was it like? When you pushed the button... when you died." The only physical reaction was an immediate widening, then narrowing of the eyes. Heero Yuy was otherwise a statue, held in readiness in case of any potential need to fight... or fly. "Nothing," he answered without hesitation. "I felt nothing. It was nothing. I pushed it... and flew through the air when Wing exploded at my back. I fell and all awareness fled." "You weren't in pain?" Wufei was startled. [I know how to suspend awareness of pain... our ancient traditions... has he been taught such things as well?] Heero broke the gaze, his glance flicking to the side momentarily, unfocused. "Not then. Waking up was a bitch. Although it didn't bother me. I was too angry to notice the pain, I think." "Angry?" [He says such strange things... and he doesn't seem to feel any emotion! How does he do that? I want to learn that...] "At being alive. Yes." Heero glanced back at Wufei again. "I was *supposed* to die with honor. That was my personal moment of glory, and I was cheated of it." [Zao gao! (Shit!)] Wufei was hugely impressed. "I... understand that. There is no greater glory than to die with honor. It is what we soldiers all long for." He searched the stormy eyes, wondering. "But what of now? You *are* alive. Have you found new purpose then... with them?" Heero merely stared at the other, unblinking, staring so long even Wufei began to get a bit uncomfortable. Then he replied, his voice much quieter, "I don't exactly know yet. All I know is that I'm here and that I must set my feet upon their path. Here is where I am meant to be. I was foolish and vain to want to decide my own time of death. I have accepted that my destiny lies elsewhere. And that it is bound now with theirs." [More strange words! What a puzzle he is!] Wufei took a deep breath. "And what of the colonies? This group seems intent on liberating the Earth from Romefeller." "It's all the same thing, ultimately," Heero replied thoughtfully. "Isn't it? There is oppression, one force unfairly dominating others. That's why we fight." "And then?" Wufei needed desperately to know, his voice rising a bit in pitch and volume. "What about when the oppression is gone? What is the soldier's destiny then?" Heero immediately thought of Zechs and Duo. "I used to think that would be the worst thing for a soldier... to have nothing left to fight for. How can a man such as you or I exist in a time of peace? What would we do? But I have learned since coming here that a soldier can fight specifically to create peace in which to live, that if he has someone with which to share the peace, it makes all the difference. He will be able to stop fighting. Alone, he will have to find some other sort of battle." "That's..." Wufei thought of a dozen words: "idiotic, insane, foolish..." and ended up picking one from random. "That's CRAZY! A soldier can only stop fighting if he has someone with which to share the peace? I don't even understand that!" Suddenly his dream of finding a perfect role model in Heero Yuy had developed a serious hitch. "A soldier is useless without a fight!" [Just as I was useless, thinking I was too weak to fight...] "I used to think so, too," Heero whispered with a note of sadness, glancing away as he thought about how he could explain to Wufei. [Then I saw Trowa looking at Quatre as if the boy was oxygen for his starved body to live upon... food for his troubled soul... water for the parched garden of his heart. And all it took was one bright smile from Quatre to scrape away yet another layer of loneliness encrusting Trowa's spirit.] Heero was never so glad as in the moment he'd seen that, and realized at the same time that without the cause of the colonies, without anyone else to care, Trowa Barton would have made a very good companion for Heero in death, a partner in a suicide pact to remove themselves from an existence that had known only emptiness. [Now Trowa and Quatre will have a life beyond war, if the fates will it, and both will stop fighting forever. And Zechs and Duo as well... they will find the strength in each other to lay down weapons for all time one day. And me... if I can make sure my friends reach this bright destiny, the colonies not only will be saved, but there will be hope in the hearts of mankind because these angels of the world will have hope in the love they bear for each other. Then I can have hope to find a love of my own like that someday...] Abruptly Heero unfolded his arms and straightened, a hand reaching a little way toward the other as if in entreaty. He met the wondering glance of the Chinese pilot, his own eyes blazing. "Some soldiers fight because they have someone to care for, Wufei... and some soldiers fight to protect the care that others have for each other. I have never had anyone in my entire life care about me and I possible never will... but I see caring around me, and I will fight to protect that. Where there are caring hearts, there is hope for the Earthsphere." He glanced aside and down then, and Wufei, shocked, thought he saw a glimmer of wetness beneath the thick, dark lashes as they lowered. [He's so strong... yet so broken! No one ever cared about him? But he sees others...] Wufei remembered the little blond, glancing over with adoration at the tall, silent boy in the meeting. [That's what he's talking about! That's what... I never had with Meiran...] "So," Wufei ventured to speak, his voice a little tight, "you fight to protect the vulnerable ones who weaken their hearts by risking love?" The dark head came up, the Prussian-blue eyes ablaze again, but Wufei did not waver, pressing to finish. "They endanger the cause, Heero, when they choose this weakness!" [He is just like I was,] Heero was thinking, staring at the other boy. Here was another beauty, a bold, noble warrior like his friend Zechs, though very different. [Wufei hasn't seen what power love can have... and I barely understand it myself, though I've seen it. Pity... he probably won't stick around long enough to see it anyway.] "Wufei... I don't have the words to explain it to you." That was not what Wufei was expecting Heero Yuy to say. But the admission had the same impact on him as if Heero had slapped him in the face. [Is he really right? Could I be wrong? I don't see how...] Heero sighed. "Was there anything else... Wufei?" Clearly he was being dismissed. [Don't go... I don't know what you're talking about... you must tell me... you must teach me all you know...] But he only said, "I guess not." [Of course there's something else,] Heero thought. [There's everything else. And I've only just started to find out about it myself...] "You should talk to Zechs," he murmured, lifting his chin though he didn't quite meet the other's eyes again. "Yeah?" [I'd rather talk to you... there's some big picture I just seem to keep missing. But you've seen it, haven't you?] "Yeah." Heero shoved his hands into his pockets again. [I'm doing it again... Zechs would say I'm not making an effort to make a connection with him.] "Say, you might be interested in a computer simulation we have." He gestured toward the computers. "It passes time..." Wufei shrugged. "Sure. It can't hurt..." [And maybe I can get you talking about this again...] "Why not?" In moments, Wufei was staring at Heero for another reason, astounded as the pilot reprogrammed one of the simulation Leos to the specifics of the Shenlong... (tbc)
|
