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"Crisis"Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi lemon including rimming, angst,
violence, language, reference to past NCS involving a minor, death,
angst. Pairings: 6x2, 3x4 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Regained. GAIA
prepares to go into space and announce itself to the world; Duo and
Zechs' relationship goes through its own crisis. "Crisis " 13) Zechs shut down the Aries radio, but made no move as yet to leave the cool, dark confines of the mobile suit. [Something is terribly wrong,] he thought, feeling sick to his stomach... which was still empty, and now it looked as though it would need to stay that way. [I'd love to talk to Noin about this; she'd cheer me up, but that would be delaying the inevitable. No, I need to see a doctor...] Still, he sat there for several minutes, trying to calm down. [I *have* to heal... this is driving Duo away from me. I don't think I can go on without him in my life. He's the one who makes it possible for me to be a part of this whole new alliance... to fight for peace. Without Duo... I'll be a shadow just like I was before I met him... weak and ineffective. Duo... is how I know there's hope in the world. I *must* recover...] His resolve firmed, he left the Aries and returned to the main building. Zechs went directly to the guest quarters assigned to Dr. Sally Po and knocked on the door. Sally was sitting comfortably on the sofa reading a book when she heard the knock at the door. [Wonder who that could be... usually Wufei meditates all evening.] She stood and paused long enough to give a little stretch to her back, then walked over to the door. When she opened it she could not mask her surprise. "Zechs!" It wasn't his visit that surprised her, but his condition. As a doctor, Sally immediately assessed that Zechs Merquise was not well. He looked fatigued, pale and... demoralized. "Please, come in... sit down." "Thank you, but this is a professional call, Sally," Zechs replied, nodding to her in greeting. "I'm afraid there's someone who needs your help. There's an empty office across the hall from mine. Would you please come there with me? I think it's meant for the base doctor, anyway." "Of course," Sally said, grabbing her medical bag and then following Zechs down the hall. She realized Zechs must mean that the person who needed help was himself, but until he was ready to admit that, she would play along. "Can you tell me anything about the person's condition before we get there?" she asked, keeping stride with the tall commander. "No... please, it isn't far," Zechs murmured, keeping his eyes focused ahead. Soon he was pushing open a door across from his office, and turning on the light. As they entered, they could see standard office furniture with the addition of a couch in the room, then beyond, an open doorway to an examination room. He shut the door behind him, then turned to the doctor. "I trust in your physician's code of confidentiality, Dr. Sally. Your potential patient... is me." "I understand," she said, nodding. "You have my word as a doctor and your friend." Ready to begin a more thorough examination, Sally gestured to the couch. "Perhaps you'd be most comfortable there... then you can tell me where it hurts." Zechs sat on the couch gingerly. "I know you're a medical doctor... but my wounds are not physical. I'm, ah, assuming you may have had some training in psychology as well?" He looked down at his hands, sheepish. "You're a guest here, Sally... but you're the closest thing to a counselor we have for hundreds of miles. And I need... a counselor for a personal matter." Sally immediately pulled up a chair and sat across from him. There was nothing worse than a doctor standing over her patient as if to decide their fate. In an effort to further calm her patient, Sally leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs and clasping her hands. "Your assumption is correct. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to come to me with this." Her voice was soft and caring. She knew it couldn't have been easy for Zechs Merquise to make the decision to talk to her. "Please... tell me what's troubling you." He took a deep breath, then raised his eyes to meet hers. "About a month ago I met someone who changed my life. Unfortunately, when this person discovered what I was - an OZ pilot and a colonel - he tried to kill me. He accused me of raping him." Zechs had to look back down at his hands suddenly, the horror surging back. "We had become lovers... were in love. I was already leaving OZ by then. But he assumed... I had been... using him." Abruptly he was on his feet and turned away from her, his fists pressed tight against the sides of his legs. "I... I'm an aristocrat... and apparently one with a finely tuned sense of fairness, almost extremely so. To be accused of being a... a rapist was nearly as terrifying as having that gun pointed at my head... and the trigger pulled. I could not have ever..." His voice became choked, and he stopped speaking. "No, of course you couldn't," Sally said, softly. [He's been hurt to the core. But there's something more... something deeper that may be troubling him... that has been brought to the fore by this tragedy.] "Go on, Zechs, when you can. This is good... telling me this." Zechs took his time, swallowing a couple times with difficulty so he could speak again. He turned back to face her though his gaze was still averted downward. "We became reconciled when he accepted that I was not like he suspected I was... but I have been unable to... to... go all the way with him again because I began to have a panic attack when I would get close. I hadn't had one of those since I was small." [Ah, there it is. Something from his childhood?] Sally didn't interrupt. She felt Zechs needed to cleanse himself of this and the only way to begin the process was to tell her everything. "Anyway," he continued, taking a deep breath, "that part of our relationship has been damaged... and it's getting worse. I started to have... nightmares." Sally shifted back in her chair and nodded. [He's suppressing his feelings and they're coming out in his dreams...] "Tell me about them, Zechs. What do you dream?" "Each nightmare features two people tormenting me. One is a kind of devil's advocate... my conscience, I'm sure. The other looks like... like my lover... and nightly he tries to kill me again." He shook his head, his pale eyes haunted. "I didn't tell him about the nightmares, but I fear he has found out. Now he is pulling away from me. I fear he will leave me, Sally. And I can't bear the thought of that." "It's obvious you love him very much," she said with a sigh. Zechs had yet to name his lover, but she knew. The way he and Duo had been standing so close together, looking intently into each other's eyes... "He loves you, too, Zechs. I think I can say that after seeing the two of you together. So why do you think he appears in your dreams this way? Has he made amends? Have you forgiven him?" "Amends?" He managed to look up again at the doctor. [Oh... she knows who it is? Perceptive... but then she's trained to be.] "I know he's sorry for how he reacted, and I don't blame him. We had been enemies once, and for all he knew, I still was. I don't know that there's anything to forgive, but, yes, I forgave him." Zechs sighed, drawing his white brows together in a bit of a troubled frown. "I was telling Heero about the nightmares a short while ago... and I think Duo overheard. I can feel him pulling away, Sally. But I think I do understand the nightmares a little better. I think the two persons who torment me in my dream are somehow aspects of myself." Sally nodded, considering everything he said very carefully. She wanted to ask him why he had chosen to talk to Heero about this and not Duo. [They seem so close, but Duo could be a bit of a hot head... He was out of control today when he attacked Shenlong.] She decided the quickest way to help her new friend was for them to concentrate on the bad dreams. Explore what was motivating them and get back to the relationship later. In college, Sally had done some work with dream analysis. They were tricky to read, but her studies had given her a respect for the power of the subconscious mind. "As you say, the people in your dreams are representing other things... So, Duo is only representing a part of you. A part of you who is a soldier?" Zechs rubbed at his face distractedly with his hand. "Heero said the person resembling Duo in my dream might represent the killer in me." "Hmm," Sally said, wondering at his choice of words. [Killer rather than soldier?] "Zechs, please sit back down. I have a feeling we're going to be here a while..." At last, when Duo felt he could cry no more, he emerged from his Gundam, wiping his face with his hands. He hoped the signs of his tears and his anguish wouldn't be noticeable. [I'll get something to eat and then... well, then I'll have to see Zechs.] And that would hurt. Duo never dreamed there would come a day when he wouldn't want to see Zechs. When he wouldn't want to be near him to feel his warmth and hear his velvet voice. And yet that day had come. [I won't be able to look at him... or work with him... I'll have to cut him loose and let him live his life, but I can't be here to watch that happen.] Worried he might stumble down the stairs from his emotional exhaustion, Duo took the lift back to the hangar floor. Almost the moment he stepped off the lift he was greeted by a cheerful Linden Vingt. "Duo! There you are!" Linden called as he quickly crossed over to him. "We're just about to start our card game and I remembered you said you might want to join in." Duo blinked at the bright face. He was so preoccupied with his torment over losing Zechs that he almost couldn't comprehend what the other boy was saying. "Oh, the card game..." [Maybe that'd be good to get my mind off things for a while. Then I'd be in a better mood to talk to Zechs.] "Yeah, sure, I'm in," Duo said and walked with Linden to the game room. The room was three times the size of any of the break rooms. In addition to vending machines and comfy chairs there were a billiards table, a video game center, dart boards, and several card tables. Since it was after the dinner hour, the place was jumping with activity. Different groups of pilots and various hanger personnel were hanging out talking, laughing loudly, and playing games. One table had been set aside for Linden's group. It seemed the boy was quite popular and had garnered some respect from his fellow pilots. To Duo's dismay Bronn Sangers was among them. He sat at the table like some conquering giant, though Duo knew better. [Maybe if I sit across the table from him...] But before he could sit down, Linden maneuvered him into the chair between him and Bronn. Then their two other gaming partners joined them with bottles of vodka and shot glasses. Once they sat down Duo had no choice but to make the best of a bad situation. [God, is this what I have to look forward to? Without Zechs I'll be spending time with these lugs!] "Okay, this is poker, boys, plain and simple," Linden said, smiling at all those gathered around the table. "What are we waging?" one of the soldiers asked as he began pouring the vodka and giving each man a glass. "Well, since no gambling is allowed on base, I liberated several boxes of toothpicks from the kitchen storeroom," Linden told them and reached into his jacket pocket and placed the boxes on the table. "You mean you stole them!" Duo laughed. "Shh! Not so loud," Linden said with a wink and nudged Duo in the ribs. "Yeah, everyone will want some," Bronn murmured, sighing. [Okay, so Duo Maxwell is a kick-ass pilot... let's see if he can play cards...] By now, he was resigned to the fact that the diminutive Gundam pilot had stolen the heart of their base commander. He'd come to the conclusion that life just wasn't fair, and had embarked on a private mission to provide consolation to another former admirer of Zechs's, a certain tall, red-headed engineer named Meiser who'd proven to be an easy mark. [God, I hate this guy,] Duo thought as he smirked at Bronn. He'd never liked the man, and once he discovered that he had been with Zechs, he really hated him. [I suppose I'll be the brunt of Bronn's jokes once he finds out Zechs has moved on from me...] With that last thought Duo slammed back his shot of vodka. "Whoa!" Linden laughed. "Easy there," he said with a bright grin, and then waved for his friend Mac to pour Duo another shot. "Damn," Duo said with a cough. "Burned all the way down!" "I've done that before," Bronn murmured, regarding his own glass. "After the fourth one, you actually start to enjoy them." [Is he challenging me?] Duo wondered. On an empty stomach the alcohol went straight to his brain, making his body feel warm and his mind fuzzy. He didn't have much experience drinking. The most he'd ever done was with Zechs in Cairo, and that was usually wine, not this harder stuff. [Oh, Zechs...] Thoughts of the man made his stomach tighten again. [I think I'll meet Bronn's challenge and maybe if I'm lucky I'll fall into a drunken stupor and then nothing will bother me!] Duo drank the second shot, wiped his mouth with his forearm and sighed loudly. The burn was beginning to feel good... Linden handed one box of toothpicks to each player. "I'll deal," he said, and began to shuffle the deck and then deal the cards. "Ace's wild." Bronn glanced at the little Gundam pilot, amazed when the kid took a second shot, and quite like a man. [Damn... did he think I was serious? Shit - if Duo gets sick, Zechs is going to have our necks...] But as yet he kept silent, sorting his cards when they were dealt to him. "I'm in," Linden said, throwing five toothpicks into the center of the table. "Yep," Duo said, tossing in his five. [This game is all about bluffing the other guy. And I know the ultimate poker face... Heero Yuy. Steals my man and never even blinks an eye...] He grabbed for his shot glass, but hesitated when he noticed Linden giving him a look. "What?" The other boy shook his head. "Nothing. Go right ahead..." [I don't think I've ever seen him drink before... except cola. Wonder what's eating him...] "Here's my five," Bronn muttered, adding five toothpicks to the pile. He'd caught Linden's pointed look at Duo's glass but was careful not to make eye-contact with anyone. [Good, maybe Lindy will babysit Duo if the kid throws a drunk... at least Duo doesn't snarl at him. I wonder how Zechs manages to stand that short fuse?] In a matter of minutes, Linden had handily won two rounds. Duo congratulated his friend with a slap on the back and then they all downed more vodka. Their joviality was in direct proportion to the amount of liquor they consumed with Duo being the loudest and therefore drinking the most. He hadn't realized he had such a capacity for drink, but then he'd never had such a good reason to drink before. He was drinking to numb himself for the final blow that would come later that night... After five shots Duo was feeling pretty darn good. Giddy in fact. Of course it helped that he was holding two kings, two queens and an eight of spades. The latest hand had come down to just two players... Duo and Bronn... and Duo was anxious to win. "I'll see your ten toothpicks, and raise you ten." He slid the tiny wooden sticks to the center of the table where quite a pile had accumulated. Bronn glanced down at his hand, which held three fives and two tens. A full house. [Not too shabby...] He glanced up, his face expressionless. "Call." [It's just for toothpicks...] Duo's lips curled into a gloating smile. He was ready to win. "Fine... read 'em and weep." He lay the cards face up on the table for all to see. "Let's see ya' beat that." [Cocky little shit, isn't he?] Bronn considered, looking over Duo's cards. "Fine," he murmured, and hiccuped as he lay his own cards down over Duo's. "Full house beats two pair." [Oh, he had this coming to him...] Collecting the pile of toothpicks, he added, "You're very good, Maxwell. You're just not perfect." *Hiccup* "Kinda like the rest of us..." One wrong word was all it took and Duo snapped. "I'm not *perfect*, did you say?" Duo asked, his pupils dilating. A vision of the Perfect Soldier flashed in his mind. [Heero... and to think I tried to be your friend.] Duo slammed a fist down on the table, making the toothpicks jump. "Shit! Perfect soldiers should go to hell!" Bronn flinched as the little Gundam pilot struck the table; half the commotion in the room stopped as people gawked at their group. "Maxwell, ease up! What on Earth are you talking about?" [Damn, he can get pretty scary all right...] Duo realized then that they couldn't know... had no idea how his life would be shit from this day forward all because Heero Yuy had chosen to fall to Earth at the exact moment he had. But he was still pissed at Bronn for reminding him of Heero. "Oh, piss off, Sangers! You think you're such a hot shit just because Zechs fucked you once!" Shocked, adrenaline flooding his already lubricated system, Bronn shoved himself up out of his chair, weaving a bit as he glared down at the incensed little pilot. "Why, you... you..." *Hiccup* Before Duo could react, Linden jumped from his chair and placed himself firmly between the two men. "No, you don't," he said, confidently, shaking a finger at them both. "If a fight breaks out the commander will close the game room down. And you don't want the wrath of all the base personnel coming down on you... do you?" The unhappy little Gundam pilot looked up at Linden and then across to Bronn. "S'ppose not," he said, and folded his arms over his chest. "Don' wanna fight," Bronn agreed, hiccuping again before settling with a thud back down into his chair. "Don' think I'm such hot shit, either," he added, muttering. "I'm not the one he ended up with!" The reply dazed Duo who suddenly felt like all the wind had been taken out of his sails. [That's me,] he realized. [I'm just as pathetic as Bronn.] He got up uneasily from his chair and gripped the edge of the table for support... his head spinning. "You an' me... not so differen'." Linden grabbed Duo by the arm to steady him. "Come on, it's okay. Sit down and I'll deal another hand." "No more... games," Duo said, and stumbled back and away from the table. "Have to face 'im..." "Duo?" Linden asked, beginning to really worry about his friend. The boy didn't answer. He turned and left the room, tears filling his eyes. He'd only gone a few yards down the hall when Linden stopped him, putting a hand to his shoulder. "You drank a lot tonight," the Aries pilot said, looking at Duo with sympathetic eyes. "You okay?" "I'll be... fine," Duo answered, putting his hand to his forehead to try to stop the hallway from spinning. "You don't look fine," Linden countered, noting the sorrow in his friend's eyes. He wanted to help anyway he could so he gently pushed Duo towards the wall, propping him against it. "I like you, Duo," he said, hoping the admission would soothe the other boy somehow. "Yeah? Thanks," Duo said with a stupid grin. "I don't think you understand," Linden said, putting his hands on either side of Duo's head and leaning in. His body was warming with the object of his fantasies so close. [I've been waiting for this moment...] "I like you... a lot." "Heard the firs' time," Duo said and chuckled. "What do ya wan'?" "I want you, Duo," the taller pilot said, brushing his lips across the other boy's. "Hey!" Duo exclaimed. The shock of the unwanted kiss jolted Duo into a moment of sobriety, giving him the strength to push Linden away from him. "Keep yer paws off!" "Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. I just thought we could get together," Linden was saying as he tried to approach Duo again. Duo's mouth hung open in shock. He really hadn't seen this coming. But then since he was so loaded almost anything could've gotten past him. "You thought what?! Oh, man... yer drunk!" With that, Duo turned and stumbled down the hall to Zechs's quarters. Linden shuddered as he watched his would-be lover disappear down the hall. [He doesn't want me... or he's just too drunk to know what the hell he wants right now.] He hoped it was the latter and returned to the game room. (tbc)
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