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"Crisis"Written By: Artemis Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are
copyright to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties.
I make no money with this fic. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: yaoi lemon including rimming, angst,
violence, language, reference to past NCS involving a minor, death,
angst. Pairings: 6x2, 3x4 Summary: Sequel to Interfacing: Regained. GAIA
prepares to go into space and announce itself to the world; Duo and
Zechs' relationship goes through its own crisis. "Crisis " 11) "I've had my share of nightmares, too," Heero commented, glancing over at the bowed head of the other soldier. He'd been surprised that Zechs had confided in him about the nightmares that were haunting him. "Once I had a mission to blow up an OZ installation on my colony. I had it all set up and ready to go. Earlier that day I'd been in the park where a little girl and her dog came up to me. She asked me if I was lost. I told her I'd been lost since the day I was born." Zechs straightened minutely. [My God, for a person as young as he to say such a thing...] "Later I blew up the installation on schedule, but one of the Leos standing outside fell the wrong way and took down a civilian residential building with it," Heero was continuing, staring into space. "It was where the little girl lived. I ran over there, but all I could find was a scrap of her torn dress and her dead dog." Heero bowed his head. "For a month I dreamed that the dead dog was alive and was trying to get me to take her to her mistress. But all we found was blood." "A month! But the nightmares stopped?" Zechs looked up at him, wondering. "Yes. I had a dream in which the spirit of the girl came to take the dog to heaven. She waved good-bye at me just like she did that day in the park." Heero took a deep breath. "Sometimes our minds seem to take time to adjust to things. Of course, by then Dr. J had seen how this had affected me, and had stepped up my training. I wasn't allowed to have any emotion. So I pretended I didn't. Then it was as if my brain was finally able to let the girl and her dog go... though I will never forget them." "I want to forget, Heero," Zechs sighed, resting his chin on his forearms again. "I don't want to remember his face... like that. I don't want to remember the gun in his hand, his finger pulling the trigger..." [Just like when I faced General Onnegel... and I pulled the trigger too...] "Zechs, stop," Heero interrupted, his voice strident. "It's war... it's all war. We are all touched by it, every one of us. We all have done terrible things and we will continue to do terrible things until the fighting is over." "You're right, of course," Zechs sighed, closing his eyes. "You know, I think I'm reading the dreams all wrong... hmmm, I wonder..." [I could have told you that,] Heero thought to retort, but held his tongue. [Maybe I can get him to talk to Sally about this...] Zechs went on, reflectively. "Treize... I think the person in the dream who appears as Treize is a part of me instead. My aristocratic heritage, if you will... the lost prince who still holds to those noble sensibilities." "That sounds plausible," Heero commented. "But then who is the person who looks like Duo, but isn't?" "That's a part of you, too," Heero replied, thoughtfully. "Maybe it's the killer in yourself, Zechs." Zechs straightened completely, staring at the younger man. "What?" A shock ran through him at the suggestion. [The killer... in myself...] "Sounds reasonable to me," Heero continued smoothly and impassively, as usual. He was aware that Zechs was taken aback by his statement, but chose not to comment on it. "Just like the dead dog was my conscience that Dr. J couldn't train out of me. The Death God, as you call him, in your dream is yourself, Zechs. It's the part of you that is able to pull that trigger if you yourself faced such an enemy." [Does he know?] Zechs paled and stared at his hands suddenly. "Oh, God, that's it... Heero, you don't know this, but I have killed men like that. I killed the man who ordered the slaughter of my family..." Heero, to his surprise, cut him off abruptly. "That's just revenge. It was your duty as a son to avenge your family's murder. Don't confuse that with something else." Then Zechs remembered. "A week before I met Duo... not even that... I killed two OZ soldiers in battle who were going too far, purposely killing Alliance personnel who had already surrendered to them. I could not stomach what they were doing, gleefully executing their enemy out of hand, going beyond every decency which should be between soldiers, between enemies." "And this is a problem because...?" Zechs gaped at the intense, young Gundam pilot. "I was actually serving under their command - I'd placed myself there. And I killed them for their offenses." Heero shrugged. "I don't see any conflict. The moment those two idiots went over the line, they became your enemies. Just because you'd put yourself in subordination to them doesn't mean you were supposed to just look the other way. You exacted retribution for their sins of war." He sat forward, his dark eyes looking intently at the older pilot. "Why *did* you put yourself under their command, Zechs?" [We might get a fight out of this after all,] Zechs mused, glancing back at the fierce statement on the Wing pilot's face. "This will probably disgust you, but I probably did it because I was bored. After taking revenge for the sake of my family, the only thing I had was repairing your Gundam... and beyond that, I was spinning my wheels, purposeless. I had no goals, nothing to fight for." "You could have resigned and gone to look up your sister," Heero retorted. "At least you might have kept her from dragging at my heels!" Zechs looked astonished, then in spite of his misery he found himself chuckling. "From what I hear about my sister, I doubt that even I would have had any luck there," he replied, then sobered again. "No, all I knew was fighting... and Relena must be kept away from that." Heero snorted. "Didn't work for me either. She just kept coming back for more. Do you know that she actually stood in front of me and told me to go ahead and kill her?" Zechs snorted as well. "Perhaps I should go to my sister and take lessons on bravery from her," he commented ruefully. "Maybe that's what's wrong with me. I don't have the guts to throw off my demons. I certainly don't seem to have the guts to tell my own lover about my nightmares that feature him as my own personal execution squad." "I doubt that," Heero muttered. "You just need time to work it through with Duo. I can understand not wanting to get into it because you don't have time to deal with the whole thing with him. But you need to tell him. Otherwise..." He paused. "Otherwise, what?" Zechs asked, frowning. "I dunno... Duo's got a pretty good imagination. Who knows what's going on in his head these days? I don't have any idea and I guess you don't either." Remembering Duo's outburst during sex, Zechs realized he didn't - and he sagged a bit with the awareness that he and Duo still had a long way to go. [If only we'd talked more in Cairo instead of the marathon sex and our explorations around the city. Just... talk. I'm still getting to know him...] He straightened. "Well, right now I'm giving him some space. He's good at hiding, though. If he doesn't want to be found, he won't be." "Hn," Heero agreed tersely, then returned his attention to the computer screen in front of him. "What are you working on?" Zechs sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I'm still concerned about the response times we're getting from the Gundams compared to the mobile doll data. One-on-one shouldn't be a problem, but there's a possibility that the mobile dolls could be synchronized. Not that Romefeller's thought of trying that yet, but it might not be a bad idea to prepare for that eventuality. Of course, they'd need a computer system to handle that. I think that's where we're safe." "Treize is sending us one of his men to personally deliver a batch of critical files," Zechs murmured. "Including the Gundams' original designs, recovered from the five Gundam scientists who sent all of you to Earth." "Handy. We could have used those weeks ago." "And... more. Apparently Colonel Une has convinced them to build her new mobile suits which will be stronger than the Gundams. Treize is sending the designs for those along as well, though I don't think they're complete." Heero whistled. "Treize is efficient. He's going to get caught, you know that, don't you?" The boy's tone of voice was a bit derisive. For all that Treize Khushrenada was apparently doing all this to salvage his own future and conscience, he was definitely treading on thin ice. Zechs nodded. "He has a very limited time there, Heero. But there are plans in the works, he tells me, to enable him to escape soon. But you're right - GAIA could lose him yet." Heero flexed his fingers. The mention of new files coming made him itch; he wanted badly to see what Dr. J and the others had been shanghaied into producing for OZ. "Something tells me our largest battle won't be fought with mobile suits, Zechs." "You're right." Zechs looked down at his gloved hands. [It's time I call the Marquis again. Treize will need him, I think...] "There are things about to happen in Bremen that we know nothing about, I suspect. And can do nothing about. If Treize's plans there blow up in his face... our entire effort could be doomed. Sympathy for Romefeller in the wake of an attempted coup - or whatever he has planned - could turn the tide of the opinions of the nations of the Earth toward that organization instead of against." The other pilot's eyes narrowed darkly. "And then we will have been doing all this upgrading for nothing." Zechs shook his head. "Not for nothing. We may lose the war on Earth, but we can still win the war in outer space. Even if it leads to separation of the colonies from the Earth for good... it will be worth it. Perhaps that is the peace we will be led to find, Heero." Heero said nothing, stunned. [He will leave the Earth behind forever if that happens. And what of his sister? Has he so aligned himself with the four of us? Is this because of Duo? No, this good man cannot be doomed to such a fate as to be forced to abandon his own nation. Separation of the colonies from the Earth won't bring lasting peace...] "It might take all of us to work on the files, Heero," Zechs was saying, half to himself. "You've been working on the network?" "Finished it," Heero murmured. "And your security system is fully integrated now. The stations in this room can be isolated from the rest of the base at need." "Good." Zechs stood slowly. "Well, as I missed dinner, I suppose I should get something before the kitchen closes for the night. Good night, Heero." "Night, Zechs," the boy muttered, his eyes glued again to the screen before him. *Knock-knock* Wufei's meditation was not going well at all. "Who dares..." he muttered, then opened the cockpit door, prepared to launch into a tirade against whomever was so rude and bold as to place a hand upon Nataku. "The Commander asked that some food be sent up to you, sir," a young, very nervous man immediately explained, holding out a covered tray. [The kid's not much older than I am... Hmmm, Zechs sent me some food?] "Hmph," he responded, looking askance at the tray. "Thank you." He took the tray and bowed. Back inside the cockpit, Wufei wrinkled his nose at the smells coming from the tray. [It'll be interesting to see what they consider 'food' here...] He lifted the cover. There was a pile of gravy-laden meat on a plate that was completely unacceptable, and a separate covered dish of what Wufei was wholly delighted to discover was rice. Real rice, not the pre-processed kind. There were some over-cooked vegetables - also unacceptable - and several pieces of fruit. Sighing, he settled down to a dinner of fruit and rice. [I *was* rather tired of protein bars...] [So,] he thought as he ate, [I'm not a prisoner, and they're feeding me. Sally is going to stay, I'm sure. The others seem entirely satisfied to team up together. But that's not my style... I fight alone.] Not that fighting alone was getting him anywhere. There was revenge to be had, true - against the Alliance both for the first Heero Yuy's death and for the neglect and hoarding of resources that left the L5 colony in barely livable shape. Master O, however, who had been giving him his data on OZ, was apparently in the custody of that organization in space. That source had dried up... and even Sally's resources for information had been skimpy. It wasn't until that girl had contacted them that any sort of organization to the rebellion seemed possible. And then, to come and find the rest of the Gundam pilots... and ex-OZ personnel... here on this frozen continent. Wufei's internal urge was to continue to fight alone, but then he saw a face that bore determination and focus, the face of one who was very strong but who had chosen to join this odd band of rebels. Join... and fight beside... as in a team. Like Sally wanted. "Heero Yuy," Wufei said the name aloud, frowning over his bowl of rice. "He has passed beyond death, it seems. Did he not die? Wasn't he, in essence, dead?" He continued his dinner, allowing his mind to go blank again, letting the calm return. Not that it could stay. When finished with his meal, Wufei placed the tray out on the catwalk, but instead of going back inside the cockpit, he sat on the lowered door, looking down into the cavernous hangar. There, aligned with his, stood the other Gundams... and the big white one. [They're ready to go back to space,] he mused, noting the changes that he could identify. [And I'll be left behind on Earth... but OZ is here, too. I can fight here. I will keep fighting... until I die.] A beeping started up from inside the cockpit. Sighing, he went back to sit in his pilot's couch, and activated his radio. Sally's image came up in a window. "Hi, Sally," he murmured. "Hey, yourself," the woman replied, smiling easily. "You should come down and get some dinner. It's getting late. And they have rooms here for us, Wufei." Wufei gave her an ironic snort. "Zechs sent up some food... if you want to call it that. The rice was pretty good, fortunately. And I don't need a room. I'll just sleep up here. I'll be gone by first light anyway." "Oh, Wufei..." Sally sighed. She just couldn't seem to interest her friend in joining a team. "You shouldn't decide so quickly. Talk to individuals... like Heero. Or Zechs. He's really a nice person, in fact I've been talking to some of the Aries pilots, and they say he's changed since leaving OZ... in a good way. He used to be aloof and unapproachable..." Another snort. "What, with his looks? He looks too pretty to be an effective leader," Wufei retorted, folding his arms over his chest. "Same with that Quatre... he looks like he'll break in half if you breathe on him..." "I wouldn't underestimate..." "And that Duo - what's with the braid?" Wufei was feeling a tirade come on, and was ready to let it out, needing to vent to someone. "That's just stupid, having something like that. He gets captured by OZ and you know what's next..." "Wufei..." "And even the guy with the bangs... he's too skinny. I could take him out in three seconds." "I wouldn't be so sure..." "They're all a bunch of losers..." "WUFEI!" Chastened, Wufei fell silent, raising an eyebrow at his friend as if to say in challenge, "Am I wrong?" Sally gave her own snort. "Man, you're still so narrow-minded! You know nothing about these guys, Wufei. You're already writing them off and you don't even know them. How fair is that?" Wufei opened his mouth then closed it again. "I thought so," Sally chuckled, then subsided. "Wufei, won't you stay just one more day? And talk to them?" "Talk!" The statement Wufei wore could be described as a pout, though Sally knew he'd be steamed if she told him that. "I don't think my path is meant to follow theirs..." "Heero... talk to Heero, won't you?" "What?" Wufei looked startled. She shook her head, frustrated. "Wufei, you owe it to yourself to do that much. Just Heero. Promise me?" [Women,] he thought, but the notion was interesting. [Yes, perhaps I should talk to Heero. He can teach me, tell me what it felt like to press that button...] "Very well. I'll see if I can find him before it's time to go." Sally sighed. "All right, have it your way. You always do... Good night, Wufei." "Good night, Sally." He shut off the radio. [Heero... I must talk to Heero...] (tbc)
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